


Would You Live For Me?

by EndoratheWitch



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Arkham Asylum, Car Chases, Drowning, Drugs, F/M, Lots of Sex, Murder, Oral Sex, crazies in love, driving other inmates crazier, harley goes into Arkham crazy, health relationship between Harley and Joker, mad love, murderous clown, planned murder, planning an escape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 08:34:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 124,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7708207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harleen Quinzel enters Arkham already having developed her persona of Harley Quinn when she meets the Joker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pretty Little Psycho

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Crazy_Brunette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_Brunette/gifts).



> This was a prompt given to me by Crazy_Brunette! She is just letting me write this!  
> The poem is by Edgar Allen Poe "Annabel Lee"

The light was harsh. Her eyes flickered open, but she instantly closed them again. For a moment Harley couldn't remember anything but her name, Harley Quinn; the rest of it was in a fog. Where was she? What had happened? Harley couldn't remember anything, only her name! 

“Doctor! She's conscious!” a voice yelled too loudly. 

Harley reluctantly, carefully opened her eyes at the sound. Wincing, she realized she was in a hospital room and she was hooked up to devices that were annoyingly beeping, adding to the irritating stupid voice. When she opened her mouth to complain about the noise, she realized she couldn't talk! There were tubes down her throat, in her nose and she started to cough, choking. 

The nurse came rushing back into the room. She was one of those stupid little brunette nurses with the great figure, probably here to snag a doctor for a husband. Stupid. 

“It's alright Dr. Quinzel, just calm down and I'll get these tubes out for you!” The nurse patted her hand. 

Harley frowned, but listened to the instructions she was given as the nurse worked to remove the tubes. Finally, the tubes that had been helping her breathe were removed and her throat felt free! She took a deep breath only to start coughing again. 

The nurse held up a small cup of water to her lips. “Slowly, Dr. Quinzel, drink slowly.” 

Harley realized her throat and mouth were dry, raw; her lips felt cracked as she sipped at the cool water. 

“There, there Dr. Quinzel. You've been through a bad experience. The doctor will be here soon to talk to you. You just relax.” The nurse smiled, but Harley only narrowed her eyes at the stupid bitch. 

After she had had enough water, Harley laid back on her pillow, exhausted just as a man came in pushing his glasses up his nose. 

“It's so nice to see you back with us, Dr. Quinzel.” 

Harley frowned. She had no idea why they were calling her Dr. Quinzel, but she would go with it for now. That was when she heard a calm, clear voice in her head. “Harleen, my name is Harleen Quinzel!” Harley frowned, but chose to ignore the voice. 

“What happened?” Her voice was soft and a little choked. 

The nurse glanced at the doctor who took a deep breath. “Well, Dr. Quinzel. May I call you Harleen? You were one of several victims caught downtown in a fight between Bane, Killer Croc and Batman. I'm afraid you were pinned under a car for several hours. We had to induce a coma to help you heal. But so far, I am happy to say your prognosis looks good.” 

Harley grinned. “Really?” 

* 

The next several days Harley played her part of Dr. Harleen Quinzel, a recovering doctor who had been the victim of a super villain fight. The voice in her head, Harley quickly realized, was this stupid Harleen Quinzel! The one everybody thought was her, but Harley Quinn giggled quietly. What a bunch of idiots! But she wore the glasses, played sweet and worked to get her ass out of there! 

Finally after a week of playing nice, Harley was finally released! She had no family, so she had to have a nurse come check on her, but they finally let her go!! She had been so, incredibly bored!! Luckily they had put her in a cab with her address and returned Quinzel's purse to her so she had a key and some money. 

* 

When Harley let herself into her apartment, she was immediately disappointed. “What the hell is this place?” Harley muttered as she slammed the door behind her. It was beyond dull! Everything was beige or some other shade of super boring. Harley dumped her bag from the hospital onto the floor and made her way to the bedroom. Even worse!! 

Everything in here was white!! Where were all the colors? Apparently Harleen Quinzel was boooorrring! 

Harley opened the closet and groaned as it was filled with suits! Stupid skirts and blouses. Who would wear this stuff? Harley decicded that she was going to take Harleen's credit card, go out and do some shopping tomorrow!! 

She made a face as she looked through Harleen's life. It was all so boring! What did she do for excitement? 

Harley threw herself down on the white leather sofa and turned on the TV. She sighed, watching a report on Batman. Her brows rose as an image of the Bat came across the screen and she was reminded of a dark night, the sounds of sirens and screaming. The shadow of a monster, large and thrown against the side of the building making the thing look even larger; she was trapped, nowhere to go and then the car came flying out of the darkness. 

Harley woke with a start. She was still on the couch. She snarled to herself, “Oh, this is just dumb!” 

The voice in her head...Harleen spoke up. “Stop this, Harley! I know what you are going to do!” 

“Shut up Harleen!” Harley picked up a vase and threw it across the apartment. She grabbed her head and then stopped. She went into her bedroom and ripped through the closet until she found what she wanted, a red blouse and black slacks. She did her hair in pigtails then slipped on some tall boots that Harleen had, stuffing the slacks inside them before zipping them up her calf. 

She then went to the vanity and ripped through the makeup until she found what she wanted—dark lip-stick, she painted her eyes as dark as she could and then painted her lips. She grinned at herself giggling manically. “Why hello there Harley Quinn? And goodbye to you Harleen Quinzel.” 

She pushed up and went to her kitchen pulling out drawers and throwing the contents everywhere as she searched for something...anything! She wasn't sure what she was looking for, but she stopped when she found a meat tenderizer...it reminded her of a mallet. She grinned just as there was a loud knock at her apartment door. 

“HEY! Can you quiet it down! You are making a racket!” The voice, male, on the other side of the door yelled. 

Harley frowned, then slowly grinned. She rushed the door grabbing it and throwing it open. The man standing there looked startled. “Uh, yeah, I don't know what you're doing in there, but you need to be quieter.” 

Harley grinned, her hands behind her back. “Do I?? Maybe you should just mind your own business.” With that she lashed out, her arm snapping out and the tenderizer hit the man hard enough across the side of this head that the crack of his skull echoed down the hall of her apartment building, dropping him instantly, blood from the impact splashing across the wall making an interesting design. Harley giggled. “Hmm...Dr. Quinzel, what do you see when you look at that?” 

She started giggling. “Well Miss Quinn, I see a dead man!” She closed her door and turned to look at her apartment again...no...not her apartment. Dr. Quinzel's...“I think it's time for some redecorating!” 

* 

When the police came they were forced to break down the door. Harley threw things at them, the expensive mixer, the pots and pans. Her aim was very good too, nailing a couple of the officers in the head! She laughed. “It's extreme dodge-ball, boys!! Watch out!!!” 

With that she threw a wok, hitting one of the police in the chest. 

Finally one of them got close enough to use his taser hitting her in the hip. She cried out, swinging her tenderizer to hit the cop, but she missed just as as another one got close enough to taser her too. It took three more before she finally collapsed to the floor. 

* 

When Harley came to, she was strapped down on a gurney. She was being wheeled into a hall painted that typical cheap blue/green of most hospitals. She frowned looking around in confusion. “Hey! Where am I??” 

The police on either side of her didn't answer. They stoppe,d which caused Harley to twist around trying to get a look. She caught a glimpse of a siren over the double doors. 

“We have Dr. Harleen Quinzel here. She is being admitted by the state.” 

“MY NAME ISN'T HARLEEN!! IT'S HARLEY!” 

She struggled against her restraints. “LET ME GO!” 

The officer turned. “Gag her now.” 

One of the officers reached down to put a gag across her mouth so she tried to take a bite out of him. She was pushed through the double doors where a set of doctors waited. Harley started to struggle more. “We need to sedate her!” one of the doctors yelled, a young man with glasses and short brown hair. 

A nurse came running over with a syringe as Harley twisted and tried to bite through her gag. The nurse stabbed her in the neck with the syringe and then pushed the plunger. Harley continued to fight until the drugs hit her system. Within seconds her eyes rolled and she went limp. 

She was rolled in and processed, paperwork done so that by the time she was awakened, it was time to be stripped, searched and sprayed down. Harley was still feeling sluggish from the drug, but she still had a lot of fight in her so that the whole process took much longer than necessary until finally she was showered, dressed and thrown into her cell. 

She attacked the door, a large glass door with a window with a slot for sliding in food. The room consisted of a cot, a toilet and nothing else. She growled. The doctor and the guard looked at her impassively. The doctor spoke. “Dr. Quinzel. You are here to determine whether you are sane enough to stand trial for the murder of your neighbor, a Mr. Jay Wilde.” 

Harley giggled. “Well, he deserved it! I was busy redecorating and he had the nerve to knock on my door!” 

The doctor pressed his thin lips together. “Well, as that may be, Dr. Quinzel, you are under our care for the time being. I suggest you settle down.” He motioned for the guard to follow him leaving her alone except for her fellow inmates that she could hear outside her room. 

* 

The day after her arrival she was bundled up in a straightjacket, her ankles hobbled and she was led to a large room for her first therapy session. She was sat down, her ankles cuffed to the chair. Harley blew her hair out of her face and glared around her. There was a circle of maybe ten inmates, only a few in straightjackets. Each had a guard or orderly behind their chair. 

Harley rolled her eyes and groaned. “This is so boring!!” 

That was when the man with green hair sitting across from her giggled. “Exactly! None of these sticks in the mud know how to tell a joke...or to take one, for that matter.” 

Harley, who had dropped her head back against her chair sat up and looked more closely at him. She giggled. “You look like a clown!! I love it!” 

The man's smile was contagious! She couldn't help the grin that spread across her face when his eyes locked with hers. “Call me the Joker, sweet thing. And you are?” 

She giggled. “Harley Quinn.” 

Joker burst out into a loud appreciative laugh. “That is just wonderful!!! You're a clown too! A rose of a clown...beautiful.” He whispered the last part, his smile slow and seductive. “So what did you do my dear, to end up with us?” He tilted his head grinning. His green eyes sparkled and Harley felt something in her chest jerk to life. 

Harley giggled. “Well, they keep insisting my name is Harleen Quinzel! A doctor!” She made a rude noise and crossed her eyes. 

Joker snickered. “Really now?” 

She nodded. “Yes!! well...and I killed one of my neighbors...but he was being such a, such a...killjoy!” She started to giggle. “But man! When I hit him with that hammer, the blood made the neatest design on the wall!! It was wild!” She started to laugh and Joker joined her. 

The man on her right, a short plump guy with a monocle and a LONG nose groaned loudly. “Fantastic, two clowns. That's all we need.” 

Joker stopped laughing to glare at the little guy. “Watch it there, Pengy. You might end up worse than being a flightless bird.” 

“Pengy?” Harley looked between the two men then guffawed. “Penguin!! Oh my god, are you a penguin!!” 

“I am not A penguin! I am THE Penguin!! You kook!” Penguin growled, but Harley only started laughing harder which made Joker start to laugh. 

They were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. All the inmates turned to look at a man and a woman standing behind two empty chairs. 

The man smiled. He was tall, built like a fighter, rather than a doctor, with tiny round glasses, dark hair that brushed his shoulders, along with a dark beard that Harley thought made him look Amish. Plus he wore the typical white coat. He glanced around, then his dark, hard eyes settled on Harley. 

“I see you don't remember me, Dr. Quinzel. I'm Dr. Hugo Strange. And this young woman was once your colleague, Dr. Joan Leland.” 

The woman next to him gave Harley a pitying look that made Harley wanted to beat her up! She had smooth dark skin and perfectly coifed black hair that hung in a bob around her ears. 

“Hi Harleen, do you remember me?” The woman smiled and Harley snarled. “It's Harley, bud!” 

Dr. Leland sighed sadly and Dr. Strange motioned for Dr. Leland to take the chair next to him. 

“Alright, I want to introduce you all to our new friend, Dr. Harleen Quinzel, though she currently calls herself Harley Quinn. Dr. Quinzel was once a doctor here, but now because of a terrible accident she is a patient.” 

The other inmates all muttered. “Hi Harley.” 

Harley stuck her tongue out making a very loud and very rude noise, in response which had Joker throwing his head back laughing. 

Dr. Strange snarled. “Joker can you please quiet down.” 

Joker grinned. “Oh well sure thing Dr. Strangelove, whatever you say.” 

Harley glanced at Joker who wrinkled his nose at her with a wide grin. 

Harley giggled which caused Joker to wink at her which had her giggling even more. 

Strange for a moment looked annoyed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, as if he were a teacher in a class full of teenagers who refused to behave. 

“Joker, Harley; if the two of you do not settle down I will be forced to put you both in solitary for the duration of this therapy session.” 

Harley stuck her tongue out at Dr. Strange, but she settled down just barely. Joker groaned and rolled his eyes as well as dropping his head back in a sign of complete annoyance. 

Two-face kept flipping his coin back and forth while Penguin swanked at Joker and Harley. “You two clowns need to go to solitary.” 

Dr. Crane, another former doctor of Arkham, who was also in a straightjacket, sat quietly watching everyone else, his eyes slightly narrowed as he studied each patient. 

Harley pouted. “How come Joker and I are in straightjackets Why isn't half and half in a jacket? Or the fat bird?” 

Penguin turned on her starting to reach for her neck. “Why you little...” 

But one of the orderly/guards grabbed his shoulders holding him in place. 

“Mr. Cobblepot, one more outburst like that and you will have a jacket.” 

Dr. Leland sighed wondering how long before she ended up in this circle herself. 

* 

The session did not go very well. At least not for everyone else, though Harley found herself fascinated with Joker. 

He even managed to force Penguin to switch seats with him by making a big fuss about it until Dr. Leland suggested they go ahead and move Joker over by Harley if only to stop his very noisy groaning about it, though Dr. Strange tried to protest. 

After Joker got his way and was moved to sit next to Harley, he pretty much ignored everyone else. Joker grinned at her leaning in close. “So Harley, what's a hot number like you doing in a place like this?” 

She laughed. “You're funny.” 

His eyes lit up. “You really think so?” 

She bumped him with her straightjacketed shoulder, her cheeks crimson with a deep blush. “Yeah, I do.” 

He giggled bumping her shoulder back with his own equally straightjacketed shoulder. “You, my dear, are adorable.” 

* 

They were eventually all sent back to their cells when the session ended. Harley and Joker under a great deal of protest since they wanted to spend more time together. They almost got themselves sent to solitary, but they both settled down. 

* 

Harley sat in her cell pouting that evening. She had wanted to talk to Joker more and she hated being told what to do. She slowly bounced her head against the wall, not painfully, just something to do when she heard his voice, speaking, almost singing... 

“It was many and many a year ago, 

In a kingdom by the sea, 

That a maiden there lived whom you may know 

By the name of Harley Quinn; 

And this maiden she lived with no other thought 

Than to love and be loved by me.” 

Harley giggled. He changed the poem for her? His voice was coming from the far wall of her room, so she got up and went to lean against the wall. She could hear him more clearly now, a deep voice that moved through her and twisted itself around her. She smiled closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around herself. His voice was like warm fudge. Oooh! Or caramel sliding down her spine and wrapping around her. He gave her shivers as he continued to speak. 

“But our love it was stronger by far than the love 

Of those who were older than we- 

Of many far wiser than we- 

And neither the angels in heaven above, 

Nor the demons down under the sea, 

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul 

Of the beautiful Harley Quinn.” 

“Joker?” She pressed her lips against the wall. Then she heard his soft laughter. 

“Sleep well, my harlequin.” he hissed back to her.


	2. You're the bad boy that I always dreamed of...

The next morning Harley woke with a long luxurious stretch and a dreamy grin on her face despite the flimsy cot. Her dreams had been strangely occupied by Joker and Dr. Harleen Quinzel. She rolled onto her side, running her fingers through her blonde hair, watching the long lock droop over the side of the metal frame. Her hair was becoming a mess without a comb, but she did her best to brush it out using her fingers. 

She smiled ruminating about the Joker parts of her dream. His sweet voice wrapped around her, his long graceful fingers cupping her face as he stared down at her. 

“My Harlequin...” he had whispered again. 

She had became lost in his wicked green eyes and those red lips, so close to hers...But then that stupid Dr. Quinzel had broken into her dream begging her to remember who she was...Harley sighed rubbing her eyes. Even in her dreams, Dr. Quinzel would not leave her alone! What the heck? Harley rubbed her hands on her face in frustration. 

She rolled to a sitting position, wiggling her toes wondering if they would let her paint her toes and fingernails...it was so dull not having some color! Well, besides the orange inmate outfit which was really just tacky! 

Harley had just stood up, stretching her arms over her head when she heard the slot of her door slide open. She glanced over toward the door to see her breakfast tray slide in. 

The guard who slipped it into her room grinned through the window. 

“I see you're not allowed to join the other loons in the mess hall yet, pretty girl.” He grinned at her, but it was a smile that made her skin crawl. 

Harley wrinkled her nose at the food when she walked over to examine the tray. “What is that?” 

The guard laughed. “Rubber eggs and stale toast; ooh and milk for growing girls.” 

He leered at her, his eyes doing a once over, traveling down her body and back up again. Despite the shapeless Arkham inmate clothing, it was clear that Harley had a nice figure. Her long blonde hair hung loose around her sweetheart shaped face. Harley narrowed her blue eyes at the guard as he looked her up and down for a second time being obvious about it. 

“You think about this girly: you be nice, you might get special treats.” He winked at her. 

Harley snarled. “WHAT?” 

He shut her door's slot with a laugh, leaving a fuming Harley behind. 

She grabbed her tray of food , throwing it against the wall with as much force as she could muster. Food flew everywhere and the guard snorted from the other side. 

“I'm going to kill you!” she hissed. 

“That is not the way to treat the guy who brings you your food sweetheart.” 

The guard, Griggs chuckled. He pulled the slot open and peeked at her through it. He gave her a condescending smile. 

“Just you remember that pretty. You play nice and nice things might happen.” He winked again before he walked away. 

Harley's hands balled into fists, her nails digging crescent shapes into her palm. She screamed with anger, throwing herself against the door, then pounding on it with her fists. 

“I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!” she screamed. 

She stumbled back breathing hard, almost snarling in her need to attack something, when she heard that laugh from yesterday. Warm and inviting...pulling her away from her anger. 

She turned around toward the wall where she knew Joker was on the other side. She walked over dropping down and laying against the flat surface trying to get her breathing under control. 

She heard his muffled voice. “Better watch that one, pooh bear. He can't be trusted with the female inmates.” 

Harley pressed herself so close to the wall that it was almost painful. 

“How can I hear you?” she asked quietly. 

Joker chuckled. “Look down.” 

She did and that was when she saw it. It was small, but there was a grate between the cells. 

He spoke again. “It's for air flow supposedly, but it affords us the wonderful opportunity to talk.” 

She rolled onto her stomach pressing herself flat to the floor. The grate was small; she might be able to slide a finger or more through it, but that was all. She could see the orange of his outfit on the other side as he sat close to the wall. She stuck her finger through, brushing a section of his jumpsuit. He shifted and suddenly she saw his green eye looking at her. She could tell he was smiling. He reached out to rest his finger against hers. 

“Good morning, pumpkin.” Joker giggled. 

“Morning, Mr. J.” She smiled. 

He brushed her fingers and Harley relaxed. 

“So what happens here?” she asked quietly. 

Joker sighed. “It is so booorring, my little clown. You will probably have a one-on-one session with one of the doctors, then another group session. If you're good or you seem to be making progress, they give you treats...you can eat in the mess hall with all the other kook kook birds or you might get outside privileges in the yard...TV time in the main room. Super exciting stuff.” Joker managed to put a lot of sarcasm on that last part. 

“Would we get to see each other?” Harley asked anxiously. 

For a long moment, Joker was quiet. She could still see him, though he wasn't looking at her. He started to laugh then. “Alright my dear, let us both try to be on our best behavior! Then perhaps we can see each other?” He stroked her finger again, making her giggle. 

“You have a deal!” She grinned brightly. “It's nice to have something to look forward to!” 

He laughed again. “Oh, look at you, making deals with the devil.” 

They both giggled. 

* 

Joker and Harley spoke until it was time for her one-on-one session. He told her about some of his crimes, his Joker venom, the fights with Batman. Joker surprised himself with how much he confided in her...it was...strange and yet satisfying to talk to someone who not only appreciated his sense of humor, but she came up with some brilliant ideas! He found that he...liked her! 

When the guards came to get her, Joker was annoyed on two fronts. One, he was enjoying speaking to her and two, because he was enjoying speaking to her! Up until this point he had never needed anyone—ever. The idea of flirting with her had been fun. She was pretty and new...had killed someone for no real reason other than they were bothering her...perfect way to wile away his time until he broke out of the asylum. But now here comes this woman and...He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. She was beautiful...a smile that made parts of him hurn. It had been a long time since he had felt anything like this...he pressed his lips together making a decision. She was his. No one would have her but him. No one would touch her but him. A grin slowly formed across his face and he giggled. Yes, yes, yes. 

* 

Harley was secured in her straightjacket as she was escorted by two armed men through the dark and dreary halls of the asylum to her one-on-one session. She purposely shuffled her feet in her slippers, annoying her guards; amused at their expressions, she giggled. Thankfully neither one of them was the guard who had “propositioned” her that morning, so she felt safe in being annoying. 

Her solo session was with Dr. Leland. Harley groaned when she saw the doctor sitting in the room waiting for her. It was clear this woman pitied her and it irritated Harley to no end! Plus, she didn't think it was fair that she had to have a session with someone who knew her “before.” It should be someone new...someone less...okay...someone who would piss her off less! Someone who wouldn't try to bring Harleen out! 

Dr. Leland smiled when Harley took her seat on the other side of the table. 

“So...Harley...do you remember what you were doing before you were in the hospital, before you came to Arkham?” 

Harley yawned. “No, I don't remember, but I was in an accident, duh...” 

Dr. Leland looked over her notes then back up at Harley. “It states here that you received several injuries, they had to put you in a coma...” 

“So I'm fine now.” Harley sighed. “Can I get some bubblegum?” 

Dr. Leland sighed. “Sure Harley, I'll bring some tomorrow okay?” 

Harley grinned in genuine pleasure. “That would be terrific!” 

Dr. Leland sighed again rubbing the bridge of her nose. “So, Harley. What is it that you hope to accomplish while you're here?” 

Harley groaned laying her head down against the table. “I'm not even here by choice! So I don't even know! I want to have some fun! This place is boring!” Harley groaned again to emphasize her boredom. 

Leland frowned. “So you don't have any goals for your recovery?” 

Harley sat up again and glared at Dr. Leland. “Why should I when there is nothing wrong with me?” 

“But there is something wrong. You killed that man for no reason.” Leland pulled out a photo of Harley's victim and slid it across the table so Harley could see it. 

In her mind Harley heard Dr. Quinzel whisper. “You are disassociating.” 

Instead, she giggled at the picture. “Yeah, that looks like it hurt don't it?” 

“But why hit him when he only had a minor grievance with you?” Leland lifted a brow. 

Harley stared back at her then whispered. “Why not?” 

Leland rubbed her fingers along her lips. “Harleen...” 

“Harley!” Harley shot back. 

“Harley...killing someone is wrong.” Leland folded her hands on the table. 

“Well, I didn't mean to kill him.” Harley shrugged. 

“But you don't feel any remorse?” Leland leaned closer. 

Harley shrugged. “Not really. It was kinda funny...I mean I made almost a perfect Rorschach test on the wall!” 

She started to giggle again, causing Leland's stomach to drop. She couldn't believe that this was her colleague Dr. Harleen Quinzel sitting here acting like this. It worried her again how close to the edge she was; would she herself to falling over into madness? Would it take an accident? A few bad years or a bad day working with patients? What would it take? Leland shuddered and returned her focus back to Harley. 

“So what would you like to talk about today Harley?” Leland leaned her elbows on the desk. 

Harley grinned. “What can you tell me about the Joker!!” 

Her doctor paled. “Joker?” 

Harley nodded with enthusiasm. “Yes! He is so gorgeous! I wanna know everything!” 

Leland looked uncomfortable. “Joker is a dangerous psychopath Harley. I would not recommend getting to know him.” 

Harley's blue eyes lit up even more. “Really? That is awesome! So has he really fought the Batman?” 

Her doctor rubbed her face. “I don't think focusing on him is a good idea for your recovery Harleen.” 

Growling Harley muttered. “Harley, it's HARLEY.” 

“Harley, sorry. You should be focusing on your health—not on another patient.” Leland's smile was condescending, making Harley wanted to rip it off of her. 

Harley sat back with a pout. “Fine then. I don't have anything to talk about.” 

Her doctor sighed. “Alright I think that's enough for today. I will see you at group later.” 

Harley frowned. “Hey, ah, when do I get to mix with the rest of the loonies?” 

Leland stood up gathering her files. “Well, it's up to Dr. Strange, but if you remain non-violent for the next week there is a good chance you will be allowed to slowly start mixing with the general population.” 

Harley grinned brightly. “Thanks doc!” 

* 

When she was returned to her cell and her jacket was removed she immediately went to the space by the vent. “Joker? You there?” 

“I'm here my darling.” 

Harley giggled. His voice was like melted chocolate! 

“Dr. Leland said as long as I remain non-violent that by the end of the week I can mix with the general population!” 

She could hear the smile in Joker's voice. “Perfect! I get to rejoin the zombies myself tomorrow. I'll wait for you!” 

She reached through the grate, her fingers finding his already waiting for her. 

* 

The same guard who had brought her breakfast came by with lunch. She learned his name was Griggs. He opened the slot to her room and stared in at her. “Hey sweetie.” 

Harley was lying on her cot throwing her pillow up and down, bored out of her mind. She glanced at Griggs, his eyes staring at her in a way that made her shiver in disgust. 

“You going to be nicer this afternoon? Especially after missing breakfast. I got a treat here for you if you wanna be nice.” 

Harley pressed her lips together. For a moment the idea of biting this guy's nose off flashed with perfect clarity through her mind. The sound of his screams, the taste of his blood in her mouth, the satisfaction of knowing he would not be harassing any other female inmates after she did that... 

But no...she wanted time in the common room to get to know Joker, so she would be nice—to a limit. 

She took a deep breath and walked over. 

“What sort of treat?” She did her best to smile. 

The guard grinned and shoved her food through, a turkey sandwich, chips and an actual chocolate chip cookie. Then he yanked it back. “You just have to be nice.” She could see his grin...OH! she wanted to punch him right in the face! 

“What do you mean, be nice?” She leaned against the door peering through the hatch. 

The guard grinned. “Oh, I don't know maybe a kiss, right here?” Griggs tapped his cheek. Harley wanted to vomit. She knew exactly where this was going to lead, but maybe she could drag it out until she got what she wanted...then crush his balls in her hand. That made leaning close to the slot and kissing his cheek that much easier to deal with when she pictured crushing his balls in her hands and the sounds of his screams. 

“Now there, that wasn't hard now was it?” The guard grinned at her shoving her tray through. Harley took it with a forced smile. 

* 

She sat on her cot picking at her food, but she ate. It wasn't too bad even though she wasn't really hungry. But having decided to put all her focus on getting to spend time with the Joker, she figured she better eat or the docs would get upset with her. She moved off her cot to sit by the grate taking the cookie with her. “You there Mr. J?” 

She heard a light chuckle. “Yes I am.” 

“Will you be at group session?” She leaned against the wall. 

“I'm a captive audience.” He giggled back. 

She smiled. “I got a chocolate chip cookie, you want it?” 

Joker laughed. “Ah I see the guard is trying to seduce you.” 

Harley made a fake vomiting noise that had Joker laughing. “I'm only going to be nice this week so I can get into the general population so we can spend time together.” 

“Just be careful Harley,” Joker hissed back. 

She held the cookie through the grate toward him, feeling his fingers brush hers as he took it. Then he pushed half back against her fingers. She blushed. He was sharing it with her! She took her half and took a bite. Joker laughed. “Oh, I do like chocolate.” 

* 

When the guards came to collect her for group therapy, she was not put in a straightjacket this time, by request of Dr. Leland, though her wrists and ankles were chained to limit her movements. This time when she was escorted into the room, Joker was sitting with an empty chair beside him. He was also not in his jacket, probably since he was being allowed to join the general population again tomorrow. Harley reminded herself to find out why he had been separated from general population when they got back to their cells tonight. She was sure it would be a juicy story. But for now she needed to focus on being good! 

Joker grinned when he saw her, indicating the chair next to him by a subtle inclining of his head. His ankles were chained to the chair, his wrists still chained together so his movements were limited like her. The same was done for Harley when she took her seat. 

Joker smiled. “Good to see you, Pooh bear.” 

She giggled blushing. Immediately Penguin groaned. “Dr. Leland, are they allowed to act like that?” 

Harley glanced over. She hadn't noticed Leland was already there at her seat writing down notes. “Mr. Cobblepot, as long as they are not breaking any rules they can call each other any names they want.” 

Harley and Joker both stuck their tongues out at Penguin. 

* 

The session went a little better than her first, though she and Joker kept getting scolded for whispering with each other. Joker kept making jokes about the other patients which had Harley laughing. She found herself gazing at his profile, his smile...Wow, he is so sexy!! she thought, sighing happily. Joker glanced sideways at her and winked, which had her wanting to squeal like a teenager. She did, however, blush and giggle. “Harley. Do you have something to share with the group?” Dr. Strange gave her that patented condescending doctor smile. She narrowed her eyes wanting to wipe it off his face, maybe with a power tool, but instead she only smiled. “No sir. I'm fine.” 

Strange sighed. “Please pay attention. Mr. Finger was talking about his father.” 

Harley just barely kept her expression schooled into one of interest. She glanced at Joker who did no such thing, as he rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out in a gag. 

* 

That evening Harley had to provide another kiss to the same guard to get her dinner. She wanted to wash her lips with bleach afterward. At least he was only making it his cheek. She sighed as she brought her dinner over to the wall and sat. 

“You okay, Harley?” Joker's voice was soft and soothing. 

“Yeah, that guard Griggs is just such a jerk.” She frowned taking a sip of her milk. 

They talked while they ate their dinner, Joker telling her a story about the time he killed a patent clerk over fish which had Harley in stitches. 

When it was time for lights out, Harley reached through the vent, her fingers finding his there waiting for her. 

“Talk to you in the morning Mr. J?” She whispered. 

“I'll be waiting for you pumpkin. My Harlequin.” His fingers pressed back against hers. 

She shivered happily before reluctantly letting go of his fingers to find her cot. 

* 

Her sleep was restless. Her dreams where plagued by Dr. Quinzel trying to tell her to remember who she was and what she was, but Harley kept fighting her off, struggling to keep away from her. She woke to the sound of what was clearly a fight, but when she sat up she realized it wasn't outside her cell. 

It took a few moments for her sleep hazed brain to realize it was coming from Joker's side of the wall. 

She rushed over lying flat on the floor trying to see something through the vent. She could detect shadows and movement, but she wasn't sure...she heard a grunt then suddenly a splash of blood hit the floor and droplets splattered through the vent hitting her in the eye. 

She gasped in shocked backing away on her hands and knees, when suddenly sirens went off. Harley jumped to her feet. She could hear the sounds of feet rushing past her cell and shouts. 

Her heart was pounding, the space was filled with a series of clicks, there were noises and her cell door came open with a popping sound.


	3. Violent and Unsound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joker quotes Macbeth and Hamlet in this chapter if anyone is curious.

Harley stood swiftly and stared at her now open door in shock. She only debated for a moment what to do before she was out the door. She looked around as the halls quickly filled with prisoners. She heard the guards yelling, shouting. She realized that a fight was about to start. She didn't know the layout of the cells, but she ran down the long hall where hers was located until she found a corner hopeful that rounded toward Joker's cell. She took off pushing and punching her way through the now crowded halls. 

She snarled taking a running leap and brought her fist down on a guard who had managed to get a hold of Penguin and had the little man up against the wall. The guard crumpled to the floor from Harley's assault. 

Penguin grinned. “Thanks there toots!” 

She grinned and yelled over the quickly rising noise. “Have you seen Joker?” 

He slashed out at a prisoner who tried to make a grab for him. “No, I haven't yet. His cell's down that way.” He pointed the way Harley was running. 

She grinned and yelled over her shoulder, “Thanks!” She took off running and for a split second she was sure she saw a hint of green hair ahead of her. She yelled, “Mistah J!” 

Suddenly a weight hit her from behind. Harley went down hard, slamming against the floor. Whoever hit her grabbed her by her shoulder and viciously turned her around, allowing her to see Griggs over her. “Hey there sweetie, where you think you're going?” 

Harley snarled, but Griggs hit her across the face with his stun baton, snapping her head to the side, knocking her out. He hefted her body, throwing her over his shoulder beating his way through the crowd. The prisoners were no longer winning. They were being beaten down by their lack of weapons and numbers as more guards flooded this cell block, though the prisoners were not backing down. 

Griggs found himself an empty cell and dumped Harley on the cot located in the small chamber. He grinned, slamming the cell door shut on the swiftly escalating riot. As soon as he had her alone, Griggs started to work at the buckle of his pants. He turned around to let his eyes wander over Harley's still form, leering as he did so. He grinned and dropped his pants. That was when he heard a voice behind him, a whisper that was filled with malicious glee. 

“By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.” 

Griggs turned at the sound of the whispered voice, but he saw nothing there. There was no one. 

The voice whispered again, loud despite the noise going on outside the cell. 

“So what do we have here? A guard playing when he should be working? Tsk tsk...” The voice seemed to move, but Griggs saw nothing. 

Griggs grabbed his weapons; he felt foolish standing there in his underpants with a gun in one hand and a shock baton in the other. Harley still hadn't moved...the cell wasn't large enough for another person to hide...He suddenly felt a hand around his throat. 

“Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf...Well, well Griggs...what ever are you doing? I think your date there looks a bit bored.” 

Griggs went stiff and glanced down at the hand holding him by his throat...the skin was deathly white, but what made Griggs nearly wet himself was the fact that Joker's fingers were red with dried blood. “Joker? That you buddy?” 

Griggs heard some low, deep snickering. “Come, high or low; Thyself and office deftly show!” Joker hissed against the back of Griggs' neck. 

Griggs shuddered, fear making his blood run cold. Griggs knew what kind of maniacs were here in Arkham, but he had never really felt “scared” of any of them, with locks, bars, guns, batons and a trillion other security measures between him and the inmates (tonight's door malfunction notwithstanding), Griggs had always felt quite safe and had used his superior position to his advantage; having his way with some of the female inmates, beating other “patients” when he had a bad day or just felt like beating the shit out of some crazies. But now, with the Joker behind him and holding his fingers lightly over his neck, Griggs did not feel safe at all. 

“Look Joker, I wasn't doing anything man...just going to have a bit of fun, but you know what? You want her man, you can have her...no problem.” 

“Oh Griggs, Griggs...you act like she is yours to give! Listen to you—do you really think you have any choice here?” Joker giggled softly. 

Griggs opened his mouth, about to say something, but he never got the words out. Joker moved swiftly, twisting around and slamming Griggs up against the bars, then again and again before he dropped Griggs to the floor. Griggs wasn't dead, but there was now a large cut from the bars on his forehead that bled freely. Grigg's nose might have been broken, and he was unconscious. For a moment Joker just stood there looking down at Griggs. Joker's bottom lip was split, blood having trickled down from the open wound to run down his chin where it mixed with the blood staining the front of his orange asylum outfit. There was another pressure cut across his forehead, blood running freely from that injury as well. 

Joker grinned down at Griggs, then crouched and pulled Griggs underpants all the way off before taking the guards handcuffs and cuffing him to the bars. He took the gun and baton, tossing them out into the hall and made sure Griggs pants and underwear were well out of his reach. He laughed at his handiwork before he walked over and lifted Harley up into his arms. 

Joker walked back to her cell, going inside and shutting the door before he crawled up onto her cot cradling her in his arms. He pressed her head up to his lips whispering in his charming voice. “We are such stuff, As dreams are made on, and our little life, Is rounded with a sleep.” 

* 

When Harley regained consciousness, she heard a bellowing voice over the speakers of the asylum. 

“All patients return to your cells now! Order has been restored; if you do not wish punishment, you will return to your cells now!” 

She started to sit up but she was pulled back gently by strong hands, to find herself nestled against Joker. 

“Shhh...there, there pooh...just lay back. You had a nasty knock on the head.” 

Harley looked up to realize she was lying on Joker's lap with his arms around her. 

“What happened?” She winced in pain; she had a nasty headache. “I remember Griggs...but then nothing else...” 

He smiled. “Nothing. I have you.” 

She saw some guards rushing by her cell door, which caused her to sit up. “What happened? I saw blood from your cell and then all the doors opened at once! I came looking for you and now I don't remember anything else!” 

Joker smoothed her hair back from her face and planted a soft kiss on her forehead, then on her cheek where a bruise had formed. 

“Don't worry kitten. Daddy took care of everything.” Joker smiled down at her caressing her face. 

Harley chewed her bottom lip. “Why didn't you try to escape if all the doors were open?” 

Joker smiled. “Oh, well...first and foremost...it wouldn't have been funny and it would have been expected.” 

Joker made a face sticking out his tongue. “Never do what they expect you to do! They really hate that!” He giggled. “But mostly the reason I did not escape my dear is that someone is trying to kill me. Snuck up behind me and tried to strangle me...” 

He lifted up his head up and she could see the bloody line where a garote had begun to cut into his flesh right under his jaw. Harley gasped. His face became still though his smile never faltered. 

“...I don't like that. 'Specially when they do a poor job of it. Where is the pride in doing a good job? I mean really...” He sighed with exasperation. “Sad really.” 

“Did you kill him?” Harley touched his throat, her fingers tender as she gingerly touched the wound the tips of her fingers coming back slightly bloody. 

Joker stroked his fingers through her hair. “Yes, it was one of the patients; clearly not the main attraction, just a side show. That's the other thing I really don't like. I mean, I think I rate the big wig, not his sidekick.” Joker sighed dramatically. 

“Whoever this “big wig” is though, he tried to get me...in here. Which is really tacky...so I'm going to stay and find out who.” He giggled softly, squeezing her. 

“If they wanted to kill you, why release everyone?” Harley wrapped her arms around him. 

“Chaos. It would take them a long time to realize I was dead, and longer still to realize it wasn't because of the chaos...and by then they could probably pass it off as something else...I mean...who cares if I die...well except maybe my dear Batman.” 

Joker grinned down at her cradling her and brushing her lips with his fingers making her giggle and squirm. “I would care.” Harley pouted and Joker tilted his head gazing at her. 

“I suppose you might my Harlequin.” 

Harley smiled hoping he would kiss her, but he only held her, rubbing his nose against hers until she dozed off in his arms. 

* 

It took several hours to get the asylum back under control. While it was happening Joker stayed with Harley. 

Joker had scooted down in Harley's cot, holding her in his arms, both of them sleeping against the noise outside until a handful of guards discovered them. Joker was yanked out of her bed and thrown up against the wall. Harley yelled. “Let him go!!” She leaped onto the back of one of the guards. But Joker, in a calm voice spoke. “Settle down Harley. It's fine baby.” 

She stopped, frowning, but then one of the guards grabbed her. “Okay get him back to his cell.” 

Joker was straightjacketed and led out. The guard holding Harley tossed her against the wall before closing her cell door. 

It was nearly half an hour before she heard Joker's voice at the vent. “You okay Harls?” 

She rushed over and laid flat against the floor so she could see through the vent reaching out with her fingers. “Where've you been?” 

He laughed. “They thought this whole thing was my fault! I mean really? Seriously? If I were going to start a riot, it would be much more fun than this...hell I would have made sure they had to call in my best friend Batsy to help!” Joker sighed. “Anyway my dear, they questioned me for a little while...saw my boo boos, listened to explanations...and actually believed me. Not sure how I feel about that...it's disappointing really, means I might be getting soft I suppose. Really need to work on that,” Joker mused. 

She felt his fingers reach through and caress hers, her own fingertips that were resting in the vent waiting. “How are you doing sweets?” 

“Okay now. I was so worried.” She squeezed his fingers with hers. 

Joker giggled. “Never fear pumpkin. I'm very hard to kill.” 

* 

Over the next week, things around the asylum returned to normal. A different guard started to bring Harley her meals everyday. She was relieved when it wasn't Griggs. (Joker had told her nothing about what had happened during the riot, only that she was safe from Griggs and because she trusted Joker, she didn't ask any questions). There were no therapy sessions for the week right after the riot, which had Harley pouting. She wanted to spend time with Joker, something more than just speaking through the vent! It pissed her off to no end to know she woke up in his arms and had not been able to enjoy the whole experience because she had been out cold for most of it!! 

But finally, on Saturday, when everything seemed normal again, they were granted time in the yard. Harley was so excited she could barely contain herself. She kept hopping around her cell excitedly. Joker laughed at her. “Happy today, my Harlequin?” 

She plopped down, her stomach pressed against the cool cement floor. “Yes! We get to see each other puddin!” 

She could feel the warmth of his smile in his words. “I'm looking forward to spending time with you too, my little pumpkin.” He giggled and she giggled along with him, so very excited. 

* 

Finally, the time arrived for her playdate. Several guards came to escort her out to the yard. She was nearly vibrating with her need to see Joker. She had done her hair up special today in a pair of pig-tails wrapped up into little buns on either side of her head. There was little she could do about her orange jump suit except pull the zipper down a little too low, which had several of the male guards and patients giving her a second and third look. Since no one's making me zip it back up, she thought with a grin, it must look good. 

* 

There were several patients already in the yard. A couple she knew...Penguin, Two-Face, some guy who called himself Firefly...and that weird plant lady Harley had seen, but not been introduced to yet. 

There were a few others whose faces she recognized from therapy or from passing in the halls, but she didn't know their names. A few of them were playing a game of basketball, some were just sitting in the sun (that was the plant lady mostly and nobody seemed to want to be anywhere near her). But then she saw Joker...he was standing by himself with a box of crayons, drawing on the wall. His back was to her. She thought, even in orange he's so hot! She giggled, oh yeah, her Joker was handsome. His green hair was slicked back, the sleeves of his jump suit rolled up highlighting the muscles of his forearms, sleek and lovely she thought. 

Harley's face exploded into a broad smile as she rushed across the yard. “PUDDIN!!” 

Joker barely had enough time to turn around and catch her as Harley threw herself into his arms. He laughed grabbing her as she leapt into his arms. He swung her around for a few seconds grinning happily. Harley wrapped her whole body around him squeezing and burying her face against his neck. Joker laugh kissing her ear. 

One of the guards on the wall above them, a big balding man with hard little yellow eyes yelled at the two of them. 

“NO INAPPROPRIATE TOUCHING!” 

Joker set Harley back on her feet and yelled back. “Spoil sport!” 

Harley yelled too. “Whatcha ya got against true love, tubby!!” 

The guard snarled. “You two keep it up you're both going to be put in isolation!” 

Harley and Joker at the same time put their fingers in their ears and gave the guard raspberries before they both fell into fits of giggles. 

* 

Harley giggled happily stealing another quick snuggle from Joker before stepping back with a salute to the guard. “No more inappropriate touching sir!!” 

The guard rolled his eyes, but went back to walking the wall. 

“So...” She put her hands behind her back and rocked on her feet. “Whatcha doing?” 

Joker grinned taking her hand, and with his free hand he showed her his handiwork on the wall. 

“I'm drawing out a plan for the Bats when I get out. After I dispose of the cretin trying to kill me, that is.” 

Harley looked up, her eyes wide as she followed the Joker's drawing, the map of his plan. 

“OooOo!!!” She murmured impressed. 

To anyone else, the drawings and notes would look like gibberish, but Harley could see the intricate works involved in his plan. 

“This is amazing!” she whispered. 

Joker laughed. “I know!! It's brilliant! 'Course these fools will wash it off and it'll be gone tomorrow.” He sighed before grinning and tapping the side of his head. “But of course they don't know it's all in here anyway.” 

The two of them snickered together like teenagers. She reached out and stroked her fingers along his hand. Joker responded by taking her hand and kissing her knuckles swiftly. 

They held hands, swinging them between them as they walked over to one of the benches and sat. The guards were eyeballing them, but the armed men didn't feel the need to stop them from holding hands...yet. 

“So my darling, want to help me with my current problem?” Joker stroked her hand. 

“That someone is after you? Yes! Just tell me what to do!” Harley smiled eagerly and Joker laughed. “Careful what you say, my sweetling...playing with me can be dangerous.” 

He reached down with his other hand and ran the tips of his fingers along her jaw. The touch was swift yet gentle seeming to draw her toward him. 

“I want to play with you,” Harley whispered. 

Joker smiled. “Good,” he said with a barely perceptible nod, as if he were affirming something with fate. “I always wanted a playmate who could keep up with me, besides my dear Bats that is...I think you will do just fine, my beautiful Harlequin.”


	4. Where is My Mind

The next day Harley was allowed to have her meals in the main room with the other patients. It was another exciting chance for her to spend time with Joker! She had been making a great effort to behave herself so that she could get as many freedoms as possible, her goal always to spend time with Joker. She brushed her hair out pulling it into her favorite ponytail style, pinching her cheeks to make them rosier, running her teeth over her lips and making sure her jumpsuit was unzipped enough again to show off some of her assets...she didn't think that the show of skin really “affected” Joker quite the same way as other men, but she was pretty damn sure he enjoyed the view. No, what Joker wanted was someone who could keep up with him, someone who could “play” with him in the same playground. Her smile was slightly wicked. Oh, she could keep up. 

* 

The mess-hall/lunchroom—whatever they called it, was crowded and noisier than the yard had been. There were inmates, or as the staff referred to them, “patients” everywhere sitting at the long picnic style tables eating lunch. As she stood in line to get her lunch, bouncing on her feet, the rubber soles of her slippers squeaking, she kept looking around for Joker. Her eyes wandered over the heads of everyone looking for her puddin. She smiled...puddin...one of her favorite snacks...creamy, sweet...sensual...slippery....she giggled. She pouted when she realized Joker was nowhere in sight. 

She was about to give up hope when she felt a pair of hands on her waist, long fingered hands drifting down to her hips and stroking. 

She felt a warm breath against her neck sending goosebumps racing along her skin. 

“Hmm...very nice. So creamy...I could eat you up.” 

Joker's voice whispered in her ear, a sensual purr that sent a storm of desire stirring in her stomach. 

She turned with a squeal, but was careful not to jump on him with her tray. He grinned at her, those green eyes of his seemed to glow with his intelligent madness. He carefully took the tray from her. “Come along darling. I have a place for us.” 

Joker led her to a bench that was in a strategic position away from the guards' prying eyes. The picnic bench was angled near a corner of the room where the cameras couldn't pick up on it and the guards couldn't get a good look because they were in heavy shadows there. Strangely, no one else was sitting there. Or perhaps it wasn't so strange. 

When she thought about it, Harley didn't think anyone was stupid enough to mess with Joker so openly. 

Once he set her tray down next to his, he suddenly snagged her around the waist, turning her around and backed her up in the corner, pressing the length of his body against hers. He grinned showing all his teeth just before grabbing his bottom lip between his teeth. He growled at her, pressing harder. 

Harley gasped in surprise when he pushed her up against the wall, the tip of his nose against hers, but that growl caused her nipples to harden and her body to ache with need. 

“So do you still want to play with me Harley?” Joker purred out the question, his eyes roaming down her face, settling for a brief moment at her cleavage, then back to her eyes again. She could feel the tips of his fingers tracing up her sides as he asked in a sensual whisper. 

“Did you mean it my Harlequin?” His lips were close, the sibilation of his words made her lips itch with the desire to have his lips pressed against hers. 

“Yes, I meant it. I want to play...” Her words came out with a soft moan when his hands wandered down over her hips grasping the fabric of her jumpsuit and wrapping his fingers around the cloth. Joker's smile was predatory, his breath hot. 

“Mmm...good...I have a job for you.” His lips brushed hers. 

“Anything puddin...” Harley groaned. He smiled at her pet name...his eyes twinkled for a moment as he gazed at her. Then he pressed his body against hers even harder, the tips of his fingers moving back up to caress her arms. He brought one hand up, the very tips of his fingers brushed over the exposed tops of her breasts while he spoke. 

“Griggs is returning to work this week. I want you to get information from him.” Joker licked her lips, one long finger stroking the warmth between her breasts causing Harley's whole being to explode with want, but then the name Griggs finally soaked in past her lust-addled mind. 

Harley froze. “Griggs? How?” 

Joker gently grabbed her face between his hands. “I don't want you to do anything with him, just talk to him. If he lays a hand on you I will castrate him. He is not to touch you! But I figure you can sweet talk some information out of him.” 

His green eyes wandered over her face. “He will not touch you, my Harlequin...no one touches you.” 

Harley smiled. “You would castrate him?” 

Joker leaned in closer still. “Yes—no one touches you but me. Wooo! I could make a game out of it! Now I hope he does try to touch you!” 

Now he kissed her! The kiss she had been dying to taste. He slipped one hand around her head, gripping the back of her head, his fingers grasping her hair, tugging some of it almost painfully out of her pigtails while his mouth assaulted hers. Harley opened her mouth willingly as he plunged his tongue between her lips, his mouth was like fire! His tongue was predatory the way he explored her mouth. Her hands grasped for his waist, the material of his jumpsuit balled between her fingers as she held on tightly, anything that would ground her in this moment or else she was afraid she would simply float away. His kiss melted her, burning through her. She knew instantly that this man could run through her like a forest fire if she let him, burning her up as he went...but she was going to burn him as well...she was a blaze that would rip his soul apart. 

Never had she ever received a kiss like this one. Joker dragged his teeth across her tongue before plunging his tongue back into the depths of her mouth. She groaned with frustration, as good as this kiss felt, it made her want more, a lot more. She knew she was greedy, but she didn't care! She wanted him. 

Joker was pleased not just with how Harley was reacting to his kiss, but the way she returned it. No woman had ever made him feel vulnerable before, but she kissed him savagely. Harley Quinn knew what she wanted and she made sure he knew it too. Her kiss was all consuming, devouring. He was sinking into her and without a doubt, he would never be able to find his way out of her. He could never tell her this...never...but he was never going to let this woman go. Hell would have to try to take her and he would fight the devil himself. 

* 

Harleen spoke up for a brief second in the back of Harley's mind, warning her that getting involved with this man was a bad idea, but Harley shut her up. She had always loved extreme personalities in her work...and the Joker was extreme. Harley snarled, shut up Harleen!! Harleen may be cautious, but Harley wanted to leap in, to grab a hold of him and hold on with both hands! 

She muttered to herself in her mind as she thrust her tongue into Joker's mouth. She wanted him and she would do whatever it took to have him! 

Joker yanked her up, pushing her more forcefully against the wall, pressing harder against her so she could feel how much more he wanted from her. Joker didn't realize that he was also communicating how much he was willing to give her too. 

Joker groaned softly. His mouth traveled down the curve of her neck, nipping with his teeth at the delicate skin. He started to bite her, grinding against her. Harley responded by rubbing her hips against his erection, wanting that friction between her legs. Harley wrapped one leg around his hips giving him a chance to grind against her. 

When Harley moved her leg around him, Joker jerked against her. She moaned when his elegant, dexterous fingered hands cupped her breasts, his thumbs finding her hard nipples through the layers of fabric. Joker dropped one hand from her breasts to grasp her thigh starting to thrust against her. They both groaned wanting to increase the friction between their bodies, wanting to feel flesh on flesh. His mouth was busy exploring her neck and rubbing against her, her fingers in his hair, their bodies bouncing, sliding against the wall, when they both heard a guard yell. 

“Hey! YOU TWO! BREAK IT UP!” 

Joker growled against her neck before he turned around to yell back. 

“Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. Ya spoil sport!” 

The guard yelled in return. “You two just sit down and keep your hands off each other!” 

Harley pulled her eye down with a finger and stuck out her tongue. “BLAH!! Ya Mook!” 

Joker stepped back from her and took her hand bowing as he indicated her seat for her. She stuck her tongue out one more time at the guard before slipping onto the bench. 

Joker grinned, the sunlight from the windows above making his smile seem to glow. It was the most beautiful thing Harley had ever seen. She grinned with a sigh of complete admiration. 

Joker took a sip of his chocolate milk, glancing at the guards before he spoke again his green eyes dancing as he gazed at Harley. 

“You're giving me an itch that is going to need scratching soon my Harlequin...” He licked his teeth gazing at her. He had never seen anyone as gorgeous or possibly as deadly as Harley Quinn...his Harlequin. He stroked his thumb over his lips, gazing at her with clear lust. 

She giggled and shivered at the thought of what else he could do with that tongue of his when he leaned forward on his elbows. 

“I'm making a list of who might want me dead.” Joker tapped the side of his head. “It's rather long.” He giggled. “A whole lot of people with no sense of humor. Sad really...so many unhappy people who just don't understand my jokes.” 

Harley tilted her head picking at her food. “I understand you.” She winked at him which gave Joker a funny feeling in his gut...a feeling he both loved...and maybe hated. He wasn't sure yet. 

Harley wrinkled her nose as she spoke. “You have a lot of enemies?” 

Joker smiled at her and Harley shivered. 

“oOOoo!” She giggled. 

“A man can be measured by the quality of his enemies...” Joker smiled weaving just a little. 

“Then you must be one quality gent, Mistah J.” 

He leaned back putting his hands behind his head, smiling proudly. “That I am.” 

They both started to giggle. 

Guards glanced in their direction, but said nothing as they continued to watch the other “patients.” 

Joker took a breath and sat forward. 

“I want you to get access to the computer system from Griggs. They won't let me anywhere near them after that time I broke in and—adjusted—everyone's medications.” He snickered happily. “It was pretty funny, but again...this place is seriously lacking in a sense of humor. Anyway, I need a list of all the new doctors, nurses and guards that have been hired recently. I figure my would-be killer must be someone who was hired in the last year or so. Not any of the inmates...they have lots of chances to try to take me out, but none of them would have the ability to trigger the cell doors...” He tapped his fingers against his lips in contemplation. “Okay, that is probably not true, but I like to think they would be a lot more creative in trying to kill me. I mean if not, I think I am very disappointed.” He grinned and drummed his fingers along his chin. 

Harley frowned. “What if it's Griggs?” 

“To quote one of my favorite people, Groucho Marx: He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.” Joker giggled. 

“It's not him, that man is innocent of my attempted murder...and he knows I can hurt him.” Joker's voice was deadly, his tone strangely flat. 

He smiled. “No, this is someone foolish...someone who thinks they know enough about me to take me out.” 

He grinned. “Anyway, Griggs knows he owes me. So get him to help earn you computer privileges and from there, get him to give you access to those records.” 

She tilted her head. “Why can't Griggs just bring you a copy?” 

Joker snorted. “I don't trust him not to leave part of the list out. If you're the one accessing the files and getting them youself, then I know it will be good information. I trust you.” 

Harley nearly glowed with the compliment. “You do?” 

Joker reached across the table to caress her chin. “I have a sense about these things...and you my sweetling, I trust.” 

* 

The other exciting part of Harley's day was that on top of getting to be in the yard, she enjoyed the mess hall. She also got to enjoy the game and TV room that evening! She was excited because she loved games! But Joker had promised to show her some card games, which meant more alone time with Mistah J and maybe stealing more kisses!! Sitting in her cell waiting to be taken to therapy Harley squealed in barely contained excitement. 

But before that, she had to go to her private session. Dr. Leland was waiting for her again looking all smug...at least that was how Harley saw it. That stupid voice of Harleen in her head told her that Leland was a friend, but Harley was quickly discovering that all the shrinks here treated everyone as if they were nuts! Harley was not nuts, and Harleen could just shut her invisible mouth! 

She sat down with a huff while she was cuffed to the chair by the guards who then left to stand outside the door. 

Dr. Leland smiled. “So...Harley...” 

Harley could tell it pissed her off to have to say Harley instead of Harleen...good, the bitch. “So how are you enjoying your new freedoms?” 

Harley frowned for a moment, wondering if this was a trick question, but after a moment she answered. “I'm enjoying it.” 

Leland nodded. “I heard you were caught twice with Joker.” 

Harley rolled her eyes. There it was.... “Yea, so?” 

Leland sighed. “I don't think associating with the Joker is such a wise decision Harleen.” 

Harley narrowed her eyes dangerously. “Harley...it's Harley. And why not? He has privileges too, why can't we hang out?” 

Leland frowned. “The Joker is a very dangerous man. He...well....” 

Harley smirked. “I thought you guys were supposed to be curing him? I mean, if he is supposedly on his way to recovery why can't I spend time with him?” 

Leland sighed. “Dr. Strange seems to think he is on his way to recovery. I am of the opinion that the Joker is beyond help.” 

“Ooo wow....judgmental aren't we?” Harley grinned. “Maybe you should look at yourself a bit there doc if you think someone is unsaveable? What's the point of our little chitchat here? Maybe I'm unsaveable too? Maybe you should just give up?” 

Leland frowned. “That was not what I meant.” 

Harley giggled. 

* 

When she was escorted into the gaming room Harley practically flew into the room! It was not nearly as full as the mess-hall had been and not half as many inmates were there as in the yard. Only a few got to enjoy the gaming room at a time. She saw Two-face flipping his coin by the TV with Pengy and another skinny guy named the Riddler. They were all watching a football game on the TV; the Gotham City Rogues were playing though she couldn't tell who the other team was and she didn't really care. 

She was looking around when she heard. 

“YooHOO!! Harley dear!” 

She turned around and there was Joker sitting at a card table with a deck of cards in his hand while he waved his fingers at her with the other hand. After he caught her attention, he went back to shuffling the cards without even looking at them. Harley squealed and hopped over to his table. 

“Puddin!!” 

Joker laughed. “Take a seat my dear! Let me show you some magic!” 

He winked at her and Harley giggled happily. 

Joker shuffled the cards elegantly, performing a few tricks as he shuffled, then he set the deck down and pulled out a card. Without looking at the card, he folded it and set a card in front of Harley. Then he shuffled the deck several times, tossing out a card that was the ace of diamonds. Then he spread the cards out. “Pick one pumpkin.” 

Harley pulled a card out. She turned it over and it was the two of diamonds. Joker grinned taking her card and moved his hand in a jerking motion and before her eyes the card changed to the two of diamonds. She squealed causing Joker to giggle with pleasure but then he reached behind him and pulled out the three of diamonds. Harley's eyes became huge as she clapped her hands. 

“Puddin!! That's amazing!” 

He winked at her. “Not done yet sweetie. Just hold on.” 

He flipped a card out of the deck and it was the four of diamonds; with a twist of his hand he produced the five of diamonds. 

Harley squealed again! Joker laughed shuffling the deck then laying them out face down, he picked out a card and flung it out. Harley lifted the card and it was the six of diamonds. He flicked another card at her, it was the seven of diamonds! 

“Oh my gosh!!! Puddin!” 

He snickered picking up the deck shuffling the cards, then with a finger he flipped a card out catching it with his other hand, it was the eight of diamonds. By now Harley was staring in stunned silence. He flicked another card into the air catching it and showing her the nine of diamonds. Then he shuffled and tossed a card at Harley, she deftly caught it and saw it was the ten of diamonds! 

Joker pulled another card from Harley's ear, the jack of diamonds. Another shuffle of the cards, dividing them into two stacks turning over the top card of one stack showing the queen of diamonds, Then lastly, with a flourish, the king of diamonds appeared between his fingers. He grinned wide at her as Harley clapped her hands. 

“Okay, Harley my dear, pick a card, but just tell me a card don't pick one up.” Joker gave her a sly smile. 

“Ah, three of clubs.” Harley chewed her bottom lip in wonder watching him. 

He laughed then and shuffled the remaining deck, then, with another flourish, he divided the cards into stacks. He then spread the stacks out face down. Next,with one hand, he flipped the cards over. They were laying by suit, in order, all the spades, and all the hearts all in order from ace to King. Then he laid out all the clubs though one was missing. 

He reached over picking up the card he had folded at the very beginning and handed it to Harley. “Unfold it dear.” 

She did and gasped when she saw it was the three of clubs. “PUDDIN!! That was amazing!!” 

She leaned across the table throwing her arms around him. 

Joker laughed hugging her back. “I'm glad you liked that little trick.” 

“Little? That was like real magic!” Harley giggled. 

Joker grinned looking proud of himself. 

Harley sighed smiling. “You are amazing.” 

“I know my dear.” He chuckled, then he patted his lap. “Come sit on daddy's lap poo.” 

She giggled moving around to sit on his lap wrapping her arms around his neck. 

“Aren't the guards going to yell at us again?” 

“Nah...” He motioned with his head and she saw that the two guards, the only guards in the room, were watching the football game too. Seemed like everyone in the room was glued to the game except Joker and Harley. 

“Gives us a little free time to do some exploration.” He giggled softly playing with the front zipper of her jump suit tugging it down. 

She giggled happily. “Puddin!” 

He tugged the zipper to the middle of her stomach pushing the fabric of her jumpsuit back away from her breasts. She was wearing a sports bra (since the female inmates were not allow regular bras...too many parts that could be turned into weapons). Joker smiled looking down at her cleavage. 

“Very nice...” Joker traced the curves of her breasts and cleavage, then he leaned in, pressing his lips between her breasts and blew... 

Harley squealed and laughed grabbing his head and kicking her legs while he giggled and motorboated her breasts. 

One of the guards glanced in their direction, but rolled his eyes ignoring them and went back to watching the game instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time the Joker quotes some Groucho Marx! The magic trick Joker does is a real trick that I had to watch a few times. I hope I got all the cards mentioned!


	5. Ticking

The next day Harley was allowed to participate in a different type of group therapy session. Apparently one of the new young doctors had thought it would be a great idea to have the patients participate in a team sport together in order to help them learn to bond with each other and develop cooperative relationship skills. Dr. Strange was allowing one session in order to see how the patients enjoyed it—or not. Harley groaned loudly to express her opinion on said strategy as she was taken to the medical ward to pick up her gym outfit. The last thing she felt like doing was playing a game with a bunch of other female patients. What she wanted was a dark room and the Joker all to herself! 

* 

There was a small line that consisted of everyone who was part of her group sessions. She saw Penguin ahead of her though she didn't see Joker yet. There were several guards standing around watching them as they waited their turn to get their sports uniforms. 

Harley kept looking behind her trying to keep a look out for Joker when she noticed that the plant lady was in front of her. Harley frowned, staring at her back. Harley reached out with a finger, not quite touching the plant lady. The plant lady had really green skin...not the beautiful green of Joker's hair but a sorta...well...plant green, like a swamp. 

“So what are you in here for?” Harley asked the plant lady's back. 

The woman turned around, her beautiful face framed in bright red hair. “I don't like people.” 

Harley snorted. “Well who does?” 

The plant lady sighed as if this conversation was not only stupid, but a complete waste of her time and energy. “I kill humans for harming my plants.” 

Harley frowned. “Oh...okay...guess that's an okay reason. What's your name?” 

“I'm called Poison Ivy.” 

Harley snorted. “Oh god, do you give rashes??? That's awesome and pretty gross.” 

Poison Ivy raised a brow at Harley turning around and ignoring her. Harley stuck her thumbs in her ears, sticking her tongue out and crossing her eyes at Ivy's back. 

* 

When Harley arrived at the “gym” She was delighted by two things. One, she got to wear a pair of fairly cute black shorts (she felt that they were cute after she rolled them up into short shorts) and her t-shirt ended up fitting snugly to her torso making her breasts look huge. She had her hair up in ponytails, her blue eyes sparkling. AND she found out that “sports therapy” was co-ed!! That meant the teams were mixed and she could end up with JOKER! 

Harley had to choke down her squeal of happiness when she spied Joker. Joker wore a pair of shorts too, showing off those delightful white legs of his and a black t-shirt. He was standing off to the side looking bored as he held a volley ball up out of Pengy's reach as the shorter man squawked at him to give the ball back. Joker stood unmoving, the ball held up over his head, yawning occasionally as he ignored Pengy who was jumping around him, flapping his arms and looking exactly like a penguin at the moment. Harley squealed when she saw Joker taking off across the gym floor. Joker threw the ball which sent Penguin scurrying after it and caught Harley as she jumped into his arms. 

“PUDDIN!!” 

Joker laughed. “Pumpkin!” 

Joker spun her around, Harley's legs swinging out and then he stopped to kiss her, not a peck of a kiss, but a full blown, mouth-watering, melting kiss to the point he even dipped her back. Harley wrapped her arms around his neck, her whole body lighting up. 

“Get a room,” Harvey muttered as he walked by them looking ridiculous in his shorts and t-shirt, clearly not enjoying the idea of playing a sport today. 

“Alright everyone!” A young, brunette doctor stepped through the door of the gym accompanied by a few more guards and Dr. Strange. 

“My name is Dr. Alyce Sinner and today we are going to teach you all about learning to cooperate. I would like you to divide into two teams, a mix of men and women please and the game today is volleyball.” She was all smiles—Harley instantly hated her. 

Joker wrapped an arm around Harley's waist. “Don't worry dearie, you're with me.” 

Penguin spoke up. “Well who gets to be the team captains? I nominate myself seeing as I'm a born leader.” 

Joker made a decidedly rude noise at that. Penguin turned on him. “Shut it, clown.” 

Joker stuck his tongue out. “Oh geez I'm really scared of a fat flightless bird.” 

Dr. Sinner yelled. “Hey now, that's enough. I will choose the teams.” 

Joker spoke up. “Harley and I count as one!” 

Dr. Sinner started to disagree, but then changed her mind. Not a battle she was ready to fight as she watched Joker walk over to one side of the court with Harley, her arms and legs wrapped around his torso hanging onto him like a koala bear. 

* 

Soon they were divided into teams. Joker, Harley, Ivy, Harvey, Crane and Firefly on one side of the net. Penguin, Day (Calendar Man), Ryder (The Creeper), Killer Frost, Mad Hatter, and some woman named Christine Bell who had a serious bat-fetish as far as Harley could tell. Most of Penguin's team were part of another group therapy session. 

Ryder grinned at Harley from across the net causing Harley to wrinkle her nose in confusion...what was he on about? If she didn't know better she would think he might be flirting with her. When Ryder smiled and gave her a wink she was fairly sure...but she was quickly distracted by Joker strolling over and tossing her the volleyball. “Heads up darling, you're serving!” 

Harley held the ball ready, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Joker grinned widely watching her breasts and hips bounce while she waited for the right time to serve the ball. 

She continued bouncing with a wide grin on her lips. Frost yelled at her. “Serve the ball ya stupid...” 

Dr. Sinner was quick to call out. “No insults!” 

Frost pressed her lips together in a frown. Harley stuck her tongue out and served, leaping up and hitting the ball hard enough and fast enough that the ball struck Frost right in the face, though Day managed to lob the ball back. 

When the ball was sent back over the net, coming toward him, Joker jumped up and jammed the ball—straight for Penguin, hitting Pengy in the face hard enough that he knocked the short man right off his feet...which sent Joker into hysterics. 

* 

They held out playing for the next hour before the whole experiment ended with nearly everyone getting put back in straightjackets and taken to their rooms. 

Joker had immediately grabbed Harley when the game disintegrated, pulling her aside and sitting against the wall near one of the guards. 

Joker laughed watching the chaos. “Too bad we don't have popcorn.” 

He snickered. “Though it took longer to get to this point than I anticipated.” 

Harley leaned happily against him. “Who do you think would die first if they left them alone?” 

Joker put his arm around her shoulders. “Hmm...I would say our little date keeper.” 

Harley nodded. “Yeah...I always sucked at remembering dates.” 

Joker glanced over at her grinning. “Well, I don't know about you sweetie, but I think we have reached a new level of understanding between us.” 

She giggled. “Oh, I feel a lot closer to everyone.” 

They both started to laugh. 

* 

The next morning Harley sat down for breakfast, staring at the strange looking concoction that was gelling on her plate, when Joker finally arrived and sat down next to her. 

He glanced at her, watching her for several minutes as she continued to intently stare at the biscuits and gravy. He leaned in close. “It say anything yet?” 

Harley sighed. “I was waiting for it to look appetizing, but I don't think it's going to happen.” 

Joker laughed. “Well you should eat it anyway pumpkin; need to keep your strength up.” 

She turned giving him a questioning look, but he just waggled his eyebrows at her which caused her to burst into laughter. 

They ate their breakfast together, Joker leaning over to whisper jokes in her ear that had her laughing so hard she almost spit her food out. He giggled wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer to him. 

* 

Neither of them noticed the eyes on them. Rather, the eyes on Harley. Jack Ryder watched Harley intently, licking his lips as he did so. Ryder grinned. So the Joker was trying to get himself a girl was he? Ryder thought to himself. Well he was just going to have to put a stop to that. 

Ryder resented being a patient here at Arkham. It wasn't like he was crazy. His alter ego was the crazy one, but he could control him. He had control over the Creeper! He did! So he made one mistake...Ryder rolled his eyes...and he was a bit creepy looking...but seriously? Arkham...he was supposed to be one of the good guys. 

Ryder sighed, but brought his attention back to Joker and the woman, Harley. He hated the Joker...blamed him for what he had become...that night when Jack Ryder...reporter of serious public interest stories, followed a lead that brought him right into the Joker's hideout...the Joker venom...the acid...now his life was forever changed and he blamed that fucking Joker for it all! 

Well, he would get back at Joker by taking his girl. Make her fall in love with him instead. Ryder snickered. Harley Quinn will be my girlfriend and then we'll see who laughs last, he promised himself. 

* 

Joker was sipping his chocolate milk, occasionally blowing bubbles in it when he saw Griggs come into the mess hall. He elbowed Harley. “There is out little trained monkey now!” 

Harley nodded snickering at the fact that Joker called Griggs a monkey. “So what do I do?” 

“Oh, it's simple really, just tell Griggs that you want him to escort you to the computer room, just make sure you tell him it's a favor for Mr. J. He'll know where to take you. I'll give you a treat when you succeed!” 

Harley nodded, her eyes bright at the thought of a treat. Harleen's voice, a soft whisper in the back of her mind, pleaded with her not to help Joker, but Harley just ignored her. Harleen was not only a spoil sport, she was boring! 

Joker took her hand kissing her knuckles. “If he tries anything, you tell me.” 

She smiled and nodded. “I will puddin!” 

Joker turned to look at her grinning when Harley grabbed him, wrapping her arms around his neck tugging him down for a kiss. Joker almost fell off the bench before he grabbed hold of Harley, yanking her close and returning the kiss, laying Harley down on the bench, the two of them giggling. Harley squeaked when Joker started to nibble her neck. 

One of the guards, the same one who had caught them yesterday in the yard, rolled his eyes . 

“Will you two...oh forget it.” The guard turned around and ignored them, muttering to himself that he wasn't paid enough to play chaperone. 

* 

After breakfast as Joker and Harley were each about to be escorted to their separate cells, Harley slipped up beside Griggs. Griggs frowned looking down at her his face going pale when he saw it was Harley. She grinned at him. “Hey, can you get me some computer privileges...for Joker?” She whispered her like they were sharing the best joke. 

Griggs' skin paled more. “What?” 

She frowned speaking very slowly because Griggs was apparently very stupid. “Computers? Your favor? You know...” 

Griggs paled more if that were possible and he nodded. “Yeah, okay. Just follow me.” 

Instead of leading her to her cell or to the regular computer lab that patients were allowed to use on a limited basis, he instead led her down a couple of halls until he finally headed into an office. He let her go in first, did a quick look up and down the hall before he closed the door. 

He turned to see Harley spinning herself around in the swivel chair. “WEEE!!” 

“Get outta the way,” he grumbled pushing her aside. Griggs leaned over; his fingers flew over the computer keyboard. “Okay there, you're in. You tell Joker we're square now okay?” 

Harley just shrugged continuing to pushed herself around in the chair. “Whatever, I'll make sure to tell him...maybe...” She giggled happily spinning herself in a circle. 

Griggs moved out of the way. “Okay, here is the employment site. You just put in the dates you want here.” He pointed with his finger on screen showing her where to put in the information. Harley grinned putting in the dates she wanted thinking that Joker was going to be so proud of her. With a slight furrow between her brows Harley asked.“How do we print this?” 

She spun herself around in the chair then pushed herself toward, who Griggs had moved to stand by the door. 

Griggs sighed with frustration. He walked over and pointed at the screen again with Harley trailing behind him pushing herself along in the swivel chair. 

“Okay, hit that button right there.” Harley glanced at the computer then she clicked print. Once that was done she spun around on her chair with another giggle. 

“Ooo!!” She slid herself over to the printer to watch the paper coming out. Griggs snarled. “Can you keep it down?” 

Harley stuck her tongue out. “You better be nice or Joker is going to hear a totally different story.” 

All the color that had returned to the guard's face drained again. “Just...you know...don't wanna get caught okay?” 

Harley grinned plucking up the papers as they came out of the printer. 

Griggs watched her pull out the papers. “You're going to tell Joker we're good now right? Everything is cool right?” 

Harley laughed. “You're funny.” 

Griggs twitched. It was clear to Harley that he wanted to hit her or something worse, but he didn't touch her. Griggs was clearly at least a little smart. 

* 

Harley hid the print-out in her cleavage. 

That afternoon she planned on Joker having to do a “search” for the list. She giggled happily to herself, but when she got out to the yard Joker was no where to be seen. 

Harley pouted. Where was he? 

She flopped down on one of the benches in a pout when a sorta handsome guy sat down beside her. “Hey beautiful what's wrong?” 

Harley barely gave him a look, her eyes glued to the entrance waiting for her puddin. “Nothin', go away.” 

Ryder frowned, but quickly recovered returning to trying to be charming “My name is Jack, Jack Ryder. You might recognize me, I use to be a reporter for the Gotham local news.” 

Harley turned to look at him then her face broke into a smile of recognition. “Oh yah, I remember seeing you before. You're that goodie two shoes who got caught holding some hostages. You turn into that Creeper thing right?” 

Ryder took a deep breath controlling his urge to lash out...no he wanted to win her over. “Well, ya know that was a mistake. I'm actually one of the good guys.” 

Harley snorted. “Boring.” 

Ryder blinked in surprise. He shook himself recovering. “So as I was saying, you are beautiful.” 

Harley frowned. “I'm not interested, thanks.” 

Creeper frowned. Okay this was going to be harder than he thought. 

He started to reach out and take her hand, but she suddenly jumped to her feet. “Puddin!!” She started to wave her hands. Ryder looked up and frowned as he saw the Joker being escorted into the yard. As he watched Harley run across the yard into the Joker's arms he narrowed his eyes. He wasn't done yet. He was determined to make her fall in love with him. 

* 

“I have a present for you!!” Harley giggled as she took Joker's hand and led him off to the quieter place in the yard. Joker looked intrigued. “Oh, I love surprises.” 

Harley grinned. “Do you like scavenger hunts? Your prize is somewhere on my body.” 

Joker lifted an eyebrow, his grin spreading across his face slowly. “Is it now? Well, well...” He pushed Harley up against the wall that circled the yard. 

“Should I start from the top or the bottom? Hmmm...” His eyes roamed over her hungrily and then he smiled broadly. 

“I always liked starting low then working my way to the top...sorta like licking an ice cream cone...” 

He pressed against her, pinning her in place, his hands on her waist as he stared intently into her blue eyes. “Where oh where did you hide it, hmmm...” Joker giggled as his hands started to feel up her sides whispering. “Mistress Harley, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?” 

Harley giggled, wiggling as his touched tickled up her sides, his thumb stroking the round underside of each breasts through the fabric. He leaned in close, running the length of his tongue up her neck to her ear whispering. “With cockle shells and silver bells....” His hands came up over her breasts, squeezing just enough to make her want more. 

His tongue licked across her cheek to her mouth where he finished the rhythm. “And pretty maids all in a row...” 

His kiss was hard, not punishing, but demanding. Harley thought she was going to just melt against the wall...a Harley Quinn puddle...she moaned. Oh, she didn't care! But then she was having trouble thinking; Harleen in the back of her mind, was begging her to stop this...when Joker pulled the zipper of her jumpsuit down and plucked the roll of paper from between her breasts. 

Her green haired puddin' giggled. “Yahtzee!” 

Harley slipped down the wall to sit on the ground when he released her. He pulled out the rolled paper and slid down next to her as he unrolled it just a little. 

His eyes danced over it, grinning the whole time. “This is perfect Harls. Wonderful work, cupcake.” He hid the paper in his jumpsuit so swiftly and smoothly that she wasn't quite sure where he put it, but she didn't worry about it. Instead, she grinned under his compliments. She was about to ask what her treat would be when he grabbed her face, cupping her cheek with one hand and he kissed her again. A heart melting kiss, his tongue stroked hers as he dropped his hand to her waist and tugged her closer. 

Harley let a soft moan escape as she rolled her body to face him. Joker's other arm went around her, pulling her onto his lap, his kisses becoming desperate, hungrier. He ran a hand along her thigh as his teeth nipped at her lips and tongue. He growled deeply in his chest, pulling her even closer. He only pulled his mouth away from hers long enough to hiss, “Tonight, I want you to scratch that itch I have...no one but you can scratch it.” 

He grinned before his mouth traveled its way down her neck, pulling aside her unzipped jumpsuit to bite and lick her collar, then further, kissing and licking the top of her breasts before dragging his tongue back up her neck. 

Harley's eyes almost crossed with the sensation of being licked like an ice cream cone by Joker. She could only imagine what wickedness he could do with it. His tongue traveled back to her other ear where he whispered. 

“Be ready for me tonight.” 

* 

In the shadows, someone else was watching them. Someone with murder on the mind.


	6. Nothing Can Save me

Harley was escorted back to her cell later that day and she was ready to melt into a puddle of frustration! Flopping down ono the bunk in her cell she groaned loudly. She had several hours to go still before lights out. How would she ever make it that long? How was he going to be with her? She was conflicted between wanting to be with him and not wanting to get caught because getting into trouble which would mean “they” would get in trouble which would mean they couldn't be together! 

Grrr....the frustration was horrible! She grabbed her pillow and buried her face in it and screamed. 

* 

By the time lights out came around, Harley was at her wit's end. She had managed to occupy herself with asking for a crayon, which she was given. She used it to draw on her walls, cartoony pictures of Joker surrounded by little hearts. Harleen tried to pop up and voice her concerns about Joker, but Harley quickly squashed Harleen's voice. 

After a while she had run out of things to do. She had covered every surface in her cell with crayon pictures and she was now reduced to pacing her cell. Joker still wasn't back in his cell so she could ask what and how anything was going to happen. It was all so incredibly frustrating!!! A little part of her worried about him when he didn't return to his cell, but she refused to believe anything was wrong...not tonight! Not when she was going to get to be with her puddin! 

For the hundredth time, she fixed her ponytails before flopping onto the bed wondering if anything was going to happen tonight after all when she heard footsteps outside her door. 

The door came open slowly and Harley turned to see Griggs standing there. He frowned looking at her then back over his shoulder. 

“Ah...yeah, you got laundry duty.” 

Harley narrowed her eyes at him. “It's a little late for that isn't it?” 

Griggs sighed then motioned with his head and gun at the same time. “Come on, stop yapping.” 

Harley chewed her bottom lip thinking over whether she was going to go, but then decided to go ahead. If he tried anything funny she was going to scream her head off and claw Griggs's eyes out! 

* 

Griggs led her down to the laundry area. Harley thought the place would make a great setting for a horror movie. It was eerily quiet, dark, and the walls had that odd sort of moist look to them. Usually when laundry was going, the machines were loud and the sound was accompanied by the shouts of patients communicating or guards yelling...some sort of noise going on, but right now it was strangely quiet. 

Harley felt the first twinge of nervousness up her spine. Griggs stopped at the last room on the left, pulling open a door and holding it for her. Harley stepped in, ready for the worst, but the room seemed empty. She turned around to say something to Griggs, but he shut the door and locked it. 

Harley gasped in surprise and started to throw herself against the door when an arm snaked around her waist pulling her off her feet and away from the door. 

She immediately screamed and struggled. Her attacker dropped her, grabbed her by her shoulders and twisted her around slamming her up against the locked door. 

Harley found herself staring up into the Joker's face. 

“Puddin!!” She stopped struggling and threw her arms around his neck. 

Joker chuckled wrapping his arms around her waist. He buried his mouth against the side of her neck directing her away from the door. 

“You're a little hell cat aren't ya...” He spun her around holding her tightly and kissed her. 

Joker then lifted her up while continuing to kiss her, licking and sucking at her lips. Harley wrapped her legs around his waist while he carried her further into the room. He stopped when he bumped against a hard surface, setting Harley on the edge. She could tell by the feel that it was a large table, probably one of those used for folding clothing. 

Joker pulled back from her, stoking her bottom lip with his thumb as his eyes traveled down her neck before returning to her face. 

“I found us a room, Harley baby....so we have a few hours all to ourselves.” His voice was like honey running down her spine sending waves of heat coursing through her body while his hand reached up to stroke her jaw, his smile wide, his eyes half-lidded as he gazed at her. His eyes traveled down from her face along her neck and over her breasts concealed in her orange jumpsuit. At the moment, he only lightly touched her, the barest caress against her chin, but it felt like he was touching every part of her. 

“So my darling...up for some scratching?” Joker grinned which flowed into a giggle while running his tongue along his teeth. 

Harley groaned. “Oh yes puddin...scratch, scratch!” 

Joker chuckled reaching up to take the zipper of her jumpsuit and slowly pulled it down below her breasts to her belly button. His eyes followed the zipper, his smile slowly becoming wider. 

“So creamy...I just want to eat you up,” Joker murmured as his gaze took in the small amount of exposed skin, but then his hand came up to gently cup the side of her throat guiding her mouth back to his...Harley laid her hands on his shoulders returning his kiss. 

The kiss was slow, sensual, melting, his lips and tongue glided over hers with a warm, wet caress that had her purring. 

Joker pulled away from her lips to run his tongue along the bottom of her lip. “Do you want your treat Harley?” 

She purred softly. “Oh yes, puddin...yes I do.” 

Joker giggled. 

“What do you say? Pretty, pretty, pretty....” He purred running the back of his fingers along her cheek. 

Harley grinned. “Please Joker....” 

His other hand came around to caress the other side of her neck, then glided down over the tops of her breasts, while his mouth focused on her lips again, caressing them with his own lips. 

Harley ran both hands up the back of his neck and into his thick green hair with a moan. Joker scooped her back up and carried her further into the laundry room. She wasn't sure where they were going to have their “scratching” session until he dropped to his knees in a corner of the room. She realized that there was a bed set up on the floor. A mattress with a variety of blankets and pillows. There was even one old looking candle flickering and a two liter of grape soda (soda was a treat the patients got on Fridays if they had been good all week). 

Joker set her down on the mattress giving her the smile of a little boy who was pleased with himself. 

“Grape soda...your favorite and a bed. Do I deliver the romance or what?” 

Joker laughed and winked at her. 

Harley laughed right along with him. 

“This is perfect puddin!! You're the best!!” 

She coiled her arms around his neck, tugging him with her as she fell backwards. Joker laughed letting himself be tugged down. He nuzzled her neck sending shivers along her skin. 

Harley wrapped her legs around his waist laughing while he nibbled at her until he started to lick her neck. She realized that she loved the feel of his tongue along her skin, the slow wet trail he left had her body shuddering for more. His licks were long and delicious, causing her whole body to become sensitive to even the heat that radiated from him! He thrust against her playfully running his hands over her breasts; his hands seemed to burn through the fabric, making her nipples taunt. Joker circled his palms over her hard nipples, making her groin ache with need. 

Harley moaned softly as her hips undulated against his and they rubbed against each other. Joker licked her throat pressing his bound erection against her, his need for her becoming a physical knot in his mind and gut. Harley's eyes rolled with pleasure and warmth flooded her body. When his tongue arrived at her ear, his teeth caught her ear lobe, tugging enough that she felt a noticeable spike of pain, but it surprised her how much the pain turned her on. He rolled onto his back, pulling her with him. 

She groaned thrusting her hips in return against him feeling his bulge between them. She struggled to build some delicious friction between the two of them. She could easily feel how hard he was for her and it felt so good! 

Harley shifted her hips, trying to rub harder against him. She ached with need and her body felt on fire. She was already so wet and achy that she felt like begging him to take her right now! Just make her come!! 

She reached down between them, stroking her hand along the hard mass of his shaft and squeezed eliciting a groan from Joker. His voice sent her blood to boiling hotter if that were possible! 

Her body ached to feel him, to hear him.... 

“Careful there sweetie...don't wanna crush the banana,” Joker groaned with a giggle. 

Harley caught her bottom lip with her teeth giggling. “I want you...I want the banana!” 

Joker burst into laughter. “Wanna hear a joke?” 

Harley giggled. “Yes!!” 

Joker pressed his erection against her hand as he whispered in her ear. “What did the banana say to the vibrator?” 

Harley grinned. “What?” 

Joker laughed. “Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!” 

Harley snorted with laughter as she struggled to pull the zipper on his jumpsuit down. She only managed to get it down enough to push the fabric of the asylum jumpsuit off his shoulders. She broke her kiss so she could nibble at his slender white neck, her teeth grazing his skin, her nails digging into his bare shoulders whispering against his skin. 

“You tell the best jokes.” 

To her ears, Joker made the most delicious sound; a cross between a growl, a groan and a delighted laugh. 

Harley could feel the sound vibrate in his chest as his hips ground against hers driving her to distraction. She nibbled a trail along his neck to his collarbone, marveling at the sounds he continued to make...the power she had over him, that she was the one causing the Joker to make these sensual sounds. He rubbed against her still, thrusting his hips just slightly, which caused Harley to gasp. She dug her nails into his shoulders even harder as an orgasm raced through her. 

“Ahhh....puddin!!” 

Joker groaned. “Yes, Harley...yes...I wanna fuck you Harley...” He laid his hands at the small of her back and pressed her hips down on him continuing to thrust upward and rub against her, that delicious friction again, while she continued to moan. 

Harley's whole body was melting; the orgasm was fantastic, but it was like simply getting a taste of what she could have! Her body ached, throbbed with want so consuming that she shoved him down, her hands pressed against his shoulders. 

Joker laughed letting himself be held down. 

“Going to take charge poo?” 

She rose up grinding against his hips as she straddled him, taking her time to adjust herself over him. She could just imagine what lowering herself down on him was going to be like...but right now she had other plans. 

“Yes puddin! You're mine, Mistah J...” Harley purred 

Joker pressed his lips together to stop a groan. He could feel the heat between her legs, imagine how wet she was right now....he would let her do whatever she wanted to him...anything for her. 

Harley suddenly yanked the zipper of his jumpsuit further down, dragging the zipper to his stomach tugging the material aside. 

There were scars here and there marring his white flesh. He was well-muscled, slick like a panther... 

She placed her palms against his skin and slowly caressed him, wanting to memorize the feel of him under her hands. 

He felt so good, his skin like satin, the scars only slightly marred his flesh. Joker watched her, a wide grin on his face. He made no move to touch her, just resting his hands against her thighs letting her take her time, wanting to see what she would do next. Her palms against his flesh was exhilarating...so sexy the way she was caressing him.... 

Harley pressed her bottom lip between her teeth running her hands down his stomach. Joker jerked slightly when her palms moved lower, the skin extra sensitive there. 

Harley moaned, her eyes wandering over him. Oh! he was so gorgeous to her, better than she imagined! Slender muscles, skin so white that the desire to bite him was overwhelming. And he was hers! 

Harley worked to pull his jumpsuit down. He shifted a little, pulling his arms free of the outfit. Harley slid the whole thing down to his thighs. She grinned at the sight of his boxers underneath, polka dots! Adorable! 

She couldn't get over how delicious he looked and how hungry she was...she had never wanted a man like she wanted him. And for once, the voice of Harleen had nothing to say in response to Harley's overwhelming need. 

Harley glanced up at him, her eyes catching his...Joker saw the animal need reflected in her blue eyes just before she leaned down to run the very tip of her tongue along his flesh. 

Joker smiled, closing his eyes. His hands shifted to her long blonde hair tugging out her pigtails so that he could tighten his fingers in her locks. Harley's lips tickled just a little as her tongue stroked along his stomach. She nipped at him which made Joker jump in surprise. 

“Oh you like biting do you?” 

Joker lifted his head, his eyes dancing with humor. 

She waggled her eyebrow, using the flat of her tongue to lick her way from his stomach to his chest. 

“I like biting you...” she whispered against his skin just before she bit down hard on his nipple. 

Joker groaned with delight as she sucked on him, her tongue flicking out to stroke the hard nipple trapped between her teeth. 

Joker arched his back into her bites, his hands tangled in her hair,. Harley sucked harder wanting to mark him, leaving a bright red and purple bruise against his white skin when she pulled away grinning at her handiwork. 

Joker laughed. “My little minx...” 

His laughter ended with a smile, as he guided her mouth to his for a long kiss. Their tongues caressed, both of them taking soft bites. Harley ground her hips against him, feeling that delicious friction of his erection again. 

Joker breath caught; she felt so good. 

Joker reached between them, his graceful hand searching under her jumpsuit to squeeze her breast, finding the nipple under her sports bra. He pinched her; the sensation hovered between pleasure and pain as his teeth grabbed her bottom lip seductively. He sent a bolt of heat through her body that pooled with an ache between her legs. 

Joker sensed her want, which equaled his own. He was so hard it hurt! Her body pressing against his erection had him wanting to flip her onto her back, to drive himself into her, to press her down and fuck her. The desire to take her filled his every thought, but he would wait. He had waited this long...as with many things in his life, he loved to draw his pleasures out as long as possible, to enjoy each part of the build up...the torture...the chase before reaching his goal...but then Harley surprised him. 

Harley started scooting down his body, pulling the rest of the jumpsuit with her. She sucked and bit her way down his body until she reached the band of his boxers. She hooked her fingers around the band. A mischievous glint shone in her eyes when she pulled them down... 

Joker shifted his hips allowing her to strip him. She needed to get the rest of his clothing, jumpsuit, boxers, shoes, all of it until she had him naked. He was surprised at her taking control, but he found himself enjoying it. 

Harley sat back to admire him once she had tossed all his clothing out of the way. 

Joker lifted himself up on his elbows to grin at her. He was laid out before her, completely naked with bite marks littered across his stomach and chest. His erection was...beautiful. 

“Oh puddin! Bingo!” Harley licked her lips. 

Joker chuckled grinning. “Bingo?” 

Harley's whole body flushed. She started to giggle. “Oh yes, Bbbbiiinnngooo!!!” 

Her blue eyes glided up to meet his green ones. His smile widened at the wicked gleam in her gaze. Joker giggled whispering. “Bingo.” 

She took hold of his shaft with one hand, leaning down to run her tongue up the length of him. Joker groaned, his head dropping back...the hot wet trail she made caused his body to shudder. 

Harley purred as she dragged her teeth along his length. She chose that moment to mark him again. The soft skin where his hip and thigh met along his groin was begging for her to bite. 

So Harley bit him and sucked on the tender white flesh. Joker shuddered, her bite producing a groan. Harley continued to suck and gnaw at his flesh until she was happy with the purple mark she left behind. Now she was ready to return her attentions to his erection. 

Harley ran her tongue over the tip of his shaft, his skin like warm silk. She used her tongue to explore every inch of him. Joker groaned again and she found she wanted to hear more from him. Harley took him in her mouth, slowly at first. Her lips traveled down his length, devouring him gradually. Her tongue moved up and down the underside of his erection, just before she would suck deeply. She relaxed her throat to take as much of him as she possibly could. Joker moaned, his hips jerking with the pleasure, his long fingers in her hair spasmed. That was what she wanted, to hear his moans, to know she could bring him this level of pleasure... 

Harley growled. She loved having him at her mercy like this....the fact that he trusted her enough to give himself over to her turned her on more than any caress could do. She bobbed her head again, sucking hard and fast, then she would lick, wrapping her tongue around the head of his erection, taking her time. Joker groaned, thrusting his hips toward her mouth when suddenly he let go of her hair. 

“Come here Harley,” he panted. 

She started to moved up to him, but he put a hand on her shoulder. 

“Take everything off. Now. I want to watch.” 

He giggled as he pushed himself away from her so that he could sit up on his knees, his erection glistened from being in her mouth which caused Harley no end of satisfaction. 

He grinned waggling his brow at her. 

“Take it off slowly, cupcake.” 

Harley giggled and stood up, brushing her blonde hair over her shoulder. She tugged the zipper of her jumpsuit down further, her movements gradual, her blue eyes watching his reactions. She swayed her hips to music only she could hear, doing a striptease for Joker. 

Joker touched himself, slowly stroking his shaft as he took her in, watching the way she moved, her hips, the jumpsuit dropping to the floor of the laundry room. He made a deep throated laugh. “Mmmm...If I had any dollar bills I would give them all to you...” he said while watching her. 

She giggled and grabbed the sides of her sports bra and lifted it off over her head. Her breasts pulled up with the fabric and then dropped back into place had Joker sucking in his breath. He had never seen a woman as beautiful as his Harlequin... 

Harley ran her hands over her breasts, pinching her nipples for him. Joker sucked in a breath as she turned her back to him. She bent over gradually and shimmied out of her panties, dropping them to the floor then stepped out of them. She cast a flirty gaze over her shoulder at Joker which had him growling. 

“Come here, my little pumpkin pie.” His eyes gave her a gaze full of want and need. 

Harley turned, walking over to him, a slight sway to her hips. She was all grace, beauty and lust. She started to drop to her knees, but Joker stopped her. 

“Not yet pumpkin.” 

Harley gave him a pout, but he guided her closer, pushing her legs wider with his elegant hands, just before he leaned in close and licked her. Harley's eyes rolled upward as she gasped, grabbing his hair. 

“Oooo!! Puddin!!” 

He chuckled, the vibration running up from where his lips pressed against her clitoris and through her center. Joker made a soft growl and buried his mouth against her, his hands snaking up her thighs to her hips, pressing her forward and against his mouth. He sucked deeply, his tongue lashing out to stroke against her clitoris. Harley groaned, her fingers threading through his green hair. She thrust gently against his mouth while Joker worshiped at her core, lapping and sucking until she cried out, her orgasm washing over her. 

“JOKER!!” 

He chuckled, his long-fingered hands holding her up when she wobbled. He drank from her, his tongue lapping against her, his lips burning across her. Harley groaned, sobbing as she came again, her hands in his hair pressed him to her while her hips undulated with pure intoxication. 

When Joker pulled away, Harley gasped nearly falling. 

She dropped to her knees in front of Joker, his lips wet with her fluids. He laughed reaching forward to caress her jaw, drawing a line with his fingertips tugging her mouth 

toward him. His eyes gazed at her, tracing her face, resting on her lips then back to her eyes. 

“You want to play some more with me Harley?” 

“Yes, yes I do.” She moaned. 

Joker chuckled drawing her closer, brushing her lips with his just before he kissed her deeply, plunging his tongue into her mouth. 

Harley melted against him. Joker's hand glided from her jaw into her hair, cradling the back of her head. He devoured her kisses. She groaned, tasting herself on his lips and tongue. 

He pulled away from her mouth shifting his position so that he could lie back again pulling Harley over him. She squealed, laughing. 

She looked down after Joker got her where he wanted her, his eyes dancing with mischief. His hands ran up her smooth thighs, her sex hovering above him. He giggled, his tongue coming out to lick her. Harley's eyes rolled with bliss. 

“Turn around Harley sweets...” Joker's breath against her sex tickled. She did as he requested. No sooner had she turned her back to him, her hips still hovering over his mouth than Joker wrapped his arms around, her, yanking her down to him and buried his tongue inside her. Harley cried out. 

“OH!!” 

Joker tongued her, his head bobbing and his long, graceful fingers finding new places to touch, to stimulate, to drive her mad! 

Harley grabbed his erection and sucked him into her mouth. She felt him jerk underneath her, his moan vibrating up through her. Joker's hands moved along her sides while his tongue took long sensual licks until she cried out again. She groaned with Joker's shaft in her mouth which nearly caused him to come right then. He just barely managed to stop himself. He pulled away from her, gasping for breath, panting with the effort of maintaining control. 

“On your back, Harley! Now!” 

She obeyed. Her lover moved swiftly, dropping down on his hands and knees over her. His mouth glistened, his eyes bright and his pale skin flushed. 

He spread her legs wide, brushing his erection against her opening. They stared at each other. 

“You're mine Harley....always mine.” Joker's voice was husky when he spoke, accompanied by a hiss on the word “always.” 

Harley shuddered. “Always yours...and you're mine.” 

She smiled, which caused Joker to laugh. 

“I'm yours, my Harlequin.” 

Joker leaned forward to run his hands over her breasts, pinching her nipples delicately between his thumb and forefinger causing Harley to gasp moaning. Joker squeezed her breasts with his hands before grasping her nipples and rolling them between his thumb and forefinger listening to the way his Harley begged for more. 

He lifted one of her legs, balancing the limb against his shoulder, his fingers pressing into her skin just under her knee, then he plunged into her. 

Harley cried out, her whole body arching into his thrust. 

“PUDDIN!!” 

Joker growled. “Harley....” 

He hissed, then snarled jerking his hips. 

His thrusts were hard, burying himself inside of her completely. Harley reached out, grabbing his forearms in order to root herself to the here and now. She felt as if she didn't hold on to him, she would simply float away! At moments, he fucked hard, while at other times he slowed his thrusts down making them sensual and slow, almost pulling himself completely out of her before he thrust back into her. The room was filled with the sounds of their panting, the slap of flesh on flesh and the erotic liquid sounds of their fucking. 

Harley sobbed with her climax, but this time she took Joker with her. He groaned thrusting hard and deep... 

“HARLEY!!” 

A wave washed over them both. All-consuming passion wrapped around them and sated them for the moment. 

Joker thrust a few more time until Harley thought she was going to pass out from pure bliss...Joker dropped her leg; without pulling out of her, he laid on her, wrapping his arms around her, nuzzling her neck until he had her giggling. 

* 

A few minutes later, they were cleaned up and lying on the makeshift bed, the blankets wrapped around them sipping from two plastic cups that he had filled with grape soda. 

Harley giggled happily snuggling close. Joker grinned, holding her with one arm as he leaned over to put his cup down. 

“Can we do this again?” Harley looked up, her eyes wide and hopeful. 

Joker chuckled wiping his thumb over her upper lip. “Oh yes, this will be our little playroom until we get out of here.” 

“We?” Harley's smile brightened and Joker giggled. “Of course we,” he explained. “You belong to me now.” 

He put his forefinger under her chin and lifted her face, leaning down to brush his lips against hers, his tongue traced her mouth. “No one else will ever touch you. No one touches my things, especially my pumpkin.” 

Harley reached up with her free hand, running her fingers along his narrow face. “You belong to me too...no one touches you.” 

Joker laughed. “Oh, I think I like that..Never belonged to anyone before...” He giggled nipping at her chin. “You know I expect to be kept in the style I'm use to or the deal's off.” 

Harley laughed. “Yes sir, Mistah J!” She gave him a mock salute. 

They both started to giggle together, snuggling closer which soon led to their second round of playtime. 

* 

Griggs had seen some of what was going on in the laundry room. The door had a small window in it that allowed a limited view of the room beyond. He could barely hear them. Damn...it sounded hot. He could hear Harley's cries of Joker's name and her screams when she orgasm. 

Griggs leaned against the door angry. She could have been his toy if the Joker hadn't interfered and here he was acting as a wing man to that freak! Just to save his skin...He sighed in frustration when he saw a shadow moved toward him. 

“Who's there?!” Griggs brought his weapon around then stopped when he saw Joe Carny. Carny was a new guard hired in the last six months. Decent enough guy, but Griggs didn't know him that well. Carny raised his hand in greeting. “Hey Griggs, whatcha doing down here?” 

Griggs glanced at the door scrambling for something to say when Carny pulled out a cigarette. “Want one? I come down here to steal a smoke. You won't tell right man?” 

Griggs sighed inwardly. As long as Joker and Harley stayed quiet then he could take a smoke and get rid of Carny easily. 

“Sure man, thanks.” Griggs took the offered cigarette. Carny lit it for him then lit his own taking a long drag on the cigarette. 

“It's way too long between breaks.” Carny sighed. 

Griggs nodded in agreement. “I hear yeah.” 

Griggs frowned taking another drag on his cigarette. He felt a little funny. He frowned glancing at Carny who smiled at him. 

Carny's image seemed to waver in front of Griggs' eyes. 

Carny smiled again. “Sorry man, but someone bigger than the both of us wants Joker dead.” 

Griggs hit the floor hard. 

Carny pulled Griggs away from the door working swiftly. He would get paid when the job was done. Whoever had attempted to kill Joker first had done a lousy job. Carny intended to do better. 

He pulled out the rags he had grabbed from the kitchen and stuffed them along the door's edge. He had disabled the fire alarms before realizing that Joker wasn't in his cell. 

He really had come down here for a smoke, but when he saw Griggs hovering around down here, Carny put two and two together...that had to be where Joker was. Carny emptied the lighter fluid onto the rags then pulled out the matches lighting it and setting the rags on fire. The room on the other side of the door wasn't that big and had no real ventilation...maybe he wouldn't actually have to kill Joker with his bare hands...maybe this little impromptu plan would work...Joker would be dead, he would get paid and the boss would be happy. 

Carny smiled, quickly walking away and dragging Griggs with him.


	7. Set Fire to Everyone

Joker woke up with a hard cough, his lungs feeling as if they were on fire. He choked, coughed, and opened his eyes only to wince in pain. 

He sat up hacking more, squinting his eyes at the smoke filling the room. The smell of burning cloth and hot metal filled the room. 

He wasn't sure how long a fire had been burning, but the room was filled with enough heat and smoke that the fire had to have been going for a decent amount of time. The fact that the alarms hadn't sounded told him this fire had to be deliberate; someone had disabled the alarms. He cursed under his breath, staying low as he got himself into a crouch. He felt until he touched Harley's unmoving form. He reached over and shook Harley violently, hissing at her. 

“Harley! Get up now!” 

When she didn't respond right away he felt something he had never felt before...panic..,fear! He snarled—he never felt fear! With a growl, he shook her again even more violently. 

“HARLEY GET UP!” 

Her eyes flew open and she started coughing. Joker helped her sit up, trying to keep her bent over as much as possible. “Harley, there's a fire—we need to get out or it's going to kill us. You understand?” 

She nodded without turning to look at him. Joker rubbed his hand down her back once before he reached over to grab their clothing. He tossed her jumpsuit at her while he swiftly pulled on his, his eyes narrowed trying to get his bearings. Harley was coughing so badly that he hurried to help her into her own jumpsuit when he saw her struggling. 

She was having trouble keeping her eyes open and he could hear how much she was starting to struggle to breathe already. They didn't have much time. 

Joker reached over to grab one of the thin blankets from their make-shift bed and ripped it with his bare hands pulling off two long strips. 

He handed one to her. “Put this over your nose and mouth.” She nodded doing as he instructed. 

“Stay low, don't stand up if you can help it,” Joker ordered as he took her hand and yanked her with him going for the door in a crab-like crouch. 

When they arrived at the door, he dropped her hand in order to push on and try the knob, only to discover it was locked. The knob itself was extremely hot forcing him to snatch back in hands with a hiss of pain. 

“Fuck...” he muttered. 

He dropped back down to a crouch next to Harley. She was coughing harder, her breath sounding bad as he looked around for a way out. The laundry rooms were located practically in the basement, so of course there were no windows. Joker's mind raced, trying to figure out a way to get them both out of here. He put an arm around Harley; she was becoming weaker and her coughing sounded ragged and taxing. She was going to pass out if he didn't hurry. 

Finally he spied it, a vent set high in the wall. It would be a tight fit, but they could make it work. 

Tugging Harley along with him, Joker pushed her against the wall. 

He held a finger up to her face, his expression stern. “Don't move.” 

He turned around looking up at the vent again. He was going to have to stand up...the smoke was heaviest over their heads. He had to be quick or they were both going to die in here. Joker held his breath, then he stood up swiftly, grabbing the laundry table near them and started to pull it across the room to position it under the vent. 

He dropped back down again when a wave of dizziness hit him. He was losing oxygen fast. 

He let out the breath he had been holding, a fit of coughing hit him hard burning his lungs. 

He had to take a few precious seconds to get the coughing under control before he managed to take another breath. He moved as quickly as he could, climbing onto the table he had pulled over and reaching for the vent. The smoke was making his eyes water. He was having difficultly focusing and the fucking vent was screwed in! He struggled, but luckily nothing in this shit hole was kept up to standard. After a few good desperate pulls, Joker was able to yank the vent free. 

He dropped down lower on the table, a wave of dizziness threatening to take him under. He dug his fingers over the sides of the table forcing himself to stay clear, focus on getting his Harley out. He had to get her out. 

Joker dropped down, making his way swiftly over to Harley. She had fallen sideways. If anyone but him had seen her they would have given her up for dead. He snarled putting his fingers against her throat—there was a heartbeat still. He would be damned if she was going to die. She needed to live! Needed to live for him damn it! 

Joker pulled her up and shook her, getting no response. Then he backhanded her as hard as he could. Her head whipped around, but suddenly she turned back around her blue eyes wide and she snarled at him starting to come at him. 

She could have torn his eyes out if he hadn't grabbed her wrists. He had to smile—that was his girl! A fighter! 

Joker grinned, his voice rough from the smoke. “Sorry pumpkin, you tried to check out. Come on, I got us a way out.” He broke down into a coughing fit. Harley grabbed him holding on. “Joker?” 

He shook his head. “I'm okay. We need to get out of here before we look like a pair of toasted clowns.” 

Joker yanked Harley to her feet, shoving her toward the table. She slammed against the table's edge struggling to pull herself onto the top of the table, but she did it. She reached up to the vent, pulling herself inside with a struggle. Joker crawled up onto the table behind her, giving her a good push up and she was able to crawl inward. Though she lost some skin and earned a new bruise or two, the alternative was far worse. 

He needed to move quickly; he knew he wasn't going to last much longer. He needed to take a breath, but he knew that if he took a breath that might be the one that killed him. The air was now more smoke than oxygen. 

Joker hauled himself up falling forward into the vent, but his strength was leaving him. He started to slip backwards. 

Suddenly a hand clamped down on his arm in an iron hold. Joker's head snapped up to see Harley had somehow managed to turn around to grab his arm. She yanked backwards with all her strength pulling Joker up. He managed to grab onto the edge, pulling with all he had left. Harley scrambled backwards pulling, helping him get into the vent. Joker hit the flat metal knocking the grate he had been holding out. He choked and gasped taking in oxygen trapped in the vent. The air here was still barely breathable, but it was ten times better than what was in the room behind him. 

The duct still had a small amount of clean air, but as fast as the fire's smoke was filling the room behind them, if they didn't move soon they would end up passing out in the venation system. 

Joker choked, pushing at Harley. “Go, go!” he rasped. 

Harley backed up barely getting herself turned back around at the curve in the vent. She started to move as quickly as she could on her hands and knees with Joker right behind her. For a moment, he saw Harley's rear end in front of him, wiggling in front of him. He grinned wide as he thought of a few dirty jokes and started to giggle to himself. 

“While we're trying to save our lives, wanna hear a few jokes? Then if we die it, will be with a laugh.” Joker coughed. 

Harley turned her head just a little. “Sure puddin!” 

Joker snickered. “What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?” 

“I don't know.” Harley coughed. 

“One's a Goodyear the other is a VERY good year.” He giggled. Harley started to laugh, interspersed with hacking coughs. 

“Okay, here's another.” They continued to put distance between themselves and the smokey room, but they were far from safe. “What do a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?” Joker giggled again mixed with a cough. 

Harley giggled and gave up. “What?” 

Joker snickered. “The more you play with it, the harder it gets!” 

Both of them were laughing so hard they were starting to cough more than laugh, but neither of them cared. 

* 

Thomas Armbruster made his way down to the lower levels of the asylum. It was one of the few places in the asylum that didn't need constant guarding since none of the patients were even down there in the evenings. It was also a great place for many of the guards to sneak off for a smoke if it was too cold outside. It was also a great place to grab a few minutes alone time with Maria Andrade, a fellow guard whom he was having a fun fling with...she was gorgeous, dangerous and kinky, just how he liked his women. Except she had asked off tonight, going out with some girlfriends for a bachelorette party. Thomas was a little annoyed, but mostly he found himself missing her. Really missing her. That was when he realized this might be more than a simple fling for him. 

Armbruster decided to grab a smoke and maybe take a few sips from his flask before heading back up to the special cases ward where he was supposed to be on guard. This was his fifteen minute break, so what if it took nearly half an hour...wasn't like any of the freaks were going anywhere. 

Thomas had just gotten to the hall that led down to the laundry rooms when the smell of smoke nearly overwhelmed him. Armbruster threw his arms over his mouth and ran down the hall. Flickering orange light obscured by thick smoke revealed the danger. The flames had consumed the door of one of the laundry rooms and had spread into the hall. 

He turned running back the way he had come, hitting the alarm as he did so, but nothing happened. 

What the hell, he thought. With that, he ran toward one of the nurse's stations to raise the alarm. 

* 

Harley found another vent opening and with some effort, she pushed on it, but nothing was happening. 

“Here—let me help pumpkin.” 

Joker squeezed in next to her and together, despite the cramped confines, they both shoved. The vent screws ripped from the wall so suddenly that it sent the vent flying out into the room below. Harley nearly fell out head first, but Joker grabbed onto her leg, helping to slow down her stumble into the room. He let her drop down to the floor where she collapsed, coughing. 

A second later, Joker dropped down beside her. No sooner had they both fallen from the vent, than they were swarmed by guards. Somehow they had managed to drop down into one of the bunk rooms where the guards could catch a few minutes of rest on their breaks or between long shifts. 

* 

When Harley tumbled out of the vent, the men in room jumped to their feet in shock like a group of scared chickens. But when Joker dropped down, landing in a crouch next to Harley, the guards were all struggling to get their weapons out and aimed at the two of them. 

Joker giggled giving the men his best grin as both he and Harley stayed crouched on the floor, covered in soot, their hands up. 

Harley pouted. “Well this just sucks, puddin.” 

Joker laughed. “Hey boys wanna have a slumber party? Do our nails? Talk about boys we like?” 

One of the men snarled. “Both of you on your knees!” 

Joker frowned. “I'm pretty sure that is where we are already. Unless you're thinking something kinky.” Joker waggled his eyebrows and Harley snorted on a laugh. 

The guards found neither one of them funny. 

Harley and Joker were both grabbed by the backs of their necks and forced to bend forward, their arms yanked behind their backs. 

Joker glanced sideways at Harley. “Geez...I guess no slumber party, party poopers.” 

Harley snickered. “Bunch of wet blankets. I didn't want to do their hair anyway!” 

The two of them started to laugh which pissed off the scared guards. Harley and Joker were hauled to their feet, the guards leading them both off to isolation until it was decided what to do with them and how they had gotten into the ventilation system. 

* 

Dr. Jeremiah Arkham was in his office working late. He really should have gone home by now, but he had gotten caught up in paperwork and hadn't noticed the time. He had just decided that he should try to drive home, maybe get something to eat and a little bit of sleep when there was a knock at his door. Arkham groaned pushing his glasses up sliding his fingers under the frame to rub the bridge of his nose. “Enter.” 

A guard stepped in. Arkham frowned; he couldn't place the man's face or name. 

“Sir, I'm Thomas Armbruster and ah...I was heading down to the laundry area...anyway...sir...there's a fire down there sir and the alarms didn't go off!” 

Arkham blinked, processing what had been said. “A fire? Go hit the sprinklers. Tell Cash!” 

Arkham cursed. A fire—that was all they needed! He was well aware that some of the safety precautions in place to save the lives of inmates were not up to code, but the fire alarms? He had been sure they were in good working order. 

He had just picked up the phone to call the fire department when another guard came into his office. 

Arkham held a finger up stopping the man in his tracks as he spoke into the phone.. 

“Yes, we have a fire, no the alarms haven't gone off! I have no idea, just send a truck!” 

He hung up the phone with a snarl turning to the other guard. “What?” 

The man looked nervous. “Sir, we caught the Joker and Harley Quinn, dropping out of a vent. They were both soot covered...they were fleeing a fire. I mean that's what they said, sir.” 

Arkham snarled. “They were out of their cells? HOW?” He visibly shook his head. “Nevermind. Where are they now?” 

“Ah...we took them down to isolation, sir.” The guard kept glancing over his shoulder clearly wanting to escape. Arkham took a deep breath calming himself before he started to walk out of his office. 

“Take me to them.” 

He pointed at Armbruster. “Get some men down there with fire extinguishers and meet the fire trucks. Was anyone down there?” 

“Not that I know of sir,” Thomas said. 

Arkham nodded. “Good...that's something at least.” 

With that he followed the other guard to isolation. 

* 

Harley slowly pounded her head against the padded wall. She had lost track of time, being made to sit in the darkness. Her arms were bound against her body because of the straight jacket they had forced her into before throwing her into this stupid room. Her lungs and eyes still burned from the smoke and she felt nauseous with a pounding headache as well. The stupid jerks hadn't even sent a nurse in here to check on her. 

She had screamed for Joker until her voice had gone; the burning smoke had made her throat raw and her screaming ended soon after she began. 

Her screaming hadn't really mattered. Her outbursts hadn't provoked any kind of response from the guards and she hadn't heard anything from Joker either. She had to assume he was in isolation too. Harley hadn't heard a sound except her own voice and slightly raspy breathing since she had been thrown in here. Well, that wasn't completely true, Harleen was telling her that the rooms were sound proof, but that had only made Harley scream harder, just to annoy Harleen. 

But now it had been well over an hour since she had been thrown in here and she could hear Harleen's voice, a soft whisper at the back of her mind. It was truly and completely annoying. 

“You know he is trouble,” Harleen whispered 

Harley frowned glaring into the darkness when a shape seemed to emerge from the shadows. There she stood, Harleen Quinzel. Harley stuck her tongue out. “Hallucinations now? Haha, Harleen, some doctor you are.” 

Her other self frowned, giving her a pitiful look. “You know the Joker is always going to be trouble don't you? You shouldn't let this go further. Someone is trying to kill him. 

You don't want to be caught in the crossfire do you?” 

Harley threw herself into a corner of the cell trying to put some distance between her and Harleen. Harleen continued being annoying. “He will only pull you further into his world of crime and madness” 

Harley tried not to look at her hallucination. 

“I love him—besides that's my choice,” she whispered. 

“Do you think he loves you?” Harleen inquired softly. 

Harley grinned. “You know he loves me. You just can't admit to yourself that you're in love with a sociopath. OR that I found someone when you never could!” 

Harley giggled. “All those years only to find yourself in love with a crazy. Well, I love him, I love him just the way he is and you can stuff it, Harleen! I would die for him...I will kill for him and there is nothing you can do about it!” 

The hallucination faded back into the darkness and Harley grinned. Ha! Told her off. Maybe she would take the hint and shove off! Harley giggled to herself, happy with her triumph. 

But then her giggles faded a little, Harley frowned. 

“I thought the voice in your head was suppose to give you good advice, not say stupid stuff like 'Your boyfriend is bad for you,'” she muttered to herself. “Some Jiminy Cricket you are, Harleen. You suck.” 

With that she curled into her corner, closing her eyes tightly imagining Joker there with her, his arms around her, his lips on her mouth...and other places. 

* 

In the isolation cell next to Harley, Joker threw himself against the door again, snarling. 

“Where is she??!!” 

He was in a straight jacket too. Which didn't really bother him. It was Harley he was upset about. He knew he should remain calm or he would lose his ability to have time with Harley...no time in the yard, eating together...sessions...if he didn't calm down, but when they had dragged her away kicking and screaming, after forcing her into the straightjacket, something more snapped in him. 

He did not want anyone touching his woman! His Harley! If they hurt her there would be hell to pay! The discomforts of burning lungs, burning eyes, and pounding head forgotten while his attention was on his Harley. 

Joker's teeth were covered in blood from where they had split his lip when he pounded his head against the door, giving him a morbid smile when the door to his cell was finally opened. 

In walked Dr. Arkham with Dr. Strange right behind him. 

Joker walked backwards until he hit a wall, then slid down grinning all the while. 

“Oh, is it visiting hours? And here I am without having set out tea and we are fresh out of biscuits!” He giggled. 

Arkham frowned running a hand down his tie. “What do you know about the fire in one of the older laundry rooms?” 

Joker tilted his head to the side. “Me, why would I know anything?” He grinned, the light coming from the doorway made his blood covered teeth glow. 

Strange stepped forward though careful to keep his distance. “We put the fire out, but we found several puzzling things. First the door was locked from the outside and some old cloth had been used to start the fire under the door to the laundry room. Inside the laundry room we found bedding and grape soda....” 

Joker smiled brightly. “Really? How very odd.” 

Arkham cleared his throat. “Look, if you tell us why you and Miss Quinn were there or how you broke the fire alarms and why you started the fire, you won't be made to stay here in isolation for the next week.” 

Joker sighed. “If I told you I had nothing to do with the fire alarms or the fire, would you believe me?” 

Strange frowned. “So did you?” 

Joker grinned. “Nope.” 

Arkham glanced sideways at Strange. “What about the bed and soda?” 

Joker smiled. “Well, I might have had something to do with that...I was entertaining! Not a lot of places I can recommend for a night out on the town with your girl. I would give the laundry room four stars. Though the entertainment was top-notch...until the fire.” Joker giggled. 

Strange took Arkham by the arm and pulled him back toward the doorway. 

“I don't think Joker had anything to do with the fire, but it is clear someone helped him and Miss Quinn have their...rendezvous. I also wonder if the fire wasn't designed to...” 

He glanced back over his shoulder at Joker who was laying on his back staring up at the ceiling and humming a nursery rhyme to himself. “I think the fire may have been designed to rid us of two patients.” 

Arkham groaned again, pushing his glasses up to rub his nose. “Wonderful...we have attempted murder? Are you sure?” 

Strange shrugged. “No...but it makes sense. I'm sure there are a lot of people who want Joker dead.” 

Arkham glanced over his shoulder at Joker as well. “So what do you suggest we do?” 

Strange smiled. “Put them back in their cells. Let nature run its course.” 

Arkham frowned. “Are you serious, Strange? But this person could endanger the lives of the other patients, the staff....” 

Strange shrugged. “Acceptable losses if it rids us, and Gotham, of him.” Strange indicated Joker with a twirk of his head. 

Arkham frowned rubbing his chin. “What if someone finds out?” 

Strange chuckled. “Who is going to find out? And who is going to care?” 

Arkham didn't look happy, but he sighed. “Fine, but this is all on you. I don't want to hear about it.” 

Strange nodded. “Don't worry. At the best, Joker will be dead. The worst, we get ourselves a new inmate.” 

Arkham played with his tie. “What about the two of them? Relationships between patients are strictly forbidden.” 

Strange smiled. “Harley Quinn can be used to control Joker. We should exploit that resource.” 

Arkham sighed, seeming to twitch a little as he stepped out of the cell. “Put Joker and Harley Quinn back in their cells after they've been to medical.” 

The guards all looked shocked, but nodded. 

Strange smiled at Arkham's back before he turned to look at Joker only to find Joker staring at him, his gaze hard, his smile wide and his teeth bloody.


	8. Multiple Tiny Plans

When the guards came to move Harley back to her cell, she was ready for them. Harleen had left her alone to plan her attack. So when the first guard entered the padded cell, Harley was prepared to take them out... 

The guard stepped in cautiously, his stun baton at the ready with a nurse right behind him along with another guard. The room was dark, the only light coming from the open door. None of them saw her until Harley suddenly leapt out of the darkness. 

She was still in her straight jacket when she ran straight at the guard, headbutting him in the stomach with a gleeful laugh. The next few moments were a fight to get Harley down on her back; she was not making it easy. She kicked, bit, and fought for all she was worth until the two guards got her pinned on her back. One of them sitting on her stomach, the other holding her shoulders down. 

The guards holding her were a little surprised at her attack. Until now, she hadn't really been all that much trouble for the staff...but now...one could only imagine what she would do if her hands had been free. One of the guards made a face while the nurse rushed over to give the injection to their violent patient that would calm her enough to be moved. 

“You think this has something to do with her being with the Joker?” 

The guard holding her shoulders blinked. “She is the Joker's girl? Seriously?” 

The other guard nodded. “That's what I heard.” 

The guard at her shoulders looked shocked. “Wow...somehow didn't think the Joker was....anyway...” 

Both guards muttered. “Wow.” 

* 

In the cell next to hers, six guards accompanied the nurse into the Joker's room. He sat quietly in a corner humming Jingle Bells to himself. He gave them all a smile. 

“Oh, you don't need that. I'm perfectly happy to cooperate.” 

They injected him anyway. 

* 

When Harley woke up she was back in her cell. She was still groggy and sore all over from her little fight with the guards. After a moment, she pushed herself out of her bed and wandered over to the grate between her cell and Joker's. She flopped against the wall and let herself slide down, then flopped over onto her stomach so she could look through the vent. 

“Puddin? You there?” 

“I'm here pumpkin.” 

Harley's heart rate increased with joy and she nearly chocked on a sob. He was there and he was all right! She had been so worried that something had happened to him. She reached through and was rewarded by the feel of his fingers against hers. 

They were both quiet, just holding their fingers against each other. Harley was the one to speak first. “So what are we going to do?” 

She could hear the smile in his voice. 

“Well...I think I might have to have a talk with our mutual friend Griggs.” 

Harley frowned. “You think it was him?” 

Joker snorted. “No, but he saw who it was...and I want him to tell me.” 

“What if he doesn't?” Harley stroked his fingers. 

“Oh, he'll tell me.” Joker snickered. 

“I want you to be careful.” His voice held a serious tone. “Whoever is after me knows about you...they will try to use you to get to me,” he warned her and added, “At least that's what I would do.” He giggled. 

“I will be careful, puddin.” Harley stroked his fingers. 

Joker laughed. “That's my girl.” 

* 

Joker and Harley were confined to their cells for two days until it was determined as much as possible that they had not started the fire themselves. Joker had laughed telling Harley they were being “grounded.” 

Joker told her that the main reason they were not “grounded” longer or put back in solitary confinement was mostly because Strange was hoping the would-be-killer would take a shot at him in the yard or something equally final. He figured Strange saw this as an opportunity. The killer would either succeed and the world would supposedly be a better place, or Strange could snag himself another killer for his collection of psychos here at Arkham. 

Either way, as far as Harley was concerned, it was only two days of atonement before she had the opportunity to see Joker again in the flesh. 

* 

The following day, Harley was waiting for her lunch to be brought to her. Her last day before she and Joker were allowed to resume their regular scheduled “mixing” with the other inmates. Harley had not seen Griggs at all since that wonderful night with Joker. She had no idea if puddin had gotten to talk to the slimey guard or not. 

A female guard had been bringing Harley her meals and she was not much of a talker. 

As Harley sat on the floor of her cell with her tray, making a face when she saw she got Jello again with no spoon, a slip of paper fluttered to the floor to land at her feet. 

Harley frowned picking up the note; for a moment her heart started racing thinking it might be from Joker. When she opened it, a piece of hard candy fell out. Harley giggled happily opening it up and sticking it in her mouth as she began to read. 

* 

I heard about what happened. I can't believe that jerk Joker almost got you killed. 

I am so happy you are alright. 

Always Yours, 

Jack 

* 

Harley frowned. Jack Ryder? What did he want? With a giggle Harley tossed the note into a corner and began to eat her lunch. 

* 

When Carny learned that Joker and his woman had survived, he knew his boss would be angry—extremely angry. And indeed the boss was extremely...Carny received orders to eliminate the one witness and to put a bounty on the Joker's head. The bounty information was to be circulated among Arkham's underground system....the most well-known secret in the asylum among inmates and guards. 

Maybe where a one person attack had failed twice, an offer of a large amount of money to anyone who could kill the Joker would produce better results. Carny was not happy about this, but he put the word out as ordered. He would not let his boss down again, because he knew that another chance would not be given. He was lucky to still be alive and he planned on staying that way. 

* 

Late that night somewhere in Gotham, Batman dropped down next to Gordon at the scene of a crime. A murder. Not just any murder, but the murder of a guard who worked at Gotham. While the police might see this as what it appeared to be, a drug deal gone wrong, Batman saw it as deliberate. A guard at Arkham being murdered? There had to be something going on at Arkham Asylum (there was always something happening at Arkham) and it was up to him to find out what. 

* 

The following day Joker and Harley were allowed back into the general population. Harley had taken extra care with her hair, wearing it down in long golden blonde waves. 

She didn't have a mirror, but she hoped it looked nice. 

Her thoughts were filled with her one night with Joker, making her all squirmy with delight. 

She was escorted to the yard by a new guard, Sarah Cassidy. 

“You're new.” Harley grinned. 

Cassidy, a good six feet tall, blonde, and who looked as if she could handle herself shrugged. “New to you.” 

Harley frowned. “So where's Griggs?” 

Cassidy shrugged again. “No idea.” 

Harley bounced a little. “Do you know if Joker is in the yard?” 

Cassidy made a disgusted face. “No idea.” 

Harley giggled happily. “I hope so.” 

Cassidy sighed. “You are crazy.” 

Harley grinned, bright her blue eyes sparkling. “Yeah, I know!” 

* 

Once in the yard Harley danced out into the gray-tinged sunlight full of excitement! 

It had rained the night before and today was cool and gray, but she was still outside! But when she scanned the area her heart dropped. Joker was not here yet. Harley seemed to deflate like a balloon. She thought Harleen might pop up and say something stupid, but thankfully she said nothing today. 

Ryder saw Harley enter the yard and he grinned. Joker was not around, so now was his opportunity to romance her. He glanced around until he found a patch of dandelions growing against the wall. He hurried over and started to pick the yellow flowers, gathering them up into a bouquet. 

* 

Harley had found a place to sit that put her in the middle of the yard so she could watch for Joker. She was unaware of the eyes on her. News that someone was willing to pay to have the Joker killed had quickly circulated the asylum. The news that Harley Quinn was Joker's girl had also spread around the asylum swiftly. That information gave many of Joker's enemies—many who populated the asylum—some ideas....get the Joker by going through his woman...she could be used to lure Joker into places he would normally stay away from... 

A handful of guards had also heard about the bounty on Joker's head—the guards who couldn't be trusted, who dealt with the underground network at work in the asylum supplying inmates with drugs, smokes or other small “treats” in exchange for cash and favors on the outside with the big-wigs any number of the criminal elements here in Arkham worked with. A few of them saw Harley as a gateway to taking care of Joker too and a possible windfall of cash that would allow whoever took care of Joker to quit this nasty job at Arkham. 

* 

Harley, unaware of any of this, sat cross-legged holding her ankles and rocking back and forth waiting for her Joker to appear, when she heard a ruckus going on behind her. She turned to look over her shoulder, and saw that green lady, Ivy, snarling at that guy Ryder. The way Ivy was standing over him, it looked like the situation was going to turn into a full on fight in a minute. 

Harley looked around; the guards hadn't noticed the brewing fight. Harley made an annoyed pouting face. She figured it was up to her to stop a fight from breaking out. If there was a ruckus, the yard would be cleared out and no Joker time!! She could not have that! She didn't really care anything about saving Ryder from the plant chick, but she did care about her precious time with her puddin! 

Harley jumped to her feet and dashed over to the two inmates. Ivy had pushed Ryder up against the wall snarling. 

“How dare you hurt those babies!” 

Harley danced over, the picture of sunshiny innocence. “Hey guys—what's up?” 

Ivy turned on her and hissed. “This meat bag was picking flowers!” 

Ryder frowned. “They're just dandelions—geez!” 

Ivy hissed again. “Why were you picking them?! It kills them and I can still hear their cries of pain!” 

Ryder looked confused. “I wanted to give a pretty lady some flowers.” 

With that he handed the dandelions to Harley. 

Harley giggled. “Daw...that's sweet.” 

Ivy glared at her. Harley made a face. “Yeah, okay. No picking flowers, okay Ryder?” 

She handed the flowers to Ivy who took them gently in her palms, her face crumbling. 

Harley felt really bad. “I'm sorry about the flowers.” 

Ivy stroked them then glanced up at Harley. “Thank you. You didn't kill them...he did!” 

With that Ivy walked away from the two of them. 

Ryder grinned at her. “Thanks for saving my butt there.” 

Harley shrugged. “No problem.” 

She started to walk away, but Ryder reached out grabbing her hand. 

“I meant the flowers for you...did you get my note?” Ryder tugged her close. Harley put her hands against his chest when he spun her around. 

“Hey, I'm seeing Joker, didn't I tell you that before?” She tried to pull away, but he put an arm around her waist. 

“You should give me a chance darling.” Ryder smiled, making Harley sigh with exasperation. Yeah, Ryder wasn't bad looking, but he was no Joker. Ryder seemed to sense this and leaned in close to her ear. “You haven't seen my alter ego...you might like him even more.” He went to kiss her ear, but Harley pushed harder. 

“You know, the flowers were sweet and all, but I'm a one lunatic girl!” She pushed hard enough that she broke his hold on her. 

Ryder trembled for a moment and Harley watched in fascination as his skin took on a decidedly yellow tint. 

“You like the crazy ones, don't you?” Ryder grinned. 

Harley glanced around, but no one was paying any attention to them. She was about to kick him in the nuts when suddenly an arm appeared around Ryder's neck. “Isn't this the second time you've tried to pick up my girl? I don't I like my things being touched. Didn't you know that? I thought everyone knew that—I am not really the sharing type,” Joker hissed in Ryder's ear. 

“No, my dear friend, tell me this is not going to be a problem is it?” Joker kept a hand on Ryder as he loosened his arm from around Ryder's throat and slowly walked around to face him, his elegant fingered hand on Ryder's shoulder. 

Ryder glared. “Maybe you should let Harley decide.” 

Harley jumped up and down waving her hand in the air like she had the answer to a question in school. “I choose Joker!!” 

The other inmates were watching, a couple of them moving closer. If a fight was going to start...perfect chance to get the Joker. The guards were only half watching. One or two started to move over there to break up the developing fight, only to have their fellow guards put their hands on them, holding the “good” guards back. 

* 

Joker walked over to Harley wrapping an arm around her waist and yanked her against him causing Harley to squeal with delight. He kissed her hard, his other hand cradling the side of her face while he dipped her back a little. Harley melted like hot butter, wrapping her arms around his neck. Joker pulled away from her mouth turning to smile at Ryder. 

“I think the lady has made her choice, Ryder—unless you want to contest it? I mean, I really enjoy games! We could do a battle of tick-tack-toe...or jumping jacks...” 

Harley giggled. “Ooo I think you should do hopscotch!! Except it doesn't matter who wins, I'm still going with puddin!” 

Joker snorted, but put a hand to his chest trying to look upset. “You doubt my skills at hopscotch pumpkin?” 

“Never puddin!!” She giggled and was about to throw her arms around Joker when one of the other inmates grabbed her around the waist from behind and yanked her back off her feet tossing her to the guy behind him. 

Harley yelped in shock. “PUDDIN!” 

Joker jumped back; the shiv the man had shoved at him just barely missed slicing Joker across the stomach. Harley started yelling as she was hauled off her feet and passed back to yet another patient, until she was dropped... 

Oh, that's how it's going to be?! she thought. They didn't see her as a threat?? Well, she was going to change that! 

As the small group of inmates swarmed Joker, Harley jumped onto the back of the nearest one, her grip around his neck deadly while she started to beat him with her free arm, her legs wrapped around his middle, ankles locked. 

“LEAVE MY PUDDIN ALONE!!” Harley screamed. 

Instead of what could have been an organized crowd of about seven men attacking Joker, easily killing him together, turned into chaos. Harley's scream acted as a war cry causing each man to struggle to be the one who would earn the reward by killing the Joker himself—which only made the situation that much easier for Joker. 

* 

The guards saw what was about to happen, but none of them made a move to stop it. A couple of them even started taking wagers on who would win the fight about to erupt. The other inmates that happened to be in the yard backed away, not wanting to get caught in Joker's fight. Ivy ignored the whole thing, only thinking on it long enough to hope all the meat bags killed one another. 

* 

For just a moment Ryder considered jumping in to help but he knew these inmates were not after Harley, they were after Joker and with any luck, they would kill the lunatic, leaving Harley all for him. 

* 

Joker grinned,, jumping backwards swiftly. He blocked several strikes, using only his arms. He giggled as he dodged easily, dropping backwards to catch himself by one hand. Then he pushed himself up, grabbing that inmate's wrist, and with a wicked twist he broke that man's wrist, twisting it hard enough that bone ripped through the flesh. The man fell back crying out in agony, his shiv falling. Joker grabbed the instrument before it hit the ground and held it backwards against his left wrist. He moved like a dancer, dodging another attack, coming up with a grace forward swing of his left arm and sliced the next inmate across the throat, blood raining down the front of that man's jumpsuit soaking it red instantly. 

Joker laughed as he danced past that man, easily slicing open the wrist of another man before shoving him into two of his friends. 

Harley bit down on the ear of the man she struggled with, and pulled backward with a vicious snarl. As she ripped the man's ear off, she noted the blood flying in a beautiful arc of red against the drearier dull sunlit sky. She spit the ear out, hopping down with a playful, bloody grin. The one-eared patient staggered away from her, in agony and dizzy from the blows she had landed on his head. 

Joker laughed. “You are beautiful!” 

He called to her just before one of the remaining four inmates grabbed Joker from behind. The man was large, built like a brick privy and clearly strong. He pinned Joker's arms behind him easily. 

The man yelled. “Someone gut him!!” 

One of the remaining four started to go for Joker, but Harley leapt onto that one's back too, digging her fingers into his hair and scalp. The man screamed as Harley ripped pieces of his scalp out with her fingernails. 

“Someone get this bitch off of me!!!” 

Another member of the group of would-be assassins came at Harley, but she dropped down from her newest victim to turn her attention on this guy. She smiled, her teeth still stained with blood, her fingernails bloody. 

“Wanna play with me?” she asked in her most seductive voice. 

The man stopped for half a second. Which was half a second too long. Harley quickly moved in close to grab him around his privates. She wrapped her other arm around his neck pulling his face close to hers so he could get a very good view of her bloodstained lips and teeth while she squeezed with all her strength. 

“I want you to remember something...no one hurts my Mistah J.,” Harley hissed just before she yanked her hand downward. The way the man screamed and the blood that instantly stained his jumpsuit, it was clear that Harley had ripped something. She let go of him and stepped away with a wide grin. 

The one she had almost scalped with her fingers, charged her in the seconds it took for Harley to emasculate the one patient. This one came charging toward her with his makeshift knife in one hand, his other hand balled into a fist. He stabbed at her, but Joker, who was fighting with his two opponents yelled. 

“Harley baby, behind you!” 

She spun on the balls of her feet striking out with her bloody hands, grabbing the arm with the knife just before it hit her. Despite the warning and her quick reflexes, she still received a puncture wound in the side of her stomach. She gasped in pain, her eyes going wide at the sudden shock. 

* 

The sound of Harley's gasp of pain caused Joker to snarl in sudden anger. 

“HARLEY!” 

He had been playing with these last two men, but now he was going to kill them all. 

The guards who had been watching looked at one another with questioning expressions...should they stop this? Their orders had been from Strange...any attacks on Joker were to run their course, but this had gotten pretty bloody. One of the guards shrugged. “Strange said let it run its course. I say: let it run.” He turned around and went back to walking the perimeter. 

The youngest of the guards looked uncomfortable, but he was not going to go against the senior guard so he said nothing. 

* 

Joker dropped his weight, causing the big man holding him to lose his balance. Once Joker had him off balance, he twisted around, grabbed his fellow inmate by the hair and twisted around, driving him into the ground. Joker threw his leg over the man's shoulders, grabbed his head by both ears and started pounding his head, into the ground. Joker snarled as he kept pounding until splatters of blood started to appear. The other man's eyes widened and he backed off running to the guards. 

“Someone do something—he's crazy!!” 

Joker laughed hysterically until he was finished with the man in a matter of seconds, blood and brains leaking into the grass. 

Harley was struggling with her last man. She had grip on his arm with the blade, just barely managing to prevent him from sliding the sharp metal any further into her. He smiled at her. 

“You know sweetheart, if you want, I could take you under my wing once the Joker is dead. You could be my little toy instead. I'll treat you right, I promise.” Harley hissed. “No one touches me but Mistah J!” 

The man started to say something else, but suddenly a pair of long elegant fingers where wrapped around his head from behind, the forefingers over his eyes. He heard Joker laugh behind him. 

“You heard my pumpkin. She's a one man lunatic.” 

With that, Joker squeezed. 

* 

One of the guards, a new man named Crispius Allen, stepped in to see Dr. Strange. Strange was watching the yard from a monitor that connected directly into all the security cameras throughout the asylum. It had been easy to convince Dr. Arkham to allow him this sort of access. Arkham really didn't want to be bothered with the patients—he was more concerned with administration, the everyday running of such a large establishment. 

Strange was smiling, watching how Joker and Harley Quinn dealt with the sudden attack. Allowing Joker and Harley back into general population had been a brilliant idea. The killer, whoever he or she was, was clearly becoming desperate or annoyed since they had simply put a bounty on the Joker's head. Strange was curious to see what exactly would happen. This, the fight in the main exercise yard was just an unorganized, spur of the moment attack. He was hoping to see some of the more “famous” inmates of the asylum try to kill Joker, to see the cream of the crop in action. 

Strange glanced up in disgust with Allen who had burst through his door without knocking. 

“Yes?” Strange looked over the top of his round glasses at the young guard. 

“Sir, there's a fight in the yard and well...I think several patients might be dead.” 

Strange sighed. He had counted on the guards' ambivalence to allow the fight to play out to its natural conclusion, but it only took one “goodie two shoes” to use the slang, to ruin it for everyone. 

“Alright, go find Cash,” Strange said with a hint of annoyance in his tone. “I want everyone taken to medical.” 

The young guard looked relieved. “Thank you sir!” He quickly hurried off. Strange sighed. Oh well...there would be another time. Here at Arkham, there was always another time. 

* 

When the guards finally got involved, three inmates were dead, the rest badly hurt. Joker had some deep slashes that needed stitches and Harley had a puncture wound that needed to be tended to as well. Joker was cradling her against him. His hand was over her wound and her head was against his chest, her eyes closed. When the guards tried to separated them, Joker only whispered in a deadly quiet voice. 

“Any of you touch her, I will personally rip your eyes out and eat them.” 

Then he laughed squeezing Harley against him before he stood up, hefting her into his arms.


	9. Hospital Romance

Harley was pissed when she woke up. Not only had she gotten stabbed, but she had passed out in front of Joker. How embarrassing. 

Her eyes had fluttered open, then she winded and close them again. Whoever had turned the light on in the room was a jerk as far as she was concerned! It was far too bright! That was when she heard Joker's laugh. For a moment she just let the sound roll over her. She loved his laugh—it made her feel good all over, like a caress over her skin and soul. She rolled her head toward the sound. When she started to move her arms, she realized that she was handcuffed to a hospital bed, oxygen tubes up her nose and aching all over. All the sensations raced over her at once, once she became more conscious. When she got her eyes to open though, she couldn't help but grin when she saw Joker handcuffed in the bed next to her. 

“Puddin!” Her voice was a little hoarse. 

Joker smiled. “Take it easy darling. You only got out of surgery an hour ago.” 

“Surgery?” Harley frowned confused. 

Joker nodded, his head lying on the pillow, but he was smiling brightly. 

“Yep, they cut you open like a fish! Apparently you had some internal bleeding, not bad they said which is good because I threatened to gut all of them if they didn't fix you right up.” 

He grinned at her. 

She could see he was shirtless at the moment...which was really nice to see, especially after coming out surgery. He had a great body...which had her drug addled mind wandering to their time together in the laundry room....which in turn gave her a big goofy grin on her face, but while her eyes wandered over what she could see of his torso, she saw he was bandaged here and there on his arms, across his stomach and one long one across his chest. 

Joker followed her gaze. 

“Ah just a few stitches pumpkin, nothing to fret about. How are you feeling my peach?” 

Harley smiled. “A little drugged.” 

She giggled and Joker started laughing with her. They both reached out toward each other, stretching their fingers as far as they could, but they were simply too far away to touch. Harley pouted, but Joker gave her an encouraging smile. 

“Soon my precious...soon...You'll have to let me see your scar.” He waggled his eyebrows at her which had her laughing then wincing in pain, but she couldn't stop the giggles. 

It wasn't long after that, that the doctors filed in to check on the both of them. Joker was quiet, staring at them and grinning that huge scary smile of his. It even gave Harley the chills watching the way he stared at them. These were all student doctors, apparently brought in to do a round of service at the local loony bin as part of the training. Poor idiots, thought Harley. 

One of the young women—she couldn't have been more then twenty-five or so—was pulling the bandage back on Joker and examining the stitches used on the slash across his chest. The doctor was explaining the reasoning behind the type of stitch used when the young woman glanced at Joker. She was close enough that he could take a bite out of her if he wanted. Instead he grinned and said in a faint whisper.

“Boo.” 

Which made her jump and stumble into her fellow students standing behind her, all of them letting out shrieks which had Joker howling with laughter. 

Joker laughed. “Ahh...why so serious!!” The terrified student doctors just stared at him. 

His laughter made him tear up. “ Your faces!” He laughed kicking his legs for a moment. 

“Oh shit! My stitches!! Ow!” 

He continued to laugh as the doctor leading the students ordered one of them to check the patient's stitches and to apply new bandages. 

Harley was watching the whole thing and started laughing too. She was laughing so hard that at one point she had to hold her sides afraid she was going to pop her own stitches. 

* 

Later that night, the medical ward was fairly quiet with only a couple of guards on duty, a handful of nurses and at least one doctor. If there were any other patients, they were not being kept in the same room as Joker and Harley. 

It had taken some doing, but Harley had convinced one of the nurses to move her bed closer to Joker. At first the nurse had just given Harley a look that clearly stated that the nurse thought she was crazy. 

“Seriously! We just want to hold hands! We're both handcuffed—I mean how can we possibly get away??” Harley had put her bottom lip out in a huge pout. 

The nurse, a woman named Dorothy Duncan, frowned glancing between the two of them. Joker stuck his lip out too. “Please!! She's my pooh bear.” 

Harley stuck out her tongue. “He's my puddin!” 

Duncan rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. They were crazy, they were dangerous, but they were clearly in love and she was not going to stand in the way of love...even in this mad house. So she moved Harley's bed over to Joker's. 

“You two can stay that way until the next shift. I'll request you stay like this, but its up to them after I get off. Long as you two don't cause any trouble you should be fine.” 

Harley beamed. “Thank you, Nurse Duncan!” 

Joker chuckled. “Yes, thank you Nurse Duncan, you are a dear!” 

Nurse Duncan smiled and left them alone. Harley immediately reached out to find Joker's hand already out waiting for hers. She grinned at him happily as Joker wove his fingers with hers. 

“You should get some sleep now...sleepy time for little clowns.” 

She giggled. “What if I'm not sleepy?” 

“Oh you are.” He grinned brightly and started to hum. The tune was something familiar, but she couldn't quite place it. But lying there holding his hand, listening to him, she found she was a little tired. Before she was aware of it, she had fallen asleep. Joker kept a hold of her hand even though it was now limp in his...he smiled watching her sleep. His harlequin was a little firecracker. He grinned wider—she was perfect. He thought about how he was going to kill anyone who touched her. Then he thought about him touching her... 

He closed his hand holding hers, letting himself drift. 

* 

It was sometime after three a.m. when Joker's eyes flew open. He wasn't sure what had woken him, but he felt something different in the air around them. Someone who wasn't suppose to be here was here. He didn't move, keeping his eyes mostly hooded. His eyes searched for the figure he knew was already in the shadows. 

Finally, after remaining still for nearly half an hour he saw it, movement, just a shifting of position. Whoever it was knew the quality of patience, but Joker could play this game too. He didn't move—though his hand was still out holding Harley's—but the other hand, cuffed to the bed, he started to work free. His movements were slow, surreptitious, and deliberate. 

Joker had to press his lips together to prevent himself from laughing. He knew exactly who it was...the shadow was short and there was a slight waddle to his movements. Finally, Joker was bored with watching Penguin, who was clearly trying to decide whether to make a move or not. 

“I see you Pengy.” Joker's voice was a sibilant hiss. 

Penguin jumped a foot which had Joker laughing. “I'm way out of your league birdboy. Go back to your little cage, birdy.” 

Penguin snarled. “Shut the fuck up, clown. I could kill you if I wanted to! You're chained to that bed! Not like you could stop me.” 

Joker snickered. “I don't need my hands free to stop you, ya fat little bird.” 

With that Joker snapped his teeth together with a sharp click. 

Penguin squawked and hurried off the way he had come without making a sound. Joker snickered. “Stupid birdboy.” He glanced over at Harley who was sleeping peacefully. 

The spike of vicious protectiveness that flared in him was strange, but not unwelcome. She belonged to him and he would protect her. Joker dropped her hand carefully and then with a few movements he had yanked his wrist out of the handcuff. . He sat up and stretched his arms over his head, he then slipped out of his bed and went to Harley. 

* 

He crawled in next to her, curling his body around her as he did so, his arms carefully encircling her. Harley murmured. “Puddin?” 

Joker kissed her ear. “Yes?” 

She rolled over to look at him her smile sleepy and tender. “What're you doing?” 

He chuckled. “Oh nothing.” He curled her against him. 

“You're going to get in trouble.” Harley started to sit up, but Joker pulled her back down. “Shhh...They'll never know...” He kissed her, a soft tender kiss with just enough passion to make her insides heat up and her blood start to rush through her. 

“Hmmm...puddin...” Harley curled into his kiss. Joker caressed her face with the back of his fingers deepening his kiss, dragging his fingers from her cheek down her side, careful of the bandage around her middle. He snaked his hand under her hospital gown, sliding between her legs. Harley made a series of soft little mewls of want when he started to touch her, very gently. 

“Tell me when to stop,” he whispered. 

Harley didn't move with her usual vigor because of the wound, but her hips still thrust with slow movements. Her was voice low and thick. “Don't stop, don't ever stop...” 

Joker giggled. “That's my girl...” His fingers moved slowly; he wasn't rushing and he didn't want her to exert herself too much. His mouth eased from her lips to her breasts, mouthing her hard nipples through the fabric of the hospital gown. 

She made the most delicious sounds while his fingers rubbed against her clitoris slowly, her breathing became more rapid, her hips started to move faster. The fingers of one of her hands were digging into his back while Joker worked his fingertips over her. 

Joker chuckled. “Easy there precious...take it easy, just let me take care of you...when you're ready I will make you feel even better....” 

Harley moaned, his voice was warm and liquid dripping down her skin, slowly creating its own sensual pressure. 

He rolled his fingertips over her, keeping his movements deliberately slow and evocative. Harley gasped, her orgasm rolling over her. 

Joker licked his lips watching her climax, noting the healthy pink that flooded her cheeks. He ran his tongue along the edge of his teeth at the moment his fingers pushed into her warm wetness. Harley groaned louder, her body clamping down around his fingers. Joker started to pull them out, but just when she thought he was going to stop, she felt the delicious thrust of his fingers into her again. 

Her moan was soft, but so deep and needy that Joker's hips jerked against her. 

His fingers continued their gentle thrusting, the pad of his thumb stroking across her clitoris. Harley hissed with pleasure, another intense orgasm moving through her. 

Joker chuckled, the vibration rushing over her breast where his teeth were playing with her nipple through the cloth of her hospital gown. 

Just when she thought she could take no more, Joker pulled his fingers away and slid under her covers, crawling down under the blankets. 

“Puddin?” Harley pushed herself to her elbows, but all she could see was his shape moving under the blankets, the squeak of the hospital bed, the feel of him peeling back her hospital gown and the delicate flick of his tongue against her swollen womanhood. 

“Oh Joker!!” Her groan was a little louder than he expected, but it brought a huge smile to his face. His tongue moved slower than his fingers had, soft sweet, tantalizing licks that caused tremors in her body. The very tip of his tongue teased her with the figure eights he was drawing against her, then he slipped his fingers into her again. Harley jerked her hips against him coming again with a barely suppressed wail. 

She moaned, curling in against Joker. He grinned enjoying the feel of her soft thighs against his cheeks, the sound of the handcuffs clinking against the metal bars of the hospital bed when she orgasm. 

He crawled back up her body. His lips wet with her fluids and chuckled softly. “There now, go back to sleep.” 

Harley looked down at his head peeking out from under the sheets, his green hair a mess, a wolf eating grin on his face. 

“What about you?” She panted a little while Joker shifted his position to lay beside her again. Harley curled into him and he wrapped his arms around her. 

“Oh soon pumpkin...soon, when you're better you can make it up to me all you like.” Joker kissed the top of her head with another soft laugh. 

* 

The next morning the guards arrived to move Joker back to his cell. What they were not counting on was the fit Harley would have...When they got him up and started making him put on a straightjacket Harley screamed. 

“DON”T YOU LAY A HAND ON MY PUDDIN!!” She started to thrash around, which had the doctor rushing to her side. “Put the man back! Right now!” The doctor yelled. He was an unusually skinny man with a large pair of glasses that made him look like a bug. One of the guards started to protest. 

“We're to take Joker back to his cell.” 

“I don't care what you're suppose to do, he stays here. My other patient is going to rip her stitches out and I need her to stay calm. If keeping this one here keeps her calm, then he stays!” 

The guard started to protest, but the doctor snarled. “Go fetch Dr. Arkham now!” 

* 

Arkham was in his office having tea and a discussion with Strange when a young nurse came to the door. “Sir, we have a problem in medical.” 

Arkham groaned glancing at Strange. “I swear, lately this place is having more issues...” He took a breath looking back at the young nurse. “Alright, what is it?” 

“Sir, the guards came to take the Joker back to his cell, but our other patient from the fight, Harley Quinn—she threw a fit and started to scream, threatening everyone...and...she doesn't' want the Joker moved and Dr. McKenzie is afraid Ms. Quinn will pull her stitches. He ordered the guards to leave him, Joker, in the medical wings.” 

Arkham rolled his eyes shoving his glasses up to rub the bridge of his nose. Strange reached across the table and patting his friend's arm. 

“Let the Joker stay Arkham, spare yourself the stress. We will simply increase the guards.” Strange smiled. 

Arkham frowned, staring at Strange. For a moment Strange felt a little uncomfortable. There was definitely something off about Arkham lately. Not that Strange was complaining. The fact that Arkham seemed, distracted, was allowing him more freedom and control in the asylum, but part of him wondered what was up with his “boss.” 

Arkham nodded. “Fine then, yes. Joker can stay in medical for the time being.” 

The nurse smiled. “Thank you, Dr. Arkham.” With that she hurried off. 

Strange watched her go then got to his feet. “Maybe I should go check on Quinn and Joker.” 

“Yes, please. I do so appreciate it Hugo.” Arkham smiled. 

Strange inclined his head slightly. “Never a problem Jeremiah.”


	10. Every Move you Make

After nearly a week in the hospital wing of the asylum, Harley was finally released. It was a shame really, because Harley was enjoying getting to share her bed every night with Joker. Every morning he was chased back to his own bed and they were both lectured, threatened with solitary, which had led to more guards being put in and outside the room, or both of Joker's hands being handcuffed to the bed...a variety of other lengths were tried to keep Joker in his bed, but he always managed to maneuver around them. 

Harley found it pretty hilarious. 

Harley thought they should count themselves lucky Joker didn't feel like killing the whole nursing staff and the doctors because he easily could have...it did make Harley wonder why he stayed in Arkham. It seemed to her that he could probably leave whenever he felt like it, but he continued to let them yell and threaten him back to his hospital bed every morning with only the barest of protests or threats. 

Then that evening she would giggle as he pulled her covers back and nestled into bed with her, nibbling on her shoulder, or finding his way lower down her body and nibbling something else. 

Those nights in the hospital wing had to be the best nights Harley had ever experienced. 

* 

Once she was back in her cell, Harley was put on restricted access to general population areas. Although she had not started to fight, it was felt by the powers-that-be that Joker and Harley needed to be under watch at least for another couple of weeks until things in the asylum calmed down. 

Since the fight occurred in the yard, Harley lost all yard privileges for an undisclosed amount of time. She was led to believe it would be up to her therapist to decide when she was allowed back into the exercise yard. 

Harley felt like hitting her head against the wall, or cutting someone's throat...Dr. Leland's throat mostly. 

Since Dr. Leland was Harley's therapist and she already knew how Leland felt about Joker, Harley suspected Leland wouldn't let her back into the yard until Harley said she was over Joker. Well, that wasn't going to happen!! 

Joker had also been put on restricted access. He was forbidden from the yard, but it was agreed that they could have meals together in the cafeteria and limited sessions in the game room, albeit under increased guard watch. 

This “treat” was only given when Harley had threatened to hurt herself if they didn't let her spend time with Joker. She actually hadn't expected that ploy to work—it didn't work on her mom when she was a kid! For a moment Harley could feel Harleen in the back on her mind snarling about the memories of her mother being HER memories, not Harley's!! Harley just ignored Harleen, it was far too complicated to worry about whose memories they actually were...Harley was here now and that was all that mattered. 

But Strange was the one who spoke up in her defense...she got her way on the limited access and then later she would get to spend more time with Joker. 

* 

Harley was lying on her back staring at the ceiling of her cell waiting for the noon meal. Joker had been taken off for his one-on-one sessions with his therapist. Harley wrinkled her nose realizing that she had never asked him who his therapist was...not that it mattered, all of them acted the same. Stuck up and sanctimonious. Strange was weird though; he seemed more reasonable than the other doctors walking Arkham's halls. 

Her thoughts started to drift when the scar where she had been stabbed burned, just a little. She was touching it absently with the tips of her fingers, like a scab she couldn't leave alone, when she heard the whisper of Harleen's voice. 

“Is he really worth it?” 

Harley squeezed her eyes closed. Not this again. 

She could see Harleen in her mind's eye. The conservative clothing, all dull colors and showing no skin at all! 

Hiding her big blue eyes behind glasses in her desperate attempt to look smart... 

“What do you want?” Harley glared at her alter ego in her mind's eye. 

Harleen smiled. That same smile most doctors gave when they pity you. Harley hated it and she was really disgusted to be getting that smile from her own alter ego...really? 

“So?” Harley glared. 

Harleen sighed. “Do you really think he loves you?” 

Harley smiled. “I do.” 

“He will never say it.” Harleen sat on the edge of the cot. Harley stuck her tongue out, rolling her eyes , then asked as if she were gagging. 

“I don't need him to say it—he shows me. What's your problem Harleen?” 

Harleen frowned. 

Harley giggled. “You know. I don't really feel like having this conversation over and over again. You know doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result is the defination of insanity. Makes me wonder which one of us is the crazy one?” Harley giggled again. 

Harleen sighed looking away from her which only made Harley smile wider. 

“You love him too don't you, Harleen?” The two shared a look, then Harleen vanished. 

Harley opened her eyes giggling to herself, then muttered. “I win!” 

* 

Arkham woke up confused sitting at his desk. He was starting to lose count of how many times this had happened to him over the last year. He narrowed his eyes looking around for his glasses, reaching out to run his hands along the desk, finally hitting them with the tips of his fingers. He slipped the legs of his glasses over his ears. Everything seemed in place, his notes, books...he sighed. Not like the first few times this happened. He would find himself on the floor, papers or books scattered...sometimes there would be blood on his clothing. The worst part was he had no memory at all of what had happened. He looked around his office for any clues...this had become sort of a game for him, trying to figure out what had happened, where he had been, what he might have done... 

He had just started to search his office for clues when he heard a knock at his door. He froze for a moment staring at the large wooden door before he took a deep breath letting it out slowly. 

“Yes?” 

The door opened and Dr. Leland stepped in. “Dr. Arkham! I didn't see you come in this morning.” 

Arkham smiled. “I was in very early. What can I help you with Dr. Leland?” 

“Well, I had an idea this morning on how to perhaps lift the morale of our patients. Especially with what happened with Miss Quinn and the Joker being attacked and all. I was contemplating instead of regular group sessions that perhaps I could try some more simply fun activities. I was thinking about some art therapy, maybe games.” 

Arkham rubbed his fingers along the bridge of his nose knocking his glasses up for a moment. He really didn't care...he had his own problems. Such as his missing time. 

“Fine, after lunch you can do whatever you wish with group session as along as Strange approves.” 

Dr. Leland grinned brightly. “Thank you so much Dr. Arkham!” 

* 

Harley must have drifted off to sleep because when she opened her eyes when she heard someone yell,. “Hey Quinn; get up! It's lunch time!” 

Harley sat up with a jerk. “What??” 

The guard growled. “Come on, it's lunch. That means get yer skinny ass up.” Harley made a face. “Don't call my ass skinny!” The guard laughed. “Come on, let's get you down to lunch.” 

Harley was muttering to herself as she looked at her reflection on the safeglass and brushed her fingers through her hair, pinched her cheeks and pressed her lips together, running her teeth over them to make them plumper and a little red. She had just finished fluffing her hair when she saw the note sticking to the cell wall. She glanced over her shoulder at the guard, “You put that here?” 

The guard frowned and shook his head. 

She walked over to where the note was on the wall. It was a post-it note, a pink one. Harley yanked it off the wall holding it closer. The note read: 

* 

You're his Achilles heel. 

* 

Harley stared at the note before she crumbled it, tossing it into a corner of her cell. Someone thought they were funny. Trying to scare her. Well, Harley Quinn didn't scare. Achilles heel? Who did they mean...Joker? Joker didn't have a weak spot...she rubbed the back of her fingers against her lips. She was not his weakness... 

* 

When she arrived for lunch, Joker was waiting for her. The smile he gave her, the coy wink, made her heart skip several beats, butterflies swirling in her stomach. He looked gorgeous, his green hair slicked back, his eyes bright, that smile that made her blood run hot. Even wearing an orange jump suit he looked hot, that slim body of his had Harley wanting to rip off his clothes and take him right there! She hadn't had him since the laundry room. Granted, he had done beautiful things to her while she was recovering, but that deep ache in her body had yet to be fully satisfied. 

She started to run to him, but the guard slammed his hand down onto her shoulder nearly knocking her off her feet. “Sorry Miss Quinn, no running.” 

Harley groaned, of course she would get the guard that was a stickler for the rules! He walked her fully into the messhall before he stepped back to the entrance and let her go. Finally! Harley thought and rushed into Joker's waiting arms. 

He laughed wrapping his arms around her pressing her against him. 

“My Harley baby. I missed you pumpkin!” With that Joker dipped her, kissing her, his tongue racing along her mouth just before he brought her back up. Harley moaned softly returning his kiss with a nip on his tongue. Joker chuckled rubbing his nose against hers playfully. 

“Now—come eat lunch with me.” Harley squealed jumping up and wrapping herself around him. Joker laughed carrying her over to his table. 

* 

Ryder watched Joker and Harley from table where he was sitting with Riddler and another man who called himself Calendar man and another guy named Cluemaster. Ryder narrowed his eyes at Joker's back. He had wanted Harley at first as a lark, something to take from Joker but now he wanted her because...well...he deserved her! She was beautiful, probably the most beautiful woman in the whole damn asylum and he was the only good guy here, so she should be his girl! 

Riddle elbowed Ryder. “You really should give that up Creeper. You are not going to get anywhere near her now. She belongs to the Joker it seems and you do not want to play games with the Joker.” 

Ryder snorted. “I'm not scared of him. Besides, doesn't he have a price on his head right now? He should be the one that's scared.” 

Cluemaster snorted. “Who is the Joker scared of for a thousand?” 

Calendar man laughed. “Oh that's easy! No one!” 

Riddler wrinkled his nose. “Yes, the Joker is not scared of anyone, everyone else is scared of him.” 

Ryder chewed his bottom lip. “Well I'm not.” 

The other men at the table all made faces at him. Ryder ignored them. 

“Would he be scared for someone you think?” Ryder twisted his lips watching Joker and Harley acting like a couple of teenagers. 

All four men turned to look at Joker who had his arm around Harley nuzzling her neck. 

Ryder turned back addressing his table mates. 

“You really think he would “rescue” her? Or let himself be set up for her? Would he come after her?” 

Riddler grinned drumming his fingers on his chin. 

“I don't know. Joker's never “cared” for anyone before...are we even sure he cares for her? Maybe he is just using her? But you know...if he did...that is a weak spot that could be exploited.” 

“Do we know who put the price on his head or would this be all about you getting the girl, Creeper?” Finger—Calendar man—looked up from his meal. 

Cluemaster looked between everyone. Ryder snarled “I want Joker dead. I hate him. Getting Harley would just be a bonus.” 

Finger laughed. “You think killing her boyfriend is going to make her throw herself into your arms Creeper?” 

Ryder glared, but didn't say anything in response. He picked up a carrot from his tray snapping it with his teeth clearly frustrated. 

Riddler smiled. “Do you really care about the money Creeper, or are you more interested in the girl?” 

Ryder frowned watching Joker touching Harley. Ryder's blood boiled. 

“I just want him dead. I don't care if I get paid or not and if Harley is his weak spot, I say we use her.” 

Ryder narrowed his eyes watching them. “We take her...lure the bastard into a trap...then kill him.” 

* 

Joker pulled Harley onto his lap, one arm around her hips. “We need to talk my sweets.” 

Harley laid her head happily against his shoulder. “About what puddin?” 

Joker kissed the tip of her nose. “I think it might be time to leave our little home away from home and set out on our own.” 

Harley lifted her head startled. “Break out?” 

Joker gave her a mischievous grin. “Yes.” 

“Can we?” Harley smiled looking excited. 

“Of course we can!” Joker tilted her face to his, licking her lips. She moaned softly opening her mouth to his tongue. Joker cupped her face with one hand, his thumb rubbing slowly along her cheek while he kissed her, the gesture tender and possessive. He hummed softly. “I need to get you some place where I can have you when I want you...a place where we can plan...devious plans.” His tongue circled her mouth. 

Harley giggled while Joker continued. “Besides, there are too many people now who want me dead. Really puts a damper on my relaxing. I mean that is the only reason I'm ever in here—it's to relax!” 

Harley laughed again. “Do you have a hideout?” 

Joker rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip. “I do. One Batsy never found.” He giggled. “I have a stash of venom there and a few other fun toys for a weekend on the town. Maybe some fun toys we could play with together....” Here he licked her lips. “My Ha-Hacienda is my sanctuary away from the maddening crowds.” He grinned at her, his eyes twinkling with mischief. 

Harley leaned in close to him. For a moment she was overcome with his fragrance, her face pressed against his neck, sliding her nose along his skin. She had no idea what it was that the scent reminded her of; only that it made her giddy. She quickly brought herself back around. 

“So how do we get out?” 

Joker grinned, caressing her jaw and bringing her mouth back around to his so he could caress her lips with his tongue. 

“I'll come get you. No worries pooh, I'm not leaving without you. You are mine.” 

* 

After lunch, instead of being led back to her cell, Harley was pleasantly surprised when she was taken to the group therapy room. More time with her puddin!! But when she entered the large room, she was startled to find that several long tables had been laid out with art supplies. Water colors, finger paints, construction paper, glue, glitter...any number of fun materials for making art. 

Harley squealed clapping her hands. “Are we going to play??” 

Dr. Leland, along with several of the student doctors were in here to help supervise the art threapy. Dr. Leland smiled at Harley stepping over to take her hands. 

“Yes we are! We are going to have you guys draw, make collages, whatever it is that you would like to do to express yourself.” 

Harley giggled excited. “This is great!!” 

Leland led her over to a seat at one of the tables. As Harley took her seat she looked up at Leland. 

“Is Joker coming too?” 

Leland's expression drooped a little, but she nodded. “Yes.” 

Harley grinned. “He gets to sit by me!” 

Harley's voice wasn't the light and sweet tone she had had earlier, it was deadly serious. Dr. Leland smiled slightly, the gesture not reaching her eyes. “Of course Harleen.” 

Harley winkled her nose, but decided to let it pass. 

* 

Soon Harley was bouncing in her seat with excitement, Joker beside her. He kept sticking his finger in the glitter, pulling it out and blowing the glitter that clung to his finger at Maxie Zeus who was new to their little group. 

Joker giggled. “Glitter of the gods!” 

“Stop it!!” Zeus whined. 

Dr. Leland glared from her position on the other side of the table. 

“Joker, if you can't behave I'm going to move you.” 

Harley grabbed onto him, wrapping her arms around one of Joker's and pouted. 

“NO!! Puddin has to stay by me!” 

Joker giggled. “Sorry doc; my girl needs me.” 

The two of them made kissy faces at each other making several of the other patients around the table gag. 

Dr. Leland put a finger up in warning. “No more blowing glitter.” 

Joker didn't answer her, he only giggled yanking Harley against him. Leland sighed, it felt like she was herding a bunch of three year olds. 

Leland moved to stand in front of the room and clapped her hands raising her voice so that everyone could hear her. “Alright. We are going to do something different today. We are going to try letting all of you explore your inner being with art. I want you to use any of the art supplies provided on the tables to express yourselves. You can express a feeling, your current mood or you can simply create a picture that makes you happy. The only rule here is to have fun, AND...” 

Here she looked straight at Joker and Harley. “Do not annoy your neighbor. Alright? Everyone let's get started. Paper will be provided by the staff, we have safety scissors if you want them—just ask one of the doctors to get them for you.” 

Two-face was flipping his coin staring down at a sheet of paper in front of him having made no mark on it at all. Pengy was making all sorts of weird noises having gotten a hold of the finger-paints. It was hard to tell what he was painting, but he was using a lot of black paint. Scarecrow immediately started to draw some sort of nightmare picture, while Firefly was drawing buildings on fire using glitter glue for the flames. 

Joker looked contemplatively at his sheets of paper. The first few he just used a crayon to draw a series of creepy, happy faces over and over again, filling every inch of the paper. Harley drew a tree with stick figures and was writing “Mr. and Mrs J” over the top of them giggling, adding a lot of hearts around them. 

After a few moments Harley glanced over to see Joker drawing an exquisite picture of her! Except she was very naked. 

“Puddin!!” Harley blushed causing Joker to giggle. 

Dr. Leland walked behind them, glancing down at the picture, her cheeks turning red to see the nude of Harley. A very detailed nude too. It was actually very impressive; the man could really draw. 

“Joker, I don't think that is appropriate..” 

“The nude is a fine art form! I like the classics, plus I can have this on my wall when my pooh is not there and I'm thinking about her..” He gave Leland his best smile. Leland paled. 

Harley was giggling and become all swoony. 

Joker grinned. Instead of looking over his shoulder at Dr. Leland, he dropped his head backwards. 

“You said draw whatever we want and I want to draw my pooh bear naked. My other choice was dismembered bodies, but I thought that might be too avant grade.” His smile broadened. 

Leland sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fine.” 

Joker giggled folding the picture and stuck the nude of Harley in the band of his pants. 

By this time Harley had used glue all over another piece of paper and was dumping glittered onto it, mixing it with confetti stars giggling. “Shiny!!” 

Joker dropped his arm around her shoulders, nibbling at her ear, catching her earlobe between his teeth growling while he watched what she was doing, a smile creasing his face. He tugged on her ear, which made Harley moan. 

“Whatcha doing hot stuff?” Joker asked letting go of her ear, licking it. 

Harley giggled. “A self portrait!! I like to think I'm very shiny.” 

Joker chuckled. “You are the shiniest star, my sweets! My Harlequin of hate, my clown princess of death!” 

Harley squealed. “Oh puddin! You say the sweetest things!!” 

* 

Down at the far end of the table, Ryder glared at Joker who was now kissing on Harley. 

Ryder's picture had been a picture of Joker, hanging from a noose, blood leaking out of Joker's eyes. Luckily the doctors were not hovering over him quite as much as they were the rest of the group or he might have gotten into trouble over the picture. 

Ryder fumed. The others wanted to wait, plan, figure out a plan for taking Harley, where to keep her, how not to get caught by the doctors, and pulling Joker into a trap...a whole mess of busybody planning, but Ryder was getting tired of waiting. Whoever was paying for Joker's death was getting tired of waiting too. 

Ryder ground his teeth. Maybe it was time he took matters into his own hands.


	11. Closer

Joker was waiting for Harley at dinner time. He performed an elaborate bow full of beauty and grace, one leg extended managing to look elegant even in an orange Arkham Asylum jumpsuit. He captured her hand, brought it up to his lips and kissed her knuckles with a mischievous grin. He put his arm around her waist, leading her to the bench where he already had grabbed a tray of food for her. Harley giggled as they sat down together. 

“My queen, I missed you!! It's been ages.” 

Harley had blushed when Mistah J kissed her hand. His lips were so soft and his smile was like that of a boy with a terrible secret. 

He pulled her close to him on the bench whispering against her ear. 

“Would you mind a visitor tonight?” 

Harley giggled. “Really?” 

Joker's smile spread wider. “Oh, I have a few “friends” here at the asylum...a favor here and threat there. I just have to decide which bridge to burn.” He laughed, tweaking her nose lightly. 

“I'm calling in a tiny favor.” He gestured with his fork in a lackadaisical way, as if it was such a simple task, that it didn't mean anything at all. 

“So when are we leaving puddin?” Harley asked running a hand down his thigh. 

Joker took a bite of potatoes then pointed with his fork at the empty air. 

“Oh soon. Need to contact a few associates outside these walls to have a some toys waiting for us when we hit the ground running. Once that is done the rest will be easy as a pie laced with my venom in the face.” He giggled, spearing a potato and feeding it to Harley. 

“Until then...” He grinned at her. “I will find ways to be with you. Don't worry...trust me.” The last words came out with a soft hiss that made her shiver. 

Harley smiled, staring back at him. It was funny, but she did trust him. 

* 

Later that night after lights out, Harley waited up as long as she could, but sleep overcame her. She wasn't aware of when she had laid down and dozed off. She was lying in a fetal position with her hands curled under her pillow. 

The next thing she was aware of was a body pressed against her, a hand over her mouth and lips at her ear. She was about to start struggling violently, thinking she was going to kill whoever this was when she heard the soft sibilant voice of Joker against her ear. “Now, now...aren't you happy to see me?” 

Harley turned her head as Joker loosened his grip. When she saw him her eyes widened with joy. He carefully released his hand from her mouth. 

“Puddin!!” she yelped. 

Joker put his hand back over her mouth. “Shhh...careful...don't want to get caught now do we?” 

Harley shook her head. “No puddin,” she whispered back. He gave her his best smile. 

“That's my good girl.” 

He ran his tongue along her jaw, then down her neck, a hand covering her breast. She pressed her teeth into her bottom lip to prevent to low moan of pleasure that the pressure of his hand on her produced. She could feel the heat burn through her asylum jumpsuit. He felt like he was all over her, that he was somehow touching every part of her body at once. 

Harley brought her hands up over his shoulders then to his hair. It was soft, thick as she ran her fingers through the green locks. The only lights were coming from the safety lights that ran down the length of the hall, which were dim enough for sleep but bright enough for the guards who wandered the halls. And bright enough for Harley to see the green of his hair. 

Her heart swelled. She was so in love with him! She had no idea how or why, all she knew was that she would die for him...kill for him...anything he asked, she would do....a soft voice deep in her mind whispered about the fine line between love and obsession. Harley ignored Harleen, didn't care; all she cared about was that he was hers and she loved him. Besides, Harleen wasn't fooling anyone. She was just as in love or “obsessed” with him as Harley was... 

Joker giggled pulling down her jumpsuit zipper to nuzzle between her breasts taking soft love bites along the swell of each breast. At one point he bit down hard enough that Harley groaned, her fingers tightening in his hair. Joker reached up, putting a hand over her mouth to quiet her cries while with his other hand, he tugged aside her sports bra so he could have at her bare-skin. She gasped against his palm when she felt the heat of his tongue against her flesh. 

“MMMMMmmmm....” was the only sound she could make while Joker pressed his hand down on her lips. He bit her nipple sucking hard, almost painfully. 

Her fingernails raked across his scalp which cause Joker to hiss with pleasure. He stopped his attentions, sitting up. 

Her breathing was hard while she watched him in the dim light. His voice was a delightful whisper. 

“Take your bra off and give it to me.” 

Harley did as he requested, pushing herself up and with a little bit of awkward movement, she had her bra off. Joker grinned, his eyes wandering over her breasts with appreciation. He looked back at her; something in his eyes danced, but then he was taking her sports bra and shoving it into her mouth. 

“No screaming—got it?” 

Harley nodded. For a moment, worry flashed through her mind, but then her thoughts shattered like glass when Joker's mouth returned to her now bare breasts. He circled his tongue around a nipple, playing across the hard nub, flicking then circling slowly with the tip of his tongue. His other hand didn't neglect her other breast! 

His long fingers caressed the nipple, playing with it, slow twists and tiny pinches that had her whole body reacting. Her back arched into his attentions. She bit down hard on the fabric in her mouth to keep herself from making the loud mewling sound she wanted to make. She felt his hard erection, trapped in his own jumpsuit, where he leaned against her leg. He rubbed against her thigh, his tongue playing a game down from her breasts and across her stomach. 

Her fingers spasmed in his hair, her hips jerking toward him. Joker's teeth bit down hard on the soft flesh of her stomach causing her to groan against the cloth between her teeth. She felt the quiet laugh from him when his fingers wrapped around the edge of her jump suit and started to yank it down her hips. He silently pulled the whole garment off of her tossing it to the floor. She shivered at the sudden cool air of her cell washing over her bare skin, but then Joker's body was against her. The layer of cloth between them didn't stop her from feeling the heat that was radiating from him. Harley writhed with the need of his touch. 

He giggled softly, grabbing her panties with his teeth. She glanced down seeing him bent over her and his eyes flicked up to capture hers. He pulled at her panties with his teeth, tugging, his fingers gradually wrapping around the sides and he started to pull. 

Harley groaned, the bra held in her mouth stifling her sounds while she watched him pull her panties down her thighs, past her knees, sending a wave of goosebumps racing across her flesh. She shifted her legs so he could yank them past her feet and toss them to the floor. 

Joker slowly licked his lips gazing at her naked body. He growled so softly she wasn't sure she heard it. “Mmm...so sinful...” he hissed. 

He stood up and started stripping out of his own jumpsuit. Harley just watched with a silly grin on her face. She almost looked drunk watching him in the dim light. His skin glowed, making him look ethereal in the low light. Her body tightened with want and she giggled behind her cloth gag because this beautiful man wanted her, claimed her as his...and she got to claim him in return!! Murdering her neighbor had been the best decision of her whole life because it put her in this asylum, with this man. 

Joker grinned, giggling softly as he pulled the cloth from her mouth. 

“I have something else to fill your mouth with...” He giggled turning around so that he was over her, his erection above her. She grinned giggling and reached up with both hands to stroke her fingers along his pale white length. Joker shuddered spreading her legs and blowing softly, his breath warm against her. She responded with a tender lick up his shaft. 

Joker pulled her legs up so he could feel her thighs against his cheeks; he wanted her surrounding him, all of her. He stifled his laugh against her groin, his lips brushing over her, teeth nipping gently, which had Harley twitching, her laughing mumbled by having him in her mouth. 

She sucked hard on the head of his erection to stop herself from making too much noise, but he was making it so difficult! Joker started licking, sucking and biting, seemingly all at once. His tongue worked magic finding her spot right away and thoroughly claiming it with tongue and teeth. 

Harley wanted to scream as she tried to focus on him, the way he filled her mouth, the taste of him on her tongue. But her hips kept thrusting toward his wicked tongue. She came so suddenly that she almost choked on him, stifling her scream of pleasure by sucking harder on him. 

She felt his groan against her when she climaxed. He smiled, his tongue lapping at her when she reached up to cup him, squeezing softly. She also decided to run the flat of her other hand along the back of his thigh, stopping to squeeze, pressing her nails into his flesh. He jerked, biting her gingerly in retaliation. She giggled, loving it. She ran her teeth along him, just enough pressure to be enticing. The hard texture of her teeth on his sensitive skin caused a delicious amount of friction that had him wanting to take the sensation further. His hips wanted to thrust, to feel that warm, sucking sensation, but instead he surprised her. 

Joker pulled himself away from her mouth, his tongue giving her one last long lick before he turned around. As he grinned down at her, his teeth seemed glow in the dim light. The look in his eyes, the way his teeth in his wide grin shone—her body was on fire. She would beg if she had to for him. He grabbed her arms, his long fingered hands wrapping around her wrists holding her arms over her head. 

He whispered, his voice a sibilant hiss. “Say you're mine.” 

“I'm yours puddin, always yours.” She pressed her teeth into her bottom lip her hips writhing with her aching need to finish what he started. 

He stared down at her and laughed softly. “Would you die for me Harley?” 

“Yes. I would die for you Mistah J.” Her eyes pleaded with him to stop torturing her and take her. 

He gazed at her, his intense eyes running down her face and breasts then back to her blue eyes his voice a purr. “Too easy...would you live for me Harley? Would you?” 

She stared back at him, her eyes going hard with the intensity of her feelings. 

“Yes. I would live for you.” 

Joker stared at her, his eyes narrowed ever so slightly then in the next instant he was crushing his mouth to hers, his tongue demanding entry. She opened her mouth willingly taking his tongue, his breath, everything he would give her she would take. 

He continued to hold her wrists, now with only one hand. The pressure as he leaned in on that arm hurt, made her wrists feel like they might snap like twigs, but then her mind was completely distracted when she felt him, the head of his erection prodding her entrance, coating himself with her fluid before he was positioned, then he took her, with a deep thrust. 

Together they both groaned, their breath mixing in a passion they shared for one another. His hand let go of her wrists at that moment, the fingers of that hand moved up to lace with her fingers, his body pressing into her, his free hand covering her mouth to cover her cries of pleasure. 

She groaned against his palm, her blue eyes glued to his face, watching the expression of pleasure running across his features. Her free hand pressed into his shoulders; with her cries being smothered she expressed the intensity of her pleasure through her nails in his shoulder and the pressure of her legs around him, her hips jerking up to meet his thrusts. 

The cot made a series of squeaks, but Joker kept his movements short and powerful minimizing the sound. Harley almost bit Joker's palm when she came again. Her body jolted off the cot for a moment. When her muscles squeezed tight around him Joker gasped, hissing, burying his face against her shoulder, releasing her mouth, his hand going around to cradle her head. His hips pressed hard into her, burying himself as deeply as biology would allow, bursting with pleasure. Harley moaned softly, her teeth clamped shut to prevent too much noise, but her eyes wanted to roll feeling this man orgasm. 

Their breathing slowly came down to a more normal pace. Neither of them moved for a long time. Joker held her closer, the hand that had her fingers laced with his squeezed hers when they climaxed together to the point that she thought she was losing feeling in her fingers. She squeezed back just as tightly. 

Finally he loosened his grip, kissing her neck softly, tenderly. 

He smiled catching the lobe of her ear in his teeth making her squeak and laugh. He let go long enough to hiss. “Shhh!” 

She covered he mouth with her hand giggling. 

Joker grinned lazily kissing her chin. “I wish I could stay longer, my pumpkin pie.” The tip of one finger played along the tight nipple of one breast after he shifted to gaze down at her leaning on one elbow. 

“Hmmm...that was good. You have a very talented tongue Harley.” Joker grinned at he ran winked. Harley giggled. “So do you Mistah J.” 

“Why thank you my dear! I practice with my tongue every day.” Joker gave her a roguish grin, waggling his eyebrows at her. 

They both started to laugh and had to snuggle close to shush each other up. They were quiet again, Joker holding her close. She could feel the soft stroke of his fingertips along her shoulder. 

“I need to go, my sweet thing. Our escape shall be soon. I promise and then we can run rabid on Gotham together.” 

Harley sighed happily rolling onto her side when Joker got up and started to dress. Watching him made her all hungry for him again. But she needed to learn patience; she would get her puddin again when the time was right. 

Joker leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. “Close your eyes pooh and count to ten.” 

She did as she was told. At the number ten she opened her eyes only to find that Joker was gone. She grinned showing all her teeth. He was amazing. 

* 

The rest of her night was peaceful, with Harley sleeping like a baby. 

* 

The next morning Ryder was sitting at his breakfast watching the entrance for Harley. As soon as he laid eyes on her, he could see that something was “wrong” with Harley. She was floating around all giggles and smiles. Of course she was usually like that around Joker anyway, but somehow, to Ryder, her behavior seemed more “flighty” than usual. Jack narrowed his eyes at Joker. 

As the morning meal progressed, Jack could see they were doing a lot more whispering than usual. 

Joker was constantly whispering in her ear...his long white fingers kept playing with her zipper, stroking the tops of her breasts. That evil clown, Ryder thought. He was sure Joker was telling Harley all sorts of terrible things. 

Ryder didn't like it one bit. The thing that made all of this even worse was that Nygma had stepped out of their little kidnapping idea. Said that there was too high a risk of failure when he thought about it and he did not want Joker gunning for him. The other two guys, the wishy-washy fools, sided with Riddler; none of them wanted to take the risk of failure and have Joker out to get them. Ryder didn't care and he wasn't afraid of the Joker. 

He would simply have to take her on his own. Ryder smiled. He knew Arkham had an old underground system of tunnels that were some part of a failed subway system from the 1930's that was supposed to connect the asylum to the rest of Gotham. But after the mobsters started to use the tunnels, they were supposedly discontinued and shut down. Rumors for years had said that Gotham's underground tunnels were still there and still ran the length of the city. There were also the sewer tunnels that ran everywhere under Gotham. The smell wasn't great, but the tunnels were a great place to hide...and to take care of someone you didn't want the world to see again. All Ryder had to do to get Harley was get her down there without anyone knowing...well, except the Joker of course. Then he could take care of Joker all by himself. The Creeper won't let me down, Ryder thought. 

As this thought formed, another one swam to the surface of his thoughts. He could make Harley like him!! She could be his female Creeper!! Once he got her down to the tunnels, Joker dead, he could change Harley to be like him!! A simple trip to Ace Chemicals and wala! Instant female Creeper!Then with the money from whoever wanted Joker dead, he and Harley could go anywhere, they could go be superheroes together! Maybe go to Star City! 

Ryder grinned. It was a perfect idea. 

* 

Strange knocked at Dr. Arkham's door and waited. No one answered, but he was sure he heard voices. Strange leaned his ear against the door. Yes. Dr. Arkham was speaking with someone, though the voice was not familiar. They seemed to be arguing. Strange rubbed his fingers along his goatee then shrugged. What he needed to talk to Arkham about could wait. 

Hugo turned around heading back the way he had come. Besides, he thought to himself, group therapy started soon. That damn Dr. Leland wanted to try yet another new therapeutic technique. Strange rolled his eyes. Her “new age” approach to treatment was annoying. Of course if Strange had his way, they would go back to the tried but true forms of treating insanity. Strange grinned to himself. Well who knew? With the way Arkham kept leaving stuff to him, Strange might be able to start introducing some inmates to the wonders of lobotomy yet. 

* 

Arkham turned, slamming his fists onto the surface of his desk in anger, but then he stopped, blinking his eyes in confusion. Who had he been angry with? Jeremiah did a slow turn looking around his office, but he could see no one here. He frowned walking over to the chairs, then back to his desk. He examined the bookshelves, but still nothing—there was no indication that he had been talking to anyone at all. Arkham was bewildered by the fact that he could not recall anything for the last half hour. He walked over and sat down at his desk, his frown deepening. He gazed at paperwork spilled across his desk and then he noticed something odd. There was a post-it pad with writing that he didn't recognize. He picked it up to examine. Written in an unfamiliar script were the words: 

Tell Joe Rabbit 

I want the clown captured. Have changed mind. 

Joe Rabbit? Clown? He frowned at the note. Who on earth wrote this and why was it here? Arkham frowned crumbling up the paper and tossing it into the waste basket. He needed to call Alyca...Dr. Alyca Sinner, his lover and friend...the only person who would listen to him about these strange missing sections of time without judgment or without condemning him as mad. There had to be an explanation...there had to be... 

* 

The next two days were the same for Harley; therapy, breaks in between were she could smooch on her puddin, finger holding through the grate, talking about their plans in secret. After the other night of love-making, he had not been able to slip away to spend time with her, but Joker had assured her that soon they would be out of here. 

She was content at the moment, but she wanted out of Arkham and she wanted out now!! She wanted to have a day where she could play with her puddin all day without drugs from the doctors, shots, guards, therapy—none of it!! Puddin had promised her a night on the town, killing and stealing, just the two of them. She sighed. Such a romantic thought, the two of them terrorizing Gotham together. Harley grinned lying on her cot staring at her ceiling. Joker was at his individual therapy session so all she could do was daydream. 

* 

This afternoon after lunch she was returned to her cell after a wonderful lunch where she spent most of it making out with Joker until they got into trouble. She giggled when she noticed that there was a note waiting for her. She had almost forgotten the strange one she had received a few days ago, but when she picked up this one it was...different...something about the writing was different than the last note. This one read. 

Coming for you. 

Harley frowned...puddin? 

* 

Late that night, Ryder slipped quietly out of his room and headed down toward the nurses station. Unlike Joker, Harley and a few others, Ryder was under low security. He mixed with “the criminally insane” who had shown progress in their behavior, but unlike them, he wasn't seen as dangerous or a high risk, so he could leave his room when he wanted, as long as he kept to the proper areas. Well, tonight he was going to have to burn several bridges and the goodwill he had developed with the nurses and guards. 

Because he was going to the high security wing and he was going to take Harley. 

He waited until it was almost three in the morning. The guards were tired, the nurses not nearly as alert as they should be at this time of the morning. Ryder smiled. Now first to get an ID card from one of the nurses manning the desk and a syringe full of sedatives. 

* 

At this time of the morning, the halls of the low security area were deserted. Walking down the hall Ryder could hear a few of the other patients snoring or talking in their sleep. He glanced up—this hall had only one camera. 

He made his way down the hall, trying to look casual, and around the corner to the left, walking until he came to a fork in the hall, then he went right. There at the nurses station was his favorite nurse, Dorothy Duncan. Ryder put on his best smile and strolled over. Duncan was reading one of those cheesy romance novels when she glanced up. “Oh, hey Jack. Can't sleep?” 

Jack smiled. He had talked to Dorothy several times during his stay here at the asylum. She was nice...he really hated what he was going to do and he hoped she didn't lose her job over this... 

“Yeah. I was wondering if I could trouble you for some warm milk?” 

Duncan stood up with a smile. “Sure, we have some milk back here in the fridge. I can just warm it up in the microwave if you don't mind waiting a little bit.” 

Ryder smiled. “Thank you so much, Dorothy.” 

She stood up, turning her back to Ryder. He moved swiftly, coming up behind her and putting her in a sleeper hold. Within seconds she was out. Jack sighed, gently laying her down on the floor and pulling off her security badge. 

“Sorry Dorothy.” 

He sighed again closing his eyes and focusing, letting the Creeper emerge. His skin shifted to a yellow hue, his hair green and wild. Ryder hunched over, a wide grin slowly danced across his face. 

Creeper giggled holding the badge close. “Now to go get my girl!” he snickered. “Old Jokerpoker is going to be so mad!” 

With that Creeper tip-toed out of the low security area to make his way down to where the truly dangerous insane were being kept. 

* 

Harley had gone to sleep after she and Joker had talked long after lights out was called. She smiled happily dreaming of the fun and games they were going to have once they were out of Arkham. She wasn't quite asleep more like dozing when she heard an odd sound. She opened her eyes, but her room was dark. She shrugged to herself and started to close her eyes again when she saw a shadow moving across her room. 

“Puddin?” 

She sat up at the moment a strange yellow man with green hair rushed her, covering her mouth. She started to struggle just as she felt the prick of a pin in her neck. It happened so quickly, pain, a sudden rush of dizziness and then nothing. 

Creeper grinned, pleased with himself. “OoOoo look at you!!! So pretty!!” He grinned lifting her up easily and tossing her over his shoulder. He started to turn and leave, then grinned. “Oops, almost forgot to leave a note for your ex-boyfriend.” 

Stuffed in the band of his pants was a folded note. He looked around for a place to put it, his eyes seeing easily in the darkened cell. After a few moments he saw the grate. 

“Aah...Joke-boy's cell's on the other side ain't it toots!” Creeper dropping down and slid the note through the vent. 

“There ya go.” With a giggle, he swiftly left her room disappearing into the darkness.


	12. Straightjackets aren't going to restrain me

She could feel her puddin's hands on her, the grip of his hands on her hips, the lick of his tongue sliding over her, sliding deep within her. She moaned rolling her body at the feel of him. She purred when his nose brushed against her skin. His fingers were long, his hands were rough, but gentle as he brought her pleasure and in so doing, took his own. She groaned under his touch, her eyes on that wicked smile of his, the one that was only for her. She rolled her hips wanting him to take her, wanting to feel him inside her, pounding against her, the feel of him hard, large, pressing against and inside her. The way he fucked...oh cream and sugar!! That man could fuck! Her hands dragged down his chest, feeling the way his muscles moved, that wicked shine when she dragged her nails against his chest. Her eyes glued to that white, white skin of his, those red lips...she could feel herself coming closer and closer to climax. He hissed against her ear. “Say you're mine Harley...say you're mine...” 

She could feel herself about to come, she was ready to scream.... 

When suddenly her eyes flew open. 

* 

Harley woke up confused. Her first reaction was to roll over and vomit, but she refused to be sick. She hated that! She kept her eyes closed, took a few breath letting the nausea pass...she sighed feeling groggy enough that she just wanted to lie back down and go back to sleep, to pick up where her dream had left off. But as she laid there she realized that something didn't feel right...she couldn't put her finger on what it was...rolling onto her back, she squinted her eyes open looking up at an unfamiliar ceiling, trying to figure out what was wrong...then her body stiffened. 

She wasn't in her cell. Dim watery light shone around the room from what appeared to be utility lights along the wall. Harley moved her head around slowly. She was in a crappy, rusty looking “room” with pipes. She could hear water slowly dripping and the dank feel of the place, cold and wet against her skin, made her shiver, but the worst part was the smell! Fetid, old water, poo smells, piss and god only knew what else. The smell was so bad that it almost burned the inside of her nose! 

She wrinkled her nose, wondering for a moment if she was dreaming this part...because she and her therapist really needed to talk if this was what her dreams were like now! Harley then decided this was real because even though she was crazy, she would never dream up a place this disgusting. 

Harley started to move; she was not going to stay down here a second longer. She pushed herself up and started to throw her legs over the side of the bed when she realized her ankle was chained to the frame of an old rusted iron bed frame. This also made her take note of the mattress under her which was DISGUSTING. 

Harley jumped up twitching around like she had bugs crawling all over her...which she might if that mattress was any indication. After Harley was standing, she jerked her ankle again, then again. She let out a snarl of rage fighting with the chain and cuff on her ankle trying to find a way to break the chain or slide her foot out of the cuff. She worked at it until she was starting to draw blood from the metal cuff chafing her when suddenly a shadowy figure appeared at the entrance of what could only be a huge pipe. 

“Oh, the angel is awake! Sleep well my angel?” The voice was a bit high pitched, as if it were on the verge of hysterics. 

“I don't know who you are, but I ain't your angel!!” Harley spit struggling with her leg again. 

“Oh you need to stop, pretty! Going to hurt yourself!” The stranger leapt into the light and Harley gasped at the yellow skinned, green haired man. He laughed, dancing around for a moment then stopping to fix this green eyes on hers. 

Harley screamed at him with her fists at her sides in impotent rage. “LET ME GO!! THIS PLACE STINKS!” 

But the man-thing laughed. “Oh you can yell, but no one is going to hear you down here, down down down in goblin town!” He snickered. 

Harley was terrified, but her anger was at the forefront of her emotions at this moment. She glared. “Where am I and what are you?” 

He grinned dancing over a little closer. “I'm your prince! You're rescuer!” Changing his voice to try to make it deeper. “The mighty warrior here to rescue you from the monster who somehow has your heart.” 

“What?” Harley frowned in confusion. 

As the man-thing came even closer, Harley leaned back away from him, she got a better look at the creature when he leaned in practically slobbering on her. She would swear he looked like Jack Ryder...Harley narrowed her eyes and whispered. “Ryder?” 

He stepped back and bowed at the waist with a cocky grin. 

“The Creeper at your service, my fair Harley Quinn.” 

Harley yanked on her chained ankle. “You better let me go! When Joker finds you, you're dead meat! My puddin is going to kick your ass!” 

Creeper laughed. “Oh, I hope he does come to find you because I want to kill him!” 

Harley felt her blood run cold for a moment. This was all a trap...she should have guessed. She couldn't wait to see if Joker showed up for her. Though she was certain he would, she also didn't want her man walking into a trap because of her. 

“You know what—if you let me go, Joker might not kill you.” Harley tried to calm herself down. Maybe she could reason with Ryder? Though what she really wanted was to lash out and kill him herself. 

Creeper laughed. “I'm not afraid of him!” 

Creeper stepped closer again. “You are going to be my girl after all this is over!” He went to put his arms around her, but Harley swung her arm, socking him right in the mouth. “I belong to Joker and no one else! You lay a hand on me you're going to lose it buddy!” 

Creeper grabbed his nose, leaping away from her. “Owww!! You hit me!!” 

Harley grinned. “Damn right I hit you, and if you try to touch me again I'll hit you again!” 

Creeper pouted. “Well, when this is over you will be mine and we can run off into the sunset together.” 

“Hell no!! I will only run into the sunset with Mistah J!” 

Harley flopped down onto the filthy bed with her arms crossed and turned away from Ryder's alter ego. For a moment she wanted to vomit...she had forgotten the mattress was disgusting, but she couldn't move or it would spoil the whole “dissing” Creeper thing she had going at the moment. 

Creeper snarled. “Fine. But when Joker's dead, you'll feel differently.” 

Harley turned her head. “No I won't!” she disagreed with venom and stuck her tongue out. 

* 

Joker had just reached through the grate. He was looking for her fingers as he whispered. “Hey cupcake? My pooh bear!” But instead of Harley fingers he felt some paper. Joker's brow furrowed as he pulled it through. He knew before opening it that it wasn't from Harley, but seeing the writing and reading it simply confirmed it. His eyes ran down the words: 

* 

Meet me in the sewers if you want your girlfriend 

Creeper 

* 

Joker's eyes narrowed dangerously. The Creeper. He smiled grimly; Jack Ryder had committed a sin. He took his girl. No one touches Joker's things, no one...Joker crumbled the note, twisted and tore the paper until it was little more than confetti. Joker started to pace his cell pushing his anger down where he could control it for now. If he was to kidnap Harley, or anyone here in Arkham, where would he take them? He tapped his chin in thought. Sewers under Arkham would be a good place to hole up if you didn't want to move too far from the asylum, a good place to keep a prize...it would be especially nice when one was ready to slip something out of the asylum and into Gotham. 

Joker grinned. Though the note had indicated to meet the Creeper in the sewer, Joker expected an ambush. He knew exactly where that fink had his girl. 

* 

Strange moved swiftly and with purpose through the empty halls. Night was one of his favorite times at the asylum; the halls were quiet, the patients sedated and he would have time to work on his experiments. But first, he wanted to make certain Dr. Arkham was indeed gone for the night. Hugo had been having more and more free time to work on his “experiments” because of Arkham's strange disappearances throughout the last few weeks. Arkham had been acting oddly, but Hugo saw it as an opportunity. 

When he arrived at Arkham's door, Strange leaned his ear against the wood. He heard nothing. He reached down and very slowly turned the handle to open the door and peak inside. “Jeremiah?” 

The office was dark, the window open and to his surprise, Hugo saw that the large painting that sat behind Arkham's desk, the one of his grandfather, was pulled aside to reveal a safe that was also open. Hugo stepped into the office to walk over to the safe. The desk, the room itself...nothing seemed disturbed to his discerning eyes and the safe was empty. 

Hugo stared and wondered for a moment if he should call the police, but he decided against it. The police were here too often as it was and he didn't want his “experiments” accidentally found. Hugo paced a little; he was momentarily distracted by wishing the attacks on Joker had gone beyond the one in the yard. Though the current lull in the attacks made sense. No one was going to try again so soon after a failed one. If Joker was killed, or even fatally wounded, then he would belong to Strange. Strange would love to have Joker as part of his experiments. He had been hoping some of the bigger names would participate for the same reason, but alas, they were smarter than he gave them credit for being. Strange sighed with regret. Well, sometimes a doctor just had to make due with what he had available. He smiled and turned to leave Arkham's office. At least Jeremiah had gone home. It would make Strange's night so much more productive if he didn't have to worry about the noise his experiments were making. 

* 

Joker pressed against the door so he could peer through the slot and watch the guards change shifts. He grinned. Luck was with him tonight—the guard on duty was Eddie Burlow. Burlow was new and easy to fool. 

Getting out of his cell just got a lot easier than he originally thought it might be. 

* 

Burlow hated this job. He had only taken it because his wife was pregnant with their third kid, which was a surprise...they had agreed to stop at two, but here he was with a third on the way. The only reason he took this job was for the pay. Working at Arkham Asylum paid well and working in the ward that held the dangerous patients paid just a little bit more. He had only been on this level for a week and so far, while the patients themselves gave him the creeps, nothing weird or extraordinary had occurred, at least not while he was on duty. 

No sooner had that thought crossed his mind then Burlow heard a moan of pain from down the hall of cells. He corrected himself. Rooms, they weren't criminals—they were patients...at least that was what was said at orientation. 

Burlow frowned his brow and headed in that direction. He heard the moan again, this time louder, enabling him to locate the cell. He looked in and gasped. Lying on the floor, covered in blood, was the Joker. 

Joker groaned again. He was curled on the floor in a fetal position. Burlow couldn't quite see what was going on, but there was blood on the floor of the cell and all over Joker's arms. 

“Fuck!” Burlow muttered. He immeately got on his radio calling down to the infirmary. “Got a patient in trouble! Need assistance!” Burlow opened the cell and rushed in to crouch down to roll Joker over. Just as soon as Joker was on his back, his hands shot up and strong fingers gripped Burlow around the throat. Joker smiled wide, his teeth bloody from having bitten open a wound on his own wrist. Joker pressed his thumbs with all his strength against Burlow's Adam's apple, giggling as Burlow struggled to pulled Joker's hands away. Burlow struggled next to reach his weapon, anything, but suddenly there was a dull popping sound. Burlow immediately started to choke and rolled away from Joker when the mad clown released him. 

The Joker grinned and leapt to his feet with a laugh on his lips. “Thank you, my dear!” Joker searched the choking guard and grabbed his security card, his gun, stun baton and a chocolate chip granola bar. Joker frowned as he looked at the granola bar. 

“Well, not what I would have picked myself, but beggers can't be choosers I suppose.” 

He grinned as he peeled the wrapper back while he squatted near the guard. He took a few seconds to watch Burlow choke while Joker took a huge bite of the granola bar. 

With a jaunty grin and a salute, Joker headed out of his cell. 

Finding his way to the sewers was easy. He had been there before during many escapes. Why they never figured it out he had no idea. Smart people would have blocked the ways down to the sewer or set guards ages ago. Joke was sure Batman had to have suggested it at some point, but whatever...it was fine by him! Made something in his life a little easier, if a bit predictable—which was why he always checked for traps or other signs that someone in security had decided to start giving a damn. 

* 

Harley frowned down at her ankle chained to the bed. The chain had flecks of rust on it as did the cuff around her ankle. She glanced back the way Creeper had left. She hadn't heard a sound for a while. Now was her chance. She looked around the “room” for something, anything she could use that might help her break the chain. 

There wasn't a lot in here, a few bits and pieces of clothing...probably Ryder's or some bum that had wandered in here and once used this place as a home. There were some pieces of wood, maybe from a crate, wire, chunks of concrete...and of course the metal frame of the bed. Harley smiled then. She could work with this...she grabbed the cloth first and pushed it through the metal cuff around her ankle. She couldn't move far, but she got off the bed. She tried to move the bed itself, but the bed wouldn't budge. Harley rolled her eyes, of course it wouldn't move...stupid bed. It was bolted down. Who bolts a bed down?! Harley growled to herself, but then sighed, the bed in her room at Arkham was bolted down. Okay, okay...she thought to herself. She checked it for screws. 

Harley sighed as she noted they were all rusted to the bed. “Shit,” she cursed under her breath. “Okay, okay I can work with this...” she repeated her mantra to herself. She grabbed a piece of concrete, stretched her leg out and away from her body as far as she could to pull the chain taut. The cloth helped protect her ankle a little as she raised her hands over her head holding the largest piece of concrete she was able to get a hold of and with a snarl, she hit the chain as hard as she could. 

It took several more hits, and flecks of concrete flew off. A couple of pieces hits her, cutting her hands and one or two bits of concrete stung across her cheek, but suddenly the chain broke and Harley went flying off the side of the bed landing on the floor with a painful “Ooff!!” 

Harley hissed in pain as she flexed her ankle. Blood ran down her ankle, the cuff having cut into her flesh a little, but her ankle was fine...and she was free. Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she stood up. She squeezed the concrete in her hand. She quickly grabbed a long piece of discarded lumber and stood up. 

She was going to kill the Creeper. 

* 

Joker dropped down into the sewers, landing in a crouch, his eyes darting this way and that. There was dim lighting down here and the sound of water echoed everywhere. Joker stood up with a dark smile on his red lips. Before he came down to visit Creeper, he had decided to swing by the kitchen. He needed a knife—knives were so much more fun than guns. With a knife you got to get up close, really got to see the person and enjoy their final moments as the light left their eyes, if one were so inclined. Usually, Joker didn't care, but this time he wanted to enjoy Ryder's final breaths. No one was allowed to touch his toys...no one. But especially important, no one was permitted to touch his girl, Harley—she belonged to him. Joker closed his eyes for a moment. A spike of white hot rage bubbled up from within him. He was seldom angry; usually he just didn't care enough, unless it was funny. Like the hit on his life. He didn't really care about that...it was annoying and maybe even slightly funny, but otherwise, it was standard dribble. 

But Creeper, Ryder, taking Harley? Joker smiled grimly as he thought about killing Ryder straight out, but no, no. Where was the fun in that? 

He planned on enjoying this kill...he was going to make Ryder laugh, over and over and over again.


	13. Playing Games

Harley frowned with narrowed eyes as she tried to get her bearings in the dimly lit tunnels. This place was far larger than she had anticipated and she had been unconscious when that bozo brought her down here. It was dark, the light a sick urine yellow, wet and foul down here. 

Harley pouted. She had no clue how to get back to the asylum. The whole situation just made her more angry and more determined to kill Creeper. Squeezing the concrete in her hand, she walked carefully. She had tossed the piece of wood she had carried with her, already having swung it at a rat and the damn piece of wood had shattered, but at least the rat was dead...wasn't a complete loss. Harley took a breath shuddering as she walked. She was barefoot which meant she was feeling everything as she moved, her bare feet sliding and slipping on the damp, slick stone of the sewer. She felt the soft, wet squish of things between her toes. Harley shuddered and said more than once in the past few minutes, “EWWWW!!!” 

She growled and shuddered again as she made gagging noises. 

“I am going to rip your eyes out Creeper!” she hissed to herself. Imagining his eyeballs in her hands and her squeezing them didn't help with the slimy feeling, but it certainly made her more cheerful while she stumbled around the dimly lit sewers. 

* 

Creeper crouched in darkness in a side tunnel not too far away from the entrance to the sewers as he listened for Joker. He didn't have any weapons with him; he had his bare hands, which would work well enough. Creeper giggled to himself, thinking about how he was going to beat the crap out of Joker, beat him within an inch of his life, humiliate him and then take his woman from him, becoming the hero again!! He had thought seriously about just killing Joker and dumping his body down here, but Batman had told him over and over again that if he started to kill the villains, it only made him a villain too. So he was just going to hurt the Joker bad, really bad. 

* 

Joker smiled as he took a deep breath of the stale, heavy air of the sewer and stretched his arms out to his sides. 

“Ah...the fun is just about to begin,” he said to himself. “Nothing gets the blood pumping like the thought of murder!” 

He laughed and reached down to pull off the asylum slippers, flexing his toes. Now he could have a better grip on the slick surfaces of the sewer and move more silently. He snickered and started to walk lightly down the tunnel making no sound at all. The lights were sallow, weak and watery, the dark corners were black, bottomless spaces leading to the abyss if one gazed at them too long. The dark corners reminded him of shadowy pools of endless night. It was beautiful. 

Joker walked swiftly with the self assurance of someone who knew exactly what he was doing and where he was going. He knew all about the room down here not too far from where he entered the sewer. Finding the room where Ryder had kept Harley was done quickly and easily. He could smell Harley on the air, even through the stench of the filth down here. His eyes adjusted to the dimmer light in this room to see that the bolted down bed was still there. For a moment Joker laughed with the memories of tortures he had performed here himself. He sighed. 

“Good times,” he muttered as he crouched down balanced easily on the balls of his bare feet. He reached out to pick up the remains of shackles that were attached to the bed. 

Joker examined the shackled, turning them back and forth, then he saw the stain of blood on the rusted metal. Joker's smile vanished. Pressing his lips together, his lips trembled with fury. 

He dropped the shackles, then turned on the balls of his feet standing up in one fluid movement stepping out of the tiny room, ripping off this asylum shirt as he did so...he started to laugh, loud and long, so hard that he had to lean a hand that held the knife against the wall. 

“It's time for some fun and games Ryder...FUN AND GAMES!” Joker opened his mouth and another laugh echoed through the sewer tunnels, a laugh that held the promise of brutal violence. 

* 

Creeper perked up hearing the laugh. He frowned—how did he miss the Joker? Surely he would have heard him moving or the ever present laugh. Creeper cursed to himself just before he started to move swiftly down the tunnel following the sound of the Joker's laughter. 

* 

Harley gasped with sudden joy, a wide smile blossoming to life. Puddin!! Her Puddin was here!! She started to run, but then she slipped and fell to her knees. Pain shot up her thighs as she dropped to her hands. She hissed, but she also realized she had no idea where she was or how to get to him! She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, but then she heard the laugh of Creeper echoing off the walls. He was following her puddin! That...that...CREEP! 

“Mistah J!! PUDDIN!!! I HEAR YOU!!” Harley yelled hoping Joker would hear and come find her. Harley narrowed her eyes as anger burned away the pain. Her puddin was here and Creeper was going to try to hurt her puddin! She pushed herself to her feet. No one hurts my puddin!! she thought in protective anger. She could find her way to him. She knew she could, she had to... 

* 

Joker had his blade out as he slowly came around the slime-covered corner. Just as soon as he was around the corner, Creeper leapt from the darkness. He had been holding himself up on the ceiling, his hands and feet pressed on either side of the tunnel hiding in the dark just before dropping onto Joker's back, wrapping his hands around the Joker's neck and his legs around Joker's waist. Joker hissed struggling to pull the other man off as Creeper's fingers pressed down into his throat. Joker stumbled backwards as Creeper leaned back, utilizing all his weight to haul Joker backwards while at the same time Creeper's fingers pressed into the soft flesh of Joker's throat trying to choke him. Joker hissed against the lack of air and threw himself forward and over. The two men hit the shallow sewer water with a loud splash. Joker rolled until he was pressing Ryder's back into the stone flooring of the sewer tunnel. 

Joker snarled, bring the blade in his hand up. He sunk the blade deep into one of Creeper's hands in a swift powerful thrust, the blade going through Ryder palm and pricking Joker's own throat. Ryder let out a cry as the blade cut through the soft tissue, slicing tendons and scraping against the bone between his middle and fourth finger. Ryder had no choice as his hand opened and he lost his grip on his enemy. 

Joker yanked the blade out, creating a small arc of blood at the same moment Creeper's grip with the wounded hand came free. Joker grabbed the bloody hand with his free hand bringing it to his mouth where he bit into the wound, his teeth causing blood to spurt out across his red lips and white chin and cheeks. Creeper screamed again. Joker laughed, releasing Creeper's hand. Joker's teeth and mouth were covered in blood as Joker rolled to his feet taking Ryder with him before he threw Creeper over his head. Creeper struck the wall, but he twisted himself around before he impacted with the brick so that his feet hit the stone and let him launch himself back at Joker, barreling into the other man, flinging Joker against the wall. Joker hit hard, bouncing off the stones, though his grin never faltered. He kept his feet and with a laugh he came forward, his hand holding the blade made a few graceful stabs and thrusts forcing Creeper to take several steps backward to avoid another wound. 

Ryder snapped out one hand and managed to grab the wrist of the hand holding the blade. Ryder yanked the arm up to the side and then bounced up to deliver a powerful two legged kick to Joker's chest. He didn't let go of Joker as he rode him down to the ground, leaning down to leer at Joker. 

Creeper sneered down at Joker, his face close enough that Joker could kiss him. 

“You're going to die tonight, Joker.” All thoughts of simply leaving Joker beaten had flown from the Creeper's mind. 

Joker laughed, breaking the hold on his wrist with a swift movement and grabbed Creeper's head with both his hands yanking him closer and kissed him, pressing his bloody lips against Creeper's. Ryder's eyes widened in panic as he struggled to yank himself away from Joker. With a growling laugh, Joker let go with one hand to bring his blade around to slash Ryder across the chest. The wound was shallow, but bled freely. Then while Ryder struggled, Joker sliced his opponent again creating a, “X” across the man's chest. 

Joker finally loosed his hold on his attacker to allow Creeper to jump back with a hiss of pain. 

Joker laughed. “Oh I suppose our romance is over?” 

Creeper grinned. “You're sick.” 

Joker smiled a wide toothy grin. “Oh, you just now figured that out?” 

Creeper lashed out, his long fingernails cut cross the arm that Joker brought up to block the blow. Joker laughed again with no reaction to the gouges that Creeper's attack had cut across his arm.. 

“Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you.” Joker snickered, quoting Groucho Marx as he twisted away from Creeper again. 

Creeper snarled with spittle flying from his lips, “I'm going to kill you Joker! Harley is mine!” 

Joker laughed. “Oh, did you have a crush on my girl Creeper?” Joker laughed as he danced forward to slash at Creeper, moving gracefully in a series of thrusts which forced the yellow-skinned man to leap backwards several times. 

Ryder slid across the slime covered floor, dropping down into a crouch, one leg shooting out for a roundhouse sweep with his leg that knocked Joker off his feet. Joker slammed backwards hitting the stone floor, but he didn't stay there for more than a moment. He threw his hands over his head, (never loosing his grip on is blade), and snapped himself to his feet. 

Joker moved so swiftly that he surprised Creeper when he lunged forward and took several swipes at the yellow-skinned man. Creeper didn't move fast enough; one swipe cut him across the shoulder, another across his cheek. Though Creeper avoided the worst of the slashing attacks, most of the scores that Joker landed were shallow. Creeper launched himself at Joker, again slamming his feet into Joker's chest which sent Joker stumbling backwards. 

Joker snarled throwing out one arm, digging the fingers of one hand against the wall to prevent himself from losing his footing, breaking fingernails as he did so. He rushed forward, ducking one of Ryder's pummeling fists. Joker held the blade down so that the blade ran along his forearm; when he was close enough to Creeper, he threw a punch. 

Creeper leaned back from Joker's fist, but while the fist didn't connect, the blade left an open wound in its wake. 

Creeper hissed, dancing to the side, his fist flying. He managed to block Joker's next two attacks, and score one of his own hitting Joker in the chest again. Ryder bounced backwards like a yellow ape, then came forward again. He lashed out with his fists. Joker blocked one with one sweeping forearm, but the other got under Joker's guard hitting him in the stomach. Joker took a step backwards, but he just laughed and surprised Creeper when he grabbed Creeper on the top of his head. Joker pushed him down while at the same time he used the momentum of the downward shove on Creeper's head to push himself up doing a perfect over hand backwards flip landing on his feet while shoving Creeper forcefully forward. 

* 

Harley heard the sounds of fighting, but most importantly she heard the sounds of laughter. Puddin!! Her puddin was close! She turned down a passage she was certain would lead her to her love, moving as quickly as she could. 

* 

Creeper hit the wall as Joker turned, but he used the wall to launch himself at Joker, striking him across the jaw hard with his knobby fist. Joker's head snapped to the side, the blow splitting his bottom lip. His blood poured down his chin to mingle with the blood from Creeper's hand, dripping onto his chest. Joker smiled wider as the blood dripped down his lip, staining his teeth redder. “Was that supposed to hurt sweetheart? You're going to have to try harder...” He giggled. 

Creeper looked disconcerted by Joker's reaction. 

“Wanna another kiss, big boy?” Joker laughed licking the blood off his lips. 

Creeper snarled, running at him on all fours, Joker dropped into a wide crouch, the bloody blade in his right hand, ready for him when suddenly a figure came running out of one of the side tunnels and hit Creeper in the side, both of them sliding across the slime and muck hard enough into the opposite wall that dust and bits of stone fell on them. 

Harley pulled away from Creeper enough to rise up on her knees with both hands over her head. Joker's eyebrows lifted in pleasant surprise as she brought her piece of cement down on Creeper to hit him across the face while she screamed. 

“YOU TOOK ME PRISONER!! I HATE YOU! YOU TOUCHED MY PUDDIN TOO!! NO ONE TOUCHES MY PUDDIN!!” 

Harley and Creeper rolled again. Ryder, his face bloody from Harley's savage assault, managed to get her on her back, pinning her arms, but Harley had a death grip on her rock. Ryder pleaded with her. “Harley! Stop!! I'm doing this for us!” 

Harley glared back. “There is no us, creepo.” 

With that she brought her legs up to wrap them around Creeper's waist and with a cry she yanked him off of her. Creeper fell backwards, his hands still around Harley's wrist tugging her with him. But his mistake was that this put Harley on top of him. 

She landed on top of him and with a scream, she yanked one wrist free. She punched him in the face as hard as she could. 

Creeper took a few good hits, raising his arm up to protect his face. He reached out swiftly, gripping Harley's wrists again and squeezed. She screamed in pain and dropped her hunk of cement. 

Joker snarled, though his laugh never faltered. “Let her go, Creeper!” 

Creeper got to his feet yanking Harley with him. She screamed in pain, but she did her best to kick at Creeper. Joker hissed and the madness in his eyes flared; his grin became wider, feral, maniacal. “Let her go now, Creeper!” 

Creeper ignored Joker twisting around to slam Harley up against the wall, once, twice, three times in quick succession. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!” Ryder yelled until Harley stopped struggling, but within the next moment Joker was on his back plunging the blade into the side of Creeper's neck. Joker shoved it to the hilt, licking Ryder's ear. 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Joker whispered. 

“Tsk tsk tsk,” he admonished his foe. “Gotta say, I thought you'd last longer and I am very disappointed in you Ryder, very disappointed. But what can I say? Sometimes the joke is just over.” Joker laughed as he twisted the blade in Ryder's neck. 

Ryder's eyes were wide and he jerked with the pain, but then Joker yanked the knife out sending a beautiful crimson arc of blood into the air as more blood started pouring out of Ryder's neck. Ryder dropped, his eyes wide as he convulsed a few more times, the blood pool expanding swiftly. Joker stood over him with a wide smile. He only stayed there a moment before he hurried over to Harley. 

He dropped to his knees sliding the bloody knife into the band on his pants. He lifted her onto his lap brushing her hair back from her face. A trickle of blood ran down from her forehead and along her face. 

“Open your eyes, poo...” he whispered. 

Harley's eyes fluttered open taking a moment to focus on Joker's face. “Hey puddin.” 

Joker laughed. “Hey poo.” 

Then he kissed her. Harley moaned softly wrapping her arms around his neck. Joker kissed her harder. He pulled back with a wide grin. “Can you stand?” 

“Yeah, I can.” Joker helped her to her feet. She wobbled a little, but then her smile grew when she saw Creeper lying on the ground. She walked over and started kicking him. 

Her voice was a snarl. “No one does that to me!! No one!!” She kicked him so hard she was causing blood to squirt from his neck which had Joker laughing. 

“Okay lollipop, let's go.” Joker giggled reaching for her hand. 

“He's nice and dead.” He giggled again. 

Harley glared down at Ryder then gave him another good kick with a laugh. 

She turned back to her puddin with a bounce in her step. 

“Where are we going?” Harley took his hand, letting him lead her down the tunnel. 

“Home,” he answered with a soft smile. 

* 

Black Skull stood waiting for his men to report to him what had happened. He had sent them into Arkham, but oddly he had heard nothing. No chaos, no gunfire, no explosions....nothing. He was standing in the shadows of the gate with his hands clasped behind his back. Another half hour went by and the men he had sent him began wandering back to him. 

One of the men came up to Black Mask looking nervous. 

Black Mask narrowed his eyes, the skull face giving the tiny gesture more menace. “So where is he?” 

“Boss. We went to the cell you told us to, but he wasn't there.” 

“Wasn't there? Is this a joke?” Mask took a step toward the man. The hitman did his best to not shudder. 

“No sir. We found a dead guard and a nurse who was still alive, but no Joker. His girlfriend you told us about—she's missing too.” 

Black Mask cursed. He closed his eyes in frustration. Where on earth could Joker have gone? Mask winced, turning his back on the men. He didn't want them to see his moment of weakness. Things had been so confusing of late, missing hours during the day, information he had been getting from the asylum with no idea who this new source of information was...all he knew for sure was that he wanted the Joker. The Joker had to pay for what he had done to him. 

And Black Mask would make certain that Joker paid dearly.


	14. All the Madmen loose on the Streets

Arkham sat up straight in his desk chair, awakened by the loud and insistent sounds of banging at his office door. He frowned in confusion as he looked at the door and then around his office. He had no memory of coming into the office and as he looked down at himself he frowned; the suit he was wearing was not one he remembered owning. Whoever was knocking became more determined. Arkham ran a confused hand over his face and reached for his glasses that were sitting on the side of the desk. He slipped them on as he yelled, “Come in.” 

Strange entered along with the head of security, Mr. Cash. Arkham frowned, unable to recall Cash's first name. 

“Dr. Arkham, we have a big problem.” Cash spoke up first, glancing at Strange who gestured for him to continue. “Sir, we have a dead guard, an unconscious nurse and three escaped patients.” 

Arkham perked up, a problem other than his memory. Good, he thought. “Three patients? Who?” 

Strange stepped forward. “Jack Ryder, The Joker and Dr. Harleen Quinzel, or Harley Quinn as she likes to be called now.” 

Arkham stuck his fingers under his glasses and rubbed his eyes until he saw spots. 

“What's being done to find them?” 

Cash cleared his throat. “Well, sir, I would like to make a complete search of the facility and I need to search every patient's cell.” 

Strange sighed. “I suggest we bring the patients out to the yard in groups while the guards do a section by section search. We may have to sedate a few of the patients, but I think we can make this search reasonably painless.” 

Arkham blinked several times after he finished rubbing his eyes. He glanced at Strange who nodded with encouragement. 

Arkham cleared his throat. “Alright. Let's get started as soon as possible.” 

* 

Harley was shivering by the time Joker finally found the tunnel he wanted. She was sore, she smelled bad and she was wet through and through. Joker should have been worse off than her since he was shirtless, but he seemed unaffected by the damp and cold. Though she could see the goosebumps on his pale skin, Joker never reacted. 

Joker grinned when he finally found what he was looking for, indicated by a large smile on the tunnel wall. “This, my dear, drains into the Gotham river!” 

“Do we have to swim?” she asked trying not to sound pitiful. 

Joker laughed. “No, no, we are simply going to walk out. 'Course we will have to find a car...maybe some clothes...a little makeup...” He tapped his long fingers on his chin for a moment and then shrugged. “Come, my cupcake...let's go.” 

They found their way to the end of the pipe. The wide opening exited out into the moonlight of the early morning; the sun was still several hours away from rising over Gotham. 

Joker grinned wide, stretching his arms out wide to encompass the city. “Ah! Smell that industrial air!” 

Harley smiled and flung her arms out and started to dance around in a circle. “FREEDOM!!!” 

She reached out to grab Joker's hands and spun him around with her. They both laughed. Joker yanked her into the circle of his arms and kissed her hard, leaning back from her lips only to whisper. “Let's go murdering darling.” 

Harley giggled. “Oh let's!” 

* 

The two of them stood out as they walked the stretch of road leading away from Arkham Asylum, with Joker only wearing his asylum pants and barefoot, and Harley in her own asylum clothes, also barefoot having lost her slippers hours ago. Both of them were bloody, damp and covered in who knew what disgusting film from the sewers. They couldn't simply hitchhike without someone knowing they were escaped patients. The two of them were going to have to walk to the mainland, steal some clothes, then get themselves a vehicle...simple really. Joker surprised Harley by taking her hand as they started their hike and hide routine off Mercy Island. He swung their hands between them as if they were simply on a Sunday walk in the park. 

While they were working their way toward Gotham, the clouds above them decided that now was the time to open up. The rain came down in sheets. Luckily for them, at this hour there was little to no traffic coming or going to the asylum, plus with the rain and darkness, hiding was a simple matter for them. Harley frowned as she glared up at the clouds. She was cold and wet, the only upside being that the rain had washed off some of the blood and the slime from the sewers. 

It took them several hours to finally make their way off the main road into Gotham. Joker was humming happily, though Harley was shivering so much that her teeth had begun to chatter. Joker said nothing about her discomfort; he simply put his arm around her shoulders with a bright smile on his face. 

“No worries, my dear! We are finally hitting the big city! I will have you warm and cozy in no time!” 

Harley smiled weakly, but she was shivering too much to say anything in return. 

* 

By the time they arrived in Otisburg, it was clear they needed a place to hole up for the rest of the night. Harley was dragging her sore feet; she was so exhausted she probably could have fallen asleep right in the street. As they stepped into an alleyway, Harley leaned over with her hands on her knees and took a deep breath, trying to muster a second wind. Joker seemed immune to the wet, the cold and exhaustion. He finally squatted down to look in her eyes smiling brightly at her. “Come on Harls, on my back.” 

“You sure puddin?” Harley was still shivering and her lips twitched, but couldn't quite form a grin. 

Joker gave her a wink. “Come on pumpkin.” 

She crawled onto his back. Joker adjusted her with a quick boost, wrapping his arms around her legs. Her lover stood easily, adjusting her a little more before he started to walk again. 

* 

They made their way down a quiet street looking for a place to take shelter for the night when a gang of six men came out of an alley to block their path. They were all armed, though if they had firearms they were not displaying them. One man had a bat, another a pair of “brass” knuckles. Two others had knives, a small wirely looking man carried what looked like a simple 2x4 with half a dozen nails hammered into it and yet another was armed with a battered looking baton. 

One of them, the tall heavily muscled man holding the baton, his face heavily tattooed to resemble a skull, stepped in front of the small group. “There's a toll to pass through here. You gotta pay if you want to walk our streets....” The man looked Joker up and down. “Ya freak.” 

The man who confronted them laughed, his boys joining in, but Joker frowned while setting Harley down on her feet. 

“Now, I know I'm not looking my best at the moments gents, but really...freak? Tsk tsk.” Joker made a mocking sad face and shook his head slightly. 

The spokesman glanced at Harley smiling. “You leave her with us, we'll let you pass.” 

Joker glanced at Harley as if he were thinking the man's proposal over, rubbing his chin in thought. Joker turned back around and grinned 

“Nope, she's mine, sorry fellows, but you're going to have to get another gal.” 

The spokesman sneered. “Look...clown. Give us the girl and we might let you walk, otherwise we are going to kill you and take the girl anyway. Your choice man.” 

Harley snarled. “No one touches me but Mistah J! Anyone who does is going to lose his balls!” 

Joker laughed. “Oh, she is a spitfire that one.” 

Joker smiled then folded one arm across his naked chest and rested his elbow on his arm. He tapped his fingers on his chin. “Hmmm...you know what I think? I think Harls my sweet, we are just going to have to kill them. Don't you?” 

Harley, her vigor renewed at being insulted and pissed off nodded eagerly. 

“Yup puddin, I think you're right.” 

The punks looked confused. Joker pulled the blade he had kept from his fight with Creep. He slid the blade out from the base of his back, slowly bringing it around and holding it in front of his face examining it for a moment as if he had never seen it before. He smile at the gang, the weak streetlight glistening off his damp skin, his green hair wet and slicked back from his face lying flat against his head, and his back slightly arched as he grinned. Only a fool would be blinded to the predator before them. 

Harley started giggling. The sound was almost cute, but maniacal. The men hadn't noticed when she walked over and picked up a dented metal trash can lid lying on its side against the sidewalk. 

The group of men all shared a look, and then the tattooed leader laughed. “You two really are clowns.” He motioned at his boys. “Kill him and take the woman.” 

Joker giggled as did Harley. The first man, the one holding the bat had a shaggy head of black hair. He was also a little bit shorter than Joker, but more heavily muscled. He resembled a bulldog with his squashed features and when he shrugged out of his jacket Joker and Harley could see that he had sleeve work on both arms. He walked toward Joker, his bat at the ready, overly confident as he gave the bat an experimental swing. It was clear to Harley that he wasn't going to stand a chance. He was too cocky and too stupid to realize what he was doing as he stepped closer to Joker with his bat held over his shoulder. He was confident that his reach was longer and he could simply swing and crush Joker's hand holding the blade. 

The man grinned. “So how badly you want to get hurt clown?” 

The man swung, but Joker leaned back like a dancer, the bat missing. The weapon simply glided over the top of Joker's chest with a swoosh of air. As the man over extended himself and started to fall forward, Joker grabbed him by an arm. Joker's long fingers wrapped tight around the punk's wrist using the man's arm to yank himself back up. In a smooth slice, Joker dragged the blade in his other hand across the punk's neck; the power behind the move drove the blade not just across his throat, but deep, cutting all the way to the man's spine. It wasn't so much the sharpness of the blade that managed to make the cut so deep as it was the power of the blow from Joker. 

Joker, still holding on to the man's wrist, swung the swiftly dying man around, using his body as another weapon, throwing the dying goon toward his leader. 

“Here ya go boys!! You can have him back! I added a ventilation system! New and improved punk!” 

The group's leader yelped jumping out of the way of the body. Just as Joker let go of the man's wrist, he grabbed the bat from the man's loosened grip with a laugh. “Oh look! A bat...” Joker's smile turned deadly. “Whose next?” 

One of the knife wielders came at Harley, thinking her the easy target. She gave him a wicked smile, both seductive and deadly. 

“You want to play big boy?” Harley asked. “I like to play,” she hissed. While she wasn't as skilled at fighting as Joker, she made up for her lack of skills with her viciousness. 

“Come on pretty we'll make sure you have fun, I promise.” The street thug grinned showing off missing teeth. 

Harley shuddered in revulsion. 

“Eww!! Are you kidding me? I like playing, but you are really not my type.” Then she swung her trash can lid with all her strength. She hit the man in the face with enough force and speed that she immediately broke his nose. The guy yelped stumbling back from her. Harley grinned and dropped her lid in favor of doing a cartwheel. Then, instead of going into another cartwheel, she landed on her hands, pushed herself up and forward, her feet slamming into the goon with the bleeding nose with enough power that she knocked his breath from his lungs. The man fell onto his back hard enough that he was gasping trying to pull air into his lungs. As he fell, Harley continued her forward momentum and landed on the snaggled-toothed punk, crouched on top of his chest. She reached out, snatched his knife from him and with a beatific smile, plunged it through his eye and into his brain. 

She giggled happily. “Teach you to try and touch a lady without her permission.” She tilted her head to the side as she murmured. “I told you I liked to play.” 

She hopped up only to just barely avoid the thug with the brass knuckles. He swung at her, the knuckles brushing along her jaw and lightly scraping the skin, stinging, but otherwise causing no damage. Harley snarled as she leaned back and continued into a back flip, her feet coming up and hitting her attacker hard under his chin. She caused his teeth to snap shut, but the surprise kick to his chin caused the goon to bite the tip of his tongue off. 

Harley did a few more leaps backwards. (Harleen cheered her, surprised at how much of her gymnastics training was not only coming in handy, but also that she actually remembered so much of it.). 

Harley landed in a crouched with a wicked gleam in her eyes. The man spit the tip of his tongue on the ground, blood flooding from his mouth. He snarled in pain, his words garbled. “I'm going to make you hurt bitch!” 

That was when the thug noticed she had his buddy's blade in her hand. He glanced toward his friends corpse, the blade in his eye missing. 

She giggled. “I would say it was knife to know you, but it wasn't.” She giggled again. The thug snarled and hissed. “No bitch is going to get the best of me!” 

He charged her, moving swiftly for a heavy guy, but Harley was lithe and quick, even cold and tired. She dodged his bull's charge performing a spin before she leapt onto the man's back just as he stumbled past her. She buried her newly acquired blade into the back of his neck. She managed to push with enough force that the tip of the blade came out the front of his neck. 

She pushed herself off to land in a crouch with a giggling smile. “There!! You had a knife?...Get it...have enough had a knife?” She looked down at the dead man in front of her and sighed. 

“No appreciation for bad puns.” 

* 

Joker leaned on the bat as if it were a cane and grinned at two of the other goons, the punk with a knife and the wiry one carrying the piece of lumber. The now dwindled gang's leader glared at him. They were moving around him trying to flank him, one on either side while the leader kept Joker's attention focused on him. Joker had to laugh. How stupid did they think he was? Apparently they thought he was stupid as they were. Joker sighed then. He was splattered with blood from the man he had just killed, but he didn't seem to care in the least. He stood there smiling at them, waiting for one of them to make the first move. 

The leader glanced at the man with the knife and the other with the nail adorned board and motioned with his head for both of them to move. The knife holding thug seemed to have at least a concept of what a survival instinct was because he hissed at his boss. “I don't know...he's going to kill me.” 

The leader snarled. “He might, but you know for a fact that I will, so do what I say.” 

The knife wielding man stepped closer to Joker who only smiled serenely as he played with his bloody knife rolling it over the fingers of one hand while still leaning on the bat. The rain, which had dried up to a drizzle started to come down heavier again though it did little to wash the blood away. 

“I'm waiting....” he sang softly, his eyes flashing as he weaved in place. 

The leader shoved his man forward. Knife-guy let out a roar of rage and came at Joker who didn't move until the last possible moment. Joker sidestepped and tossed the bat forward, causing the goon coming at him to stumble over it. With an easy movement Joker twisted around dragging his blade along the man's side, through the clothing and into the flesh of his opponent. He left a cut so deep in the flesh on the man's side, that blood exploded in a curtain down his side. Joker continued to drag the weapon in a wicked line up from the man's side and in a curve that reached up to the man's shoulder. The goon dropped with a cry, his knife skittering across the wet pavement. 

The one holding the 2x4 came at Joker then; he ran with his board held over his shoulder like a bat. Joker dropped and rolled across the pavement with ease, rolling over the bat and grabbed it up as he did so, coming to his feet in one elegant movement worthy of an experienced dancer. He swung his weapon and the solid piece of wood hit the goon charging him, snapping his attacker's head to the side with a loud crack of wood meeting flesh and bone.

The guy dropped to the alley floor, but amazingly he wasn't unconscious. He managed to keep a grip on his weapon and staggered to his feet. Joker was actually fairly surprised that the punk had managed to get up, which gave the punk the opportunity to strike with the board. Some of its nails caught Joker across the shoulder, cutting deep bloody lines along his chalk white flesh. 

Joker stumbled back with a hiss of pain. His eyes turned darker, but his grin actually widened. 

“Oh, now that smarted. I think I might have to teach you a lesson.” 

Joker took a hard swing, hitting the man in the arm holding the board. As the bat struck the man's forearm, bones broke with a loud crack, dropping him to the ground. Joker started to laugh as he strolled closer and began to bring the bat down, again and again and again. Over and over the bat came down on the man who stopped making any noises after the first five seconds. The gang's leader stared horrified while Joker beat the other man until his head cracked open, spilling its contents across the wet pavement, the whole while laughing maniacally. 

When Joker stopped, the bat was covered in blood, bits of bone and brains. Joker took a deep breath and put the bat down to lean on it like a cane again, running his other hand through his damp hair slicking it back from his face. 

“Well...that's a lot more work than I usually like to do...but oh well sometimes you have to put some muscle into it.” He grinned with lifted brows as he turned to look at the gang's leader. Joker lifted the bat, swinging it around for a moment before he rested the bat on his shoulder. 

Joker laughed when he saw the gang leader's expression. “Oh, now look at that...it's just you and me. Wanna make out now?” Joker waggled his eyebrows at the gang's leader. 

The head of the small (now-dead) gang sneered and mustered his anger. “I'm going to wipe that smile off your face clown!” 

The man was about to charge Joker when suddenly a metal trash can lid came flying out of nowhere and slammed into the back of the leader's head with a resounding CLANG. 

The man went face down into the pavement a pace from Joker's feet. 

Joker looked down with a slight frown on his face then looked back up to see Harley strolling toward him. 

She grinned. “Puddin!!” 

She ran to him and leapt into his arms. Joker laughed, dropping the bat to catch her. He held her tightly and swung her around so that her legs flung out for a moment. 

“Harley! Having fun my little candy cane?” he inquired as he rubbed his nose against hers. 

She grinned as she wrinkled her nose. 

Joker sighed as he looked around. “I think, my sweet, we should take their clothing. None of them will be needing it.” 

Harley made a gagging face, but she did as Mistah J said. He was right, after all; they needed some clothes to blend in until they could make their way to his home. For now they were going to have to find someplace to stay for the night. 

Joker strolled over to the unconscious gang leader, lifting his head up. He smiled and cut the man's throat, then laid his head back down patting him absently. 

* 

Harley was working on undressing the smallest of the gang members with the least amount of damage to his clothing when she heard something jingle in his pants pocket. She gagged again sticking out her tongue in disgust as she rooted around in his pockets until she came up with a key ring. As she sorted through the keys she was pretty sure she found an apartment key and a car key. 

“Hey puddin, look what I found!” She held up the key ring and jingled it. Joker was just sliding his arms into one of the dead men's shirts. “Oh perfect, pumpkin pie! Take his wallet, we can stay at his place tonight.” 

Harley made a face, sticking her tongue out and wrinkling her nose. 

Joker gave her a stern look. “Harley, if you are going to be running with me, my dearest, you have to get over your disgust at going through dead people's pockets. Sometimes you find the most interesting things...sometimes you also find whatever it was you were there for...which was why you killed them...so you just have to go through pockets.” 

Harley shivered. “Maybe if they didn't feel like dead fish. I hate fish.” 

Joker turned to look at her, staring a hole into her until she looked up at him. 

“What?” She looked confused. 

“Never insult fish Harley.” Joker frowned. 

“Oh...okay.” Harley grimaced and went back to pulling the wallet out. 

She rifled through the wallet finding his address and a couple of hundred dollar bills. 

Joker grinned. “I think we should go through a drive-through before we head to bed for the night. Don't you pooh?” 

Harley grinned brightly. “Can I get a milkshake?” she asked as she pulled on an only slightly bloody hoodie. 

“Of course you can! Come on, let's go find his car!” 

* 

It didn't take long for them to find the car. It was parked behind a dumpster in the alley. The car was a slightly beat up Escalade with bullet holes in the doors. A quick search of the vehicle turned up some little of interest, except in the glove compartment, which held a pistol. 

“Bet he wishes he had brought that now.” Joker snickered. 

They pulled out and headed to the first fast food restaurant they could find. Harley drove them up to the menu board and Joker leaned over on her so he get a better look. 

“Hmmm....we should order a dozen cheeseburgers.” Joker nodded sagely. 

Harley giggled. “I want onion rings!” 

Joker, his face nearly touching hers, gave her a shocked look. “Well of course we need onion rings!” 

They both laughed and ordered a dozen apple pies, a box of chicken nuggets, two colas and two chocolate shakes along with their cheeseburgers. They decided to actually “pay” for their food since it wasn't really their money and neither one of them felt like dealing with the police tonight. Besides, Joker pointed out, it would be a change of pace. 

* 

Joker unwrapped a burger and held it for Harley to take a bite from while she drove and he gave her directions based on the address in the dead man's wallet. 

Finally they arrived at the dead man's home. It wasn't much to look at, a dingy apartment building in one of Gotham's poor neighborhoods. The building was quiet except for the sound of a baby crying somewhere in the distance. They found the apartment number and Harley opened the door to let them in. 

The place was a mess. Clearly their dead friend didn't believe in cleaning, but there was fresh juice in the fridge, a shower and a bed. 

Harley flopped down on the couch, an old orange monstrosity that was surprisingly comfortable. 

“I need a shower Mistah J,” she groaned. 

Joker, who was turning lights on and looking into the other two rooms in the apartment, looked around a corner at her. 

“Last one in is a rotten egg!” 

Joker took off down the tiny hall. Harley squealed at him, “Cheater!!” 

She stripped off her bloody, borrowed clothing leaving them lying on the floor as she ran to catch up, but Joker had stripped on the way and left his clothing everywhere too causing her to trip over them. She pouted when she got to the tiny bathroom, but her pout immediately turned into a smile. Standing there naked, dried blood on his body from his cuts and nicks and bruises forming on his pale skin, Joker stood waiting for her. He had a huge grin on his face. As Harley's eyes traveled down his body, she licked her lips at the sight of his erection. 

Joker giggled. “You coming?” 

“Oh yeah, puddin!” Harley hurriedly stripped out of the remains of her bloody clothing. Joker had already stepped into the small shower. She could hear the sound of the water changing rhythm while Joker moved under the shower. As soon as she kicked off her undies Harley pulled the curtain back and jumped into the tub. 

The shower was cramped with barely enough space for the two of them. Joker had his back to her letting the hot water run over him. Harley watched the water run down his back, washing away the grime and blood. The water flowed down his muscles, the arch of his spine, caressing while it flowed down his rear which made Harley want to reach out and squeeze his backside. 

(Harleen actually giggled in the corner of Harley's mind where she had been resigned, making Harley smile. It was kinda nice when the two of them could agree on something.). 

Joker turned around as he ran his hands over his head pushing his hair back and grinned at her. He reached out to take her hands and yanked her against him. 

“Let's clean you up baby,” he said in a low, provocative tone. 

Joker grabbed the bar of soap and rubbed it between his hands, his eyes sparkling with that devilish inner light that Harley loved to see. He started to run the bar of soap and one soapy hand up and down her body, washing away the sewer, the blood and the Gotham rain. He scrubbed every inch of her slowly and carefully. His hands moved over her breasts, his thumbs rolling over her nipples, pinching them gently then rolling them again. He watched the movement of his hands over her mesmerized by her. Harley moaned as she arched her chest into his touch. The warm tickle of his caresses pooled in her groin causing her whole body to shudder.

Gently, Joker slid his hand down her body from her breasts, caressing her stomach. He dropped into a squat, stroking soapy hands down her legs, massaging and caressing each leg tenderly before sliding a hand between her legs. He took one of her legs, resting it over his shoulder while his hand continued to caress, slipping and sliding against her. 

Harley groaned arching into his soapy touch. She pressed a hand against the wall of the shower to keep her balance. Joker watched her, stroking back and forth until she jerked with a gasp, her hips rocking against his hand. He giggled drawing out her orgasm until she could barely stand on her one leg. She grinned down at him, her face flush while she ran her fingers through his hair. Joker winked at her, setting her leg down before he stood up. 

Harley reached down, taking the soap from him as Joker stood. She began to soap her hands staring into his eyes before running them down his chest. She broke their shared gaze to watch the way the bubbles of soap slipped down over his muscled torso. She ran her soap-covered hands down to his groin, slowly rubbing up and down his erection, causing him to groan softly. Harley made sure to thoroughly wash his shaft before her hands wandered to cup and massage, making sure he was clean everywhere. She then moved her hand to his lean muscled thighs and back up his hips. 

“There Mistah J, all clean...” 

He took the soap from her and set the bar aside grabbing up the shampoo. “Let's wash your hair...” he whispered. Harley didn't say a word, she just let Mistah J turn her around and pour shampoo on her head. He started to rub his fingers through her wet locks, massaging her scalp. Harley's eyes fluttered as he worked. The tender attention was...surprising...though she would never say a word, not wanting to spoil the moment. Joker held her, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaned her back against his chest, taking a step backwards under the shower to rinse her hair. He performed the whole ritual again, shampooing, conditioning and rinsing her hair before he was satisfied. Harley sighed, feeling warm and liquid under his attentions, but now it was his turn. She grabbed the bottle and, with a grin, began washing his thick green hair. 

Joker purred with pleasure as her fingers worked along his scalp. He had dropped to a squat, balancing easily on the balls of his feet with little effort, so she could reach his hair easily, resting his arms on his thighs. 

When she was finished he stood to rinse his hair out. Harley watched him, just admiring his lean muscled figure, the marks of cuts and bruises along his torso only seemed to highlight his body for her. 

When he was done rinsing, he turned to look at her as water rolled down his face and over his deep crimson lips. His eyes were hooded as he stared at her, his gaze burning into her. Without a word, just a smile and a giggle, Joker grabbed her upper arm and led her out of the shower to the hall. She went willingly, letting him guide her out of the bathroom. He opened a small closet door, grabbed a towel from a shelf within, and started to dry her off, rubbing the cloth up and down her body then ruffled her hair with it. He tossed the towel to the floor, grabbed a fresh one and proceeded to dry himself. 

She leaned against the wall, her tongue caught between her teeth as she watched him dry himself, running the fresh towel, down, up and down again, then over his hair. He tossed it on top of the other towel and stared at her. His hair fell forward over his forehead brushing and curling just past his eyes. His grin was in place as he stared at her with a predator's gaze. 

He didn't move, but rather just stared at her. Harley pressed herself against the wall unsure what to do—she felt like moving might be dangerous. Now she knew exactly what it felt to be prey, to know that one wrong move could mean your death...not that she thought her puddin would kill her, but there was definitely something...unhinged about him. Harleen shouted at her to run, to go now before it was too late, that this was what she had tried to warn her about, that the Joker was insane! But Harley ignored her. The danger of him, the unpredictability was part of her attraction to him. She waited to see what he would do. 

Joker stepped in closer to press his arousal against her, his hands slamming down hard on the wall on either side of her head. He smiled down at her chuckling. 

“You are so brave, so good...so pretty...” he purred. “So, so pretty...” 

Harley smiled back up at him, her blue eyes defiant. He didn't scare her and she wanted to make sure he knew that. They stared at each other and Joker started laughing. He stopped only long enough to grasp her jaw. His eyes roamed her face and then he leaned in and kissed her. His kiss was like fire burning through her body and soul. 

Harley reached up to grasp his waist, her fingers digging into his flesh yanking his hips closer. Joker's chuckle rippled over her tongue, his teeth gently caressed her lips. His kiss pressed her against the wall holding her there, her body aching for his hands to touch her, but he didn't...not yet. The feel of his erection pressing against her stomach, hot, burning against her. Damn it, she wanted him so badly! 

Harley rubbed herself against him trying to get him to touch her, but he kept his hands in place on either side of her head. She couldn't stand it much more. She narrowed her eyes in annoyance at him making his smile broaden. 

With an annoyed huff, Harley dropped to her knees and wrapped a hand around his erection. Joker jerked giving her some of the response she wanted from him. She drew his shaft closer, leaning in to trace her lips with the head of him wanting to hear him going weak at her touch. 

Joker stiffened, a groan deep in his throat. She could tell he was fighting it, fighting giving in to her. She smiled. He could make her weak in the knees, make her so that she would do anything for him. Well, she could do the same to him and she was going to show him. She glanced up to see Joker leaned on his hands watching her, his hair having fallen across his forehead, his smile in place. Harley smiled at him, her eyes twinkled with devilish intent just before her tongue rolled over the head of his erection. Joker tensed, a soft barely heard moan on his lips. 

Harley grinned. There was something powerful about having him like this...intimate, a surrender of himself. Ever so slowly she ran her lips up his length savoring the feel of him, hard yet smooth, satin softness in her mouth. The heat of him seemed to pulse against her tongue which she moved in a quick series of tiny jerks against the underside of his shaft. She glanced up at him to see he was still watching her through the slit of his eyes. He smiled down at her, the dim light catching his eyes and causing them to glow as he gazed at her, studying her every movement. 

Harley languidly began to bob her head, up and down taking him in until he nearly touched the back of her throat. Joker gasped, his hips involuntary jerked in her direction. Harley sucked a little harder drawing him closer. With one hand she held him, while Harley dragged her other hand down his stomach to his hip which she grabbed, her fingers pressing into the white flesh hard enough that he would have a bruise in the vague shape of her hand on his side. 

Joker struggled to hold back, but when she pulled back with her mouth, her teeth just slightly dragging on him, he groaned. 

Harley's smile around his member was wicked and happy. He was hers; she had him. She glanced up to see him watching her through those hooded lids, only a sliver of color visible though his lashes. His green hair was curling as it dried hanging in his eyes and his fingers were pressed into the wall leaving grooves in the old worn dry-wall. 

Joker growled. “Mmm....Harley....” 

She pressed her teeth against her bottom lip in a coy smile. “Yes Mistah J?” 

In an instant he had pushed off the wall and reaching down to grab her up. She thought he was going to shove her down the hall toward the bedroom, but he surprised her by picking her up, tossing her over his shoulder, and with a smack on her bare bottom, he carried her to the bedroom. 

Harley started laughing and squealing, pretending to struggle. Joker laughed giving her another light smack on her rear before he dumped her onto the bed. 

She squealed, the bed making an loud creaking whine. Someone above them banged on the floor of the apartment above and yelled for them to be quiet. 

Joker snickered as he dropped down on top of her, sliding his hands under her to cradle the back of her head, long fingers tangling in her hair. He kissed her, a deep soul burning kiss of possession and something else...a hint of tenderness. Harley returned his burning kiss, scorching him in return. As Joker leaned on his left elbow, she could feel him beginning to tease her entrance, rubbing the head of his shaft there softly, which made her ache all the more for him to take her. His mouth grazed down her neck then back to her lips. He rubbed against her, coating himself with her fluids, teasing until Harley whimpered. 

“What are you waiting for puddin!” 

Joker laughed. “I was waiting for that...for you to beg, my Harlequin.” 

With an agonizingly slow movement to follow the tender caress, Joker gradually thrust himself inside her. It was the most delicious, yet most infuriating thing Harley had ever encountered. She wanted him to pound her, to take her fast and hard, but he took his time making her feel as if she would die from the desire to have him inside her, to feel herself surround him. 

He took his time to full immersed himself inside her, his hips pressed against her, pressing himself down and deep. Harley wrapped herself around him, the heels of her feet touching his lower back, her toes pointed with the sheer agonizingly wonderful feel of him inside her. He laughed again. 

“My darlin...” he hissed. He started to moved and his hips took on a slow, steady rhythm that had Harley rolling her eyes with the pleasure of him. She ran her hands up his arms to his shoulders with a deep moan of, “My puddin...” 

All her sore spots, all the pain was forgotten, pushed to the back of her mind for Harleen to deal with while she made love with her puddin. He tangled his fingers in her long white hair, watching her face while he shifted his hips, pressing and rolling, his teeth nipping at her lips until she came with a long, deep moan. 

“Oh PUDDIN!!” 

Her exclamation of pleasure was accompanied by the sound of someone banging on the floor above them. 

Joker chuckled, continuing the steady movements of his hips while his teeth nibbled a trail from her lips to her throat, the bed creaking loudly. 

“I really want to go kill him, but we just showered,” he hissed against her neck. 

Harley moaned on a giggle shoving on Joker's shoulders until he finally let her push him onto his back. They managed to avoid pulling apart as she adjusted herself until she had him how she wanted him inside her. Joker groaned with her jerking and fidgeting adjustments until she pressed her deft hands against his chest and began to roll her hips against his erection. 

“Hhmmm....maybe we'll have to think of a clean way to kill him?” Harley groaned while she rode him. 

Joker pressed his hands against her hips, watching the way her breasts bounced slightly with her movements. 

“Maybe darlin...maybe...Ugghhh Harls...” 

She pressed her body down hard, throwing her head back as another orgasm ripped through her. It rode up her spine and spread warmth through her body. Her inner muscles clutched him, squeezing while her whole body continued to rock back and forth. One of Joker's hands moved down from her hips; his thumb found her clitoris and started to stroke her, rotating the pad of his thumb over her sensitive spot until she was vibrating with the pleasure of it. 

Joker groaned, throwing his head back with a smile dancing across his face. She was incredible, his Harley Quinn. His hands slipped up her torso to her breasts to cup them with his dexterous hands, his thumbs catching her nipples and stroking them in time to the movements of her hips. 

When Harley came again with a gasp and a cry of delight, he couldn't hold back any longer. He squeezed her breasts, his hips jerking up as he cried out. 

“Aaahhh....Harley!!” 

Harley was sure her eyes crossed at the feel of his sudden release, sending her over the edge yet again. 

They both yelled together, a chorus of ecstasy which was accompanied by the loud banging and yelling from above. 

Joker tugged her down to wrap his arms around her torso and cover her face in kisses until she started to laugh. They both started giggling as Joker nibbled at her neck. She grabbed some of the blankets on the old bed and pulled them up over their naked bodies. 

Joker whispered softly. “Sleep. We'll be home tomorrow.”


	15. Three Warning Shots

It was early morning and most of Gotham was still asleep. Bruce Wayne sat in his sun-room with the morning paper and a cup of coffee. Last night's activities had been fairly quiet, nothing strenuous, just a normal night of fighting and capturing thugs and rapists. He had managed to get through the evening without sustaining any major injuries and today he had no meetings. He might actually get to relax. Wayne sipped his coffee with a rare smile. Alfred was in the kitchen cooking a good hearty breakfast, then Bruce planned to get some much needed rest. 

A frown creased his brow as he read about the bodies of a group of gang members that were found this morning. Gang wars and killings were not unusual, but there was something about this particular killing that drew Bruce's attention. All the members were of one gang, a gang that worked for Falcone, The Roman. That was going to be bad enough; gang wars had been started over less, but there was something else...Wayne couldn't put his finger on what it was, but something seemed wrong. Wayne stood, leaving his coffee and the paper heading down to the cave. He needed to do some research. 

* 

Harley lay on her side watching her puddin sleep. She had only gotten a few hours of sleep...she wasn't sure why she was restless unless it was the strange bed or Harleen screeching at her to run away from Joker. Harley wanted to yell at Harleen to make up her mind—either she liked him too or to shut up about the subject. The voices had settled down after that allowing Harley to focus on what was important...her puddin. 

She laid her head down on the pillow and watched him. He had a hand resting on her hip, his other hand under his head. His green hair was a mess, curling around his sharp features. 

Harley swallowed on the well of emotion that sprang up. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him and there was no doubt in her mind that he loved her too. They just couldn't say it aloud. It was an unspoken rule between them...Harley just knew the rule without either one of them saying anything, though she knew if she broke it Joker would never say a word about it...he would act as if he didn't hear anything at all...not a word...especially not those words. 

Stating that they loved each other, out loud, would break the spell that they were currently living under. She couldn't explain it. Harleen sat in the back of her head telling her that it was a complicated co-dependance thing they had going on, but once again, Harley told Harleen to shut up. She knew without a doubt that this was real love and some stupid “doctor” who was quickly becoming the figment of her imagination instead of her alternate self, could go jump off a pier. 

Harley stared at him sleeping. 

Would she die for him? Yes. 

Would she live for him? Yes. 

Would she kill for him? In a heartbeat. 

Would he do the same for her? Harley had no doubts on that score; she knew he would, he would rip the world apart for her. 

She shifted closer to him pressing her head against his chest and wrapping her arms around his slim figure. Joker didn't open his eyes, he simply wrapped his arm tighter around her pulling her close. He rubbed his nose against her hair and kissed her forehead. She moved raising her head to meet his lips with her own. He forced her mouth open with his tongue. Harley moaned softly, rolling her body against him. His hand that had been on her hip slid over her rear then up the back of her thigh. 

Joker giggled, finally opening his eyes to look at her. Harley stared back being pulled into his gaze. His smile was wide. “Roll over Harley,” his whispered against her lips. She smiled rolling over so her back was against him. Joker ran his hand down over her stomach, between her legs, and elegant tapered fingers stroked over her. She groaned at his touch, his finger cool against her then he was lifting her leg adjusting her until he could slide his erection into her. Harley arched her hips pressing back against him. Joker wrapped his arm around her leg holding it up while he moved, thrusting slowly into her, back and forth. Harley was panting with each thrust, squeezing him, listening to the low growling groan, his breath hot against her shoulders. 

Harley curled forward shifting her position so that Joker could penetrate deeper inside her. He dropped her leg in order to let her curl into herself. Without sliding out, Joker carefully got to his knees, digging his hands into the soft skin of her hip and thigh. Now that he had the space and ability to move better, his fucking became harder. Digging his fingers into her, Joker started to slam hard and fast. Her fingers balled into the sheets gasping, groaning with pleasure. She rolled her head to the side to watch him. Joker had his hand dug painfully into her hip and thigh, but the sensations of his slamming hard into her and then to see his face, excited her. His eyes were closed, his head thrown back, body arched and that smile...Harley came with a guttural groan. Her climax was followed swiftly by his moaning orgasm. He pressed hard against her, both of them shuddering with the aftershocks of a shared climax. Harley bit her bottom lip, burning with pleasure. After a few moments, neither of them moving, Joker laughed pulling out of her and yanking her against him. She could feel him hot and wet against her backside. Joker immediately started nibbling at her ear. 

“Should we clean up?” Harley asked turning her head to look at him. Making a face Joker flopped back. “Nah, it's too early to get up. Go back to sleep.” He wrapped an arm around her waist to emphasize his point. She started to protest, but he was warm and her body was comfortably liquid...too difficult to move. So why bother? 

* 

The next time she woke it was to the sound of a fist slamming against the door. At first she didn't move, hovering in that dream-like state between dreaming and wakefulness. If Joker heard the banging his only response was to pull Harley's warm body closer. 

But within a few minutes the banging became harder and was accompanied by a voice snarling. 

“Mario!! Get your ass up,” a voice shouted through the door. “I know you're in there!” 

Joker muttered. “I hate being up this early. I mean seriously! Can't a man break out of an asylum, kill several people, fuck his girlfriend in a stranger's bed and then sleep in? Is that too much to ask?” 

Joker grabbed a pillow and put it over his head. 

Harley sat up straight, staring at the bedroom door in the direction of the front door. They could hear someone, it sounded like they were upstairs, shouting at whoever was banging on the door, the sounds slightly muffled. The man at the door yelled back a string of curses. Harley wasn't sure what happened, but whoever had been yelling at the man outside stopped. 

The banging at the door continued, however. 

“Mario, you open this fucking door and give me my money or I'm going to break it down!” 

Joker giggled throwing his legs out of the bed. 

“Well, if he wants his money I just might have to give it to him.” 

Harley tried to grab him. “Mista J!” 

But Joker moved quickly, naked and walked to the door. With a few quick twists of the bolts, he unlocked the door and threw it open. The loud individual banging at the apartment door was a large man with hair chopped close enough you could see his scalp. His face was unshaven and by the slight red to his nose, he enjoyed his drink. Standing behind him were two other equally big men. 

The man blinked in surprise glancing up and down at Joker, his lip curling in disgust. 

“Didn't know Mario was a freak.” 

Joker laughed. “There is a lot about Mario that you don't know, my friend.” Joker leaned in the door way, cocking a hip and resting a hand on it, not the least bit uncomfortable with being naked. 

Suddenly the man at the door went quiet. He stared hard at Joker then he opened and closed his mouth in shock. 

Joker just stood there naked and grinned. 

The big guy swallowed. “Ah Joker, sir. I, ah...” When the big guy said Joker the two men standing behind him went deadly still. They exchanged a slow, confused look between them. Their spokesman ducked his head. “Ah Joker sir we are ah part of the...Mr. Falcone that is...ah...he sent us down here to collect some money from Mario.” 

Joker laughed turning around and walked back into the apartment. 

“Come on in boys—we can have a talk.” 

The three men looked at one another then with a shared shrug, they followed the naked Joker inside. 

* 

When Harley heard the door close and the voices, she started to worry. She got up quietly searching the room until she found a handgun in the bedside table, loaded. She grinned. Thank goodness gang bangers liked to keep weapons in their nightstands. She wrapped a blanket around her body, concealing the weapon between her breasts before she came out into the living room. “Puddin?” 

Joker was sitting on the couch, his arms draped across the back, his legs wide not the least bit concerned about his nakedness. The other three men were standing uncomfortably around the room. Joker laughed. “Come on everyone, take a seat. Ah! Harley my sweet, come sit on Daddy's lap, we were just about to discuss some business.” 

Harley looked at the three men with narrowed eyes. She walked in, ignoring their stares and sat on Joker's lap. Joker gathered her close wrapping an arm around her waist. (Much to the other men's relief, Joker's casual nudity was covered up by Harley and her blanket.) His eyes immediately went to Harley's breasts then slowly, his eyes wandered up to hers, his grin widening ever so slightly...she wasn't sure how...but he knew she was armed. 

Joker smiled turning back to the three men. 

“Let me introduce my partner in crime boys—the gorgeous, the deadly, Harley Quinn.” 

Joker stroked her upper back, his fingertips caressing her skin right above the blanket causing goosebumps to run down her spine. He glanced at her once more, traveling over her with lust clear in his eyes, which made her feel beautiful despite the fact she was only wearing a blanket and her hair was a mess. She wrapped an arm around Joker's neck and smiled both seductively and deadly. 

Joker turned back to the men. “Sit, sit...come on,” he urged them. “I would like to have a nice talk.” 

Joker shifted his position a bit keeping Harley on his lap. “First introductions. You know who I am and I know who you work for, so why don't you tell me who you three handsome gentlemen are?” 

The one who seemed to be the little group's leader pointed to himself. “I'm Jimmy, this here skinny guy is Stocky and this one here with the ugly mug is Biggy.” 

Joker nodded while he caressed Harley's hair picking up strands to slide through his fingertips. He was so at ease that one would think these were his men that he had invited over, men that he trusted. Harley assumed that his self assurance wasn't faked either. He knew he could take care of them if he wanted... he had nothing to fear from these men...though Harley didn't think anything scared Joker...anything at all...not even death. 

Harley took a deep breath and let it out slowly. As long as her puddin was calm, well she was calm too. 

Joker rolled his tongue over his teeth before spoke. 

“So boys, I have a proposition for you,” Joker began. “You see I've been in Arkham for a while and I don't have all the usual assets that I used to...seems some of 'my men'” 

Here Joker used air quotes when he said, “my men.” 

“They decided to try to take what wasn't theirs to take...and to make alliances that were not theirs to make either. Such as with your boss. So I thought, maybe you three come work for me, I promise it will be a lot more fun that that old Falcone.” 

Jimmy laughed. “No offense Joker, but if you don't have any assets, how you gonna pay for our services eh? I mean Falcone ain't the best boss out there, but he at least pays. And ain't you got men of your own?” 

Joker nodded. “I understand your concerns...really I do, but you know...Falcone only does organized crime, smuggling...yeah, yeah. I know it brings in a lot of money, but he has men like you running around like hamsters on wheels day in and day out. I bet getting to come down here with the hopes of getting to beat up “Mario” was the highlight of your day, correct?” 

Joker smiled questioningly at the three men. 

Jimmy frowned, then shrugged. “Yeah I suppose. So what you offering that is so different?” 

Joker laughed and pointed at Jimmy. “Now there's a man with a brain, asking the correct questions. Well I like to believe that you three stumbling on me and my dame here is a fortuitous meeting. You boys need some stimulation. And as for my own men, it seems that I have quite a few vacancies to fill...or that will need filling soon...and you three are able to get in on the ground floor of Joker's new scheme.” 

Joker grinned. 

“Offer stands for the next five minutes, take it or leave it.” 

Jimmy frowned deeper, his face looking like a confused and weeping basset hound as he looked for an angle, a trick...anything. 

“What happens if we says no?” Jimmy growled. 

Joker sighed. “Well, I suppose I could simply let you go. I mean, I have no beef with Falcone...well...maybe just a little since he does have some of my money right now...” He waved his hand in the air as if her were waving away a bug, “Never mind...There is also option number two, I could simply kill you because you irritated me.” 

The three men laughed. Jimmy shook his head. “Irritated you?” 

Joker nodded. “Yes, I was snuggling with my girl! Man like me doesn't get a lot of snuggle time you know.” Joker squeezed Harley for emphasis. 

Jimmy looked amused. “Yeah whatever,” he said dismissively, his earlier nervousness because of Joker's presence lessened. “I can respect that I suppose, but you...Kill us? Alone or is your girl there some sort of pretty little assassin? Be for real. You ain't got no weapon and you're as naked as the day you were born. I think if anyone were to die, it would be you. Makes me wonder if Falcone might pay the man who kills you something extra.” 

With that Jimmy pulled his weapon from his holster and the other two men followed suit. Joker sighed. 

“I was really hoping this wouldn't end of a fight. I mean, I'm naked...it's a little unfair don't you think?” 

Jimmy glanced at his fellows, his nervousness started to creep back. Joker was too calm...Harley started to giggle which put the men doubly on edge. 

“You give us trouble clown, Falcone is going to hear about it.” Jimmy sneered, bolstering his nerve by mentioning his boss's name. 

“Well I would hope so...look I'm just going to give Falcone a message—you can deliver it for me.” Joker smiled. 

Jimmy snarled. “I ain't no messenger boy.” 

“Oh, well, in that case...” 

Joker moved quickly and even Harley wasn't prepared for it. He reached over and grabbed the gun from between her breasts yanking it out in a smooth movement, the blanket falling in slow motion. Joker stood up and at the same time shot Jimmy in the forehead, then the guy named Biggy, but with the third shot Joker hit Stocky in the knee cap. Stocky went down with a cry of pain. Joker smiled walking over to Stock holding the weapon on him. Joker grinned down at Stocky who suddenly realized how frightening a naked man could be. 

“Now Stocky, my friend, I have a message I want you to deliver to Falcone...you let him know Joker is back and I want the territories he took from me while I was in Arkham. Okay?” Joker tilted his head with a wide grin. “Oh, yes and if it's him who happens to be after me, you tell him I'll be coming for him.” 

Stocky nodded vigorously and hissed through teeth clenched in pain,. “Yes, yes sir, Mr. Joker.” 

Joker laughed. “Oh, now aren't you polite?” Joker turned to Harley who was sitting paralyzed on the couch, her blanket wide out exposing her to the cool air. 

“Harley dear, you there?” Joker waved the gun in front of her. Harley swallowed. “Someone is sure to have heard those gunshots.” 

Joker shrugged. “In this neighborhood? I would think so. Let's go. I want to get home today.” 

Joker tossed the gun onto the couch next to Harley grinning. He dropped down into a crouch and rifled through the dead men's wallets taking money and cards before he took Harley's hand leading her back to the bedroom where the two of them searched through the closets for some fresh clothes. 

Stocky watched Joker going through the wallets trying not to make a sound just in case Joker changed his mind. His eyes only once glanced over at Harley who had stood up re-wrapping the blanket around herself, but otherwise his full attention was on Joker. When Joker stood up again he was smiling ear to ear. 

“We'll be out of your hair in a jiffy, Stocky my friend.” Joker shrugged. “Gotta find some clothing first...as Mark Twain said “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” 

Reaching out for Harley's hand, Stocky watched the two of them walk toward the apartment's bedroom. That was when Stocky finally passed out. 

* 

He came out from the bedroom wearing leggings in black with purple stripes on the side, shorts that resembled purple boxing shorts over those and a white button down shirt that he had failed to button along with a pair of combat boots. 

“Tada!” he grinned walking in a circle. 

Harley laughed. “You look scrumptious puddin.” 

He winked at her. “I know. You don't look too bad yourself pumpkin.” 

Harley had found a few pieces of women's clothing in a drawer. By the way they were stuffed in it she guessed they were items left by various female visitors to this apartment. She had on a pair of black yoga pants and a tight red sweater that made her look stunning, if Joker's raised eyebrows and lustful expression were any indication. With her hair pulled back into a pony tail, Harley resembled a bobby-soxer from the 1950's. She had even found a pair of hooker heels in a closet that didn't fit her perfectly (a size too big), but they would do for now. She did a spin balancing on the shoes with a coy smile. 

Joker gave her a wolf-whistle. “You are sexy my dear.” 

Harley gave a little squeak and threw herself into his arms. Joker kissed her as he swung her around. He continued to kiss her growling softly walking her backwards to press her up against the wall. His kisses were hungry, his body clearly ready and wanting. 

Harley pulled away from his mouth, panting from the kiss. She grinned. “Look what I found puddin.” She held up something that Joker hadn't noticed, a tube of lipstick. Joker grinned at her. “Oh my darling girl.” 

Keeping his arms around her, his body pressed against hers still. Harley's grin widened as she applied the lipstick to his lips, the red making them stand out beautifully. Joker smiled that wide deadly smile after she was done, rubbing his nose against her, then his tongue against her lips. Harley purred in response, dropping her hands to grab his hips, but then Joker stopped himself with a shake of his head. 

“Nope...no no...Later...” He giggled at her. “You are like a drug my pooh bear. I simply cannot get enough of you.” Harley preened, giving him a seductive little grin. Joker laid a finger against her lips. “Ooh tsk tsk, you vixen. Well my dear, we have a choice of cars today.” 

Harley grinned. “So where are we going puddin?” 

Joker smiled. “First home...then I have some business to take care of...people need to know that I'm back and it might be time to let whoever wants my head know that I am now in a position to make this fun.” Joker chortled lacing his fingers with hers bringing her hand up to his lips kissing her knuckles and waggling his eyebrows at her. 

* 

Arkham stared at himself in the mirror of his private bathroom. Getting the patients out of their rooms and into the yard had been difficult. He could see now that trying to keep the search quiet was becoming a major issue. Someone, a guard, an orderly, a nurse...someone was going to let slip that they lost three patients, one of them the Joker. Arkham rubbed the bridge of his nose. Just before he stepped in here, he had received word that yet another patient had to be heavily sedated because of the search. The worst part was that the guards had so far found nothing; no sign to indicate how they escaped... 

After getting himself together that morning, and now feeling more himself, Arkham was worried. His hope that they could keep the escape under wraps, that the public would not have to hear about it were quickly dissolving. He didn't want to contact the Gotham police, didn't want to involve anyone outside these walls...not just for the integrity of the asylum, but also because he didn't want anyone to accuse him of neglect or...worse. What if someone found out about his episodes of forgetfulness? 

He just couldn't allowed that... 

He was brought out of his worrisome musing by a knock at the bathroom door accompanied by the voice of Hugo Strange. 

“Jeremiah,” said the other psychiatrist. “We found something.” 

Arkham came out to find Strange waiting for him. “What did you find?” 

“A way into the sewers and Arkham,” Strange said gravely. “Ryder is dead.”


	16. Back in Business

In a beautiful office that had a view over the top of downtown Gotham, Falcone frowned as he stared out of the window. The Joker. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and started to run a hand through his hair stopping himself at the last moment. His thick white hair was beginning to thin and now more of it would likely thin out over this clown. He had received word only moments ago that the Joker was back on the streets from his informant at the nuthouse. 

That was all they needed, that lunatic back on the streets. Word on the street had been that someone was after Joker in Arkham...there had been a few attempts on the clown's life, but nothing had come of them. Now the clown was loose and according to his guy on the inside, he had a partner? Some dame? No one knew anything about her except she had once been a doctor before some accident made her mental and she killed someone. Falcone wasn't sure if he should be concerned about this broad or not and what Falcone didn't know irritated him; it was his business to know what went on in Gotham, especially what affected his business. 

Faclone frowned deeper thinking over this news...a dame. He didn't think Joker...well he actually didn't think Joker had any interest in anything besides mayhem period. Guess he was wrong, though could she be a weak spot...a place to apply pressure if they needed to? Carmine knew he needed more information, a lot more—who the dame was, who was after the Joker, and what exactly did the Joker want from him? But most importantly, where was the clown right now? 

* 

Joker let out a loud “WHOOP!” 

The car nearly leaped as they took off down the street speeding and screeching. Joker was taking turns like the mad man he was for a few moments, slamming through some plastic trash cans and nearly running over some pedestrians before he reluctantly brought the car back under control. Harley simply laughed, holding on as he spun the car around taking one of the upper roads heading toward one of Gotham's many bridges. 

He grinned and winked at Harley. “I suppose no reason to help them find us!” 

She giggled. “Yeah, it would suck to go right back in to Arkham again Mistah J.” 

He nodded sagely. “You're right, you're right.” 

He adjusted his grip on the wheel, taking on a smug, man about town look on his face though he reached over and pulled Harley close, driving with one hand so that the other was resting on her thigh. 

They had decided to go with the car the mob men had arrived in, a 1972 Barracuda painted mob-required, shiny black. Joker had whistled when they had stepped outside to find this beautiful ride just sitting there waiting for them. 

As Joker drove, Harley leaned out the window letting the cool air brush over her face and hair. She had never felt so alive as she did with him. The voice of Harleen was desperately trying to get her attention, whispering things about getting in too deep, not too late...but Harley pushed her away. She closed her eyes with a contented smile. 

Whatever she had been before couldn't possibility compare to what she was now or what she had now. She glanced sideways at Joker admiring his profile. He was grinning as he drove, looking seductive and handsome...she had it so bad for him! His eyes slid sideways to lock gazes with her for a moment. “Everything okay cupcake?” 

Harley smiled with a vigorous nod. “Yeah puddin, everything is perfect.” 

* 

Joker decided to make a stop on the way “home.” He still hadn't told her where home was exactly. Not that she really cared. Harley Quinn...unlike Dr. Quinzel, had no home...so wherever he took her would be her new home—with him. 

After about a half hour, give or take, Joker pulled the vehicle up and parked by what looked to be a pet store. “Come on Harley.” He motioned for her to get out as he exited the car. 

She hopped out of the car and Joker took her hand leading her into the store. They pushed the door open to the small sound of a bell that chimed merrily as the glass door swung open and then closed behind them. The place was quiet, dimly lit, and the odor of wood chips, animal dander and old water permeated the air. Joker was grinning as he called out. 

“Hello, hello, hello!!!! Come out! Come out!” 

Joker moved through the maze of cages, aquariums and other animal products with ease. He seemed to know the place well. 

They had just reached the back where the register sat on a dark brown, heavily scarred counter. Joker, pulling Harley with him, had just stepped closer when a small (no not small...a dwarf, Harley thought) man with a pageboy hair cut and a perfect bald spot that made the man look like a tiny monk, suddenly came up with a pistol aimed right at them. 

“I don't know who you are, but you need to leave....wait...Jokey?” The man stared for a moment and then burst out into a delighted laugh. 

Joker threw his arms up. “Gaggy! 

“Joker?” The dwarf dropped the weapon and came rushing from behind the counter throwing his arms around Joker's waist. “Damn it Boss!! You've been gone forever! Like the new look man!” 

Joker patted the smaller man's shoulders before prying him off. 

“Thank you Gaggy...thinking of getting my ears pieced next...having my girl there do it.” 

Joker gave Harley a grin before turning his attention back on his short friend. 

“So what have you been up to old friend? Clearly not looking out for my best interests...” 

Joker let that statement hang in the air as he leaned a hip against the counter. Gaggy stuttered. “Look Joker sir, you went into Arkham and well...you've been there a long time...I had to...protect myself,” he explained with a weak smile. “Ain't a lot of people who'd take someone like me seriously.” 

Joker nodded sagely letting Gaggy move back around the counter where his weapon was currently resting on a shelf. 

“I understand...just had a few of Falcone's men show up where I was staying. They weren't there to visit me, actually, but you know how providence works,” Joker said with a sly smile. “I remember a time when Falcone didn't own any of these parts of Gotham. “I remember a time when my gang was the one shaking people down for money...” Joker sighed sadly... “And now...look at this place...” 

Gaggy frowned as Joker continued. “And furthermore, now someone thinks they have the balls to come after my head, to take me down.” Joker leaned on the counter, his eyes boring into Gaggy's with a small crease in between his brows that more than conveyed his irritation. “So I ask you, Gaggy...what happened?” 

Gabby rubbed the back of his neck looking down at the floor before looking back up at Joker. “Okay, how I heard it was that Black Mask is the one after you, Boss. The rumor is that you done killed his godson and he wants revenge.” 

Joker frowned hopping up on the counter, crossing his legs and laying a finger against his cheek in thought. “A Godson? Goodness. I've killed so many it's hard to keep track...when was this?” 

Joker spun around to sit cross-legged on the counter while Harley started to inspect the tanks and cages for animals. 

“It was...well...remember your last job before they locked you up in Arkham? Where there was that row of cars that was trapped between the police and us, and you accidentally got blew them up when we were making out escape?” 

Joker tapped his chin in thought. “Christmas time...it was cold. Oh yes! Those cars blew up right in front of Batman didn't they!” Joker started to laugh. “I mean those explosives were meant for those tanks the GCPD is so fond of, but it all worked out for us...mostly. Before I got caught, that is.” Joker grabbed his ankles and rocked backwards laughing. 

Gaggy grimaced. “Well one of those cars had the Black Mask's godson in it...at least that was what I heard...I think. Rumor again...that the guy was somehow related to Falcone too. Uh, well...anyway Boss, when you got sent away Falcone and Black Mask swarmed your holdings. Took everything but the Amusement Mile. Guess they figured they had no need for a run down carnival...and the rest of the gang...” Gaggy took a steadying breath, though it didn't seem to help with what he said next. “We either work for Black Mask or Falcone...didn't think you were ever getting out.” 

Gaggy looked nervously at the weapon on the shelf in front of him and Joker sitting on the counter. It was clear Gaggy was weighing his chances. By the fact that he made no move for the gun showed why Gaggy was still alive despite the shake up in the crime infrastructure. Harley strolled back over leaning against Joker who put an arm around her waist and smiled down at Gaggy. 

Joker narrowed his eyes...Black Mask wanted him dead over a godson? How...boring. 

“Wait, wait, wait...I thought Black Mask was dead.” Joke hopped down keeping his arm around Harley, wrapping his other arm around her from behind and pressing her body up against his chest. Gaggy looked curiously at the woman, but made no comment. The boss with a woman was odd...Joker, up to this point, had shown no interest in women or anyone for that matter. It had always been about the laugh, Batman and showing Gotham a good time...so who was she? 

Gaggy glanced back as the boss shrugged. “No idea Joker,” he said apologetically. “That's all I heard on the grapevine Boss. I swear.” 

Joker seemed to ignore Gaggy as he nuzzled Harley's neck. She giggled and leaned back against him while his hand roamed up her torso to play with her breasts. Joker licked her ear, grinding against her backside. 

The pale clown seemed so fully involved in caressing the woman that Gaggy almost reached for the gun, but no sooner had his hand moved than Joker whispered, his back still to Gaggy. 

“Don't become stupid now Gaggy.” Joker twirled Harley around to face the small man. She smiled while Joker held her tight, his eyes dark, hooded and decidedly mad as he smiled. 

“Don't make me kill you after all this time, Gaggy...” 

“Sorry...” the shorter man whispered snatching his hand back and putting it behind him as if he were hiding something. 

“Now you can do me a favor...” Joker spun Harley out from him and then spun her back as if they were doing a waltz in the cramped confines of the pet store. Joker pulled her body up against his and danced closer with her while he spoke, his voice was low and deadly. 

“I want you, Gaggy my friend, to spread the word,” he began with a low growl in his voice. “I've sent a messenger to Falcone; now I want you to make sure everyone else knows...I'm back and if I don't get what's mine, the streets of Gotham are going to run red with ribbons of blood.” 

Joker smiled serenely. “It will be beautiful, I promise, and I just might have to start with people close to you Gaggy...people you know and you know I don't wanna do that, don't you Gaggy?” 

Joker sighed, tightening his grip on Harley as if he were afraid of losing her. He walked around to leave taking big swinging steps. 

“You get the word out, but if I find out you've cheated me in any way, my friend, I'm going to carve you a nice big smile.” 

With that Joker turned his back on the diminutive man, his arm around Harley's waist and waltzed out. Gaggy stared after the retreating Joker. There was going to be blood no matter what...he just knew it. 

* 

“Now where are we going Mistah J?” Harley asked as Joker held the car door open for her. He closed it after she got in, leaning against the car. “I think we might have to make one more stop sweetie!” Joker giggled racing around and jumping into the car. 

He hit the gas, the car leaping forward. Harley started laughing as they hit the road. 

“Now my beautiful little minx, we are going to go contact one more friend before home!” 

* 

Frost, wearing a pair of jeans and a button down shirt, trying to “blend in,” was sitting in a booth at the corner bar called “The Last Laugh” nursing his drink. The bar had been one where Joker had a back room just for doing business...the joint was a few miles away from Joker's main headquarters, that old abandoned amusement park he owned under the name John Kerr. This was the place where Joker hatched his schemes to make money, conducted gun trade, dealt with all sorts of mob men...and it was one of the places that Frost felt the most comfortable. Amusement Mile always creeped Frost out. He only hung out there when the boss required him to. 

As he sat there nursing his drink, he knew it was a little too early to be drinking, but since the boss went away he didn't have much to do with his time except avoid the big guys (who were after him a lot...they seemed to think he knew about Joker's stash of Joker venom, which he didn't), stay low and hope the boss got out soon. 

Frost was sipping his drink, wondering if maybe he should leave Gotham for a while when the doors opened. 

Joker stepped into the shadowy interior with a woman right behind him. Joker threw his arms out wide, a bright happy smile on his face as he yelled. 

“I'm back!!!” 

Frost choked on his drink. 

Joker looked around. The few patrons in here stared; many of them knew extactly who this was and if they didn't they knew enough to be scared, but Frost stood up his eyes wide. “Boss?” 

Joker laughed. “Frost!!” 

Joker strolled over yanking Frost out of the booth and wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. “Boss how...when?” Frost muttered hugging him back in confusion. 

Joker giggled. “Oh, it was a surprise release my friend. Thanks in part to my lovely kitten here.” Joker motioned for Harley, who stepped over to the two men with a smile showing her perfect teeth. Frost blinked in surprise at the woman. She was shapely, with long white hair, deep blue eyes and a coy grin. Frost looked confused. “Who's this, Boss?” 

Joker grinned. “The one and only Harley Quinn my friend! She is my paramour, my lady, my sex kitten...” Joker giggled throwing an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close for a big hug with Frost. 

Frost tried not to stare. The boss with a woman? (Like Falcone, he had never thought of Joker as being “interested” in that sort of thing...yet...here she was.) Frost nodded, he certainly couldn't fault his boss on his taste—she was definitely a looker. 

“Harley my muffin, this is Frost...the only man I trust.” 

Frost felt a burst of well-being burn through his chest. The boss trusted him. That...well it was worth a lot and as Frost looked at Harley, he realized that Joker must trust her too....the only two people in all the world that Joker could put his full trust into without fear that it had been ill placed. 

Joker stepped back. “Sit. I am a so glad I found you darling. We need to talk.” 

Frost took his seat, with Joker and Harley sliding into the booth to sit across from him. Frost waited quietly for Joker to speak. 

Joker seemed distracted while he caressed Harley's face with one long finger. “Why don't you go and get me a bottle of whiskey sweetie. Daddy is going to discuss some business and I need a drink to do that.” 

Harley nodded, glancing at Frost before she headed to the bar. Joker smiled watching her walk away. His frightening smile widened watching her walk to the bar before he turned that smile on Frost. Folding his hands on the table and lacing his fingers Joker spoke. “It has come to my attention that most of my territories are gone.” 

Frost nodded. “Yeah. I tried Boss, I did, but the men pretty much turned, went where the money is. No loyalty,” the man added with a scowl and shake of his head. 

Joker nodded. “Not surprising really...goons are a dime a dozen. Men like you...rare, rare indeed my sweets.” 

Frost nodded. “I stayed around Boss—waiting.” 

Joker grinned nodding. “Good man, you have always been a good man. But now...it's time to get everything back...everything.” He giggled. “I stopped to talk to Gaggy before I came here.” 

“Gaggy? That little...” Frost stopped himself. 

Joker laughed. “Yes he is! Anyway, while I was on “vacation” at Arkham this time, someone decided they wanted me dead. Not unusal really, but Gaggy said it's Black Mask who is after me,” Joker said with a lifted eyebrow. “Something about a godson I killed. I've killed so many I have no idea...” He giggled scooting over a little as Harley came back with a bottle of whiskey and three shot glasses. 

Joker wrapped his arm around her waist, which had Frost lifting his brow, but he made no comment. 

“So, Black Mask....isn't he dead?” Frost poured the whiskey into all three glasses. 

Joker nodded. “I thought he was, but apparently I was wrong.” He laughed. “Isn't it a scream? That reminds me of a joke! A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he’s wearing?” But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost. He says, “Actually, it didn’t cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So…I switched the heads.” 

Joker burst out laughing. Harley started to giggle, but quickly followed suit leaning against her lover laughing. 

Frost chuckled shaking his head. “Good one Boss.” 

Harley, catching her breath, frowned. “Who is Black Mask though?” 

Joker waved a hand. “Oh, he was a rich boy who later turned petty mobster. He liked running around with a skull mask made from his father's coffin...totally crazy!!” Joker laughed. 

“So are we going to go after him?” Harley looked between the two men. 

Joker's smile widened and the light in the room seemed to dim and focus solely on Joker's eyes. Frost and Harley stared as Joker whispered. 

“I think we need to put on a show, let everyone know...I'm back.”


	17. Just One Fix...

Oswald Cobblepot was a man who knew how to play the odds and come out on top. As he stood on the steps of Arkham with a big grin, four of his men and his very expensive and extremely crooked lawyer at his side, Cobblepot thought about how lucky he was to be standing here. It had taken nearly nine months, but Oswald was finally out of Arkham and just in time. That damn clown had escaped. In the few days since Joker had been back on the streets, there were already rumors spreading about a gang war. 

Oswald knew all about the shake up in the underworld with Falcone swooping in to take territories that didn't belong to him. Penguin had been lucky that it didn't matter where he was; he could keep control of his assets even while behind the walls of Arkham. Part of the clown's problem was that he didn't think about business in the right way—money meant nothing to him. What Joker was all about was an audience and how much chaos he could cause. But the rumor mill of the asylum had said Joker and that new one, Harley Quinn, had escaped. Cobblepot knew it was time to get out of the Arkham A.S.A.P. There was a war coming and Cobblepot fully intended on being there to reap the rewards. 

* 

Harley woke the next morning deliciously sore, naked and happy. She was curled on her side, Joker's naked body lined up against hers; she could feel his slight erection against her backside though she could tell by his breathing he was still asleep. 

They had arrived “home” yesterday evening. Joker had held her hand leading her into the amusement park with a wide grin. Harley had never seen anything as beautiful as the abandoned amusement park! Joker told her they had complete run of the place, every inch belonged to him. When they had arrived at his hideout deep in the bowels of the park, Harley had felt right at home. 

She sighed sleepily. Harleen whispered to her, telling her to run, this was not her life...asking her to remember. Just when Harley was at one of her happiest moments, Harleen just had to start talking. 

Harley rolled over ignoring Harleen only to find herself staring into the bright eyes of her lover. He grinned. “Morning pumpkin.” 

“Puddin...” she whispered back. She started to say something else, but it was clear by the way his hands were romancing over her, getting up was not on his mind. “Did you sleep well, my dumpling?” Joker purred, brushing his nose against hers while his hand stroked the hair at her groin, playing with the curls, coming close to sliding between her legs, but not moving any further...even when she rolled her hips toward his fingers...the tease! 

“Like a baby...” Harley whispered back, her hand seeking his warm erection. 

Joker grinned and rubbed his nose against her again a soft growl deep in his throat when her hand cupped him. “You are such a bad liar my pretty pretty pretty...” 

Harley frowned in confusion her hand stilling. “Liar?” 

Joker nodded. “You were tossing and turning in your sleep talking to Harleen.” 

Harley frowned and muttered to herself. “That bitch.” 

Joker laughed. “Oh such a dirty mouth! I'm surprised at you Harley!” He rolled on top of her grabbing her arms and pinning them over her head. “Tsk Tsk Tsk!!” 

Harley grinned. “Are we going to play a game?” 

Joker leaned down to lick her lips. He groaned softly, almost a growl while he ground his hips against her. With his erection burning against her groin, she wanted him badly. 

“So, tell me all about Harleen, my precious.” Joker nibbled at her chin, then slid his mouth to her throat. 

“I don't want to talk about her.” Harley pouted. 

Harley struggled just a little trying to free her arms, but Joker's grip was strong and she couldn't budge. “Nope...you have to tell me...no games until you tell me what she's doing...I remember you mentioning her once at group therapy.” He nibbled along her throat, then along her jaw, and then traveled back to her mouth, close to her lips but not quite touching them. 

Harley pouted. “She is...she says she's me...the old me...” 

“Mm....the old you, eh? You said she was a doctor?” Joker rubbed his nose against her. 

Harley nodded. “Yeah...from before...I guess Harleen Quinzel was a shrink...like the doctors at Arkham. Dr. Leland...she always acted like she knew me...” Harley's expression turned quizzical, but then she continued. “Harleen keeps telling me stupid stuff...telling me to leave you, telling me to run...sometimes she likes you, then other times she gets all crazy telling me this isn't who I am....sometimes I hate her.” Harley's bottom lip came out in a heavy pout. 

Joker laughed. “Well, my sweets...” He brushed her lips with his again, just barely touching. “ Maybe we need to rid you of Harleen for good?” 

Harley blinked. “You can do that?” 

Joker smiled. “I don't know, but it might be fun to try!” 

“What would we do?” Harley asked hopeful. 

“Hmmm...drugs, electric shock...maybe...” Joker finally let go of her wrists, dragging his fingers down the soft skin of her arms. 

“I don't really like the sound of that...” Harley frowned while in her mind Harleen's objections became louder. “Don't let him touch you! You need me to keep you grounded Harley!” 

Joker giggled. “Though maybe the cure is just you being with me...my sweet...my toy...my Harlequin...” 

He started to drag his tongue down her chest, stopping at her breasts. Joker focused his attention on one nipple; he circled his tongue slowly while he cupped her other breast with his hand, squeezing gently just before he pinched her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. He rolled her nipple causing Harley's mind to burst with sensation...the voice of Harleen quickly being blocked by the pleasurable sensations of Joker's mouth and fingers. 

Harley groaned, her body arching into his touch when Joker whispered, “I know what might work...” He sucked deeply at her nipple. Harley gasped, her fingers moving to his hair. She grabbed fistfuls of his hair almost painfully, causing Joker to hiss, though he was grinning with the pleasure of it. A little pain and a little pleasure was an intoxicating mix. 

He purred against her skin. “I think using Joker venom on you is the way to go...slow, tiny doses...” 

Harley moaned as he shifted his attention to the other breast. “Anything you say Mistah J....” 

He giggled. “That's my brave girl...” 

His hand wandered down her body to slide between her legs, cupping her sex for a moment, pressing his whole hand against her wet core. Harley gasped rocking her hips into his hand wanting more. 

He grinned teasing her, with two fingers, dipping into her just slightly, just enough to give her a taste, but not enough to satisfy the building ache in her. 

Harley pouted. “Oh puddin...please!” 

Joker chuckled. “You want more Harley?” 

“Yes, oh yes please...” she moaned. 

Joker continued, giggling then pulling away from her to start dipping his first two fingers into her. Harley gasped then groaned. 

“You like that Harley?” Joker cooed sliding his fingers in, then out, slowly causing the ache in her to grow. 

“Yes, yes puddin!” Harley groaned louder, thrusting her hips against his fingers. 

He smiled watching her, watching the way her hips undulated against his fingers as she tried to encourage more movement, more friction. Joker decided to be nice, as his fingers dipped into her, he began to run the pad of his thumb over her swollen clitoris, rotating it around in lazy circles between the moments he thrust his fingers into her. 

Harley grabbed the pillows over her head, her whole body moving against the thrust of his fingers. 

“Oh Joker!! Oooo!!” She purred and groaned, her body's needs building. 

It was agony! Her desire for more, for him to thrust harder, to move more vigorously, but Joker refused, keeping his thrusting fingers moving at a slow steady pace. He only alternated the slow thrusts with the rolling strokes of his thumb on her. He leaned down to suck at her breast, holding the nipple between his teeth to flick his tongue over the sensitive surface. He let go to bring his mouth to hers and press a kiss to her lips. He grinned watching her, whispering, 

“Come for me Harley...come for me...” 

Harley gasped, her blue eyes locked with his heated gaze while his fingers moved, in and out, the room filled with her panting sounds, the wet slide of his fingers in and out, the creak of the mattress springs as she met his thrusting fingers with her hips. His grinning face, those heated sparkling eyes were what set her off finally. Her orgasm burned through her, rolling up her body like a tidal wave, her back arching as she climaxed. “OH PUDDIN!!” 

Joker's breath came in panted hisses as he watched her, the way her eyes rolled and glazed with pleasure, the fullness of her lips, her mouth slightly opened as she moaned for him...because of him. 

He removed his hand, about to crawl on top of her when Harley suddenly sat up and shoved him onto his back. Joker went down with a startled. “Woof!” 

She dug her hands into his shoulder leaning over him like a predator, her mouth covering his for a nearly savage kiss. Joker grabbed a hold of her hips returning her kiss with a vicious pleasure. Their teeth hit as they kissed, teeth sliding over tongue, nipping at lips. 

“Harley...” he growled. 

“Puddin...” Harley purred in response. “I want you now...” 

Joker giggled. “I'm all yours pumpkin...” 

She felt wild and wanton as she grabbed his erection. Joker jerked at her touch pushing himself up on his elbows for a better view of her. His eyes wandered down her body, watching and feeling the way she rubbed the head of his shaft against her wet opening. He groaned, his eyes hooded watching her every move. 

Harley grinned at him pressing her teeth into her bottom lip as she lowered down on him. Joker hissed, his expression one of pained pleasure. Harley trembled watching his response to her as she took him into her. She brought her legs around, then reached to pull him into a sitting position with her. Joker grinned wider holding himself up on his hands while Harley dug her fingers into his shoulders. Facing each other, Harley started to move, grinding against him with her legs wrapped around his hips. 

Joker pushed himself up in order for him to wrap his arms around her and yank her close. Harley wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer yet, her mouth on his as she ground against him. Joker threaded the fingers of one hand through her hair, his mouth hungry against her, his body shuddering with the way she moved against him, feeling her wet and tight. He yanked her head back by her hair, not painfully, but with just the right amount of force to make her laugh. He bit his way down her neck, glancing down to watch the way she rose and fell on him, his erection moving in and out, glistening with her fluids. 

His breath came in panting gasps as he groaned. “Come for me again Harley, come for me...” 

Harley whimpered; he felt so good, swelling inside her, her sliding grinds against him had her swollen clitoris rubbing against him until she threw her head back letting out a cry of pure ecstasy. 

Joker groaned watching her, feeling her coming around him. He ground his teeth hard trying not to follow her, wanting to make this last just a little longer...long enough for her to climax one more time so he could enjoy watching her again. He liked watching her.. 

Joker wrapped his arms around her hips lifting her enough that he could get his knees under him with her on his lap. From there, he ran his hands up her back giggling as he watched her. Harley groaned digging her fingers painfully into his shoulders, her thrusting becoming more desperate. She hissed with pleasure. “Puddin, puddin, puddin!!!” 

Joker hissed in return. “Harley...” 

She ground into him and he let go, bursting inside her with a long deep moan. 

“Harley!!!” 

She wrapped herself tightly around him, possessively, riding out her own orgasm as well as his. Joker held onto her, holding her body close to his, then he surprised her by rolling her onto her back. Pressing her down into the mattress where he thrust a few more times eliciting sweet little gasps and giggles from Harley and he whispered, “Say you're mine Harley...say it...” 

“Oh puddin...yes...yes, I'm all yours...forever.” 

He giggled and whispered. “Always mine.” 

When he finally rolled off of her, it was with an exhausted sigh of pleasure. He lay on his back grinning. “That was fun!” He giggled, closing his eyes. 

Harley giggled along with him curling up against his side. She nibbled on his chest asking softly, 

“You wanna take a shower with me?” 

Joker purred. “Hmm...we haven't christened the shower yet!” He bounced to his feet, grabbing her up into his arms and carried her bridal style to the old shower in the back of the room. 

* 

The shower itself wasn't much. Joker's current hideout was what remained of some of the amusement park actors' dressing rooms, hidden away from the crowds. The rooms were so well hidden that Harley knew she would be hard pressed to find this place on her own and she knew where she was going! The shower stall itself was barely big enough for the two of them. There was an new bar of soap in here and some newly purchased shampoo and conditioner, she assumed thanks to Frost. 

Joker washed her hair and spent time washing her. His soapy hands glided over her body, even shaving her legs again. 

Harley washed his hair, which she was thinking was one of her new pleasures. His hair was so thick and curly, but she also adored the color, watching the way the thick green locks moved through her fingers. Washing his body was also becoming one of her favorite actions...running her hands over his lean muscles, feeling the way he moved under her attentions, watching his shaft become erect again. God he is like a drug, she thought, I can't get enough of him! 

Joker grinned, watching her with that intense gaze of his while her hands moved over him. Harley chewed her lip, tracing his hips with her fingers, loving the feel of his thighs, her hands moving up to his waist. Her eyes slowly moved up to lock with his intense gaze. With a wide grin he grabbed her up, lifting her off her feet, pressing her against the wall making Harley yelp in surprise. 

“Puddin?” 

Joker grinned laughing as he pressed his erection against her. 

“What do women and police cars have in common?” He giggled holding her against the wall. 

Harley, moaned softly. “I don't know puddin?” 

Joker laughed. “They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming!” 

She started to laugh, but he pressed his mouth against hers, his teeth nipping at her tongue and lips. His strength always surprised her as he brought her legs over his shoulders holding her against the wall and started to thrust into her in short quick movements that had her howling with pleasure again. When Joker came this time, he bit down on her shoulder, growling his orgasm into her flesh while his hips continued to roll against her. His bite left purple teeth marks on her porcelain skin.. Harley moaned with pleasure, peaking and ebbing in a series of orgasms that had her feeling like jelly by the time he put her back on her feet again. 

This time when Joker carried her to bedroom, Harley all but passed out once he had her tucked into the bed, wrapping the warm blankets around her and kissing her forehead as he stroked her hair back from her face. 

“Get some sleep honey pie,” he purred. 

* 

She had no idea what time it was when she woke up to the feeling of Joker sitting beside her on the bed wrapping a piece of rubber about her bicep. 

“Puddin, whatcha doing?” She started to sit up, but Joker pushed her back down. He wore a pair of purple pin-stripped slacks with suspenders and nothing else as he focused on tying off the band around her arm. 

“You should stay laying down there sweets.” He picked up a syringe from the bedside table, holding it up and flicking the syringe with his fingers watching the liquid green liquid inside. 

“What's that?” She couldn't quite keep the fear out of her voice as Joker took her arm and laid it across his knees. 

“Joker venom, my sweet thing,” he said as if it were a common part of anyone's daily regimen. “Remember, we are going to try to get rid of Harleen once and for all! I mean, voices in your head are just fine, but not when they are trying to talk reason to you!” He giggled and winked at her just before he laid the needle against her arm. 

Before she could utter another word he pricked her skin pushing the needle into her vein. Harley yelped looking up at him. 

“What if this kills me?” 

Joker laughed. “Pppfffttt!!! You? Never! You survived a super villain fight, the sewers under Arkham, and me my dumpling; this will be a walk in the park...And furthermore, then you will be exactly like me! Immune! Well, after a few more doses that is...but you know I need you to grow up big and strong if you're going to be my partner.” 

He grinned at her. 

Harley smiled. “Partner?” 

She couldn't say anything else for a moment as she hissed in pain, feeling the burn of the liquid as it started to move through her veins, glowing for a moment under her skin as it traveled up her arm. 

“Yes my dear—my partner. I need you to be able to play games with me...all the games.” He giggled as Harley started to laugh uncontrollably, her smile feeling like it would tear her face in half. 

“Oh puddin!! Hahahaha!!!” Harley grimaced in pain curling in on herself. Joker smiled lying down and wrapping his arms around her. 

“Don't worry cupcake, the pain will only last for a little while...or a long time...I don't really remember.” He giggled along with her hysterical laughter holding her tightly. 

* 

Black Mask received the message from Falcone two days after the clown and his woman had disappeared from the asylum. Joker had been spotted in Gotham and he had already put the word out that he wanted his territories back. 

Black Mask sat in his office. At least he thought it was his office, he didn't remember arriving here and he didn't recall....well anything until just now. It was as if everything was a blur until the moment he received Falcone's message. He was about to reach up and remove his mask when there was a knock at his door. 

“Enter!” he yelled, annoyed. 

A young woman stepped in. “Mr. Black Mask sir, there's a Dr. Alyca Sinner here to see you.” 

Black stopped for a moment. That name...he knew it. “Tell her to come in.” 

The woman who stepped in made his heart speed up. She was tall, slender, with warm brown skin and long brown hair, which was divided into seven thick locks, each wrapped with a red ribbon. She smiled as she walked over to him with her arms out. 

Mask immediately came around the desk wrapping her in his embrace and pressing his masked face to her neck. 

“Alyca...” He said her name passionately, memories returning immediately of her with him. 

“I came as soon as I heard about Joker.” Alyce stepped back taking his hands. “I'm sorry about him escaping. I feel as if it is my fault.” 

Black Mask shook his head. “No...I should have moved sooner. But there is nothing we can do about it now. He's out....maybe that won't be such a bad thing my dear. Falcone contacted me, seemed the clown wants his territory back.” 

Black Mask held Alyca's hand walking her around to the desk chair where he sat and tugged her gently onto his lap. 

“How is that good for us?” Alyca asked dragging her fingers along the edge of the mask where he could feel her touch, skin on skin. 

“It means a war...and war means casualties. Right now he doesn't have any men and he isn't likely to get too many. No one wants to cross me or Falcone,” Black Mask surmised. “Besides, Joker isn't known for being good for the health of his employees.” 

Alyca nodded. “So what do we do?” 

She could sense the smile more than she could see it as he murmured, “We simply need to lure the clown into doing something stupid. I want to know more about this woman that left with him...that is unusual...the clown doesn't have many associates. I want you to find out who she is, what she is to him, if she is someone we can use. Can you do that for me Alyca?” He stroked her face, then he stroked his thumb over her bottom lip. 

“Anything for you...” she whispered 

Mask lifted his mask just enough to expose his mouth and nose pulling her in for a deep kiss.


	18. She's Hearing Voices

It seemed to Harley that pain had become her whole world. Pain was everything. She couldn't see beyond the burning, the venom steaking through her body, the way the venom took over her whole being, focused all her thoughts. She was pain. 

The first two injections left her weak, confused and hurting. She was sure that she was dying. Her third injection of Joker venom was over an hour ago and all she was aware of was the continued burn in her veins, the stretching of her smile until her face felt as if it wanted to rip in half. 

Then there was the laughing. She had no voice any more...her throat felt raw, stripped bare, laughing and laughing until her eyes burned with tears, but through all of the pain she was aware of the comforting embrace of Joker's arms around her; comforting, because without that anchor, she would have been lost in the maelstrom of maddened agony. 

Joker laughed with her, holding her while he rocked her back and forth, screaming and laughing, crying and arching while the venom ripped through her very soul. 

* 

A few hours later, while she laid on her side chuckling hoarsely, Joker had turned her around in order for her head to lay against his chest. He was smoking a cigarette, wearing only his boxers with one arm around her shoulders as he held her to him, his long pale legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles. He took a long drag, pulling the cigarette out and holding it above him for a moment watching the end burn as he blew out a long trail of smoke. The fingers of his other hand stroked down her arm in lazy caresses. The only thing that didn't hurt her was his touch. Joker seemed focused on watching the way the fire burned down the cigarette or the way the smoke would slowly drift away instead of watching her suffering. 

Observing him smoking distracted Harley from the pain. She found herself focusing on his lips, the trail of smoke, the shine of his teeth. When Joker noticed she was watching him, he grinned at her and started to do tricks, blowing smoke rings, rings within rings...it was mesmerizing and distracted her from the pain. 

Harley watched him until she drifted off to sleep. 

* 

In her mind, Harley saw Harleen standing there in a circle of light. Harleen was dressed in a black pencil skirt, red blouse and black framed glasses. Her blonde hair was piled high on her head, an attempt at making herself look professional. Harley giggled. It was all such a lie. Professional? Her? 

Harleen sighed looking down at the file she was carrying in her hand. 

“Harley Quinn—that's your name isn't it?” 

Harley giggled again. She barely felt in control of herself, as if, like a jack in the box, any moment she would explode with laughter. 

“You need me Harley. You can't ever destroy me. Not really.” Harleen walked closer. “I am you. Destroying me would be destroying you. Then...no Harleen...no Harley.” 

Harleen smiled as a chair appeared and she took a seat. 

“Would you like to talk about why you want to be rid of me?” Harleen looked down at her pad that had appeared to replace the file. She held her pen over it the paper. 

Harley made a face at her. “You keep me back and the worst part is you keep warning me against my puddin!!” 

“He's dangerous, you know that. He's insane.” Harleen wrote something on her pad. 

“I'm dangerous too.” Harley grinned proudly. 

Harleen moved her head slowly back in forth, giving Harley the point that she was dangerous. 

“I love him too.” Harley sighed dreamily as she laid down on a couch that appeared. 

Harleen frowned as she wrote, a blush creeping across her cheeks. 

Harley giggled. “You like him too, don't you.” 

“I will admit there is a charm to him.” Harleen looked up from her pad, her blue eyes meeting Harley's blue eyes over the top of her glasses. 

Harley grinned. “You love him too don't you? Admit it!!!” 

Harleen sighed. “We are here to talk about you. He is dangerous; your life will always be in danger! He has made you into a killer!” 

Harley laughed. “I was a killer before Joker, remember? That's how I got in Arkham...it was always there...you should know that.” Harley blew a bubble with the bubblegum she suddenly had in her mouth. She giggled popping another bubble. 

Harleen frowned... 

That was when everything turned green and the echo of Joker's laugh filled her mind. 

* 

Harley gasped in pain, returning to consciousness again. 

Joker grinned at her taking another long drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke out slowly. 

“How are you feeling Harls?” 

Harley smiled. “Alright...better I think...” she winced and chuckled weakly. 

He giggled along with her. “Good, I knew you would be alright.” He squeezed her shoulders. 

He set the cigarette down in the ash tray on the bedside table before he rolled on top of her. He held her face in both of his hands studying her as he sat on top of her. She looked pale, almost white, which made the blue of her eyes blaze like a fire. Joker smiled down at her, rubbing his thumbs along her sore cheeks. She wasn't smiling nearly as manically, her muscles starting to relax. 

“You are doing so well my pretty pretty...” he hissed. He dragged his fingers along her jaw leaning down to brush his lips against her mouth, just before fully kissing her. 

Harley moaned. Her whole body felt weak as his lips caressed her mouth, the only thing in her world that was good right now was his kiss. 

The kiss was soft, tender, his tongue making a careful exploration of her delicate mouth. Harley moaned, barely a whisper. Joker rubbed his nose against hers, caressing her lips deepening the kiss, his tongue sliding against hers. The kiss distracted her from the burn in her blood. 

When he pulled back he was grinning. “Ready for your next injection sweets?” 

She nodded, but frowned. “How many more?” 

Joker giggled. “No idea baby but when it doesn't hurt anymore than I think we will be finished and you will be complete.” 

She smiled up at him. “Then get the next one...I want to be complete...” 

She giggled. “I want to be yours always puddin.” 

Joker wrinkled his nose at her. “That's my girl!” 

* 

The next injection wasn't nearly as bad, though it still burned through her veins. As she laid on the bed, she could hear Harleen in the back of her mind. She was screaming at her to stop this, not to let him inject her again, he was poisoning her. Harley closed her eyes and whispered, “No he isn't, puddin is helping us. You just admitted you want him!” 

Joker had moved to an armchair by the bed and took out another cigarette, lighting it as he watched Harley. “You talking to Harleen sweetie?” 

Harley lay on her back, her arms spread out from her body. He decided that she looked angelic laying on her back, naked and unblemished except for the needle marks in both arms. Joker grinned staring at her, chewing his bottom lip as his gaze wandered over her body. 

Her eyes were closed as she spoke. “Yes, she wants you to stop this.” 

“Oh she does, does she?” Joker giggled taking a long drag from his cigarette. “Well, you tell Harleen for me that I'm only doing this for your own good.” 

Harley was quiet for a moment then she started to giggle. “Harleen says you don't love me.” 

Joker made a rude noise. “What does she know about anything?” He blew a ring of smoke frowning. 

“What else does she say?” Joker put the cigarette out and crawled onto the bed. 

Harley was still speaking with her eyes closed. “Oh she likes you, says you're charming...” Harley giggled again and then winced in pain. 

“What can I do to convince her....that I'm devoted to my Harlequin?” Joker began to nibble at her feverish neck. 

Harley giggled, the sound going from normal to more maniacal as the venom pulsed through her. Joker growled as his left hand roamed down over her shape, feeling the curves of her waist flaring out to her hips. Her flesh was hot to the touch. Joker bit down on her neck, his teeth gnawing at her burning flesh causing Harley to groan. He began to snake down her body, stopping every few seconds to bite and suck, leaving a trail of bite marks down her pale body. 

“Mmmm...” Harley purred. She was so hot, every part of her burned from the venom, but when Joker's bites moved further down her body, rolling over her curves, his teeth brushing against her hips, the burn of the venom was forgotten. 

When his tongue stroked against her sex, Harley groaned arching her hips into his attentions. Every part of her seemed highly sensitive, each touch made her ache for more. Joker grabbed her legs forcing them wide before he pushed them back against her torso, his hungry mouth working over her feverishly hot clitoris. 

Harley cried out, reaching down to grab his hair, digging her fingers into the thick green locks, her nails scraping against his scalp. Joker hissed at the feel of her nails scratching across his scalp, but continued sucking at her, twirling his tongue and delving deep into her. 

Harley's head rolled back with her eyes squeezed shut. The venom continued to course through her veins, but Joker's tongue managed to take center stage from the burn of chemicals in her body. She groaned loudly, her hips jerking under his administrations When her first orgasm rolled over her, burning up through her groin to spread over her entire body, Harley nearly screamed. “PUDDIN!!” 

Joker laughed. “That's my Harls...” he purred around his laughter. He lowered his head back to her sex where he continued sucking on her, harder, pressing his mouth against her, his teeth brushing lightly over her clitoris until she cried out again and pulled on his hair as she rocked her hips with her next orgasm, the intensity of which (combined with the venom) had her blacking out for a moment. 

* 

Harleen was waiting for her again when Harley showed up in the darkness. Harley sighed, a pretty little pout gracing her lips. 

“Oh MY GOD! Why won't you go away?! I was having the best time! Puddin and his wicked mouth...” Her voice faded as she thought about his tongue licking...Harleen cleared her throat interrupting Harley's thoughts. 

Harley pouted stomping her foot, though she giggled softly remembering the feel of his lips and tongue on her sex. 

“I can't go away Harley. You are going to have to tell him that no amount of venom is going to destroy me because I'm you.” Harleen gave her a self-satisfied smile. 

Harley stuck her tongue out. “Fine. Then how do we work this? I'm not leaving him...ever...he is mine and I'm his.” She folded her arms across her chest and cocked her hip to emphasize her point with a show of defiant determination. 

Harleen sighed. “Fine.” She turned, pacing in a circle, the high heels she wore making a smart clicking sound as she walked. “The venom is changing you. He is right about that...you are becoming immune, like him...I'm not sure what else it's doing to your physiology, but you will be able to keep up with him better I think.” Harleen smiled looking back toward Harley. 

“I will stay quiet about leaving him...we are staying with him come hell or high water. I...we...love him.” Harleen sighed as if accepting this had been hard for her. 

Harley giggled and pumped her fist in the air. “HA!!! I knew it!” 

Harleen shook her head. “But you have to...no—you need to listen to me when I warn you of danger.” 

“As long as it doesn't involve leaving Mistah J...I'm all ears.” Harley grinned prancing around. 

Harleen nodded. “No, you're right. I...I don't want to leave him either.” 

Harley ran over and threw her arms around Harleen. “Yes! I knew you loved him too!!” 

Harleen hugged her back. “Yes, yes I do.” 

* 

When Harley opened her eyes, Joker was lying next to her running his long fingers down between her breasts. He grinned when he saw she was awake again. 

“There you are poo! You passed out after coming so delightfully!” He chuckled. 

Harley giggled. “Sorry puddin...” 

She curled up against him and Joker wrapped his arm around her yanking her closer. 

“You're doing good pumpkin, very good.” He nuzzled her neck. 

“One more injection and I think you are ready my sweet.” He purred against her neck, his hand brushing over her hard nipples sending shivers up her spine. 

Harley, exhausted, kissed his chest and took a deep breath. “I'm ready.” 

He giggled and whispered. “I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me...and they're always fun!” 

Harley giggled, her eyes slightly glazed as she rolled onto her back and started to giggle more manically. 

Joker rolled her back to him and tilted her face up, his fingers stroking her chin. He gazed into her eyes with a bright smile before he leaned in brushing his lips across hers. 

She moaned softly, feeling the tender caress of his lips. She wanted him, wanted to feel him fucking her hard while she took her last dose of venom. Before she could communicate her need, Joker grinned rubbing her nose with his. 

“Be right back sweetling.” 

He hopped up and exited the room. Harley lay on her side waiting for him to return watching the fingers of one of her hands as she idly moved them up and down. She was happy...this...him...all of it...she loved...everything—even the pain. 

When Joker returned, he was carrying what was hopefully her last injection, the one that would finally make her immune to his Joker venom... 

He sat on the edge of the bed looking down at her, his grin bright as he held the syringe up to the light. “Such a pretty color of green don't you think, my cupcake?” 

Harley giggled. “Yeah...just like your hair.” 

Joker giggled. “Oh, flattery will get you everywhere Harls.” 

She started laughing as Joker moved down the bed to sit near her hips. He lifted her leg, kissing her calf, then her knee as he laid her leg gently against his shoulder. He caressed his fingers along the inside of her thigh, just before he placed the needle against the vein behind her knee. This time when the venom hit her, the green liquid didn't burn. She giggled as the venom coursed through her. Joker laughed crawling on top of her. “Mmm...You look so delicious!” 

Harley laughed. “I am delicious!” 

Joker started laughing sliding his hands under her head, threading his fingers through her hair. She grinned up at him, her hands stroking his sides. 

“My partner...” Joker whispered. “My Honey, harley-grrrrl, darlin, Pumpkin-Pie, Pooh....” He giggled nibbling her lips. “Now you are everything I need you to be...” 

Harley giggled. “Oh my puddin! My Mistah J...” 

He waggled his eyebrows at her playfully before he attacked her mouth. She hurt everywhere, every inch of her body hurt, but she didn't care. The lust that burned in her was hotter than the venom as she dug her fingers into his back. 

Joker hissed at the sudden pain, but his smile never wavered. He shifted his position pressing his hard, throbbing erection—still trapped within his boxers—against her. 

Harley smiled reaching down to shove his boxers down making him laugh again. “Mm...is my girl in a hurry?” 

Harley pouted. “Yes...” 

Joker laughed shifting in order to help her get the cloth off his his body. He took her as soon as the boxers were clear, freeing his shaft, grabbing her hips helping to direct her position allowing him to shove hard into her. His hips began a relentlessly pounding motion, slamming into her body hard and fast. He growled, grabbing one of her legs and tossing the limb up on his shoulder, shifting onto his knees in order to fuck harder. 

“Oh YES! Fuck me Puddin!!” Harley growled out, the last of the venom's burn making her body feel like an exotic fire, every nerve-ending burned with sensitivity. Every sensation was over the top, sensitive to every touch. Even the brush of his breath against her skin would have made her climax at this point. 

Joker grinning, pushed on his knees a little further, spreading his legs wider and thrust hard. He dropped her leg in order to lean forward, running his hands up to cradle her head as he leaned over her, his hips pounding into her. Harley's legs wrapped around him, hooking her ankles in order to hold on while he earnestly thrust. Their breathing was coming in loud pants, the wet sounds of their bodies meeting, the slap of flesh against flesh filled the room. Joker hissed through his teeth which almost sounded like an animal as he took her, driving himself as deep into Harley as he could. 

Harley cried out, dragging her nails up his sides, arching into his thrusts, deeper, harder, faster. She came with a cry, tearing at Joker's back with her nails when she threw her head back in blissful ecstasy. She not only heard herself crying out, but in the depths of her shattered mind she heard Harleen's own shouted release, which had her giggling. 

They were indeed going to share this body, and everything that meant being Harley and Harleen, together. 

Her laughter had Joker laughing while his orgasm threatened to race over him. With a few more powerful thrusts,his own fingers digging in her hair, pulling a little painfully on her pale locks, he came with a deep guttural cry. “HARLEY!” 

They laid together, panting, catching their breaths. Joker loosened his grip in her hair sliding fingers along her cheeks grinning as he gazed down at her. 

“Mmm. My perfect partner...my glorious Harley Quinn,” he whispered against her mouth. 

Harley giggled. “Oh my puddin...”


	19. The Way You Look Tonight

Joker was dressed in a white suit with a bright orange shirt underneath, his thick green hair combed back from his face, and sat next to the bed with his chin in his hand watching Harley sleep. She lay on her side, naked, her white hair spread out behind her in a silken sheet. He drummed the fingers of his other hand against his knee as he contemplated what to do with her. 

He didn't like leaving her, but he needed to go out; he had business that needed taking care of and it needed taking care of today. 

Frost had just brought him word that the bird had flown the coop, which meant Joker wanted to talk to him. Pengy had the means and the knowledge to help him in his endeavor to get his territories back and find out who wanted him dead. Convincing the bird that helping him was in Penguin's best interest, well that was another issue. But first things first, Joker also had decided Harley needed a bodyguard, someone who could watch over her when he couldn't be there since she was now a liability to him. On one hand Joker hated that he felt this way, that he cared. For a brief moment the idea of slitting her throat open and letting her bleed out came to him, but he knew he could never do it. She had some hold over him. He grinned...it was rather exciting...his own loss of control where she was concerned. She was a new kind of insanity for him...a new distraction, but also a new means of losing control. He giggled softly. He would keep her. 

Well, she belonged to him and he didn't like anyone touching his things...so Harley was going to get a bodyguard and he knew just who to get. 

Joker smiled hopping up from the chair with a grin. He reached out to run the back of a couple of fingers along her cheek before stepping out the door. Frost was outside where he had left him the night before, nursing a beer. He was sitting on the floor, knees bent, his gun in his hand and resting on a knee. 

“Frost! Get Lawrence to drive me. I want you to stay here and watch over Harley. I have a little bit of business to take care of tonight.” Joker grinned. 

Frost jumped up as soon as Joker stepped out. 

“Got it Boss,” he said as he hurried out. 

* 

A few minutes later Joker was in the passenger seat of an old black Jaguar XJS sipping a coffee (generously spiked with whiskey) as Lawrence, a short, skinny rat of a man with thin blonde hair, but very good with a weapon, drove Joker to downtown Gotham. 

* 

Killer Croc was doing his best to lie low while he was in Gotham and so far he had succeeded(He had had a little trouble in the beginning...big fight with the Batman but since then he had managed to stay out of trouble). He kept to the sewers and the vast underground system of ancient tunnels that made up the lower levels of Gotham City. Croc had made sure that any crimes he committed had been minor, nothing to get the Bat's attention. He planned on staying out of Arkham as long as he possibly could...maybe get enough funds and head back to Louisiana for a while...maybe. That was until “he” showed up. 

* 

Down in the basement of a strip club on the east side of Gotham called “PussyWillows,” a joint filled with a cloud of cigarette and cigar smoke, Croc sat a table playing poker with a few other men, all members of different gangs. These were the workhorses of the Gotham underworld, the men who did all the heavy lifting for the masterminds that ran the seedy underbelly of Gotham. 

Sitting at the bar, around the poker table, or watching the “special” women that put on shows for the men down here, were a variety of henchmen, bodyguards, baggage men and hired killers. Each one of them worked for different groups; Falcone, Penguin, Two-face, a few former Joker men and a couple of floaters, men who took jobs from whoever paid the highest price. The deal with this particular “den” of iniquity was that everyone who came here was on neutral ground. The first rule was that once you walked through the door, all loyalties were put aside, every man was a free agent, no spying, no killing and no exchanges of information. You came here to drink, pick up women or play poker. 

Which was what Croc was here to do tonight. He had lost quite a bit of cash here last weekend, but tonight he was here to win some of that cash back. 

Around the table beside Croc were a few other well-known crooks (though none of them really made Batman's rogue gallery). Firefly sat on the left, his head constantly twitching. The little man's twitching was to the point that Croc felt like biting his head off to get him to stop. 

Killer Moth was here too, looking less than happy. It was clear Killer was not having a good night. The rest of the men around the table were nobodies, men just here to kill some time and get drunk. 

Croc frowned studying his cards then glanced at the pot in the middle of the table. He suppressed a toothy grin; he had a full house. He was feeling pretty good about his chances of winning when the place suddenly went quiet. 

Usually none of the big guys showed up here, it was strictly the working stiffs, but all attention turned toward the entrance when Joker walked in. 

Joker laughed as he stood in the doorway. He was wearing a white suit and an orange shirt with a loud purple tie. He grinned, showing off his perfectly straight teeth, his eyes wandering the room as he leaned on his walking stick. His eyes landed on Croc and his grinned expanded. 

“Go about your business gents. I'm here to talk to a friend.” 

It took several heartbeats before the rhythm of the place returned, though everyone kept a wary eye on Joker. 

Joker strolled casually over to the poker table and stopped next to Croc, leaning on his cane. “Hmmm...how's it going bro?” He giggled. 

Croc frowned. He would never admit it, but Joker frightened him. 

“Hey Joker,” he rumbled in response. 

Joker smiled serenely. “I would like to talk some business with you Croc...I mean as soon as you're available that is...” Joker chewed his bottom lip watching the game, his eyes narrowed with intense interest. Joker then moved, making a slow, casual circuit of the table. Everyone was watching him warily as he walked around the table then stopped back behind Croc. 

Croc knew exactly what that meant when Joker said he was fine waiting; Croc looked down at his hand, then back at the other players. Croc started to lay his cards down thinking he would fold and go and talk to Joker when suddenly Joker laid the tip of his cane on the very top of Croc's cards. The touch was light, just enough to get Croc's attention and stop him from laying the cards down. 

“No. No...keep playing my friend.” Joker grinned at Croc which made Croc's blood feel like ice in his veins. A happy Joker...Joker smiling, was always a bad thing...always. 

* 

Harley groaned. Her whole body ached, every muscle sore as if she had been at the gym for the last two days working out non-stop. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands as she sat up, the sheet falling away from her naked body. Her memory was a little sketchy. Joker injecting her with Joker venom. Did she talk to herself? But she did remember the sex clearly, that had been fantastic. She giggled rubbing her sore scalp and looked around. Her puddin was nowhere to be seen. Part of her started to panic. Where was he? Had something happened to him? But she quickly settled back down...no, nothing could ever happen to her puddin. He was too smart, too resourceful. So where was he? 

Harley got up to head to the tiny shower when she saw the dress hanging on a nail in the wall. She blinked in shocked surprise. It was a gold and black, diamond pattern sequined dress and sitting on the floor under the dress, a gorgeous pair of matching, high heeled gold sandals. Harley ran her hands over the dress, her blue eyes wide. She could tell the dress would form to her. The dress was backless, with a few thin gold chains that would decorate her back, the bottom of the dress would just brush her thighs. She grinned, catching her bottom lip with her teeth. 

“Now where on earth did he...when did he...?” she whispered to herself. Then she simply grabbed the dress and headed to the shower. 

Inside the small bathroom Harley found another surprise, make-up and long, gold chandelier earrings! Her heart squeezed in her chest. He had at some point gotten this stuff for her. Now that she thought about it, he probably sent out Frost, but the fact was he had thought about her, about something she would want, would like. Harley felt her cheeks burn, her face stretched in a wide smile. Well when he got back she planned on looking not just her best, but better than her best. 

* 

When Harley saw herself in the mirror she frowned a little gazing at herself. She ran a finger down her cheek, pulling the skin under her eye down. Her blue eyes blazed brightly from her white pale face. Her skin, always pale and creamy (more so after her accident) was now downright white. She stared at herself. “Weird,” she muttered. 

* 

Harley was finished, her long white hair clean and shining down her back, her make-up perfect on her pale skin and the shimmering dress hugging her figure like a second skin. She frowned looking around the small room. It was boring without her puddin, so she decided to check outside the room and see if she could find something to eat. She opened the door to find Frost outside leaning against the wall. 

“Miss Quinn,” he said softly as he pushed himself away from the wall. 

“Frost. Where is Mistah J?” Harley asked glancing around. 

Frost frowned slightly. “Said he had some work to take care of, but he wanted me to watch over you. He told me to get you something to eat, make sure you have everything you need until he gets back.” 

Harley frowned. “When will he be back?” 

Frost shrugged. “Depends on the business. You want something to drink, eat?” 

Harley pouted a little, but nodded. “Sure.” 

Frost motioned with his hand for her to follow him which she did. They walked through a small hall from the bedroom then through a doorway that led into a tiny kitchen. The kitchen was fairly neat—Harley assumed that was Frost's doing. There was a small round table with a couple of chairs, a small fridge, oven, cabinets. Frost opened the fridge pulling out a bottle of imported beer, popping the top and handed it to her. Harley frowned at the beer. She didn't usually drink beer, actually she hadn't had many opportunities before she became Harley, but she shrugged and took a sip. Frost opened a few cabinets. “We don't have a lot here, but I think the boss was planning on taking you out for dinner.” 

Haley perked up. “Really?” 

Frost nodded. 

Harley took another sip of beer glancing at Frost. Frost was a tall man, not really big, but he looked as if he could handle himself. His hair was cut short and he wore a suit and tie. Harley rubbed the top of the bottle against her lips enjoying the smooth, cool texture of the rounded off glass. 

“So how long have you known Mistah J?” Harley asked before she took another sip. 

Frost pulled a chair out and motioned with his head to her before he took the opposite seat. 

“I've known Joker for a while. He sorta, “rescued” me you could say. I use to work for Falcone, as one of his trigger men. Got involved in a bad job...it was a trap. Falcone knew we were going to get killed...guess he saw me and the guys with me as acceptable losses. Anyway, Joker was there. I did something...hell I don't even remember what, but it made him laugh. So he saved my life.” 

Frost took a long drink from his beer. “I've been with him ever since.” 

Harley frowned. “How long?” she pressed. 

Frost smiled. “A few years.” He took another drink, leaning one arm on the table. “Boss doesn't have anyone he can trust but me—and now you.” 

Harley smiled, her eyes dancing with joy. “I would do anything for him.” Her voice was quiet. 

Frost nodded. “Yeah, know the feeling. But you're special...the Boss...he's never had any women before you.” 

Harley blushed. “Never?” 

“Not as long as I've known him, no.” Frost looked at her seriously. 

“You care for him?” he asked then. 

Harley smiled. “I love him.” 

Frost nodded. He was quiet for a moment before he said. “Boss needs someone who loves him.” 

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask Frost if Joker loved her, but she stopped herself. Partly she didn't want to know the answer, the other part of her wanted to hear it from Joker, not Frost...if she ever would. 

She smiled. “I'm glad he has you too.” 

Frost nodded his head, blushing a bit himself. 

* 

Joker slowly removed his cane's tip from the cards smiling. “Continue playing.” 

The other men at the table all looked at one another, clearly not sure what to do. Finally one of them, a short round man, bald, and with what little hair he had tied at the nape of his neck. He couldn't have been taller than four feet nine. He shrugged tossing a stack of bills. “I think yer bluffing Croc.” 

Croc glanced at Joker who leaned on his cane looking completely relaxed...which was worse in some ways than if he were laughing. 

Croc looked back at his cards. Joker touched his shoulder. “Raise him by a thousand.” Though a couple of the men glanced at Joker, they quickly looked away. Anyone else and they would have complained about Croc receiving advice from someone—but no one complained about Joker right now. 

Croc nodded tossing in the bound bills. He couldn't keep the grin off his face. 

One of the men, a tall, heavy-set man with long black ponytail that really didn't suit him stood up, his anger outweighing his knowledge of Joker's demeanor. This man usually worked for Two-Face. Apparently the only reason he was still alive was sheer luck as he pointed at Joker. “Hey now. You walked the table, you know everyone's cards! 

That's cheating!” 

Joker raised a quizzical brow at the man as one of the men seated next to him slid down lower in his seat using his cards to hide his face. 

Joker smiled, not his full grin, and it didn't reach his eyes. “You know it's very rude to accuse someone of cheating, especially when you don't even know them.” 

The man looked at the others around the table, just now noticing how the men on either side of him moved their chairs out of the way. 

Joker tilted his head smiling. “Wanna hear a joke?” 

The man looked confused. “What?” 

Joker grinned leaning forward on his walking stick. 

“A rabbi, a minister, and a priest are playing poker when the police raid the game. Addressing the priest, the lead officer asks: "Father Murphy, were you gambling?" Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispers, "Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do." To the police officer, he then says, "No, officer, I was not gambling." The officer then asks the minister: "Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?" Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replies, "No, officer, I was not gambling." Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asks: "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?" Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replies: "With whom?” 

The other men at the table started to snicker, then full on laugh. The guy who had stood up frowned in confusion, looking around at the men he had been playing poker with, his eyes wide. 

“What are you guys laughing about? This joker is trying to fuck up our card game!” 

One of the men hissed. “How stupid are you Larry? That is THE Joker!” 

Larry turned a looked at Joker again. “Nah...it's not...this place ain't for the likes of him.” 

Joker sighed. “You. Annoy me.” 

In one smooth movement that no one saw, Joker reached into the inside of his jacket and pulled out a purple and gold weapon which in the same moment he fired, two shots perfectly centered in the man's chest. 

Larry's eyes widened as he grabbed his chest. He stood there looking down at the bloody wounds then back up at Joker before his knees buckled and he fell. 

Everyone at the table—and in the bar—was quiet. Croc glanced down at his cards again before laying them out. 

“Full house,” he said in his deep rumbling voice. 

The other men at the table didn't hesitate as around the table each one laid their cards down. 

“I fold.” 

“I fold too.” 

“Yeah, can't beat that...” and so on. 

Joker grinned. “It's so nice to see friends sit around a table and play a nice game of cards don't you think?” 

He giggled. “Get your winnings Croc. Tick Tock...” He laughed. “I have a job for you.” 

* 

When Joker returned home, he was singing Frank Sinatra “The Way You Look Tonight” in a particularly good tone, grinning the whole time while spinning his cane around. He stopped in the doorway when he found Harley, looking incredibly sexy in the dress he had gotten her, her long hair looking soft and flowing. It made him want to wrap his fingers in it. And he saw Frost who was nursing a beer. The two of them were playing a simple game of poker at the tiny kitchen table. They seemed to be betting cigarettes and toothpicks judging from the pile in the middle of the table. When Harley saw him, she dropped everything leaping to her feet and running to him. “PUDDIN!” 

Joker laughed catching her in his arms. “There's my Harley girl! I brought you a pres...” 

He didn't get to finish his sentence before her mouth was covering his, her tongue slipping between his lips. Now usually being interrupted would piss him off, but having a wiggling Harley against him, her warm soft body pressing on him in all the right places while wearing the short, snug fitting dress, had him completely forgetting about being annoyed. He growled playfully, running his hand down her back feeling her bare skin where the dress didn't cover her. 

She pulled away rubbing her nose against his playfully. “What were you saying puddin?” 

Joker grinned. “I brought you a present!” 

“What'd ya bring me?” Harley grinned up at him. Joker stepped away and motioned with his hand. 

A man stepped from the shadows. Not a man, Harley's mouth fell open as a giant lizard man stepped into the room, seeming to fill it entirely. She was surprised they could all breathe with him in here! He was big enough to suck all the oxygen from a room! 

“This, Harley dear, is Killer Croc. He is going to be your bodyguard.” Joker grinned. 

Croc nodded at her. “You can call me Croc.” 

Harley continued to stare at the huge crocodile man. “Why? I have you puddin?” 

Joker giggled. “Oh yes you do...” He rubbed his nose against hers. “But whenever I can't be there sweetie, a big crocodile that likes to eat people will be fun!” He gave her a huge grin that set her heart to racing. “Plus, tonight we are going out!” 

Harley wiggled and giggled against him the most delightfully distracting way. “Where are we going puddin?” 

Joker wrapped his arm around her shoulders turning her toward the door motioning with his cane to Frost and Killer Croc. 

“We are going to the Iceberg lounge!”


	20. Harley Got Your Tongue

The Iceberg Lounge was Penguin's paradise. He prided himself on the place being top-notch, catering to the wealthy and prestigious of Gotham. 

The color scheme inside the lounge was a combination of soft greys, off-whites, dark blues and warm blacks, all combined to create an atmosphere of elegance, class, and wealth. Penguin wanted the elite of Gotham to know the Cobblepot name and associate it with class. Granted, that wish had been put on temporary hiatus while he had been in Arkham, but now he was back and while many knew about his criminal past, that didn't prevent people from flocking here to enjoy what the Iceberg Lounge had to offer. Penguin grinned as he looked out onto his domain. He held the lapels of his dinner coat looking out at the crowds enjoying their dinners. The entertainment was a live band with a beautiful female singer—whose name he had forgotten—a striking brunette in a slinky deep blue dress with a voice like honey. 

Penguin was sitting at his 'throne,' a long, rich leather booth that sat at the center of the north wall, looking out on the room. The booth was set up on a slightly raised platform with a curved seat that could sit up to ten people. Oswald sat in the middle with two lovely ladies on either side of him. He had a bottle of champagne on his table, plates of some of the best seafood the lounge had to offer. 

Cobblepot was busy entertaining the two young ladies on either side of him, so he did not immediately see Joker enter with Harley on his arms, Frost and Croc bringing up the rear. 

Joker stopped at the entrance turning to Harley. “How does my lipstick look Harls?” 

Harley purred. “You look good enough to eat puddin.” 

Joker laughed. “Mm...I might just take you up on that when we get home.” 

Harley squealed and wiggled against him. Joker grinned. “You tease. Come on, let's go talk to our birdie friend.” 

* 

The music, as far as Joker was concerned, was a little dull. The place was, well...not exactly his taste. It was boring too...no color. Joker sighed leaning back to Frost. 

“Go get us a couple of drinks would you darling?” 

Frost nodded. “Right away Boss.” 

Joker grinned at him then started down into the main dining area, his walking stick hitting the polished floors with a sharp rap. The patrons at the tables suddenly became quiet as Joker and Harley, with their giant reptilian bodyguard, made their way across the floor heading toward Penguin's booth. 

Penguin was just taking a sip from his glass of champagne when he saw the clown coming toward him, the sight of which caused him to spit the expensive liquid all over everything on the table. 

Joker burst out laughing as he walked up the platform with Harley. “That was classic Pengy!!” 

Penguin scowled, eyeing his unwelcome visitors. “What are you doing here?” 

Joker laughed taking a breath. “Oooo...Pengy, I'm here to talk business.” 

Penguin looked between Joker and Harley then to Croc; he motioned for the women next to him to leave. “Go on girls.” 

The ladies slipped out eyeing Joker and Harley with looks that wavered between cautious and outright annoyed. It they hadn't been leaving Harley had thought seriously about poking their eyes out. But puddin had business and putting people's eyes out might be counterproductive at the moment. 

Penguin nodded motioning them forward. 

“Alright clown, what do you want?” 

* 

Dr. Alyca Sinner sat at her desk looking through a few news articles about a Dr. Harleen Quinzel. Some basic information was available on file about Harleen Quinzel, school records, that sort of thing, but the most interesting aspect of Dr. Quinzel was that she was a victim, caught in a fight between Killer Croc and Batman. The next files Dr. Sinner found in regards to Dr. Quinzel were linked to files for Harley Quinn the escaped patient from Arkham Asylum. If it wasn't for the pictures of Harleen and Harley, Alyca would never have realized they were the same person. She tapped her bottom lip with her pen. She wasn't sure this information really made any difference to their using Harley to get to Joker, but it was interesting She found the intact paperwork for Dr. Quinzel and the notes about her time at Arkham before her escape...interesting stuff really. 

She printed out the information, folding the papers and sliding them into her purse before she left to meet her lover. 

* 

Joker slipped into the booth and wrapped his arm around Penguin's shoulders. The smaller man made one feeble attempt to push Joker's arm off, but then gave up. Harley, under Joker's direction, turned and slipped into the booth on Penguin's other side, Croc taking his place next to her. Joker motioned Harley closer with his finger. She leaned on the table, close to Penguin who couldn't help but be distracted by her attributes...to any onlooker the three of them were simply having an intimate conversation. 

“Now Pengy, heard you got out of old Arkham with a stamped certificate of sanity. How on earth did you do that?” Joker reached over and played with the tie pin that Penguin wore. Penguin batted his hand away. 

“Joker, just get to the point.” 

Joker pouted and flopped his head back against the back of the booth. 

“You are no fun, you know that? Fine then, I'm here to talk business.” Joker rolled his head back to Penguin and smiled. 

Penguin narrowed his eyes. “I heard Falcone made moved into your territories while you were locked up.” 

Joker sighed. “He did, he did. I want what's mine back...and I'm here to offer you a chance to pick the right side to be on in this coming war.” 

Penguin frowned picking up his glass and taking a contemplative sip. “Rumor has it that Black Mask is out for your blood too.” 

Joker giggled. “I'm a popular guy.” 

Harley smiled. “That you are puddin” 

Joker sat up straighter, grinning. “You remember the beautiful Harley Quinn from Arkham, don't you Pengy?” Joker motioned at Harley who batted her eyelashes and smiled seductively. 

Penguin looked to Harley. “Yes I do. Hello Harley.” 

“Hello birdie!” Harley grinned and have him a kiss on the cheek. 

Joker frowned. “None of that Harley! You don't want me to gut and stuff the bird before the holidays do you?” 

Penguin sighed though he had blushed slightly from Harley's kiss. He was used to Joker's threats, but Penguin was fairly confident his usefulness to Joker outweighed Joker's urge to kill him. Joker was insane, not stupid. 

“So, what's in it for me if I choose to help you?” Penguin glanced toward Harley who was leaning on his shoulder now playing with his ear while smiling at Joker. 

“Well, first, I don't hunt you down and carve your heart out.” Joker giggled. “But it'll be like old times my little bird, money, guns, drugs....you name it, all will pass through you and your little bird fingers. Falcone ever offer you a deal like that did he? No...I bet he makes you pay to run your place doesn't he? Protection money after he took a portion of your lands too while you were on vacation in Arkham.” 

Joker smiled reaching over to pick up a scallop from Penguin's dinner plate and tossing it into his mouth. “Shame really isn't it?” Joker mumbled around the scallop in his mouth. 

“Only reason you still have the Iceberg here is because he didn't want it. Am I right?” Joker popped another scallop into his mouth. 

Penguin didn't say anything. He stared at his drink, a sullen expression across his features. 

“I thought so.” Joker giggled. 

“So, if I help you against Falcone, that also means I'm helping you when Black Mask finds you.” Penguin grabbed the bottle of champagne and filled his glass. 

Joker nodded. “It does; we join forces, take them both out...divide everything between us.” 

Penguin frowned. “Can I trust you?” 

Joker started laughing. “NO! Geez Cobblepot! That's the glory of it! You know you can't trust me, but Falcone, he will make you think you can! But I'll tell you this my fine feathered friend, I want what's mine back more than I want to mess with you. You help me, I help you. You get everything that's yours back, I get what's mine and I'll do all my other business through you.” 

“Why me?” Penguin frowned. 

“Because you, my friend, are in the business of acquisition. If anyone can find anything it's you.” Joker took another scallop and leaned across Penguin to feed it to Harley. Joker popped the scallop between Harley's lips, taking a moment to trace her mouth with his finger in a slow seductive caress that made Penguin blush. 

Penguin leaned back when Harley grabbed Joker's wrist, sucking on each of his fingers with a sweet grin. Joker lifted a brow and giggled at her. 

“Hey Pengy, what is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?” Joker kept watching Harley sucking on his fingers. 

Penguin sighed. “What?” 

Joker giggled. “About three inches.” 

* 

Outside, six of Falcone's men were talking in a hushed group. They had been about to enter the Iceberg Lounge when they had seen the Joker go in with that woman they had heard about. The Joker also had Killer Croc and Johnny Frost in tow. 

“This is the perfect opportunity! We should just go in there and take care of them now,” one of the six men, a tall, muscular man named Lenny hissed. 

Another man, short and balding, shook his head. “Did you see Stocky when he came back with that message from the Joker for Falcone? I don't know if messing with that clown is a good idea. Besides, the boss doesn't like us to do things without orders.” 

Lenny rolled his eyes. “You know what, you're a pussy Dominic. It's him, his two goons and a chick, how hard can it be? I think Falcone would reward our initiative.” 

“I ain't a pussy. I just don't like doing things without the okay from Falcone.” Dominic crossed his arms over his chest. “Besides, I've heard stories about Joker, we all have!” 

Lenny thumped Dominic in the shoulder. “Look Dom, we can go in there, take care of the Joker and maybe even the Penguin, Falcone gets to swim in and take the rest of their territories and we get to be heroes! Think about it! Falcone would love us.” 

Dominic shook his head. “I still ain't sure about this Lenny...but...okay.” 

“That's the spirit man! Come on boys, let's go kill us a clown.” Lenny's grin widened. 

* 

Joker giggled, motioning Harley over to him. She crawled across the table giving Penguin a great view of pretty much everything. Penguin chuckled remembering the two of them in Arkham. 

“Alright J, I'm with you. Falcone has been a pain in my ass. I wouldn't mind seeing him taken down a few pegs....and I want that restaurant he owns on the east side.” 

Joker smiled gathering Harley closer, pulling her onto his lap, she started to nibble on his neck. 

Joker giggled “Perfect Pengy.” 

Joker sighed as Harley's hand slid down between his legs, cupping him and squeezing gently. Penguin frowned. He had never seen the Joker with anyone, and he had never seen anyone lay a hand on the clown and get to keep that hand. But here was this woman, albeit a gorgeous woman, with her hand down between Joker's legs. 

Penguin turned away not needing to see what she was doing. He shook his head thinking to himself that even that clown has a heart somewhere in that pale hide of his. 

Joker nipped playful at Harley's lips when she kissed him groaning a bit when she massaged slowly before he turned his attention back to Cobblepot. 

“Hey Pengers, What's black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white?” Cobblepot frowned. “What?” 

Joker snickered. “A penguin rolling down hill!” Joker started laughing, even Croc snickered while Penguin rolled his eyes. He had just opened his mouth to reply when suddenly the doors to his lounge where flung open and the bodies of his security guards were flung into the room. 

“Joker! YOU'RE DEAD!” One of six men, all dressed in dark suits, yelled. 

Joker moved surprisingly quick, as did Harley. While Joker yanked one of his guns out from where he kept it concealed under his jacket, Harley grabbed the other one, both of them turning and shooting their weapons at the exact same moment. Joker hit one of the men in the throat while Harley hit another man in the shoulder, not taking him out, but crippling him. 

Croc let out a rumbling laugh standing up. “Can always count on you for a good time Joker.” With that Croc dropped down and rushed through the screaming crowds of fleeing patrons aiming for the armed men. 

Penguin dropped down, swiftly going under the table, but while it looked like he was hiding instead he grabbed up his cane yanking the end of it off to reveal the barrel of a gun. 

“I hate uninvited guests!! DAMN COMMONERS!!” With that Penguin started to fire wildly into the crowd not caring who he hit. 

* 

The six men spread out as the diners, band and singer panicked and scattered. The man Joker hit went down in a puddle of blood tripping up several fleeing patrons. The man Harley hit staggered, but still managed to keep a hold of his weapon. 

Three of the men simply started firing randomly out into the crowd of diners while the others focused their attention on the four at the booth. Frost, who had been getting their drinks, ducked behind the bar pulling out his own weapon. The six men, well now five, were so focused on the Boss and the others they had forgotten about Frost coming in with Joker. Frost frowned watching the blood bath as he moved himself back behind the assailants. He crawled along the bar, then around so that one of the men had his back to Frost. 

* 

Joker giggled. “I really do love the entertainment Pengers! And here I thought you were only having that crappy singer!” 

Harley snickered. “You always take me to the best places puddin.” 

Joker winked at her. “I do like to keep you entertained, my little minx.” 

Harley giggled before she took off at a run taking a few shots before she slid under another table. Joker watched her with a wide smile. 

“What a woman,” he hissed. 

* 

Harley leapt up on the other side of the table drawing the guys' attention. She was sexy standing there in her tiny gold and black dress; they made the mistake of not instantly firing instead turning to stare at the gorgeous blonde at the table. 

One of the men yelled. 

“Hey, you crazy cunt! You put that gun down and we might let you come with us.” 

Harley giggled. “Now that just makes me want to tear your tongue out.” 

She kicked off her heels and vaulted off the table. She did a series of swift and hypnotizing back hand springs, surprising the man who called her a cunt when she landed on his shoulders, wrapping her legs tightly around his neck digging her fingers into his eyes. The man started screaming. 

“GET THIS BITCH OFF OF ME!!!” He was twisting around shooting wildly. Joker ,who had stopped firing to watch his girl, started laughing so hard he had to sit back down. The other men were trying to grab at her and the man she was on without shooting; but Harley and her victim were twisting around in a circle, the man firing his weapon randomly making it just too dangerous to get close. Harley drove her victim to the floor, digging the man's eyes out throwing them. His 'pals' acted like a bunch of squeamish little kids trying to get away from the flying eyeballs. Harley stood up wiping her bloody hands on her dress. 

“No one calls me a cunt.” 

That was when she dropped her knees on the man's chest, lifting the side of her dress up to reveal a small knife strapped to her thigh. The blind man was feebly struggling as she reached down, grabbed his tongue and with the small blade, sliced the end of his tongue off. She started laughing. 

“Harley got your tongue?” 

* 

Croc charged in grabbing the man named Dominic lifting the shorter man up until his feet were kicking uselessly. Without a word, Croc bit down on the man's face. Dominic started screaming until a moment later Croc ripped his face off and spat it out. 

Croc made a face. “I hate the taste of Italian food.” 

* 

Frost came up on one of the men, wrapping his arm around the man's neck, firing his weapon into the side of the man's head, spraying blood, brains and fragments of skull everywhere. Frost gagged when some of the back spray hit him. 

Penguin fired his cane gun taking out the knee of one man, then as the man collapsed Cobblepot fired again, the next bullet ripping through the man's chest. Cobblepot started to snicker. 

“Dumb ass. No class at all,” he muttered. 

* 

Joker saw the last man trying to turn and run. Joker came at the man, still laughing as he moved quickly. Lenny only registered Joker coming for him when it was too late. Joker was up, leaping across a table in a smooth movement. He was so swift that Lenny didn't have time to react before Joker was on him. Joker grabbed the man by the shoulder and twisted Lenny around, jerking the man's back against Joker's chest, one arm tight around his throat, with the other hand Joker held his gun to Lenny's head. 

“Now what are you guys doing here and pray, tell who sent you?” 

Lenny looked around wildly as a bloody Harley, Croc and Frost came closer. Lenny started to struggle, but Joker tightened his hold on Lenny's neck. 

“No one sent me! I...I...” Lenny stuttered. 

Joker tightened his hold, choking Lenny for a moment. 

“Didn't anyone tell you not to fuck with crazy people?” Joker hissed against the man's ear. 

Harley giggled reaching out to run her bloody finger down the bridge of Lenny's nose. 

"What're you gonna do with him puddin?” 

Joker sighed “I don't know Lenny...what am I going to do with you?” 

Lenny stuttered. “Let me go?” 

Croc chuckled. “He's funny boss.” 

Joker gave Lenny a kiss on the ear. “Now, tell us...who sent you?” 

Penguin came over, frowning at the mess in his lounge. “Damn it.” 

“Falcone !! Falcone sent me to get money from the bird!!” Lenny looked to Cobblepot who snarled. 

“So...what's your name sweetie?” Joker purred. 

“Lenny, it-it's Lenny,” he stuttered. 

“So why did you come in here guns blazing, hmm?” Joker asked sweetly. 

Lenny swallowed. “We, we knew Falcone was pissed about you being back...thought we would do the boss a favor and take care of you and the bird...” 

Joker frowned. “Oh, thought you were being self-motivated, show the boss you can think on your own...men to be relied on, eh?” 

Lenny nodded. 

“Well Lenny my dear, this is what happens to self starters.” Joker smiled. 

He let Lenny go, using his foot to push him forward, in the same motion Joker slipped his gun back in its hostler, pulled out a blade from his back and shoved it to the hilt in Lenny's spine right above the man's waist. 

The man made a strange gagging noise and dropped. 

Joker giggled. “Oops.” 

Joker rolled his shoulders once before he turned to Penguin. 

“So, Pengers, you with us?” 

Penguin sneered at the mess in his place. “Yes, I'm with you Joker.” 

Joker laughed. “Wonderful.” He walked over and pulled Harley against him. 

“I think I messed my lipstick up.” Joker pouted. 

Harley ran her finger over his lips. “That's okay puddin, you still look sexy.” 

“Hmmm....” He nipped her lips then turned. “Come on boys, let's go before B-man drops in.” 

* 

Hours later, Batman stood at the entrance to the Iceburg Lounge looking in the scene. At least twelve innocents had been killed, while another six were the men who worked for Falcone. Batman had looked at the wallet of one man, Lenny Marino. Batman had apprehended the man a few times and knew he worked for Falcone, the other five men, all armed, he was fairly confident that a search on their names would show they also worked for Falcone. 

Batman sighed. One of the witnesses the GCPD had found said that Penguin had been here tonight as well as Joker, Killer Croc, a woman and another man. If Batman had to hazard a guess he would say the woman was Harley Quinn and the man Johnny Frost, a known associate of the Joker's. 

Batman balled his hands into fists. This was bad...Falcone was not going to take this lying down...and now Penguin was involved... 

He needed to find Joker. 

Batman made another circuit of the scene, then stopped when he found a pair of women's gold high heeled sandals on top of a table. He picked them up examining them, no blood...not a victim's...he frowned. 

* 

Joker slipped out of the car pulling Harley with him and lifting her up into his arms bridal style. “You boys go have some fun, get cleaned up. We'll discuss our next move tomorrow.” Joker gave them a huge grin accompanied by a wink, before walking inside heading to their room. 

He didn't stop, taking her straight for the shower. He set her on her feet reaching behind her to turn the water on, taking a moment to adjust it before he turned her around to slip her bloodstained dress off her shoulders. 

“Puddin?” 

Joker smiled at her putting a finger to his lips. “Shhh....” 

He removed her panties, then he took out her earrings, his long fingers gliding gently over her as he worked. Once she was completely stripped he held her hand as she stepped into the shower. She let the warm water run over her watching Joker through the gap in the curtain. He kicked his shoes to the side of the small room before stripping out of his clothing and pulling the curtain aside to step in and to join her. 

“Puddin?” 

Joker grinned down at her, the water plastering his green hair down, droplets of water dripping down his pale face. When she opened her mouth again Joker yanked her against him covering her mouth with his, forcing his tongue between her lips. She mumbled for a moment, but her arms went around his neck, her need to speak subsiding. Joker walked her backwards and pressed her body up against the wall under the shower head. She could feel his erection, hot, hard pressing against her stomach. The warm water rained down on them washing away the blood and makeup, their hungry mouths smearing the lipstick they both wore over their mouths. 

Joker hefted her up, Harley's legs going around his waist at the very moment he slid into her. Joker shuddered, feeling the warm, wetness of her surround him. He held her there, unmoving, pressed against the wet shower wall, the water running down their bodies. Still he was quiet, he just started thrusting, at first slow. 

Joker's mouth pressed down on the pulse in her throat, his teeth worrying at the soft skin, his hips moving in a slow wave, pressing deep, rolling against her. Harley arched her head back, her eyes screwed closed against the water running down her face, her breath came in deep gasps. She could hear the soft hisses of Joker's breath against her throat, his hips starting to move faster, harder deeper. He felt so good inside her. Harley dug her fingers into his shoulders groaning as he hit that spot that made goosebumps rush all over her body. He shifted his hips, moving his arms to wrap under her legs. The sudden change allowed him to press deeper. Harley cried out, her orgasm rippled through her until she was arching against the wall. Joker's hips moved in earnest, his teeth biting her throat, shoulders, along her collar leaving reddish purple marks on her pale skin. 

Harley gasped, coming again. She had to bite down on her bottom lip to prevent herself from yelling out. She didn't know why he wanted her quiet, but she would do whatever he needed. 

No sooner had her body jerked with her orgasm then she felt him peak. His breath was hot against her wet skin when he groaned loudly. He continued thrusting, her whole body moving up and down the wet wall. Harley gasped, he felt so good inside her she hated for it to end. 

After a few more deep thrusts, Joker slowly let her back down on her feet. He still said nothing as they washed. He held her hand leading her out and toweled her off, then himself. 

She walked out of the bathroom naked, grabbing one of Joker's clean shirts, a deep purple dress shirt, one of her favorites. She loved the texture of it against her skin, the way it always smelled like him. Joker pulled on a pair of clean boxers then pulled her with him to the bed. 

He rolled her on her side, her back to him, then he curled himself around her, his arm going tight around her waist. 

Harley laid there quietly for a while. She could tell by his breathing that he wasn't asleep. 

“Are you alright puddin?” 

Joker chuckled. “Sure cupcake, just let me hold you.” 

She settled down pressing back against him. 

After a few more minutes she could tell by his breathing that he was asleep. 

She smiled closing her eyes.


	21. Playing Doctor

Falcone was not a man given to extreme displays of emotion. In fact, he prided himself on keeping his cool in many situations. But when he received the news about what had gone down at the Iceberg Lounge, Falcone roared, flipping over the huge, antique walnut desk that dominated his office, sending the contents of the table flying across the room. 

The man who had reported the incident to Falcone jumped back quickly, barely avoiding being struck by flying items from the desk. He cowered behind a chair and watch Falcone warily. 

“So now that fucking bird has aligned himself with that clown because those idiots thought it was a good idea to try and kill him without my consent?!” Falcone roared. 

The man who had been chosen (through straws) to deliver the news shrugged. “Well, at least those guys are dead now...you know...paid for their mistake.” 

Falcone growled. “And now I'm down those men!!” 

Falcone paced his office for a moment, his hands tight behind his back before he turned toward the messenger. “Get me Black Mask, Franko Bertinelli, and Gambol...That clown is done.” 

* 

Harley lay naked on the bed, her white blonde hair spread out around her head like a halo, her arms stretched above her as she wiggled her hips contentedly. She smiled as she gazed up at the ceiling where she had stapled some pictures she had taken and printed out of Joker and her from the phone he had given her. She rolled her sucker in her mouth smiling. She loved looking at him. Speaking of, she lifted her head to see him sitting down near her feet. 

Her legs were draped over Joker's legs as he painted her toenails, alternating red and black. He was naked too, his green hair—still damp from the shower they had taken together—curling around his forehead and ears making him look younger, less violent. He put the polish brush in the bottle for a moment to pull his cigarette out that he had been holding between his teeth, flicking ashes into the ashtray next to him. 

Harley pushed herself up on her elbows to watch him while he concentrated on her toes. He was smiling just slightly as he worked while the cigarette smoke seemed to form a halo around his head. It was, Harley admitted to herself happily, an extremely sexy smile on his lips, which made her warm and wanton. But she was curious what her puddin's next move was going to be as she rested back on her elbows and asked softly, “Puddin, now what are you doing to do that you have Penguin on your side?” Harley pulled the sucker out of her mouth. 

Joker finished with her foot, taking his cigarette out in order to blow on the polish for a moment before he traded that foot for the other one. “I think we need Two-Face next. He owned the most territory after our little fat bird.” 

“Is he out of Arkham?” Harley frowned. 

Joker giggled. “Nah, not yet. Thinking about getting Riddler too...maybe Ivy...the more freaks we have on our side against the mafia, the better. Gotham belongs to us costumed freaks.” Joker chuckled, putting his cigarette out and focusing on her nails again. 

“Does that include Batman?” Harley asked wiggling the toes of the foot he had finished. 

“Most especially Batman, sweets.” Joker looked up at her with a grin and winked at her. 

Harley giggled. That was when there was a light knock on the door. 

“Enter.” Joker said without looking up from from his work on Harley's nails. Frost walked in, his mouth opened about ready to say something when he saw the boss and Harley naked. He quickly turned around putting his back to them. 

Joker chuckled. “What can I help you with sweetheart?” 

Looking at the wall Frost sighed. “Black Mask was sighted going into Falcone's place.” 

Joker looked up from his work of painting Harley's nails. 

“Interesting,” Joker murmured. He blew on her toe nails holding her foot up by the heel. “I've decided we are going to break some of our friends out of Arkham.” 

Joker couldn't see Frost's expression which turned pale as if he had eaten something sour. “You think that's a good idea boss?” 

Joker laughed. “Yes, because Falcone has his friends on the outside, so why shouldn't I?” 

Frost chewed his bottom lip in frustration. He hated to bring this up, but felt it was his job to do so. “Ah...not all of them are your friends Boss.” 

Joker chuckled. “I know, but the enemy of my enemy sort of thing. Anyway, going to break them out of the nuthouse...it'll be fun!” 

Frost nodded. “Okay Boss, if you say so.” 

“Now, to come up with a plan...” Joker frowned in thought as Harley sat up and took the black polish from him. She shifted her position, sitting up, her legs still across Joker's lap. She took one of his hands, stroking his long fingers for a moment before laying his hand across her bare knee. Joker gave her knee a playful squeeze before he returned his attention to Frost. 

“I want you to get me as many men as you can. This is going to be a LOT of fun.” 

Frost nodded. “Okay Boss.” 

Harley grinned blowing on the nail on Joker's hand that she had painted. “So what are we gonna do puddin?” 

Joker giggled. “Well as soon as you've finished with my nails I am going do some really fun stuff to you.” He waggled her eyebrows at her which made Harley squeal and wiggle. Joker caught his bottom lip between his teeth giving her breasts a good long gaze before he smiled with an idea. 

“We'll have Harley sneak into Arkham as a nurse!” 

Frost turned around. “Boss?” 

Harley giggled. “Wooo!! I get to play dress up!” she grinned, carefully applying polish to his nails. Joker's eyes widened as his idea started to take shape. “Yes! Harley can sneak in and plant Joker gas throughout the place, giving masks to those we want to break out!!” 

Frost cringed. “You sure you wanna kill everyone Boss?” 

Joker frowned, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout, but Harley spoke up. “Frost might be right puddin. If we kill everyone, then what happens if we need someone like Mad Hatter or Killer Moth later? They ain't much fun if they're dead puddin.” Harley batted her eyelashes. 

“No one ever needs Killer Moth...but you're right sweetums.” Joker started to giggle. “Ooooooo, I know just the thing!! I'll whip up a non-lethal version of my gas!! It will be fantastic!!!” 

Harley giggled. “Oh, what does that do?” 

Joker grabbed her face with his free hand, giving her a loud kiss on the lips. “Imagine being drunk and high at the same time!” 

Harley giggled. “Oh puddin that sounds like fun!!” 

Joker giggled returning his attention to Frost. “Okay my lovely, I'm going to write down a list of things I need and I want you to go and get them. Uncle Joker has some work to do!” 

Frost nodded. “Sure thing Boss.” 

Frost left quickly, glad to get out of there before anything happened. Thank goodness for Harley painting his nails! 

* 

Harley finished with the second hand, blowing on his nails to make sure they were good and dry. “There—you look fabulous puddin!” 

Joker held his hands out examining his nails and grinning. “You do a beautiful job Harls.” 

She giggled with pleasure. “Thank you Mistah J.” 

Joker turned waggling his eyebrows at her. “Now for something fun!” 

Harley squealed as Joker lunged for her, knocking her legs to the side and jumping on her. Harley squeaked rolling off the bed, but he quickly followed after her, managed to grab one of her legs when Harley tried to squirm away. He pulled her under him and pinned her to the floor. He giggled licking the tip of her nose. “Tell me who you love the best!” 

Harley's grin was bright and cheerful, her eyes full of worshipful love. 

“Oh it's you Mistah J, always you.” 

Joker grinned. “Good.” 

He licked her lips then wiggled his way down to nibble at her neck. He rubbed his nose over her skin while purring. “You smell so good Harley. You're going to look so cute and yummy in a nurse's outfit.” 

Harley giggled, his biting sending goosebumps along her spine. “Mmm...I should get some glasses and a wig!” 

Joker laughed. “Yes!! You in glasses...Mmmm...might have to kidnap my little Harley nurse...tie you up to a chair...do some...interrogation...” 

He worked his way down to her breasts, his tongue tracing the nipple of one breast, brushing his perfect teeth over her nipple. Harley groaned. “Oh puddin.” 

Joker giggled biting down on the underside of her breast and sucking. Harley arched off the floor, her hands threading through his hair. He sucked until he was happy with the mark he left, whispering. 

“We could play doctor when you got back from Arkham my sweets; wouldn't that be fun?” 

“Oh just tons of fun puddin!” Harley moaned as Joker moved his attentions to her other breast, flicking his tongue playfully over her nipple. He licked his way down her stomach stopping at her hip bone to bite down, pulling her soft skin between his teeth and started to make another mark. He whispered against her flesh. “Do you think getting into Arkham will be a problem for you?” 

Harley groaned. “Oh no puddin, I know just how...just gotta kill one of the regular nurses. Uh...just gotta shoot her maybe. Ooh...hide the body...take her place...oh puddin!!” 

Joker had moved lower, numbing her mound with his lips. “Who would we kill?” 

Harley was having a hard time focusing on the conversation when his fingers started to knead her thighs spreading her legs while he blew warm air through the curling hair of her groin. 

“Ah...Nurse Duncan...Dorothy Duncan. Oh puddin!” Joker's tongue flicked across her causing Harley to jerk which only made him giggle as she tried to continue the conversation. 

“When...when I was there...she mentioned...oh gosh puddin!!” 

Joker chuckled as his tongue delved deeper, one of his long fingers teasing her opening. 

“Keep talking Harley. What did she mention?” He grinned against her as he spread her legs wider. 

“Uuhh...oooh...ah...she...she isn't married...no family...easy to replace...uhh!!” Harley groaned when Joker sucked deeply on her, his tongue twirling around her clitoris sending warm ripples through her body. Harley was panting heavily, her fingers twitching in his hair. “I can...oh...I can call her in sick...be her replacement...oooh yes...oh puddin!!” Harley jerked her hips into his attentions, her eyes rolling with pleasure. 

Joker giggled. “Mmm...you are such a good girl Harley.” 

He kissed her clitoris, a deep kiss, his tongue moving in a slow figure eight across her intimate lips just before his tongue started to play, pushing deeper inside of her. 

Harley's grip on his hair tightened, pulling hard enough to cause pain as her hips rolling against his mouth. Joker laughed. He loved the pain mixed with the pleasure while he bobbed his tongue, in and out, licking the edges of her, speaking between thrusts of his tongue. 

“Tell me where....mmm.... you would put the...yummy...canisters of Joker gas...hmmm....pumpkin pie?” 

Harley whimpered, thrusting her hips in time with the thrusts of his tongue. 

“Oooo...near...oh near...air, the air vents...like...Uhh...” her fingers tightened a fraction more. 

“Where else Harls...where else?” Joker nipped at her clitoris playfully before he continued his attentions with his tongue. 

“Oooh...ah...geez Mistah J, I can't think...ooooHhh...doors!! Doorways!! UHHH!!” She arched up, pulling his hair as she came. Joker sucked deeply from her, kissing and licking her as she cried out. 

He giggled rising up over her, sliding along her body. “Now tell me babycakes...who are we going to break out?” 

She groaned feeling the warm, silken feel of his erection against her, nudging between her legs. Joker's voice was heavy, heated. 

“Harley...” he hissed her name as he pressed against her damp opening. He grinned as he sat back on his knees. She whimpered at the sudden loss of his body heat but then he was rolling her hips to the side gazing down at her. 

“Who Harley, tell Daddy who.” 

He lifted her leg pressing the long limb against his chest and stomach. His voice was quivering just a little as he held her leg with one hand, his other around his erection, teasing her opening. He bit her knee, sucking for a moment, rubbing her fluids over the head of his erection while Harley whimpered with need. 

“We...Oooohh puddin! We...we want Two-Face...Mmm...the plant lady and Riddler.” As she giggled, her blue eyes glimmered with heated lust and love in equal measure. Oh how she loved him, she thought. Joker grinned watching her, then suddenly he thrust himself inside her, burying himself deeply with a groan. 

“Such a good girl...” 

Harley gasped curling on herself, her fingers struggling for something to grasp onto...Joker wrapped his arms around her leg thrusting his hips hard into her, intense thrusts, burying himself as far as he could. 

Harley cried out. “PUDDIN!!” 

Her whole body was on fire as thoughts about Arkham flew from her mind. Her Joker thrust hard and fast for a few moments, both of them panting together until Harley cried out again. He grinned watching her back arch, the way her mouth fell open...those red lips...the arch of her throat...her complete surrender to him. 

Joker lowered her leg, wrapping it around his waist before he lowered himself down, though he remained buried inside her. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close against him, thrusting slower, gentler. He pushed her hair back from her face, licking her lips, his tongue coiling against and with hers. He pulled her head against his chest, wrapping his hands around her as he groaned against her ear, feeling the warm wetness of her surrounding him. He whispered gently, tenderly, “My Harlequin.” 

His hips thrust in a slow rhythm as his fingers ran through her hair and Harley tightened her leg around his waist. His mouth attacked hers, holding her closer, their tongues sliding and slipping against one another while their hips moved in rhythm together until they both tensed, peaking together in a blinding ripple of exquisite warmth. 

* 

An hour later Harley was practically jumping in place waiting for Joker to get ready. She did a spin looking at herself in the mirror. She was dressed in a pair of leggings, one leg red, the other black under a red mini dress. She had piled her hair on top of her head, two locks draping down to frame her face. She wore a pair of knee-high black boots with matching black gloves with her mask in place across her eyes. Joker was gazing in the mirror applying his lipstick, glancing at her, watching her with amusement as she bounced around in annoyance. 

He chuckled focusing back on his lipstick. “Now Harley, even when doing a simple robbery one must look their best.” 

Harley smiled. “You always look your best Mistah J.” 

Joker turned to face her with a grin on his red lips. “Why thank you Harls.” 

He was dressed in black slacks, with a deep burgundy shirt, silver jacket and matching tie. His green hair was slicked back highlighting his pale face. The way he looked right now made Harley want to pin him up against the wall and go at it all over again. BUT they needed her outfit if she was going to get into Arkham, so with a sigh she had to leave him alone...for now. But when they returned home she had plans for that tie he was wearing...and it wasn't going to be around his neck... 

Joker grinned and said briskley. “Okay sweets, let's go shopping!” 

Harley squealed with glee throwing herself into Joker's arms. 

* 

The car sped along the dark Gotham streets. Frost was driving with Croc sitting next to him—which Frost found to be terribly uncomfortable. Frost drove toward one of the medical supplies shops located in the New Town area of Gotham City. Harley had seen it once, so Frost was following her instructions on how to get there. 

They finally turned a corner, with Harley leaning between Croc and Frost from the back seat as she pointed. “There it is! ScrubsnBeyond! I knew it was around here somewhere!” 

Frost turned the wheel, pulling over a block past the shop. The only lights in the area were the streetlights; the store itself was pitch black. Inside, Joker turned looking behind them where the store sat on the corner. 

He grinned slowly. “Ready Harley?” 

Harley giggled. “Yep, let's go!!” 

She bounced in her seat causing Joker to laugh. “Come on sweetie!” 

Frost stayed with the car while Harley, Joker and Croc piled out of the car and headed down the block toward the store. Joker leaned in against the glass when they arrived and peered in through the large storefront window with Harley right next to him. They both had their hands around their eyes as they tried to get a good look inside. Croc stood with his back to them watching the street. A car drove by but the driver didn't bother looking at the three strange people peering into the shop on the corner. 

Harley glanced sideways at Joker. “So, how do we break in?” 

Joker giggled. “Like this...CROC!” 

Croc turned around. Joker pointed at the door. “Do ya mind big guy?” 

Croc snorted and walked over to the shop door, grabbing the handle and yanking the whole door off. An alarm instantly started to blare, though the three of them didn't seem all that concerned. 

Harley giggled clapping her hands. “Oh wow Crocy!! That was awesome!” Croc shrugged with a toothy grin. 

Joker put his arm out to Harley. “My dear?” 

She giggled taking his arm, the two of them strolling in like a couple on a simple afternoon walk. Croc stayed outside playing lookout. 

Once inside, Joker flipped on the lights, quickly doing a search for the alarm. When he found it he pulled out his pistol and shot it until the blaring noises finally died...after two bullets. 

“That was damn annoying. So, Harley baby, why don't you pick out your outfit?” Joker grinned. 

Harley giggled and started pulling out nurses' outfits. Joker was picking through some of them too. He frowned. “Don't nurses where dresses anymore? I really wanted a dress!” 

Harley frowned. “Sorry puddin, all the nurses wear scrubs now. Unless they're older...lots of the older nurses still wear dresses and the little hats.” 

Joker leaned against the counter his bottom lip out, crossing his arms over his chest. “Now how are we going to play doctor?!” 

Harley giggled. “Oh don't worry we can still have fun puddin.” She shot him a look over her shoulder, her eyes running up his body. Joker giggled then as thoughts of her banished his sour mood. 

She went back to running her fingers through the racks, looking for an outfit that would work. “Puddin, can you grab a stethoscope and a blood pressure cuff?” 

Joker jumped up. “Sure thing toots!” 

He strolled over to finger through the stethoscopes while Harley grabbed plain white scrubs, a white coat, and some nursing shoes in her size. 

“I think that's about it.” She turned just as a light hit her straight in the eyes. “ACK!” 

Joker started laughing. “Hhooohoo!!” 

“Puddin!” Harley pouted but Joker held up a pen light. “They got pen lights!!” 

Harley giggled. “Oooh!! Pen lights!” 

Joker grabbed a bag from behind the register stuffing the stethoscope, blood pressure cuff and at least a dozen pen lights into the bag. 

Croc leaned his head in. “Boss, Miss Quinn, I heard a siren and I can see some lights.” 

“Oops, that's our sign to exit!” Joker reached out grabbing Harley's hand and pulled her with him, jumping through the door. Laughing, they ran for the car, piling in and taking off just as the cops pulled up. 

* 

Later that night, nearly 5 a.m. Harley was on the computer looking up Dorothy Duncan's address and any other information she could find on the woman while Joker searched through the hideout muttering to himself. “I know I have some glasses around here somewhere...and where is that damn wig!” 

Harley giggled as she wrote down the information turning when she heard Joker announce, 

“TaDa!! Found it!” 

Why he had a long brown wig, Harley didn't know, but she wasn't going to ask as she jumped to her feet. “Oh cool!” 

Joker tossed it to her. “Try that on honeybun!” 

Harley grabbed the wig and went to the mirror. Her hair was down at the moment but she pulled it back wrapping her hair into a twist then pulled the wig on; once she had a net cap for her hair it would be perfect! She grinned turning to Joker making her accent thick. 

“Hey Mistah? You need an injection?” 

Joker burst out laughing. “It's perfect!! Hahahaha!! Look at you, my little crazy ward nurse!” 

Harley giggled prancing around heading back to the computer to finish writing down the address. 

Joker was tossing some pillows and bedsheets around as he looked under their bed grinning when he came up with a pair of glasses. “Ha! I knew I had some of these too!” 

“Oooh!” Harley turned as Joker stepped over to her and slipped the glasses onto her. He grinned down at her. “You look perfect.” 

* 

Two days later, Dorthy Duncan arrived home alone to her small dingy apartment. Dorothy was a plain woman, nondescript really with short brown hair, brown eyes, nothing noticeable about her except that she still wore a traditional nurse's uniform to work every day. Her bosses at the asylum had tried to get her to update, but Dorthy never felt comfortable and she liked to think she projected an aura of comfort to the patients at Arkham. 

She had just finished her shift from the asylum and she was exhausted. When she opened the door to her apartment she was immediately greeted by her twelve cats. 

“Oh, there are my babies! Are you all hungry? Did you miss me?” 

The cat's meowed and rubbed against her legs. 

She dropped her purse onto the kitchen table as she walked by, heading to the kitchen to grab some can food for the cats when there was a knock at her door. Dorothy turned to stare at the door in confusion. Who on earth would be at her door at this time? She didn't have any friends, no relatives and solicitors didn't show up this time of night. Maybe it was one of her neighbors? 

The cats kept crying as she walked back to the door. “Oh now shush—I'll feed you soon.” 

She didn't bother to look through the peephole before she opened the door. 

She gasped in shock when she pulled the door open. Standing there was a young woman with long brown hair, big black glasses, and a mad grin. Standing beside her was a tall thin man in a purple trench coat and green hair and behind him...was a giant walking crocodile. 

The man in purple laughed. “Hey Dorothy!” He waved his fingers at her. 

Dorothy opened her mouth to scream, but the woman leapt at her covering her mouth as she buried a knife in her chest giggling. 

“Oh now, is that anyway to greet your guests?” The woman laughed as Dorothy died.


	22. The Enemy of my Enemy

Harley wrinkled her nose as she made her way down the hall, slowly pushing the cart with squeaky wheels. The hall was filled with the sounds of muttering, laughing, and the squeak, squeak, squeak of the wheels as she pushed the cart. The cart contained all the patient medications for this level. As she made her way past cells heading to the special wards area, patients would yell out at her. Some asking, others begging to released, while others made incomprehensible requests or just jittery and blubbering noises. She found it to be disturbing. 

Harley sighed, blew out her lips, and made a rude noises while she pushed the cart with all the enthusiasm of a wet cat. She was annoyed, not just with her job, but with the fact that she had only managed to slip in a couple of containers of gas so far AND she had already been here for a few HOURS!! She figured she needed at least ten more containers of Joker's gas in order to really gas the asylum really good, but from the moment she walked into the place, it had been nothing but work, work, work! How did these nurses not go on killing sprees Harley couldn't figure out, because she definitely wanted to right now! 

Grumbling to herself, she pushed her cart along the hall wishing she could just start shooting people and get this whole thing started! She hated being away from her puddin and she didn't like being a nurse. It was stupid and a little disgusting. Trying to make sure some of these patients took their meds, fighting with them, avoiding bites and slaps, holding their mouths shut, and how filthy some of them were...Harley shuddered and stuck her tongue out. “Yuck,” she muttered. 

With a sigh, she wrinkled nose again. The smell in this joint was really weird too. She didn't remember it smelling quite so bleachy or medical when she was in here. Though that might have been because she was distracted with someone. Harley giggled happily at the memory of holding Joker's fingers through the grate. Ah...so romantic, she thought. Well, at least she could start dropping off the little gas masks she and her puddin had gathered together for the break out. Those had been easily brought in, concealed in the confines of her purse AND they were plastic so they didn't set off the metal detector at the entrance. 

Her first stop on her list was the plant lady. Puddin had wanted Harley to work on her first since he figured she would be the hardest to convince. Harley pulled out the wadded up paper list from the pocket of her scrubs, unrolled it quickly, and stopped to read it. 

“Pamela Isley, aka Poison Ivy.” Harley smiled remembering the plant lady from when Harley had been in here. 

She moved down the hall taking a right and traveled to the far end, entering the special wards area. This hall had only one cell. The cell was small, but it was one of the very few that had a window. The window was out of reach unless you were eight feet tall, but still...Inside the cell, sitting on the bunk soaking in the beams of watery sunlight shining through the window, was Poison Ivy. 

Harley glanced up at the camera that hung in the corner and smiled; it wasn't working, hanging there dead. The asylum only had the cameras working sometimes and hadn't bothered to replace the broken ones. Frost had said something about budget cuts or whatever, all Harley knew was that it worked to their advantage. 

Poison Ivy was dressed in a pair of Arkham issue orange pants, but she had torn the legs off fashioning them into shorts. Ivy wore an Arkham t-shirt, also modified with the sleeves torn off and tied just under her breasts. She had her eyes closed, facing away from the cell door, basking in the few beams of light coming through. She was pretty, Harley thought with her green skin and red hair. 

Harley stopped at the bars of the cell, wondering why the plant lady had a more “jail” like cell...Unlike the other patients, Ivy had less privacy. Harley stood there watching her for a moment before the plant lady murmured. 

“You're new.” 

Harley grinned. “Yep. Hey, um, I'm supposed to give you your pills.” 

Harley stepped closer to the cell door and dropped her voice to a whisper. “And I got some information to give you if you'll come over here, closer.” 

Ivy rolled over looking at Harley with interest, then something sparked behind her green eyes. She rose from her cot, moving like she was flowing across the room closing the distance swiftly. Ivy grabbed the bars on the front of her cell and gave Harley a hard look. 

“So what's this information?” 

Harley pressed herself to the bars, close enough that she smelled a pleasant perfume wafting from the green skinned Poison Ivy. “Mistah J is planning on breaking a few of you out. He needs you, see...for an upcoming gang war—the freaks against the mob. He says you help us out, he'll make sure you get Robinson Park.” 

Pamela frowned. “Mr. J?” 

Harley giggled. She had been so into her gangster spy/breakout routine she hadn't thought that Ivy might have no idea who they were. 

“Oh sorry, Joker.” 

Ivy made a disgusted face. “That lousy clown? Why on earth would I help him?” 

Harley pouted. “Hey Mistah J is great! Besides, didn't you hear me, he says you can have Robinson Park after we win.” 

Ivy frowned and then batted her eyes at Harley. “But how can I trust him?” 

Harley looked completely confused by the question. “Ah, because it's Mistah J! Geez Red.” 

Ivy giggled. “Red? Oh I like that. Okay, fine, you're adorable. So sure I will help the clown and you. Who else will be helping?” 

Harley grinned happily. “Well I'm supposed to convince Riddler, and Two- face. Penguin is already with us, my bodyguard, who by the way is a crocodile man WHAT? and puddin's best friend Frosty. They are already on our side. Uhmmm...that might be it...” 

Ivy nodded and made a suggestion. “You should also get Hatter or Scarecrow...or both!” 

“Why?” Harley asked genuinely intrigued. 

Ivy smiled. “They work with chemicals, sort of like me. And they're friends of mine...and I won't come without them.” Mostly Ivy was simply making a demand to be a headache to Joker for no other reason than to be annoying, but her whimsical suggestion might also be a good idea. 

Harley sighed. She would have liked to talked to Mistah J about it...but.... “Okay, you got a deal.” 

Harley pulled out the gas-mask she had been hiding under her cart and handed it to Ivy. “If'n I”m going to get your friends though, I need two more masks.” 

Ivy didn't ask questions why, she simply nodded. “I'm not sure where they keep them, but I know the staff have some gas masks for the few times they had to gas all the inmates when there has been a riot. You find where they keep them, you'll have all the masks you need.” 

Harley grinned. “Thanks Red.” 

Ivy smiled serenely. “No, thank you...?” She lifted her eyebrows in question. 

“Oh, I'm Harley. I was in here before.” Harley grinned. Ivy's eyes lit up with recognition. “I remember you now. You and the clown...wow I heard some rumors that you died or something, though some said you escaped.” 

Harley smiled. “Yeah, Mistah J rescued me.” Harley seemed to swoon a bit with mention of Joker. Ivy frowned. “You're in love with him, eh?” 

“Yeah.” Harley giggled. 

“Does he feel the same about you?” Ivy asked with genuine interest. 

Harley blushed and nodded. “If you knew the things he has done for me...yeah. In his way he does love me. I have no doubt.” 

Ivy stared hard at her. It was clear she wanted to say something else, but instead she made a shooing motion. “Give me my pills and get going or you're going to get yourself in trouble.” 

Harley grinned. “Okay Red, see ya soon!” 

Harley wheeled her cart away, grinning ear to ear. So far so good. Her next stop was Two-face. She wasn't really looking forward to talking to him. He could go either way...hopefully he would be in a good mood when she arrived at his room. 

* 

When she arrived at Two-face's room, Harley looked through the slot in the door. She saw Two-face sitting on the edge of his cot alternating flipping his coin, up and down or rolling it over his knuckles. She watched him for a few seconds; The man seemed lost in thought, the coin flipping over and over and over again shining in the sickly yellow light that shown down on him. She felt a little sorry for the guy, having two warring sides all the time. Poor guy. 

Harley picked up his pills and glanced up and down the hall. There was no one here, no orderlies, nothing. She made a disgusted face. Good thing she didn't need any help, like if she got attacked or something. She certainly wasn't going to get it here. Harley peered in again then hissed. “Hey Two-face!” 

The man inside didn't respond. She could see the “bad” half of his face, the skin a mottled purple, the lips pulled back to show his jawbone and teeth. The skin around the eye looked melted, and the hair on that side of his head had all the color bleached from it. He continued to flip the coin. 

“Harvey?” Harley tried again. 

He still didn't respond, so she decided to just plough ahead. “Joker sent me. He is going to get you out in exchange for your help. We are going up against the mob...the different families that have been pushing in, trying to take our territories whenever the Bat locks us away...” 

Harvey turned slowly to look at her. Harley smiled cheerily at him. 

“Remember me? Harley?” she asked, batting her eyes and waving her hand at him. 

“Yes, I remember you. You're the clown's moll,” he said gruffly as he stood up and stepped closer. 

Harley giggled. “Oh that's a REALLY old fashion term, but you know, I like it.” 

She grinned biting the side of her bottom lip. “So, you in?” 

Harvey narrowed both eyes. It was a lot like looking at two different people at once. Harley kept switching which eye she was looking at, having trouble deciding which one was the correct one. 

Harvey frowned and held his coin up between them. “The toss will decide.” 

Harley pressed her lips together waiting patiently while Harvey flipped the coin into the air. They both watched the coin as it rose, spinning in the air, then swiftly came down, Harvey snagged it from the air, slamming it down hard on his good hand. He glanced at her with a wicked smile before he slowly raised his head. The side was clear of marks. 

Harvey grinned. “I'm in.” 

* 

Harley looked at the watch on her wrist. It was a white watch covered in brightly colored stylized daisies. According to her watch, she had more than enough time to see the Riddler, but the additional two inmates would have to wait until after lunch. Then she could talk to her puddin!! Harley giggled with a wiggle in her step and pushed her cart a little faster. Mistah J would be so happy with her when she told him! 

* 

She found Riddler, aka Edward Ngyma, sitting on his cot with his legs spread out and crossed at the ankles as he laid back. He scribbled furiously in a notebook with a pencil paying no attention at all when the slot to his door slid open. Harley was looking in on him when he finally turned to see her blue eyes through the slot. 

“Can I help you?” he asked, clearly annoyed. 

Harley giggled. “Actually, I can help you.” 

Edward had gone back to writing, stopped and looked back at her with narrowed eyes. “Do I know you?” 

“Sorta. Joker sent me. He says he'll help you get out if you help him with a fight he has coming up...the mob in Gotham. Mistah J wants his territory back and he's betting you want the same.” 

Riddler frowned. “What's nowhere but everywhere, except where something is?” 

Harley returned his frown, her nose wrinkled in concentration. “If I get your riddle correct....will that be a yes you're joining?” 

Ridder smiled, not nearly as good as her puddin's smile...but not bad. “Of course. I'm a little tired of the mob thinking they can take what belongs to me. And the food in here is disgusting.” 

Harley chewed on one of her nails going over the riddle. 

“I can't think of nuthin,” she muttered. 

Nygma stared at her. Harley glanced in his direction, seeing his expression which caused her eyes to light up. “It's nothing!” 

Edward grinned. “I'm in.” 

* 

Joker was in his hideout wearing a pair of wine colored slacks; his feet were bare, and his button down yellow shirt was unbuttoned, the ends of the shirt flying behind him as he stomped from one end of the hideout's living room area to the other, a knife in his hand that he was flipping over and over again in aggravation. 

Frost and Croc sat nervously on the couch watching their boss. Joker would occasionally put a finger in his mouth alternating it with the tip of his knife that he was also occasionally flipping before throwing it across the room, the knife embedding itself in the wall with a hard thunk. He would walked over yank the blade out and the whole processes would start again. One of the regular guys...Brad? Frost wasn't sure of his name, came in.

“Hey ah...Joker? Some of the guys are getting restless and want to know...” Joker turned swiftly. His blade flew across the room and struck Brad in the throat. The man gasped and choked, his fingers reaching for the knife as blood began to flow from the wound, but as Frost and Croc looked on they could both tell it was too late. Brad dropped to his knees weakly. Joker stomped over, grabbed the hilt of the knife and yanked it out; an arc of blood highlighted by the lights of the room slashed through the air as Brad fell to the floor and twitched feebly a few times as he bled out onto the carpet. Joker snarled. 

“DON'T DISTURB ME WHEN I'M WAITING FOR A PHONE CALL!!!!” 

Joker looked crazed. His hair, usually perfectly coiffed, was a mess. His long green locks flopped against his forehead, the rest of it flipping and curling as if becoming a visual representation of his madness. His lipstick was a mess, smeared across his face in a parody of a smile. 

“WHY HASN”T SHE CALLED?!”Joker snarled and threw the knife again, though this time at the wall. The blade hit the plaster hard, this time going all the way to the hilt into the wall. 

Frost glanced at Croc. “Boss, she can't call until she's on lunch. They probably have her pretty busy being the fill-in and all. 

Joker yanked his knife out and turned to glare at Frost. “I know that!” 

Frost pressed his lips together. “Ah...she has another half hour until her lunch Boss.” 

Joker snarled and Frost became quiet. Croc elbowed the smaller man, giving him the universal silent “Shut the fuck up man” look. 

Joker started to mumble to himself, taking his knife and slamming the blade into the wall over and over again for the next half hour as if he were stabbing a victim to death. Frost watched him with a deep frown. The Boss was always crazy, but he had never been this off the edge before and all because his girl wasn't here. Frost shuddered. Finally after what seemed an eternity, the phone in Joker's pocket rang. Joker answered before the second ring had started with a snarled, 

“HARLEY?” 

“Hey puddin!!” Harley's happy voice answered him. 

Joker seemed to physcally sag at the sound of her voice. 

“Are you all right dumpling?” Joker hopped up and sat on the edge of his desk. 

“Yeah, I'm fine puddin. I got all the gas masks in and talked to everyone on the list. Just having a hard time getting the gas in...they're kinda big puddin and being a nurse sucks. AND it stinks here. Oh and Ivy says we should break out Mad Hatter and Scarecrow because of the drugs they have; I think it might be a good idea.” 

“Oh? This was the houseplant's idea?” Joker frowned as he crossed his legs. 

“Yeah, but I think she might be right,” Harley submitted. “Just think about it puddin, your gas, their gas, Ivy's plant poison thingies....” Harley giggled at the prospect. “The mob guys won't stand a chance!” 

Joker chewed his bottom lip in thought before he murmured to her. “You know...I like it. Do it sweets! But be careful,” he warned her. “I've been kept on the the floor where Crane and Tetch are usually kept, especially when I was being really bad. You know dear...sometimes I don't always play well with others. It's the floor where they keep you when you don't play well with the other mixed nuts.” 

Joker giggled softly. 

“That level is for the really—just be careful pooh,” he said softly. 

Harley smiled with a soft and happy giggle; he was worried about her. She pressed her smile against the receiver. “I will puddin. I promise.” 

He grinned hearing her giggle through the phone. Twenty-four hours without her with him was simply too much. He wasn't sure he could stand another day. But luckily, if everything went according to plan, he would have her back in the morning at the latest. This only added a few more hours to their schedule. 

“Okay puddin! Red told me where to find more gas masks here. Going to get those after lunch and then I'll let you know when the gas is ready to go! I miss you!!” 

Joker smiled genuinely at her words. “I miss you too pooh.” 

* 

Finding a gas mask has been easy. Getting two more had been just as easy. Now all she had to do was convince the two men to join them and get the rest of the gas canisters in here before the end of her shift....at three a.m. Not a lot of time remaining, but she had managed to slip in half the containers and she could do the rest. She had to...her puddin was counting on her. 

The area of the special ward where Scarecrow and Mad Hatter were kept was a lot different than where the other cells were located. Harley had looked them up on the computer to find the location of their rooms. She remembered Dr. Crane...vaguely. Tall, skinny to the point of sickly looking. She was fairly confident a strong breeze would blow the man right off his feet. But the other thing about him she remembered was that he was creepy. 

Unlike the other patients, Crane had been a doctor (so had she but he was different) From reading his intake form, Dr. Johnathan Crane was obsessed with fear, with knowing what scared people and manipulating that fear. 

Harley shivered. She was scared of all sorts of things. Spiders, sharks...quicksand! Losing Mistah J...Harley shuddered as she made her way down to the area where Crane was kept. She decided to take the stairs, just to burn off some of the nervous energy she had building up over this—everything. The whole operation. She arrived on the appropriate floor, slid her employee card in the reader, then pushed open the door. She breathed a sigh of relief that she had clearance to be here and immediately noticed that the temperature seemed to drop. Unlike the floor where Ivy, Harvey and Nygma were kept, this floor had a decidedly sinister quality. The lighting was darker and the smell was odd; she couldn't really put her finger on it, but it reminded her of drugs and sickness. She could almost feeling the malaise sinking into her skin. The thought of her puddin sometimes being kept down here made her shudder. 

She glanced down at the sticky note in her hand where she had written the room numbers down for Johnathan Crane and Jervis Tetch. 

As she stepped more fully into the hall of this floor, Harley could hear crying. The sound seemed to be coming from everywhere and nowhere in particular. The halls here reminded her of the way halls looked in the movies of haunted hospitals; dimly lit and eerily empty with strange noises that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere. Harley took a breath and looked at the sticky note again. Crane was in 11B, Tetch 14C. Harley chewed her bottom lip. Crane first. Tetch was an unknown element...she would deal with him last. She had at least seen Crane. 

She found Crane's room easily and she could hear him inside his room singing to himself. “Georgie Porgie, Puddin’ and Pie. Kissed the girls and made them cry, when the boys came out to play, Georgie Porgie ran away.” 

Harley stepped closer to his door, his voice floating out to her from behind the metal door. She knocked and the singing stopped. Harley opened the slot. “Dr. Crane?” 

She looked inside. A lone light bulb protected by steel mesh glowed above him. The man looked just as she remembered. Almost anorexic slim, and tall, taller than her puddin and Joker was a tall man. His facial features matched the rest of his physical appearance—long, skinny, sharp and bony. 

He smiled at her when he saw her looking at him and spoke in a calm, yet eerie voice. “And who might you be, my dear?” 

She smiled at Crane. “I'm Harley Quinn. Joker sent me,” she explained, keeping her smile friendly. “Ah...Joker is planning on taking care of the mob in Gotham...and...ah...we need people to help. Freaks against the mob sort of thing and Ivy....Pamela Isley I mean...she ah...she said you might be interested.” 

Crane smiled brighter. “Really? You know dear, Ivy is correct. I would be interested in helping. It would be quite interesting to use my fear gas on men like that. What do men who live the lives they do—what do they fear?” He chuckled softly. “So my sweet young lady, how are you going to get me out?” 

Harley glanced around. There were no cameras here and if there were any guards nearby, she didn't see them. She shoved the gas mask through the slot. “When you hear the alarms, put that on. And ah. Maybe go grab Tetch? He's supposed to be coming too. Just head out to the front. Joker will have a couple of cars waiting.” 

Crane took the offered mask from her. For a brief moment, his fingers brushed against her hand. Harley did her best to keep her face neutral and to stop herself from shuddering, but only just barely succeeded. His hands were ice cold. His touch made her think of a poem she once knew...from—it was funny she couldn't remember where—but the poem was by Ciaran Carson. She wasn't sure how she knew it, but the words came back to her clearly at Crane's touch. 

* 

I fear the vast dimensions of eternity. 

I fear the gap between the platform and the train. 

I fear the onset of a murderous campaign. 

1 fear the palpitations caused by too much tea. 

* 

I fear the drawn pistol of a rapparee. 

I fear the books will not survive the acid rain. 

I fear the ruler and the blackboard and the cane. 

I fear the Jabberwock, whatever it might be. 

* 

I fear the bad decisions of a referee. 

I fear the only recourse is to plead insane. 

I fear the implications of a lawyer’s fee. 

* 

I fear the gremlins that have colonized my brain. 

I fear to read the small print of the guarantee. 

And what else do I fear? Let me begin again. 

* 

Crane held up the gas mask and turned it back and forth as he examined it before he turned his smile on her again. “This is going to be fun isn't it my dear?” 

Harley nodded, sinking back from the door. “See you soon...Dr. Crane.” 

Crane laughed. “Please, call me Scarecrow and tell Joker, thank you for the opportunity.” 

* 

Harley shivered and wrapped her arms around herself while she made her way along a hall, then a turn and another hall looking for Jervis Tetch's room. Like Crane, she found him partly because she heard him singing. She figured it had to be him singing because the song was from Alice in Wonderland...and he was the Mad Hatter after all. 

What is it with these guys down here singing to themselves? she thought. The sounds of a sing song voice drifted to her leading her down the rabbit hole, she thought to herself. 

“’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: 

All mimsy were the borogoves, 

And the mome raths outgrabe. 

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son! 

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! 

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun 

The frumious Bandersnatch!” 

* 

Harley found Tetch's room, the sound of his voice giggling and singing creeping through the metal door, much the same way it had with Crane. Harley rolled her eyes, sighed and knocked before she slid the slot back to peer into the room. Tetch sat on the floor of his room; his cot was on it's side behind him and he looked to be talking to scraps of paper that he had set in a circle around the room...like a tea party. 

Tetch looked up and saw Harley watching him. “Alice!! You're late!!” 

Harley pursed her lips and made a face before she muttered. “Jervis Tetch?” 

He smiled, though he didn't respond. Harley noticed he was quite short with buck-teeth, a mop of brown hair, big ears and small eyes. He really looked like a harmless, homely little man. Where Crane had a “presence” about him that just made you uncomfortable, Tetch seemed...innocent, almost child-like. 

Harley grinned. “My name's Harley.” 

“Alice, really this isn't a costume party, but if you want we can do that. Come have some tea!” He grinned at her. 

Harley pressed her teeth into her upper lip before she continued, deciding to just play along. 

“Hatter?” 

She had read his file; Jervis Tetch thought he was the Mad Hatter from the Alice in Wonderland stories. Before his madness set in, Tetch had been a research scientist, skilled with mind tricks, hypnotism, brain-washing, and chemical mind control. Harley decided the best thing for her to do was pretend to be Alice in order to get his help. 

“Hatter, I need your help.” Harley gave him a pleading look. 

Jervis gazed up at her as he held his hands in imitation of holding a saucer and teacup. 

“Oh anything for you Alice, just tell me what you need my dear.” 

Harley held the gas mask through the slot. Jervis frowned with curiosity. He gently set his invisible cup and saucer down. He stood up and walked over, took the mask from her and examined the item as if it were the most foreign thing in the world. 

Harley glanced behind her before whispering to him. “When you hear the alarm go off, put on the mask. After that the doors will open and that is when you need to follow Dr. Crane—I mean, Scarecrow. Do you know who that is?” 

Jervis held the mask up with a toothy smile. “I do Alice, I do. So I”m to follow the Scarecrow and he will take me out of this madness to where I belong?” 

Harley nodded. “He'll lead you out where I will be waiting.” She smiled broadly at the little man. 

Jervis clapped his hands together happily. “Oh we'll have a wonderful tea party again then, won't we Alice?” 

“Yeah, we will. Bye, see you later.” Harley slid the slot closed with a shudder. Now, she just had to get the rest of the gas canisters inside. 

* 

Joker frowned slightly as he looked at his reflection in the mirror while he worked at his necktie. He was dressed in one of his best suits, which he had chosen on purpose for tonight. He had on a blue dress shirt with little octagons all over it, a deep forest green vest, a blue and purple striped tie which he was currently struggling with just a little, and he wore a pair of blue pinstriped pants. His long, dark purple trenchcoat was tossed casually over a chair that sat next to him. 

He ran his gloved hands over the tie laying it flat against his chest before he buttoned the vest over it. He wanted to look his best when he picked up Harley. He wasn't really concerned about looking good for the “villains” he was picking up—just Harley. He ran his hands through his hair to slick it back, though a couple of strands rebelliously flopped forward to curl around his forehead. For just a moment his heartbeat sped up with worry as he stared into his eyes in the mirror. The whole plan seemed simple, but in reality once the gas was released it could go smoothly or turn into a shit show. So much of it was on Harley's shoulders and Harley wasn't even armed. 

Joker took a breath and closed his eyes for a moment before he opened them again with a smile as he reached for his lipstick. She would be fine. He hated worrying...he never worried. Worrying was for those who had no confidence and Joker had tons of confidence, in himself and his girl. 

Besides, Harley was smart. He wouldn't be with her if she wasn't...and she could take care of herself. Joker applied his lipstick. He ran his tongue over his teeth before he smiled at his reflection and rubbed his lips together, feeling the smoothness of the lipstick against his lips. He grinned wide. Bright red lips, white teeth and the perfect outfit. Now to go get his girl. And kill a few people. It would be a perfect way to start the day. He chuckled at the thought as he reached over to pick up his trenchcoat and slid the fabric over his arms with a happy grin. Soon he would have Harley sitting on his lap and a small army of fellow freaks to show those mob bosses who really owned Gotham. 

Joker started to giggle as he stepped out to where Croc and Frost were waiting for him, his worry behind him and a confidence returned to his step. 

* 

Harley rubbed her fingers under the wig, scratching her scalp that was starting to itch because of the stupid wig. She was sweating, having moved as quickly and quietly as she could, finally hauling the last canister of gas into the asylum and slipped it into place in the vents. Thank goodness the late night/early morning shift guards were too tired to really pay attention to her. Well...except Bradley who kept appearing wherever she was. Luckily his attention was mostly on her breasts instead of what she was doing. Though his constant leering at her whenever she had to pass him prompted Harley to slip into the supply closet to find herself a weapon. She hadn't really found much except some plastic utensils...which were not great, but with some duct tape wrapped around the knife handles, they would have to do. Harley had put a couple of plastic forks and knives in the pockets of her nursing scrubs...just in case. 

Now she had to get into position to set off the canisters. Joker had given her a remote that would trigger all the canisters at once in a nice big explosion that would send Joker gas through the ventilation system. Harley giggled with excitement. This was going to be so much fun! 

She was making her way down the hall, heading toward the front of the asylum, ready to hit the button on the canisters. She just had to be in position to throw open the doors to prevent the lock down, when Brad stepped out in front of her. 

“Hey...whatcha up to?” Bradley grinned and leaned against the doorway. 

Harley stopped short, her eyes narrowing. “Go away Bradley. I told you early, I have a boyfriend.” 

She started to push her way around him when Bradley reached out and grabbed her shoulder. 

Harley felt something snap. She knew she should have better control; she needed to get into position. Her puddin would be here soon and he expected the gas to be putting down the asylum and the doors to be opened, but no one touched her except Joker. No one. 

Harley moved without thinking, grabbing one of the plastic butter knives in her pocket, turning in a smooth circle on the ball of her foot and stabbed Bradley in the neck, the force of her thrust shoving the plastic knife into his throat, and snapped off the end in the same stroke. 

Bradley made a funny gurgling noise and fell to the floor his fingers grabbing at the broken off plastic knife. Harley giggled as she looked down at him. 

“Sorry Bradley...only my puddin can touch me.” She reached down to pull out his weapon. Bradley was watching her with confusion in his eyes and blood bubbling from his lips. She shrugged at him with a big smile. 

“Gotta go.” With a bounce in her step, Harley took off at a run down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No actual Brads or Bradleys were hurt in the writing of this chapter. :) Dedicating their fictional deaths to cvioleta.


	23. We're all Mad Here

Harley was racing down the hall toward the security station as quickly as she could. She yanked out her gas mask at the same time, pulled it over her head and left it hanging around her neck. The plan had changed a little because of Bradley, but that was okay; just made everything more fun! 

When she arrived at the security gate, the first thing that surprised her was that there was only one guard on duty instead of the regular two. She stopped, quickly putting her hand behind her back that held the pistol. The man sitting at the desk was a typical looking guard, hair cut so short that he almost looked bald, muscled—well he had once been muscled, now he had a decent sized belly, one that Santa Claus would envy, a squarish-jaw, nothing really surprising about him. Harley, trying not to huff and puff from her quick jog here, leaned one elbow against the counter doing her best to look casual. The guard sat on the other side with a handful of screens that switched back and forth throughout the asylum. She couldn't be sure if she was caught on camera killing Bradley or if a camera would catch his body. She needed to be quick, quick, quick, she thought to herself. 

“So ah, where's the other guy?” Harley asked, glancing at the video screens. The man looked up. He had poo colored brown eyes, Harley thought with an inward shiver of disgust. 

“Oh Henry went to the bathroom. You need some help or something?” The man rubbed his unshaven cheek with one hand clearly bored. 

Harley glanced at his name tag. “Nah, I can take care of it myself...Steve.” With that, she brought her hand around in a wide sweep, the pistol aimed at Steve's face. The man started to say something, started to get to his feet when Harley pulled the trigger. Steve's head jerked backwards, the bullet blasting out the back, brains, skull and blood splattered the wall behind him in a fine spray. Harley giggled. “Thanks though!” 

She hurried around knowing she only had moments before someone came to investigate the sound of a gunshot. She shoved Steve's body out of the chair. On one of the screens she saw a guard come stumbling out of a bathroom trying to pull his pants up at the same time, then down one of the halls, two more guards came dashing around a corner, their hand's going for their guns. Harley dragged her eyes from the screens, her eyes flying over the controls in front of her. She wasn't sure which ones released the doors or sounded the alarms, she knew the information, but at the moment she was overly excited and just simply couldn't remember. So, in order to make everything simple, Harley flipped every single switch. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the remote trigger for the gas tanks. Then with a wide maniacal grin, holding the remote over her head, she brought her gas mask up to cover her face and yelled. “BINGO!!” 

Then she squeezed the trigger. 

* 

Joker sat in the passenger seat, his arms folded over his chest looking annoyed with his bottom lip sticking out slightly. Frost was driving with Croc sitting bent over and uncomfortable in the back. 

“I still can't believe this was the best you could get,” Joker muttered. 

The three of them were in a light tan Toyota Highlander SUV. Frost sighed. “It's the only thing I could find that was going to fit everyone in it.” 

“Not exactly a streamlined escape vehicle,” Joker grumbled. 

“I'm sorry boss.” Frost sounded genuinely sorry as he drove, turning along the road that led up to Arkham. When he had gone out to get a car for their getaway, he really had no idea what to get that would fit the number of people they were picking up...apparently a SUV wasn't it by the way Joker was acting. 

Joker sighed. “I guess if we have our guns it will be fine, but once we get back I want you drive this into the river or something.” 

“'Course boss.” Frost had just pulled up to the gate at Arkham and was about to lean over to hit the intercom, hoping they wouldn't get held up. Just before Frost's finger could tap the call button, the sound of explosions reverberated through the air, the alarms going off and the gate opened, all at nearly the same time. 

Joker started laughing. “That's my girl!! Come on Frost, Harley just got the party started!” 

Frost hit the gate, barely giving it time to move out of the way before he was plowing through it and headed up the drive toward the asylum. 

* 

Inside, when the explosions went off, the noise and sudden blast of vent grates flying loose (which Harley had not expected) had Harley falling backwards on her ass holding her hands over her ears. She started to giggle almost immediately behind her gas mask then burst out into a wild maniacal laugh kicking her heels happily on the floor. “That was GREAT!!” she squealed. 

Chaos erupted instantly. With the doors popping open, patients immediately poured out into the halls within seconds. The Joker gas was swiftly filling the halls, rolling from the vents to create a heavy, green fog. Harley squeaked. In a heartbeat the laughter started. 

* 

Outside Joker had just hopped out of the SUV, a cigarette hanging from his lips as he pulled his guns out, two Glock 17's and checked to make sure they were both loaded before he slipped them into the holsters under his coat. He then pulled out the straight razor from one pocket flipping it around a few times grinning brightly. The other knife he had was a wicked throwing knife, the edges sharp enough to split a hair. He smiled wider sliding the blade into place at his hip. He checked the acid spitting flower on his lapel and last but not least, he pulled out his cane. He held it for a moment pursing his lips then sighed. “Nah, not this time,” before he tossed the cane back into the vehicle. 

He turned around and slapped his hands together loudly then rubbed them, the gloves on his hands making a swishing noise. “Okay boys, let's go have some fun!!” 

* 

Harley rushed along the halls looking for any of the people she was supposed to get out. She supposed she could simply go outside and wait, or run out to find her puddin...or wait for him to come inside, which was the plan, but she felt a little responsible for all of the people they were supposed to get out of Arkham. Plus, she didn't trust Hatter to find his butt with both hands on his own. Harley made a face to herself as she set out into the chaos of hysterically laughing people. 

* 

Harley made her way through the crowds of patients, nurses, doctors and guards, all of whom were laughing uncontrollably. Some had fallen to the ground unconscious, others were wandering about and a few of the patients, despite the fits of laughter, were fighting with the guards or the doctors. Harley hurried, avoiding most of the fighting, only having to use her fists a few times to make an opening to get herself through. 

She was about to turn the corner making her way—she hoped—toward Ivy when a hand shot out of the greenish fog and grabbed her upper arm with fingers like a vice. She was hauled backwards, her nurse's shoes sliding against the floor as she tried to keep her footing, when she was slammed up against the wall by one of the guards. She couldn't remember the guy's name, but she remembered seeing him. He was tall, muscle-bound with a pair of angry brown eyes and a mouth full of ugly yellowed teeth. He was one of those guys who took jobs like this, a guard at an insane asylum, because he liked being given the chance to beat on people without the worry of being charged with assault. Many of the doctors and guards turned a blind eye to excessive force. The man was laughing hard enough that he was gasping for breath, his mouth stretched wide in an unnatural grin that was clearly painful, his eyes watering to the point that he was having trouble keeping them open. 

Her frantic blue eyes glanced down to his name tag. His name was Frank; she remembered him, Frank the Tank as some of the patients called him because he was the one they sent in to barrel between two patients fighting. He would use his ham-sized fists to good effect, beating patients down. He gave her the willies. 

Harley struggled, kicking her feet, trying to kick him in the crotch or knee, any place that would hurt him. The fingers of one of her hands dug at his fingers which he had moved to her throat. Frank grinned, though it was clear to Harley he was trying to snarl, the gas's effects kept him from doing so, drawing his mouth back into a painful grin of false mirth. Frank leaned in close to her. His breath stank as he hissed at her. “You—you have a...” he giggled, “mask on! You...” an uncontrollable chuckle broke his speech. “You did this!!” 

Frank grabbed her around the throat with one hand, pressing his fingers into her neck, bruising her skin, lifting her up just enough that her shoes made squeaking noises against the floor as she tried to regain her footing. He adjusted his large hand, easily wrapping his fingers around her slender throat and started to choke, lifting her slightly higher off the ground, her nurse's shoes thudding against the wall as she fought. Harley kicked and gasped struggling for breath, tears starting to run down her cheeks behind the mask. She began to bring her hand up that held the handgun, but Frank grabbed her with his other hand, wrapping his meaty paw around her wrist and slammed that hand up against the wall. He was laughing hard enough that he was choking, but his grip was like a vice. He slammed her hand back against the wall several times until Harley finally dropped the gun, her knuckles scraped and bruised He started to squeeze that hand, coming close to snapping her wrist when a green arm appeared around the guard's throat. 

“Oh now, now, you don't want to do that, do you?” A seductive female voice purred through the mist. 

Harley's eyes widened when she saw Ivy's head behind Frank's shoulder. Harley smiled at Ivy from behind her mask. Ivy started to reach up and pull the mask down, but Harley gulped. “Don't do it!” she warned the other woman. 

Ivy smiled with an expression of confidence on her verdant features. “This will only take a moment.” 

Ivy pulled the mask down, forcing the hysterically laughing Frank's head around as she smiled and pressed her lips against Frank's. For a second nothing happened, but then Harley saw it, black tendrils under Frank's skin, spreading out from his mouth, through his cheeks and up into his eyes like something oily moving through him. The black raced up through his skin until he started to convulse. Ivy stepped away and put her mask back in place with a smile as Frank started to foam at the mouth jerking and twitching. His grip on Harley loosened, dropping her. Frank continued to convulse until he finally collapsed to the floor. Harley watched in amazement. 

“What did you do?” 

Ivy smiled. “Oh, just a little poison.” 

“Is he dead?” Harley asked as she kicked the man in the side. 

“Yes.” Ivy grinned with narrowed eyes. 

Harley looked impressed. “Wow Red, cool!” 

Ivy gave Harley a little bow which made Harley giggle before her face took on a serious mien. 

“We should find the others.” Harley rubbed her throat looking around at the chaos. Ivy frowned. “Well, I suppose.” 

* 

Joker burst into the Asylum, guns in both hands. He was laughing maniacally. 

“Okay, we're here to kick ass and chew bubblegum!! And I'm all out of bubblegum!!” With that Joker started shooting up the ceiling as he laughed. 

Frost cringed as patients, doctors and guards went scurrying out of the way. Croc glanced at Frost who shrugged. They both thought they weren't going to be killing anyone, but with Joker, plans were always fluid. 

* 

Ivy and Harley had made their way down to where Crane and Hatter were kept. On the way they had run into Riddler who had simply saluted the ladies and yelled. “Meet you on the outside my fair ones!” And then he had promptly disappeared. Neither of them saw Two-face anywhere. 

They were just about to turn down a hall when out of nowhere a maniacal laughing bald, naked figure leaped out at the two women. 

Ivy screamed. “VICTOR!!” 

Harley squeaked just barely avoiding being sliced as Victor Zsasz, holding what looked like a piece of broken glass, attacked her. Harley stumbled backwards, lost her footing and fell down, but when Zsasz tried to leap on her, she brought both feet up and kicked him with all her might in the chest throwing the man backwards against the wall. Ivy dashed to Harley, grabbing her hand and lifting her up. 

“Come on!” Ivy started to drag Harley, but they both heard Zsasz yell. “I still see you!! It's time to free your lovely souls!” 

The two women took off at a run. 

* 

Joker was shooting anyone not a patient while he waited for Harley to show up. 

Frost frowned. “Boss, I thought we weren't going to kill anyone?” 

Joker giggled. “Every good comedian knows how to improvise!” 

With that Joker shot two guards. Frost sighed and walked back to his station by the front doors. 

Joker narrowed his eyes in annoyance. So far Riddler had appeared and as far as Joker knew he was waiting out in the car. (If he wasn't, after Joker went to this much trouble, he would hunt that little riddle loving freak down and make him eat his own intestines and see what riddle he would make with that! Though he might do it anyway when this was all over. It would be really funny.) Two-face was standing here with him, flipping his coin anytime someone showed up and would either shoot them or not depending on the coin. He used the gun Frost had given him, another decision that Joker was regretting. Two-face took too long with that damn coin of his...no spontaneity. Sad really, Joker thought. 

Joker's eyes twitched. He had decided he hated that damn coin after about the first minute. 

But now Joker was becoming increasingly agitated. Where was Harley? She was supposed to come straight here and wait for the others—she wasn't suppose to still be in there! 

“FROST!” Joker yelled. 

Frost, who was by the door with Croc keeping a look out for cops, Batman...anybody who could put a wrench into their plans, turned to Joker. “Yes Boss?” 

“I'm going after Harley,” Joker growled starting to walk off. 

“Boss! Uh...you think that's a good idea? I mean it's chaos in there.” Frost frowned, but Joker narrowed his eyes and turned one of his guns on Frost. 

“Something might have happened to Harley! She should have been here by now. I'm going to go look for her!” Joker shouted back. 

Frost nodded. “Sorry Boss, yeah, you go get Harley.” 

Joker smiled at him. “Okay, I will.” 

Then the pale man hurried into the interior of the asylum leaving Frost with Two-face. Two-face smiled at him and Frost groaned quietly, “Why me?” 

* 

Black Mask was sitting up naked in bed with Alyca's head on his lap. He was stroking her hair as they spoke. 

“Why do you let that clown get to you so much? So he has Penguin on his side now, big deal.” Alyca spoke softly running her fingertips up and down his arm. 

“That's not the point dear. The point is he killed family and that requires a response,” Black Mask explained with a growl in his voice. 

Alyca sighed. “But if the clown doesn't know or care who he killed, what difference does it make? I mean you could be focusing your attention on better things, like crushing the other mob bosses or—I don't know...anything instead of just playing games with this clown.” 

Black Mask growled deeper. “It isn't a game. I want him dead, but not just dead, I want him to suffer. This...game with the territories is just that, a game. I want him...I need to find a way to make him feel pain...” 

That was the moment the phone rang. Black Mask picked up the phone. “What?” 

“Dr. Arkham?” 

For a moment Black Mask stared at the phone. Alyca sat up and quickly took it from him. “This is Dr. Sinner, what's going on?” 

The man on the other end seemed not to care who he was talking to as long as it was someone in authority. “The asylum. Something's happened...” The man on the other end started to laugh. “Some sort of...laughing gas...” 

Over the phone Alyca could hear the sounds of the alarms, laughter and gunfire. 

“What's going on?” Alyca yelled, but the man on the other end was gone. “Hello? Hello?” Alyca yelled as if the volume of her voice would bring the man back, but there was nothing, just the background noise of people laughing and the ongoing sound of the alarms. 

* 

Harley wasn't sure exactly when she and Ivy became separated. The only thing she knew was that she turned a corner down a hall and suddenly she was all alone in an empty hall, the only thing with her was the laughing gas. The hall was eerie, reminding her of a fog covered moor from an old scary movie she saw once as a kid. For a moment that made her giggle. Her memories of being a child were...like fog themselves, she didn't really remember much, but then something like this would happen and a memory would simply pop up like a groundhog popping out of a hole. 

Harley looked around trying to get her bearings when a shadow seemed to loom out of the green gas. “Oh Alice, Alice dear, where have you been hiding?” 

Harley turned just as Tetch rose out of the Joker gas, his mask in place and his eyes focused on her. 

“Curiouser and curiouser Alice. However did I lose you, I wonder? But I found you again and all will be well. You and I can go to the tea party now.” 

Harley swallowed as she put her hands up. “Tetch...Jervis...it's me Harley, Harley Quinn. Remember I talked to you earlier? About escaping?” 

“Oh Alice, It’s no use going back to yesterday, because you were a different person then. But I know who you really are! I know it's you Alice.” Tetch grinned with a strange glimmer in his eyes. 

“Now, time for tea!” Tetch stepped closer to Harley. 

Harley stepped backward trying to keep distance between her and Hatter. 

“I don't think...” Harley began, but Hatter waggled his finger at her. 

“Then you shouldn't talk Alice.” Hatter stepped closer and that was the moment that Harley saw the knife in his hand. 

“Oh shit,” she muttered. 

Hatter grinned. “We're all mad here...”


	24. The Time has come the Walrus said

Harley leapt backwards just as Tetch (he had his mask on...why was he sane enough to do that? Harley wondered briefly) lunged with the blade. He was a head shorter than Harley, but he could move pretty damn quickly Harley realized as the blade cut the fog right in front of her. 

“Tetch!! I'm not Alice!” Harley yelped ducking and weaving as Tetch lunged again. Damn that little man could move she thought. 

Harley looked around, but she saw nothing she could use as a weapon. The hall was clear except for the bodies of a couple of orderlies lying on the floor...maybe one of them had something, but she had to be quick. 

Orderlies were not supposed to carry anything on them that could be used as a weapon, by them or by the patients. But Harley knew that that little rule didn't stop any of them from carrying something, whether is was mace or a taser. Harley dropped down, running her hands over one of the orderlies. She searched the man's body trying to keep a look out for Tetch at the same time. She could hear him somewhere in the fog, muttering. 

“'The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things: Of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings.'” 

Harley shuddered, the words crawling over her skin, then she had to suppress an exclamation of glee when she found a taser on one of the orderlies. She had just started to stand up when Tetch lunged out of the fog. 

Harley screamed as the little man knocked her back, her head smacking hard against the floor causing her to see stars for a moment. Somehow she had managed to get her left arm up, the knife descending (now that she could see it up close it wasn't a knife, exactly, but a...a...shiv! That's what they called a prison knife...yay for weird facts coming to you in moments of extreme stress Harley!) The blade pierced her forearm with enough force to cut through the flesh, hitting and scraping against the bone. The pain was blinding, but as Tetch leaned on the blade he grinned at her, the Mad Hatter in full delusional psychopathic glory, looked down at her. Harley hoped to hell this worked as she brought the taser up and hit him in the side. 

Jervis jerked, his eyes going wide, the taser knocking him off of her. 

Harley scrambled to her feet, dropping her arm with the shiv still in it to her side; her arm had gone numb, blood flowing down the arm to drip from her fingertips to the floor; the pain was still there but it was dulled at the moment. 

She heard Jervis move, the scraping of his feet against the tiled floor, but she couldn't see where he had gone. She adjusted her mask, thankful that it hadn't slipped off; she was fairly sure she was immune to the gas but why take chances. 

Harley took a couple of steps backwards when she heard Tetch again, his voice a whisper carried on the air around her. “If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does.” 

Harley stood there for a split second before she turned and ran. 

* 

Joker had walked down a hall and frowned as he stood in the middle of the corridor looking around as if he were lost. He had shot two guards, ones he remembered from his time here at the asylum “resort”, ones that had taken the opportunity when he was first admitted to beat him up. While he had laughed at them at the time, they had broken several of his ribs, shattered one of his eye sockets and broken his arm...he had never forgotten their faces. Joker never forgot anyone who did anything he didn't like. But now they were both lying on the floor at his feet with gut wounds and laughing themselves to death...slowly...their blood pooling on the floor at his feet. Joker took a quick step back from the spreading pool of blood—didn't want to mess his shoes up. 

Joker sighed with annoyance that was quickly turning into anger laced with fear. Where was Harley?? 

He started to move again, stepped over the guards and the blood, and stopped a few steps away to shout. “HARLEY!” 

He heard a sound of running feet and giggles, only to see one of the doctors come laughing out of the fog of Joker gas. The man was one of the older doctors, the one who really enjoyed the electro-shock therapy and administering tons of psychotic drugs to patients. Joker narrowed his eyes. The man was giggling, but he had enough sense to look scared when he saw Joker standing there armed and smiling. 

“Oh hey, Dr. Cassidy! I remember you! Wanna play a game? Can you outrun a bullet? Let's find out!” Joker started to laugh. The doctor turned with panicked eyes—but of course still laughing—and ran the other way. 

Joker giggled. “You better run!! I'm hunting doctors!!” 

He took off after the doctor, for a moment forgetting that Harley might be in trouble. 

* 

Ivy turned around in confusion. She stopped moving in the middle of a hall when she realized she had lost Harley. She frowned in confusion trying to figure out where she had lost her when she heard the sound of bare feet on the linoleum. She turned just in time to see Victor stand up right behind her. 

Ivy snarled. “Don't you know that 'No' means NO Victor?” 

Victor chuckled. “I'm just here to help free your soul!” 

Ivy smiled. “Oh, you are are you? Give it a try Victor. I dare you.” 

A voice floated out of the fog. “No, I don't think he does know the mean of 'no' actually.” 

Ivy turned, her heart hammering. “John?” 

A tall, lean shadow stepped out of the fog next to Ivy. It was Crane, his dark hair flopping across his forehead and a small smile tugging at his lips while he pushed his glasses up his long nose, his blue eyes dancing in the dim lights. 

“Hello, my little flower.” Crane performed a formal bow at the waist to Ivy. 

Ivy sighed. “Oh John, I'm so glad you're all right. Why are you still here?!” 

Crane shrugged. “Yes, yes I am just fine. But I had to make a quick stop by the pharmaceuticals before leaving this pleasant establishment. Plus, I wanted my glasses back and I simply couldn't go out in that horrid jumpsuit they make us wear...though I do have to say you wear it well little flower.” 

He gave her an appreciative smile. (She and Crane had become friends recently during therapy when she learned that Crane had a high respect for the toxins in plants, a fascination with poisons and other aspects related to plant life. It was nice to have someone who respected mother nature. Since then she and Crane had become fast friends, speaking every chance they were allowed.) 

Ivy noticed that Crane had his own clothing on, which caused her to shake her head in disbelief that he had gone back for his things. 

Victor snarled looking between the two of them, trying to look menacing with his broken piece of glass. “Shut up!! I will release you both!!!” 

The wiry serial killer leapt at the two of them. Crane was quicker. He moved out of the away with a simple sidestep, avoiding Victor and his glass shiv with easy grace. Ivy jumped out of the way adding a kick to Victor's ass as he went past. She then reached for Crane to take his hand. 

“Come on, we need to get out of here before the police or Batman show up. And I lost Harley! We have to find her!” 

Crane smiled. “We will little flower, we will...but first...” 

Crane pulled a syringe from the pocket of his jacket, his smile deadly as Crane turned his blue eyes on Zsasz. Victor had turned on the balls of his feet and hissed like an animal. He leapt at Crane again, but Crane's hand snapped out to grasp Zsasz's weapon arm by the wrist in a surprisingly strong grip. The taller man twisted the wiry man's arm behind his back and slammed Victor up against the wall as he brought the syringe around with his other hand. Crane's voice dropped to a deadly whisper as he swiftly injected Zsasz in the neck while a smile crept over his lips. 

“Let's find out what you're afraid of Victor, shall we?” 

* 

Harley burst through a set of doors, using the shoulder of her good arm to push the doors open, her hand holding her useless arm close to her body, the shiv still sticking out of her forearm. After she stepped into the room, Harley stopped short when she realized where she was...the surgery teaching room. The place dated back from the beginning of the asylum, when procedures—cruel procedures—were done to patients for teaching (and entertainment of the masses), a surgery theater that had the stadium seating of white cement seats that could hold up to a hundred students and public spectators. The bottom, where she had burst into, had a hospital bed in the middle of the room, along with an electroshock machine against the wall. As Harley looked around, she could see a table on which balanced a tray of surgery tools all lined up in neat rows. There was an empty cabinet against one wall that would have once held different drugs to test on patients. There was still an old IV stand in a corner looking like the skeletal remains of some long forgotten figure. The large round light above that was supposed to shine down and show everything in harsh details for the gaze of the audience, hung from the ceiling, dark and dead. 

The place had a haunted feel to it that was only exacerbated by the fog of Joker gas that rolled through the room. Harley looked around, holding her wounded arm against her torso, the make-shift blade still protruding painfully from her forearm, a small trail of blood dripping onto the floor from the tips of her fingers; at least the blood flow seemed to have lessened, she noted. Harley closed her eyes against the pain for a moment trying to think straight, but her arm throbbed painfully making it difficult to focus on anything other than the pain. She didn't think pulling the shiv out was a good idea, so she had decided to leave it embeded in her arm for now while she searched for a way out. She was looking around fantically when she saw that along the upper tiers of the concrete steps that also worked as seats, there was another door. She turned to look behind her, but Tetch was not visible; maybe she had lost him. 

Harley quietly made her way up the stairs. She could swear she heard the sound of voices in the haze of the gas, the voices of the long ago dead floating around her, those tortured to death in these walls. She shivered. She had just reached the door, pulled on the handle, struggling not to panic when she discovered the door was locked, trapping her in this room. Just as that thought sunk in was when the door below opened. Harley threw herself down to the floor. Along the lower level of the seats, a short wall ringed the chamber though the rest of the seats were simply open to view from below, which left little between Harley and Mad Hatter. The only thing really hiding her was the thickness of the Joker gas in the air. Harley closed her eyes for a moment trying not to panic and thinking to herself, “What would Joker do?” Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Tetch whispering in a sing song voice... 

* ‘And your hair has become very white; 

And yet you incessantly stand on your head - 

Do you think, at your age, it is right?’ 

‘In my youth,’ Father William replied to his son, 

‘I feared it might injure the brain; 

But, now that I’m perfectly sure I have none, 

Why, I do it again and again...” 

* 

Harley dragged herself slowly along the cement steps, lowering herself down each level until she was behind the half-wall. Tetch was still in the 'pit' part of the room; she could hear him looking around, moving things about as he muttered. 

* 

“‘You are old,’ said the youth, ‘as I mentioned before, 

And have grown most uncommonly fat; 

Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door - 

Pray, what is the reason of that?’ 

‘In my youth,’ said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, 

‘I kept all my limbs very supple 

By the use of this ointment - one shilling the box - 

Allow me to sell you a couple?” 

* 

Harley pressed her lips together in frustration and pain. She was leaving a trail of blood droplets, but she wasn't sure if Tetch had noticed them. By the sounds of his movements, he was still searching. She rose up carefully, looking over the top of the half-wall. She could barely see him through the dense gas, but after a couple of seconds she saw him, a weirdly hunched little shadow. Tetch had something else in his hand, though she couldn't see what it was. All she had was the taser and the blade in her arm. She glanced toward the door, but there was no way she could get to the door without him noticing her. She hoped that if she stayed quiet he would assume she wasn't here and leave. This will teach her to deviate from her puddin's plans, Harley thought as she listened to Tetch's singing. 

* 

With a happy smile, Joker finally cornered Dr. Shawn Cassidy in one of the private locker rooms for the staff. Joker kicked the door open with a wide grin and stepped into the room as if it were a stage. 

“Knock knock!!” 

He looked around slowly. Joker thought he could hear muffled crying. Maybe, he wasn't sure. He giggled as he walked further into the room. 

“Wanna hear a joke doc? I got a great one for ya.” Joker grinned and moved slowly, his eyes quickly darting back and forth. “Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient. "In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional," the doctor replied. With that, Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery. The doctor burst into uncontrollable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," said Bob.” 

Joker burst out laughing. He continued to giggle as he looked under the benches and behind the laundry bin. “No laughing doc? Didn't like my joke?” Joker whispered while he searched. 

He remembered Dr. Cassidy...he was the one who had ordered most of Joker's treatments, the drugs, the shocks, even going so far as to order some of the old school hydrotherapy—that had been loads of fun. For a moment Joker stopped moving, remembering being handcuffed to the wall, naked and blasted with water, water that was like ice. The constant blast of the icy water against him, barely giving him a chance to breathe, ripping at his skin...Joker giggled. 

With a sigh, Joker let those memories fade, focusing back on the here and now. He smiled when he saw a few of the orderlies in the room having laughed themselves unconscious, lying in a corner of the locker room. Oh...he remembered them too! Joker laughed as he walked over to the unconscious men. With a happy smile, Joker kicked them both with all his strength in their sides until he heard the sounds of bones snapping. 

“Well, you'll be nice and sore later...hope I broke a rib or three.” Joker kicked one of them again, putting as much force as he could into the kick. “And that's for taking my ice cream!! Didn't think I would remember, did ya? But I do!” Joker chuckled, then whistled. “Yoohoo Dr. Cassidy! I know you're in here!” 

Joker walked to the center of the room looking around; there were rows of lockers and a couple of long benches in the middle of the room. Joker smiled as he narrowed his eyes. He put his guns away and pulled out his straight razor, flipping it around a few times, the sound of the blade cutting through the air made an eerie sound that Joker found to be pleasant. 

(In one of the lockers, Dr. Cassidy had his fist shoved in his mouth to stop himself from giggling out loud as he stared in terror through the grate of the locker.) 

“Aww...come on Dr. Cassidy! Come out and play. I don't want to kill you. I just want to hurt you, really really, bad.” Joker giggled as he walked over and started to pull the doors open on each of the lockers making his slow progress down the line. While he made his way along the rows of lockers Joker asked, “How do you feel about the band Blondie? Personally I enjoy them.” 

Joker sang softly while he opened door, after locker door. 

“One way or another, I'm gonna find ya' 

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya' 

One way or another, I'm gonna win ya' 

I'm gonna get ya', get ya' ,get ya', get ya' 

One way or another, I'm gonna see ya' 

I'm gonna meet ya', meet ya', meet ya', meet ya' 

One day maybe next week, I'm gonna meet ya'....” 

He had just finished one set of lockers and was walking over to the next when he heard a scream, a woman's scream. 

Joker's head snapped around with a whispered, “Harley?” as if he had just remembered her. 

At that same moment, Dr. Cassidy, with a scream of his own, popped out of one of the lockers, a stun baton in his hand. 

“ACHHHH!!!” Cassidy yelled and stabbed Joker in the small of his back, shoving the baton against him. Joker jerked more from surprise than pain. He turned swiftly, his arm snapping out, the back of his fist slamming the doctor in the side of the head. The doctor went flying backwards dropping to the floor and sliding across the tiles until he slammed into one of the benches bolted to the floor. Joker growled, his eyes narrowed though he continued to smile. 

“That wasn't funny.” 

He took a step toward Cassidy, the switchblade shining in his hand, when he heard the scream again. This time he was sure it was Harley. 

“You're lucky doc. My girl needs me more than I need to worry about killing you. You won't be so lucky next time—I promise.” 

With that Joker flew from the room. Cassidey watched him go then broke down laughing and crying. 

* 

Harley hit the floor hard when Tetch lunged at her. She kicked out with both feet, striking him in the chest to send the short man crashing into the hospital examination table. She tried to roll to her feet, but she hit the handle of the shiv in her arm; pain flared and pulled a scream from her. She heard Tetch behind her. 

“`He won't stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!” 

Harley scrambled to her feet when she felt Jervis grabbed her hair. “Come, come Alice! “Why is a raven like a writing-desk?” 

Harley screamed, dropping the taser as she was yanked back by her hair. Tetch let go and watched as she fell again to the floor. At the same moment that Harley hit the floor, she yanked the blade from her arm. The pain almost caused her to pass out, but she was furious! Crazy, raging angry and mad, her own insanity focused her fear into the rage that allowed her to yank the blade free of her arm. This was not supposed to happen! She was not going to let herself be killed by this crazy little man, not when she had promised her puddin that she could do this, that she could break these people out of Arkham. 

At that same moment, Tetch jumped on her knocking the air from her lungs. Whatever he had been holding earlier he had dropped in favor of using his hands on her. He wrapped his hands around her neck, pressing hard, cutting off her air. 

Tetch grinned down at her and whispered. “Have you guessed the riddle yet? 

Harley hissed. “NO!” She brought her arm up between them stabbing upward into Tetch's stomach. The little man's eyes widened in shock at the feel of the blade puncturing his gut. Harley didn't hesitate; she yanked it out and stab again as hard and fast as she could while she felt her air cut off, her eyes bugging as she struggled for air until finally Tetch released his hold on her neck. 

He sat back with a shocked expression on his face. Harley snarled in a breath and stabbed him again, her blade cutting in just under Tetch's sternum and up with all her strength. She tried to yank it out and stab again, but somehow the blade had become stuck. She let go staring up at Jervis. 

Tetch jerked, looking down at the blade sticking out of him. He smiled down at her and whispered. 

“Alice, speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing--turn your toes out when you walk---And remember who you are!” With that, Tetch fell forward on top of her. 

The next moment the door of the surgery room burst open with Joker running in, right behind him was Crane and Ivy. Joker saw Harley, lying still with Tetch on top of her, blood spreading out from the two of them. Joker snarled. 

“NO!” 

He ran forward and dropped to his knees shoving Tetch off of Harley. 

“HARLEY!! HARLEY!! Don't you go anywhere without me!!” 

Harley opened her eyes and smiled through her pain and fear, so happy to see him. “Oh puddin!” 

Joker let out a sigh of relief and wrapped his arms around her. He glanced over at Tetch's body and grinned. “I'm so proud of you honeycakes!” 

Ivy frowned at Tetch's body, though Crane chuckled. 

Joker picked Harley up in his arms. “All right enough fun and games—it's time to go.” 

With that he turned on his heels holding Harley protectively against him. 

* 

Frost was becoming nervous, almost panicked. The boss, Harley and whoever else was supposed to come with them hadn't appeared yet and it had been way too long without the cops or Batman showing up, and that made him even more nervous. He glanced over to Croc who had just stopped a couple of doctors, laughing hysterically, from reaching the door. Croc had simply picked them up and tossed them across the room and into the wall where they now lay unmoving. 

Frost was debating whether to hold his place or go find Joker when he saw four cars pull up. Frost hissed under his breath. The four cars were all black Lincoln town cars. That could only mean one thing...mob. Just as Frost thought those words, the cars parked and out came several men, all armed and wearing black suits, but what made Frost's blood run cold was that out of one car stepped Black Mask himself.


	25. Chaos

Joker hurried through the halls with his small group of villains and Harley while Ivy and Crane were following quickly behind him. He carried Harley in his arms, holding her close against his chest, her arms resting along her stomach. With her eyes closed and looking even paler than usual, Joker did his best not to dwell on that, but rather remaining focused on getting out of here. Ivy had wrapped Harley's wounded arm up with a handkerchief that Crane had produced from inside a pocket of his suit, but the blood had soaked clear through the handkerchief, and soon soaking the front of Joker's suit in Harley's blood. It wasn't much of a bandage, but it would have to do for now; they didn't have time to do proper first-aid on her arm since they were quickly running out of time... 

Joker smiled and giggled, adjusting his hold on Harley as he whispered to her. “This is really funny Harley, making me carry you! I'm not sure how I'm going to get back at you yet, but you know I will think of something really funny!” 

* 

Ivy frowned listening to Joker talk to Harley while they were looking for their way out. She wasn't sure if she should be concerned or not...or if it was any of her business... 

* 

Joker had walked swiftly at first, but as they began to get closer to the entrance of the asylum, he picked up speed, breaking into a run when they were almost to the guard station, pressing Harley tight against him chest. They were almost there when they all heard shouts and the sound of gunfire erupting from their destination. Joker stopped short, slamming his back against a wall and trying to find cover just before they reached the guard station. The sounds of fighting were loud; the mix of gunfire and shouting was almost deafening. 

Frost, Croc and Two-Face had backed up into the guards' area, firing weapons out into the lobby through the gate that blocked the lobby and the guard station from the rest of the asylum. Joker couldn't see who they were firing at, but it couldn't be Batman. If Bats were here Joker doubted Frost, Croc and Two-Face would still be standing. 

Joker moved forward carefully, heading behind the guard station half wall to the small section by the computers and eased Harley to the floor next to the dead guard and the swivel desk chair. She was slightly conscious, the blood loss and her adrenaline fading away had left her weak. Joker brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her forehead. 

“Stay put my little killer, Daddy's going to get you out of here...” Joker smiled down at her. 

Harley murmured, her eyes only partly open. “Puddin...” 

She started to reach for him with her good arm. Joker took her hand pressing his lips to her knuckles. She smiled, her eyes sliding close again. Joker grinned at her, brushing her cheek with the back of his knuckles. 

“It's alright sweetie, Daddy will be right back. I'm going to get you home, then we are going to snuggle.” 

Harley didn't respond, which for a moment made Joker begin to panic, his eyes widening, his breathing coming quickly as his heart sped up for a split second. But just before full-blown panic set in, he saw the rise and fall of her chest. He took a steady breath and grinned then, chuckling at himself, and reached out to run his fingers over her hair. 

“There, there my cupcake. You rest while Daddy does some killing for you baby.” 

Joker stood up, pulling his guns out as he did so and walked over to Frost. 

“Alrighty Frost, my sweetheart, tell me who's out there, the great and fearsome Gotham PD?” 

Frost shook his head. “Black Mask, Boss.” 

Joker frowned in confusion. “What the hell is that stick in the mud doing here? How did he even know we were here?” 

Frost shrugged. “No idea, Boss, but he has several men with him—all armed,” he added almost needlessly as a few rounds smashed into a nearby wall. That was when they heard someone through a bullhorn yell. “I know you're in there Joker! Come out and I might be feeling generous and let your pals live.” 

Joker moved to the doorway and looked out into the lobby through the bars of the gate. 

The lobby was divided from the guards' area by a set of barred doors. Frost and Croc had been smart enough to reactivate the doors when they ran into the guards' area, but at the same time that the doors prevented Black Mask and his men from coming at them, the doors also trapped them inside, separating them from the escape vehicle. 

Joker frowned and muttered. “Well this is annoying.” He then yelled back out at Black Mask. “Oh shut up Blackie, nobody believes you! You can't trust people who wear masks!! Ask Batman—nobody trusts him at all!” 

“Joker, come out and I'll kill your friends quickly then,” Black Mask said into the horn. 

Joker chuckled. “Blah blah blah! You talk too much you skullfaced wiener!” Joker stuck a hand out through the bars and gave Black Mask the middle finger, then swiftly retracted his hand when the gunfire started again. 

Joker giggled. “Guess he doesn't like sign language.” 

Frost muttered, “Riddler is out in the car as far as I know...I don't think Black Mask saw him. If he is still there, maybe he can get us out? Unless he took the car...but I didn't hear it leave...” Frost didn't like not knowing. 

Joker tapped his fingers against his chin as he leaned back against the wall, away from the door. 

“I'm assuming the way that Harley and I got out last time has been blocked off?” He glanced at Two-Face, Crane and Ivy. 

Ivy nodded. “Last I heard, yes, they bricked it up. At least, according to one of the nurses.” 

“Is there a back way out of this joint?” Joker looked around at everyone wishing he had thought to look for one. Usually he wasn't quite so...neglectful of such important details. 

Crane smiled and pushed his glasses up his long nose. “Actually, there might be.” 

Joker turned to him raising his eyebrows in question. 

“The morgue.” Crane smiled, sharing a glance with everyone. It was clear from his expression that Crane took some delight in telling them about the morgue escape route. 

Frost paled and glanced at Croc who didn't look any better. 

Joker giggled. “How morbid! I love it! Oh that reminds me of a dirty joke!” 

Ivy groaned. “Not now Joker.” 

“Why not? Now is a perfect time for a joke!” Joker grinned and continued unperturbed. “Three Nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on. The first nurse says “Can't let that go to waste” and rides him. The second nurse does the same. The third nurse hesitates and explains she is on her period, but does him anyway. Then suddenly, just as the nurses are leaving, the man sits up and the nurses apologize saying they thought he was dead. The man replies “I was, but after two jump starts and a blood transfusion I feel fuckin great!!!” 

Joker snorted and started laughing. Crane pressed his lips together, but there was a hint of a grin there. He glanced once at Ivy who did not look amused and swiftly turned away so that she didn't see his slightly amused expression. 

Two-Face looked as if he wanted to flip his coin to decide if he found the joke funny or not. Frost actually laughed and Croc made a funny sort of growling laugh. 

Ivy narrowed her eyes at Joker before turning her disapproving glare on each of the men with a deeply unhappy frown. “Joker that was tasteless, especially since we are in the middle of a life and death crisis! Though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.” 

Joker looked offended. “There is always time for a joke! As Mel Brooks said “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” Joker pouted. “Harley would appreciate my humor.” 

Ivy stared at Joker for a long moment, her lips a thin green line before she rolled her eyes in exasperation and turned to Crane. “You were saying something about the morgue?” 

Crane leaned casually against the wall as he folded his hands in front of him, looking as if nothing at all was wrong. His eyes met Ivy's over the top of his glasses. He gave her a wink before he smiled and continued. “The morgue is located on the lower level, separate from the rest of the asylum. There is an outer door that opens up onto a drive up for a hearse or ambulance to remove a body. The bodies are taken either to the funeral home—if the patient is lucky enough to have family who want a funeral—otherwise bodies end up going to the crematorium.” Crane said this last bit with a decidedly eerie air before he continued. “Once we're outside we can slip up to the front of the asylum and get to your escape vehicle. Well, as long as Riddler didn't hot wire the car and leave us behind that is. We just need to find a key card.” 

“All right Mr. Bones, who would have a key card?” Joker folded his arms across his chest after sliding his weapons back into their holsters, still pouting at Ivy. 

“Any of the doctors, right?” Ivy asked looking between Crane and Joker. 

Crane nodded. “Yes.” 

Joker giggled. “Hey, I know were Dr. Cassidy is.” 

* 

Black Mask snarled standing in the middle of the lobby. “Get me someone that can override that fucking door! Where is Alyca?! I WANT THAT DOOR OPEN NOW!” 

“Sir, you told her to stay out in the car,” One of Black Mask's men, a bald man who looked like he could crush heads with his hands, said timidly. Mask turned on him. “Then go and get her! I want that door open an hour ago!!” 

The man who had spoken rushed out of the lobby and out to the vehicles to fetch the doctor. 

* 

Joker scooped Harley up carefully, tenderly, kissing her softly on the lips and smiling down at her. Harley smiled and opened her eyes, reaching up to caress the clown's cheek. (Ivy noticed that the clown handled Harley tenderly which surprised her. She didn't know a great deal about the Joker, just a little from what he had said in group or rumors she had heard...mass murderer, insane obsession with the Batman, among a few things. From the few things she knew, his treatment of Harley was unexpected.). Joker walked around the half wall, adjusting Harley in his arms, holding her close before he took off at a jog yelling. “Come on ya slowpokes!” 

“Where are we going?” Ivy asked as she turned to keep up with him, everyone else following behind them. 

Joker grinned. “Locker rooms. Our friendly neighborhood doctor should still be there.” 

Ivy frowned following with the others as Joker headed to the locker room where he had left Dr. Cassidy. When their small group entered the locker room, Cassidy was still there, lying on the floor, unconscious or asleep. It looked as if the good doctor had wet himself. Ivy made a disgusted face. 

Crane dropped down in a crouch and turned the man over. 

“I really don't this like this man,” Crane muttered. “He is quite fond of drugs and electroshock treatments.” 

Joker sighed. “I don't like him either Bones. I wanted to kill him, but Harley needed me. I would kill him now, but it's really no fun at all unless he was awake to really enjoy it. It's far more fun when you can see the fear in their eyes..” Joker giggled nuzzling Harley. “Isn't it my little peach?” 

Harley giggled in a whispery voice. “Yes it is puddin.” Joker chuckled and squeezed her tightly. 

Crane smiled. “I completely agree. The man was not a good doctor.” 

Crane did a quick search of Cassidy's pockets and came up with a card within moments. Crane stood and held up the card. “There, that should get us into the morgue and on the other side of the door and to the outside. We just need to find the elevator that leads down. This card will work on opening any of the restricted elevators or doors to any restricted areas.” 

“So where are these “doctors only” elevators?” Joker asked as he used his leg to lift up and shift Harley's weight in his arms. She made a soft moan of protest causing Joker to whisper. “Shh...it's okay pumpkin pie. We're going to get out of here and go home for some snuggles and grape soda.” 

Harley cooed softly. “Grape soda...” 

Two-Face stepped forward. “I could carry her if you want Joker.” 

Joker narrowed his eyes dangerously. “No one touches her. I'll carry her, it's fine. She's mine.” 

Joker tightened his grip on Harley. 

Ivy put a hand on Two-Face's shoulder, tugging him back from Joker. “Just leave him alone.” 

Glaring at Dent, Joker tightened his grip on Harley marginally before he turned back to Crane. “So where are these elevators since you seem to know everything.” 

Crane performed a little bow and turned, pushing open the doors of the locker room open leading the tiny group out. 

* 

It took the small group of them a precious ten minutes to locate the elevator. The doctor elevators were located down a small hall that Joker had thought led only to a janitor's closet, but what he had mistaken for a closet was actually the door to the elevator. There was a well hidden card slot that Crane discovered and then slid the card, the doors opening to a small elevator. Their group piled inside. The space was small so their group had to squish themselves close in order to fit Joker made a joke about how elevator jokes work on so many levels, which had all of them glaring except Harley who giggled against Joker's shoulder. Crane hit the button on the wall. 

* 

Dr. Alyca Sinner swiftly strolled into the lobby of Arkham. Black Mask walked quickly over to her, grabbed her by her upper arm, and force walked her over to the barred door. 

“Open this! Now!” 

Alyca wanted to tell him that he had a card too, but he clearly would not believe her. The only problem with multiple personalities, sometimes one didn't know about the other. 

Alyca pulled her arm out of his grip with an indignant glare before she yanked her card out of her pocket. She found the card reader and slid her card through, then punched in a series of numbers for the override. She had to put in a complicated combination of numbers, but as soon as she did the door popped open. Black Mask nearly shoved her out of the way as he stormed through, gun at his side. His men flowed inside right behind him. Black Mask snarled at them, “Fan out, find me that clown! And don't kill him! That's for me!” 

* 

Somewhere in Gotham, Batman was patrolling the streets in the batmobile when a call came in over the police scanner. 

A young male officer's voice sounded over the scanner. “I have a report of something going on at Arkham Asylum.” 

A voice answered back, male, that sounded like it might be Gordon. “Something?” 

“Yes sir, no alarms have been sounded by the asylum, but someone reported hearing gunfire.” 

“All right, send a squad car out there to check it out. Wait, send two.” 

“On it sir. Over and out.” 

Batman frowned. He debated for only a couple of seconds before he turned his vehicle around and headed toward Arkham Asylum. If something was going on at Arkham the chances were the police would need his help. 

* 

Their little group exited the elevator into the asylum morgue. The chill, dark, silent morgue looked eerie with the Joker gas hovering along the floor like a fog on a moor. Everyone who was wearing a mask seemed to reach up and touch their masks as if to reassure themselves they were protected. The room itself had grey walls and what once might have been white tiles on the floor. Cut into the floor was a groove that ran to a drain in the floor. Along one wall were a series of eight “drawers” for bodies; two autopsy tables were bolted down in the middle of the room, one of which clearly had a body on it with a sheet over it, the only parts exposed were the feet. Along another wall was a screen for x-rays, and drawers filled with equipment and beside that was a large sink with a huge adjustable light that hung from the ceiling. There was a large scale for weighing organs, a tray table with equipment along with a variety of things that Joker had no idea what they did, though they looked to be a lot of fun. There was a hospital gurney up against one wall and the bodies of two unconscious doctors on the floor, their mouths stretched into horrible grins. The whole place smelled strange, a combination of something sickeningly sweet mixed with some sort of pungent smell, but all of that was concealed (poorly) under the smell of antiseptic. Everyone was put off by the smell...well, except Joker and Crane, neither of them seemed to notice the smell, or if they did, they didn't seem to care. At the back of the room was a door. 

Crane hurried over to the door and scanned the card. 

* 

Black Mask was marching through the halls kicking doors open, occasionally firing indiscriminately into the room as he searched for Joker. “Where the fuck is he??!” Mask growled. 

Alyca was right behind him trying to think where they could have gone when she stopped in her tracks. “I think I know where they went.” 

* 

The door popped open once Crane had scanned the card and the seven of them filed out quickly. Ivy yanked her gas mask off, took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. It had been ages since she had been allowed to be outside. She could feel the plants calling to her almost as soon as she was out of the asylum. Joker took the lead carrying Harley. 

“Come on, let's go!” 

Their small group stayed close to the building, working their way around from the back. The trees and bushes on this side of the asylum were thick, but with Ivy's help, the plants eased away making their trek easier until they finally reached the front of the asylum. In the curved driveway that led to the asylum drop-off out front, they could see four long black cars. A little distance from the cars, sitting in shadows and unnoticed, was their escape vehicle, still parked and dark. If Riddler was inside the vehicle, he was hiding or he had taken off. Standing along with the four cars, there were at least eight men standing guard. 

Joker sighed. “Lovely, they have at least twice as many guns as we have!” He giggled squeezing Harley who had dozed back off. “This is going to be fun!” 

Crane frowned. “I have a couple of syringes of my toxin still on me.” 

Joker. “I have a couple of knives, my guns...some acid in my flower.” 

Frost sighed. “I have two guns, but I gave one to Two-Face.” 

Croc growled. “I got my teeth and claws.” 

“I don't need a gun now that I'm outside,” Ivy said with a little smile. “I have all the weapons I need.” 

Joker nodded holding Harley, looking around the corner again. He muttered a curse under his breath coming back around to where their little group was standing. He gently set Harley against the wall. He then pulled out each of his weapons making sure they were loaded. He set them down near Harley before he lifted her back up. “Come on Harls, need you to wake up again.” 

He shook her a little trying to be gentle. Harley groaned. “Five more minutes!” 

Joker shook her harder. “Harley—wake up!” 

Her eyes flew open. “What? What'd I miss?” She looked around then groaned. “Damn it my arm hurts!” 

Joker chuckled softly, picked up one of his guns, and placed it into her hand. “Okay sweetheart, we are going to be making a run for the van. I need you to shoot this gun.” 

Harley frowned looking around again, blinking heavily and trying to focus. “Are we outside?” 

“Harls, you're asking too many questions. Just need you to fire this gun at the bad guys.” Joker took her face in his hand forcing her to focus on him. “Okay pumpkin—shoot the bad guys.” 

Harley made a face at him muttering. “I'm just tired puddin, not stupid.” 

Joker laughed, squeezed her cheeks between his thumb and forefinger until her lips were making a fishy face and kissed her hard on the mouth. He pulled away long enough to whisper. “My baby girl.” 

Harley made a little pleased whimper, throwing her arms around his neck, ignoring the pain. She held on tightly to the gun with one hand and Joker with the other. Joker dropped his hand from her face to wrap his arms around her waist. The two of them stumbled back against the wall, their kissing immediately becoming hotter, more passionate. Joker pressed her against the wall, his hands dropping down to her hips, squeezing. Harley felt weak and lightheaded, but she wanted her puddin badly despite the situation. She wrapped a leg around his waist; Joker giggled, catching her rear with his free hand, yanking her hips closer. They were immediately grinding against each other as the others looked on. 

Ivy rolled her eyes. 

“Oh my god, will you two stop! We have to get out of here!” she hissed trying to keep her voice down. 

Frost said nothing, he simply moved himself into position to keep an eye out on the cars and the men around them. Two-Face watched the couple with a sneer on his damaged face while Crane only smiled walking up beside Ivy. “Let them have their moment, little flower.” 

Ivy frowned glancing sideways at Crane who was smiling softly with...Crane's eyes turned to her and Ivy felt something...it reminded her of when the sun warmed her skin only...deeper. She flushed a deeper green and looked away. 

Croc shrugged and moved to take a position near Frost. 

Joker pressed Harley harder against the wall as if he needed to feel her body completely flushed against his...needed the contact with her. His one hand slid along the under side of her thigh, squeezing. He pulled away from her mouth just enough to hiss. “When we get home I'm going to lick every inch of you, sticking my tongue deep within you until you are screaming my name Harls, then I'm going to fuck you until you're cross eyed.” 

Harley giggled. “Yes, please puddin.” 

Joker captured her mouth again with his teeth. They kissed for a few more intense seconds before Joker pulled away from her mouth, slightly breathless. “I think my sweets, we should return to this conversation...soon. I think the others want us to pay attention now, though.” 

He grinned and nipped at her lips. Harley giggled and grinned brightly. Despite everything, she was happy at this moment and Joker's kisses made her feel energized again. 

“Okay, Mistah J.” 

Joker chuckled. “Don't worry my little pumpkin pie, my darling girl...I fully intend to have a...full discussion later that involves a lot of up and down and in and out.” He brushed his lips one more time against hers, waggling his eyebrows at her to make her laugh before he stepped back, carefully taking her arm to make sure she could stand on her own. 

“Okay, let's go kill some baddies!” He smiled at her and Harley nodded. 

* 

One of the men standing outside watching the asylum yawned. He had heard the gunfire, but only the one guy had come out to drag the lady doctor back inside, otherwise it was a pretty boring job tonight. The man was tall, tall enough that if he didn't play basketball it would be a waste of all that height. He was attractive even with the long scar across his mocha skin. His partner was pale to the point that any light seemed to glow right off of his skin. They were both leaning against the car, their weapons holstered. Once Black Mask had gone into the asylum it had been pretty quiet outside. He took a long drag on his cigar before he handed it to his partner. Jake took the cigar and took a couple of puffs. “Man, Juice, you always have the best cigars.” 

Juice grinned. “I got taste man.” 

“Yeah you do. So hey, after this ya wanna go grab a drink?” Jake smiled handing the cigar back. 

“Sure man, you wanna come back to my place later?” Juice grinned and Jake blushed. “Sure thing...” 

Jake didn't get to finish his sentence when suddenly there was a shot fired, and something ripped through Jake's neck. Juice's face was splattered with blood as Jake dropped with a surprised and anguished expression on his face. That was when he heard the laughter. 

“Oh sorry!! I was actually aiming for his head!” Joker was there standing in the lights from the front of the asylum, a wild grin on his face, an equally crazed Harley standing beside him. She giggled and fired her weapon not hitting anything, but she ate up a lot of pavement. 

Juice pulled his weapon as did the other men with him. Joker laughed, but just as Juice fired, something hit the cars from underneath, sending all four vehicles flying into the air at the same time. The men scattered, running out of the way to avoid being crushed when the cars came flying back down to the ground. 

Ivy chuckled, her hands out as she sent tree roots racing under the pavement causing large fissures in the pavement as roots burst through, there wasn't a lot of plant life to work with around here, but enough to make this fun for Ivy. 

Croc came rushing around the side of the building with a roar, rushing by Joker and Harley to backhand Juice and send the man flying sideways as Croc continued to charge toward the other members of Black Mask's gang. 

A couple of the men were firing wildly and a few more cursed when they saw the giant crocodile man rushing around the side of the building and the figure of Juice flying through the air. One of the them ended up firing mostly into the pavement sending large hunks of asphalt flying into the air. A large piece flew up, ripping through Croc's thigh just before he sent another man into the air twisting like a rag doll. The wound was deep and bloody, but it did nothing to slow Croc's progress toward the other men. 

Crane came rushing out of cover, moving swiftly, almost gracefully. He rushed up in front of one of the guards, the man's attention on Croc so that he didn't see the exceptionally thin doctor until it was too late. Crane's smile was not the maniacal frenzied grin of Joker, but something far calmer and more calculated. The man whom Crane had chosen as his first victim was a slim redhead with a couple of gold front teeth. The ginger turned his attention away from Croc and nearly stumbled backwards when he saw Crane. He tried to bring his weapon around to fire, but Crane was faster. 

Crane didn't stop; he ran right up into the man's face, syringe in hand and stabbed the auburn headed man in the throat while slamming the plunger of the syringe down at the same time and the liquid inside rushed into the man's blood stream. Crane yanked the syringe out and smiled. 

“So what are you afraid of?” he asked in a calm, almost curious whisper. 

The redheaded man's eyes widened as Crane's face began to melt, large slices of flesh falling off in hunks to reveal the bloody skull underneath. The man screamed. 

* 

Frost was racing up behind Joker and Harley. Harley wasn't moving as quickly as Joker and her aim wasn't as true, but she was making up for it with sheer enthusiasm. She was firing her weapon, managing to catch one of Black Mask's men in the knee and another one in the shoulder. 

The cars came crashing down between them and the entrance to the asylum with a loud crash of metal meeting pavement. Harley yelped, the impact throwing her off her feet. 

Joker did a slide that would have made any baseball coach proud, catching Harley before she hit the pavement. 

“IVY WATCH IT!!” Joker roared. 

Ivy made a face at Joker, sticking out her tongue. Joker muttered as he pushed himself up pulling Harley with him. “Okay, it's official, I hate her.” 

Harley giggled. “Oh puddin. EEP!” Harley yelp as more bullets came flying their way eating up the pavement in front of them. Several small fragments ripped through both hers and Joker's skin leaving tiny, but deep bloody cuts. Joker shoved Harley behind him, (not realizing he had shoved her off her feet) and fired his weapon. He hit one man in the chest, causing the man to fall backward into one of his fellow gunmen, which had Joker laughing. 

Two-Face was still standing by the corner their group had just come around, flipping his coin before each time he fired his weapon. Joker caught a glimpse of him and muttered, “I'm surrounded by idiots!” 

* 

Inside the asylum Black Mask stopped short. “Do you hear that?” 

Everyone with him stopped and listened. They could hear the muffled sounds of gunfire and shouts. Black' Mask's eyes narrowed. “I don't know how he did it, but that fucking clown got around me!!” He turned and took off back the way they had come with his group of men and Alyca following close behind him. 

* 

Joker grabbed Harley around the waist and hauled her with him toward their car, surprised when he saw that it was still there. He kept firing behind him as he raced toward the vehicle with his arm around Harley, the both of them giggling. Crane had managed to get close enough to another of Black Mask's men, injecting him with the fright serum just as Ivy grabbed Crane's hand and hauled him with her toward their getaway car. Croc, Frost and Two-Face were bringing up the rear just as Black Mask burst out of the asylum. Joker had yanked the door of their vehicle open and was shoving Harley inside by her ass when he saw Black Mask step out of the asylum. Joker chuckled and yelled out. “Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I have five fingers and one is for you!” 

Then Joker flipped him off. 

Black Mask shouted in fury. “I WANT HIS HEAD!!” 

Joker dived into the vehicle just as the rest of their group arrived at the SUV. Joker crawled into the back with Harley then frowned when he found Riddler cowering in the back on the floor. 

Ivy and Crane were next, with Two-Face being shoved in the back just as Croc took the passenger seat and Frost jumped behind the wheel. He had just slammed the key into the ignition as Black Mask and his remaining men started to fire at their vehicle. The SUV roared to life, but that was the moment a pair of headlights blinded Frost. 

Joker, from the crowded back hissed. 

“Oh well, guess everyone was invited to this party. And here I was thinking this was an exclusive event.” 

Frost groaned. It was the batmobile.


	26. The Chase

Frost hit the gas and yanked the overloaded vehicle to the right, trying to swerve around the Batmobile which he knew was probably hopeless, but he had a load of people in this vehicle depending on him, not including his Boss. It didn't help when Croc's giant scaled shoulder connected with his causing him to lurch to the left, which also caused the SUV to lean dangerously to the left, forcing Frost to fight with the wheel as he was shoved against the door. Frost cursed loud and long before he brought the vehicle back under control. 

Croc yelped in his deep voice. “Sorry man!” 

The Batmobile swerved toward them, intent on hitting the SUV. Frost cursed. “What the fuck is he doing?” 

He twisted the wheel in the opposite direction trying to avoid the impact, but the black nightmare vehicle slammed into the side of SUV, taking out the left headlight and sending them veering off the road. Frost cursed a blue steak as he struggled to keep the vehicle under control while the SUV careened down the side of the road into the row of bushes that lined the street. “FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT!!” Frost yelped. 

Croc groaned. “I'm gonna be sick.” 

Frost yelled. “DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE CROC!” 

Riddler was muttering loudly. “What begins and has no end and ends all that begins?” 

Everyone yelled, “SHUT UP!” at Riddler. 

Joker and Harley were, however, laughing as if they were on a carnival ride. 

Joker grinned laughing. “Damn!! This is one of those moments we could use some mood music!!” 

“You're right puddin!!!” Harley squealed as the SUV sped along in the darkness. 

Everyone inside the vehicle screamed, except Joker and Harley who both started yelling at the top of their lungs to be heard over everyone else, their arms in the air as if they were on a roller coaster. “WHEEE!!” And there was Crane who yawned and folded his arms across his chest, looking bored.) 

The SUV went bouncing into the darkness off the road, but Frost used all his strength to twist the wheel around. For a moment, the SUV tilted dangerously to the right, suspended, as if frozen for a split second, the left side wheels left the ground, ready to tip completely over. Frost bit his bottom lip in concentration and managed to keep the heavy SUV from toppling over, the wheels slamming back to the ground causing everyone inside to bounce, all heads hitting the roof. He spun the wheel, fighting with gravity, speed and the SUV to turn them back around and up over the embankment back onto the pavement. Once they hit the pavement again Frost grinned just a little madly. 

Joker yelled. “WOOHOO!! FROST BABY!!!” He turned to Harley grinning. “This is why I love this guy!” 

Croc blanched. “I'm gonna be sick.” 

Frost snarled glancing sideways, his dark blue eyes narrowed. “Don't you dare.” 

* 

Batman's car roared around doing a hairpin turn when the SUV careened over the edge of the paved road, just before he would have rolled into the asylum's circle drive. As the Batmobile turned, Batman noticed the four other cars in front of the asylum. In the instant that the car spun back around, Batman caught of a glimpse of Black Mask hurrying into one of four cars, two of which looked from his brief glance to be out of commission, but the other two vehicles roared to life. Batman muttered to himself, “Wonderful.” 

* 

Frost yanked the loaded down SUV's wheel, made a bootlegger's reverse and hit the gas, jumping them forward toward the asylum gates. Frost sighed in relief when he felt the SUV settle once again on a paved road. He glance up at his rear view just as he saw the Batmobile take up a position behind them. Clearly the Batman could drive well too. 

“Shit!” Frost hissed pressing down on the gas pedal, willing the SUV to pick up more speed. He glanced up at the mirror again and his eyes bugged when he saw two more cars racing down road from the asylum behind the vigilante's black vehicle...Black Mask, it had to be, Frost thought to himself. 

Then he muttered under his breath, “God damn it!” and slammed his fists against the steering wheel. 

Joker wrapped his arm around the back of Frost's seat giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Great driving there sweetheart, but why the sad face?” 

Frost indicated with his head back behind them. “Batman is still on our tail and I think Black Mask just joined the chase.” 

Joker grinned turning around to try and look out the back past their recently liberated guests. “Fopdoodle! Didn't realize I was so popular with the boys.” Joker giggled. “Would have put on my best face!” Joker traced his lips. “I think I should reapply the lipstick.” 

Harley was sitting squished up against Crane glaring at Joker holding her wounded arm against her chest. She still looked pale. That wasn't accurate, Joker thought. She looked grey, around the eyes especially. For a moment he felt his heart sink looking at his girl, hurt and apparently grumpy. 

Joker frowned. “What is it Harls?” 

She narrowed her eyes just slightly, but her bottom lip was turned down. “You kissed him.” 

Joker laughed lightly coming back over to her and with some tight maneuvering, using his hips and rear to push Crane aside, Joker gathered her into his arms sitting her on his lap. Crane rolled his eyes scooting out of the way a little bit, but there wasn't a lot of room in the SUV with the lot of them filling every available space. 

Joker kissed her cheek, then her nose and finally her lips. The kiss was soft and tender, ending with a brush of his tongue across her lips. “Mm...don't worry sweets. I only have eyes for you.” 

Harley frowned. “Really?” 

Joker chuckled. “Really sweets.” 

Frost, ignoring whatever was going on in the back with Joker and Harley, hit the gas hard enough that it sent nearly everyone in the vehicle barreling backwards, the forward motion pressing them all against their seats. He heard his boss yelp and Frost prayed Joker didn't get angry, but in the next moments Frost let out a sigh of relief when he heard 

Joker laughing. 

Croc groaned looking greener than usual and gritted out, “I'm going to vomit.” 

Frost hissed not looking at him. “No, you're not!” 

* 

Speeding down the road to the gates of the asylum was the easy part, even with Batman gaining on them. This road out of the asylum was only one way, and though Batman could ram them from behind, that was pretty much all he could do, Frost hoped. As long as Frost kept ahead of him, Batman might not even be able to do that, and only if he caught up...though Frost realized he was being optimistic. He was in an overcrowded SUV full of crazy villains, Batman was in his signature vehicle hot on his tail. Then once they were outside of the gates heading into Gotham, the lanes became two or three wide (at the moment he couldn't remember) and it would give Batman room to ram them. It would also give Frost more room to maneuver, and with Black Mask thrown into the mix, there was a chance he might be able to lose them both if they became distracted with each other. Frost knew it was a thin hope, but he was going to hold on to it anyway. 

* 

Batman hit the gas harder, the speeding his armored vehicle toward the back of the SUV when the first shot hit his car. Batman glanced up in the mirror narrowing his eyes, two of Black Mask's men were leaning out and shooting at him. He smirked, almost wishing them luck getting through his car's armor. 

* 

Black Mask was sitting in the back with Alyce. “What the hell is wrong with you guys?! Shoot for the tires!! I want him out of the way!” 

* 

Frost grinned when they sped past the asylum gates turning a hard left trying to put more distance between him and Batman at the Schwartz pass. As soon as they hit the two lanes, Batman sped up as well, zipping around to the side with Black Mask in hot pursuit. Just as soon as the Batmobile was alongside them, Batman swerved the vehicle into the side of the SUV again, knocking hard into them. 

Joker started laughing. “Batsy!! My darling!! You know he just loves me too much which is why he follows me around so much.” 

Harley muttered with a dark look. “Stupid bat.” 

Joker pushed Crane out of the way, (though he managed somehow to keep Harley on his lap, an arm protectively around her shoulder), quickly pushed the buttom to slide his window down and leaned out the window, gun in hand yelling. “Hey Bats baby!!” Joker waved his gun before he shot at Batman's windshield. 

Harley snarled. “SOMEONE GIVE ME A GUN!” (Crane muttered and just completely moved crawling over his seat to sit with Ivy in the back (creating a painfully cramped situation with four people shoved together in one seat), who sighed in aggravation watching Joker and Harley both hanging out the same window both of them looking as if they were going to go tumbling out at any moment. Harley wasn't sure who gave her the weapon, but within a heartbeat she had a gun in her good hand. She scrambled out of Joker's lap which allowed the clown to lean further out the window. Harley maneuvered herself over Joker and leaned out the window herself. 

“GO HOME BATMAN!! NO ONE LIKES YOU!!” Harley, almost on top of Joker's back, yelled out the window and took a random shot at him. 

Batman narrowed his eyes, the bullets bouncing off the bullet proof glass of his windshield, twisting the wheel to hit the SUV again hoping to push them off the road. That was the moment Black Mask's car came driving up swiftly trying to nudge it's way between Batman and the SUV. And then they started to meet with Gotham traffic. Frost managed to speed the SUV forward, ramming a sedan in front of him. The car spun out of control whipping around, its front end hitting Black Mask's car which twisted to the side and slammed into the Batmobile . 

Joker and Harley were both laughing, taking random shots out the window in the general direction of Batman and Black Mask, just as someone in the back of Black Mask's car leaned out and shot at them. Joker ducked back inside, taking Harley with him as a few more shots were fired. 

Joker laughed. “Missed me, missed me now you gotta kiss me!” 

Harley giggled, but then Joker grabbed her cheeks with one hand, forcing her to make a sort of fishy kissy face and kissed her. Harley giggled swooning (which could possibly also be contributed to blood loss). Joker released her face, cocked his head at her just before he grabbed her by the back of the head, his fingers twisting in her hair and kissed her again, but much harder and much more passionately. Harley groaned dropping her gun to wrap her good arm around him. Joker giggled dropping back against the seat pulling her with him, dropping his own gun to the floor. 

Frost glanced in the rear view mirror and groaned. They were not going to go at it in the backseat full of people and in the middle of a car chase? He caught a glimpse of Joker pushing Harley's top up to immediately start attacking her breasts accompanied by the annoyed and disgusted groans of at least two people in the back. Frost's shoulders slumped as a scowl settled over his features. Of course they are, Frost thought to himself. Well, at least he isn't hanging out of the car shooting at the moment and he supposed he couldn't blame them. He wasn't real sure they were going to get out of this... 

* 

Batman backed off, missing the sedan, whose driver managed to twist the car around and out of the way, going off the road to halt, most likely relatively unscathed. Batman accelerated as soon as the sedan was clear and twisted the wheel to the right to slam the front end of his car into the front of Black Mask's vehicle, throwing the shooter out of the window as whoever was driving jerked the car away from Batman and tried to recover from the sudden shift. The first of Black Mask's two cars, which Batman had just hit, was forced to back off; the driver slowed too quickly, his bumper colliding with the front of the gang's other car. 

Inside the leading car, Black Mask snarled. “I fucking hate that bat!” 

* The SUV picked up speed as Frost guided the dented vehicle through traffic, heading swiftly into downtown Gotham, the streets narrowing back to two opposing. Frost swung the SUV around a corner, Batman and Black Mask in hot pursuit. As Frost sped into the congested downtown area where the streets—including one-way streets—were narrower and there was the added obtsacle of parked cars, he cursed when he saw the statue that stood in the middle of a roundabout up ahead. It was a statue of the one of the founders of Gotham, Cyrus Pinkney, who stood looking tall and noble in the roundabout. Frost spun the wheel, the vehicle tilting dangerously as he took the turn, just missing a an angry driver in a BMW who laid on the horn. 

Croc groaned again. “I'm gonna vomit.” 

Frost snarled, “Not in here, you don't!!” 

Joker had twisted around and had Harley lying across the seat while he nibbled and licked at her stomach making her giggle and squirm while he tugged on her pants. He sat up and looked out the window. “Oh hey Harls look! It's Cyrus Pinkney! We should try blowing that up sometime, I hate that statue...” 

Harley grabbed the front of his shirt dragging him back down. “Forget the statue puddin, come here.” 

Ivy hissed. “Do you really need to be doing that right now?” 

Joker, who had just started to lean back down to begin his nibbling again sat up and leveled a “look” at Ivy. “Shut it houseplant, yer only here because of Harley.” 

Ivy started to say something else, but that was when several gunshots hit the back of the SUV. 

* 

One of the men in Black Mask's car leaned dangerously far out the window, shooting over the Batmobile at the SUV. Batman narrowed his eyes when he saw the gunman. He wasn't sure how many people were in the car, but he was pretty sure after this they were going to start running out of shooters. Batman slammed a foot against the brake and threw the car into reverse, then jammed the gas to make the Batmobile accelerate backwards towards Black Mask's vehicles. 

* 

The large, armored black vehicle suddenly came racing backwards. 

“FUCK!!” The gunman yelled. “Pull me in! Pull me in!!” But it was too late; the Batmobile swiped against the sedan hard enough that the gunman was thrown out, his body rolling away as the car continued to speed forward. 

* 

Riddler was yelling. “Take the tunnel!! The Queensboro tunnel!! It's a left! A left!” 

Frost didn't hesitate. He knew exactly what Riddler was talking about and they were not far from the tunnel. He swung the SUV around and headed down. When they hit the tunnel there were only a few other cars driving along the lanes, but enough to cause them problems. Batman was still close behind and despite Batman's interference, so were both of Black Mask's cars. 

The tunnel wideneded from one lane to two. Frost was slamming on his horn at the same time he was speeding through, trying his best to get cars to move out of his way. He swerved around them when they didn't move fast enough, showing off impressive driving skills. 

Batman was moving just as quickly behind them, the Batmobile shifting and weaving like a barracuda through traffic. 

Frost sped past a spot where traffic from outside the tunnel could merge down into the traffic within the tunnel. His eyes widened with shock when he saw the car that was coming down that very street into the tunnel traffic. 

Frost muttered, “Fuck me sideways.” 

The car coming down to merge just happened to be a Gotham City police car. As Frost zipped past going at least a hundred miles an hour, the sirens of the police car came on the second they rushed past, the police officer inside spinning the cruiser to insinuate itself into the space between Batman and the villain loaded SUV. 

The police car sped up, merging into the lane next to Frost and his load of villains, managing to take a position alongside the SUV, sirens wailing loudly in the tunnel. Frost glanced in his rear view. He could see that Joker and Harley were still making out, completely ignoring the car chase they were in. Joker and Harley were kissing passionately, his hand was down the front of her pants and judging by the way Harley was moving her hips...Ugh never mind, Frost thought as he heaved the their vehicle to the left, slamming into the police car just as they were coming toward a small divide in the road. The police car hit the corner of the divide at the same moment that Frost sped past. The front of the police car only caught the corner of the divide, but it was enough to crush the hood and flip the car onto its roof. 

* 

Batman cursed when he saw the car flip, but he had three choices: stop and help the GCPD, let the SUV full of villains escape or let Black Mask catch up to them and murder them all. He set his jaw, clearly unhappy and twisted the Batmobile to the right, the wheels edging up the side of the tunnel so that he could completely avoid the police car. 

* 

Behind Batman, Black Mask cursed, but his driver managed to duplicate the same move as Batman, missing the police car, just barely. Whoever was driving the second car behind Black Mask, their driver wasn't brave enough to try, the last car spinning out of control in an attempt to miss hitting the upside down police car. 

* 

Frost burst from the tunnel with Batman still hot behind him, and Black Mask right behind Batman. All three vehicles moved through the Gotham evening traffic, switched lanes and honking horns (except for Batman) as they went. Frost was heading straight toward the Robert H. Kane Memorial bridge but at the last minute Frost veered to the left, the back end of the SUV started to drift, but Frost barely dragged the SUV back under his control and side-swiped a Gotham City bus. Everyone in the SUV screamed, except Joker and Harley. Joker popped up from his ravaging of Harley to look around and muttered. “What's a bus doing out here this late? I knew I should have blown up the bus station that one time!” 

Harley reached up grabbing his shirt again with her good hand. “Come back here puddin and let Frosty drive!” 

Joker grinned. “Oh well, fine then my little sugar lump.” 

Croc groaned, taking deep breaths. “I'm going to vomit.” 

Frost snarled. “Don't you dare.” 

Ivy sighed leaning against Crane's shoulder, the four of them in the back were squished together tightly. Ivy muttered. “Why did I agree to this?” 

Crane chuckled good naturedly. “Watching everyone's reactions my dear is quite humorous.” 

Ivy shrugged. “Until the Bat catches us or we wreck. Then it won't be so interesting.” 

Crane put his arm around her shoulders. “Don't worry my dear.” 

* 

Batman cursed under his breath when the SUV sideswiped the bus, knocking off pieces of their bumper, but they kept going, accelerating away. Batman spun the wheel on the Batmobile twisting his vehicle around and missing the bus by a margin so narrow, he might have picked up some paint transfer. Black Mask's car didn't fair as well as they slid along the side of the bus causing a loud whine of metal scrapping along metal before they were back under control. 

The SUV zipped back into traffic, the front catching the back wheel of a motorcyclist sending them crashing into a store front. Frost kept going, bursting through a four way stop just as two cars from the opposite directions were about to cross, sending both cars into a head on as Frost flew between them. Batman cursed. 

Frost spun the vehicle around, doing a one-eighty and headed back the way they had just come, going for the bridge again. He hit the gas, the large vehicle leaping forward and putting on as much speed the vehicle would allow. Frost ground his teeth, his focus solely on the road ahead of him. Batman and Black Mask's driver each managed to perform one-eighty as well, whipping their cars around before weaving through the traffic after Joker and his impromptu gang. 

Frost growled, glancing at the reflection in the the rear view. “Fucking hell! Why can't I shake them?!” 

Joker laughed from his postion with his head between Harley's breasts. “Batsy is very persistent.” 

Croc groaned. “I'm serious man! I'm gonna vomit.” 

Frost hissed. “Croc!! I swear!!!” 

Croc looked for all the world like he was pouting. “I ain't meant for being in a vehicle.” 

* 

The three vehicles hit the bridge within moments, the lanes opening up from one to two again. Batman took the lane that ran alongside the one that Frost was currently in and hit the gas, hoping to get enough of a head on the SUV that he could turn the Batmobile and use i to block the SUV from going any further. But when Batman managed to pull ahead, the change in position allowed Black Mask's car to come even with the SUV. Black Mask himself turned, aiming his . 357 Magnum at the passenger window of the car he was in, aiming from the SUV. He sneered when he could see the Joker sit up in the back seat. 

“Finally, I'm gonna kill that fucking clown.” Black Mask grinned and shot. 

Then he shot three more times in quick successon. 

* 

Joker had just sat up from where he had been licking and sucking on Harley's breasts to see where they were when the first shot hit the glass. The window of the SUV didn't break right away, but Harley screamed, grabbing Joker by the front of his shirt and yanked him down on top of her just as the second bullet broke the glass and was quickly followed by two more shots that smashed through the remaining glass shattering it into a million tiny pieces that glittered for a split second like diamonds in the illumination emitted by the street lights and the vehicle's dash . 

Joker cursed from his position, his face buried between Harley's breasts where he gave a muffled. 

“Well fuck.” 

Frost cursed too. Batman was gaining ground; in fact, he was going to pass them. Frost had no doubts about what would happen next—he had seen the vigilante in action too many times in the past, on TV and in person, do something incredibly stupid on the surface that ultimately brought the “bad” guy down. If Batman remained true to form, this was going to be one of those seemingly “stupid” times. Frost was sure Batman would use the Batmobile as a blockaide. 

“Boss, I'm gonna have to do some improvising.” Frost glanced in the review mirror. 

“Oooh, improvising is some of the best comedy! Go right ahead Frost my love! You have my full approval.” Joker laughed from his position, his face still squished between Harley's breasts, before refocusing his attention back on Harley, clearly not the least bit shaken by the current car chase. 

Ivy leaned forward grabbing the back of the seat where Joker and Harley were fooling around. 

“What do you mean improvising?” she asked Frost. 

Frost glanced in the rear view mirror. “Can everyone swim?” 

Crane frowned slightly. “Not well.” 

Ivy narrowed her eyes. “I can swim, but like any plant with too much water, I drown.” 

Riddler spoke up. “I can swim,” he said with uncharacteristic brevity. 

“As can I,” Two-Face, who had been quiet for most of the chase, said serenely his eyes focused looking out the window beside him; like Joker, he seemed to care little about the car chase going on. 

Croc grunted. “Yeah I can.” 

Frost nodded. “Okay then, everyone be ready.” Frost narrowed his eyes and suddenly yanked the SUV to the left. 

* 

Batman had finally gained enough ground that he was ready to whip the Batmobile in front of the SUV. Black Mask was coming up fast, shooting at the SUV again when the SUV did something Batman never expected. Suddenly the large vehicle twisted to the left and sped up. Batman's eyes widened in horror as he hissed. “No!” No sooner than the word was out of his mouth than the SUV crashed through the rails that ran along the side of the bridge to send the vehicle plunging into the icy water of the Gotham River below. Black Mask's vehicle swerved around, screeching to a stop, Black Mask almost literally falling out of the car to watch the SUV plunging over the side. 

Black Mask snarled in astonishment. “NO!” 

* 

Frost's foot slammed against the floor as he hit the gas. The SUV surged forward and this time everyone screamed (except Joker who was laughing), the SUV smashed through the barrier, the sound of ripping metal and shattering cement mixed with the screams of his passengers was all Frost heard. For a moment they were all flying, the SUV doing a small arch, suspended in the air. Harley lost her voice, her scream fading. Joker wrapped an arm tight around her, lifting her up and grabbed the door's handle next to them. There was a strange moment of quiet, of nothing, but then the vehicle flying—dropping—through the air that was suddenly disrupted by the next sound as the SUV crashed into the ice cold water of the Gotham river. 

* 

Harley clung to Joker when the SUV hit the water. Joker had tried to push the door open before they became submerged, but he didn't couldn't before they were all sinking, the pressure keeping the door closed and the water was rushing in through the broken window quickly enough that she didn't have time to grab a breath before she was swallowing water. She could feel Joker's arm tighten around her waist as he struggled against the onslaught of water, fighting to pull them out of the SUV. 

Harley jerked, gulping water, tasting the salt on her tongue, despite her best efforts not to, but her body wouldn't obey her. Joker yanked her with him, pulling himself through the window once the SUV was full of water. Harley caught a glimpse of Croc in the dark murky water, ripping the door off next to him, Ivy seemed to be dead weight, but Crane was holding onto her. Harley caught another glimpse of Croc in the SUV's headlights swimming through the water, twisting around and yanking another door off the SUV. She couldn't see anyone else, but then she started to go into convulsions, struggling against the lack of air. She couldn't breathe. Harley panicked, felt the painful burn of water in her nose, her throat...then nothing. 

* 

The next few moments were filled with chaos as Joker swam and struggled through the water. Joker broke the surface of the water with a gasp. It hurt to suck air into his lungs and he was wrestling with Harley's dead weight. He had known the exact moment she had drowned. He had felt her jerk and struggle, but when she went still all in the matter of a few moments, a few beats of his heart and she had stopped moving. Everything in him turned colder than the water they were in. He kept a hold of her, swimming for the shore as the current carried them along swiftly. He glanced around when he broke the surface, not seeing anyone else from the SUV. 

He was perhaps a mile or more downstream from where they hit the water; the SUV had vanished completely, gone into the murk and mud of the river bottom. He could make out the shadow of the bridge in the darkness...he could also see a few flashing lights and hear the echo of sirens. It was dark and there was no light down here, so he couldn't be sure he saw Batman on the bridge looking down or not, but he was sure that the Bat was up there. 

Joker finally made it to the muddy shore, struggling one handed to swim and hauled Harley with him. He slogged over the muddy shore and hauled himself up, tugging Harley with him. Once on the land he rolled her onto her back. Even in the pale light from the moon, Joker could see that she was pale, blue tinted; her lips were actually blue. Joker stared at her for a moment, her blue eyes were open, staring at nothing. 

Joker started to tremble.


	27. For Your Love

Joker sat on his knees looking at her unmoving body, his wet green hair sticking to his forehead and around his face. For a moment he was frozen, having shut down, not sure what to do, his hands resting palms up on his lap while his trembling became more violent as shock threatened to take over. Out loud to himself he muttered under his breath, hysteria threatening to render him immobile. “No no no no....not dead...not dead. She can't be...no.” His hands started to shake as he continued to mutter. “No no no...” 

After a moment or two he closed his eyes, took several deep breaths, hissed to himself, and clenched his shaking hands into fists. “Think, think...” He told himself. He snarled. 

“You are not going to fucking die Harley. I forbid it.” 

Joker's mind raced, looking for something in his rattled memories that would save her. He frowned, yes, there was a lesson...CPR...idiotic class they had all the inmates take...he giggled, the sound bordering on the edge of hysterics. He grabbed Harley's body by the ankles and yanked her toward him shifting his position to the side of her body 

He started speaking out loud to himself. “Thirty compressions in nineteen seconds.” He grinned and started singing a song he knew had a perfect beat for him to perform compressions to in order to stay on track and save his girl. 

“Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk 

I'm a woman's man: no time to talk 

Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around 

Since I was born 

And now it's all right, it's okay 

And you may look the other way 

We can try to understand 

The New York Times' effect on man 

He stayed that way for a moment before he moved to the side...” 

* 

Press, press, press...Joker kept his smile in place while he pressed on her chest doing the compressions to the beat of the song while at the same time he was counting to thirty before he leaned over, tilting her head gently back, held her nose closed, his hand against her damp forehead, his other hand gently holding her chin back as he breathed in two breaths into her lungs, watching to see if her chest rose. He moved back to giving her CPR singing loudly again while mentally counting to thirty, the song and counting helping him stave off the shock that threatened to overwhelm him. 

“Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother 

You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive 

Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin' 

And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive 

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive 

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive...” 

He bobbed his head to the song while he gave her two more breaths muttering angrily. “Come on HARLEY!! This isn't funny!!” 

He snarled doing the chest compressions again, picking up the song again, now focused on his anger, anger at her for trying to leave him, anger at Bats for getting in the way...AGAIN. Angry at everything that was trying to take something precious away from him. It wasn't fair. He didn't have many things that he wanted to keep, but Harley was one of them. He sang, blinking back stupid tears which only made him even angier. 

“And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive 

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive 

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive …” 

He hurried to tilt her head back again. His pale fingers caressed her face, his gaze longing, just before he tilted her head being as gentle as possible and gave her two breaths, watching her chest rise on the second breath then right back to the quick chest compressions. 

He didn't realize he was crying as he growled angrily. “Don't you dare die on me!! Don't you do it Harls!! I wont' allow it! I...I need you God damn it Harley!! Who is going to help me take over Gotham? Who is going to help me...pick my clothes out! You're my girl! Don't you understand that? I would do anything for you....anything...you promised to live for me. Now look at you trying to break your promise!!!” 

He swallowed counting and muttered. “Who is going to dance with me Harley? No one can dance with me like you do. We're suppose to waltz together... ” Harley's body jerked and she rolled to the side coughing up water in a burst. She gasped and coughed again, her whole body jerking with pain. Joker stopped the chest compressions grabbing her up, lifting her onto his legs and holding her, bending her over to let her cough out the water and gasp for breath. Joker trembled gathering her up in his arms to hold her tight. 

“That's my special girl, that's my pumpkin.” He held her tight rocking her against his chest stroking his fingers through her wet hair, his white-skinned face covered in tears, though he looked angry. “Damn you Harley, damn you for doing that to me,” he hissed in a pained whisper. “This was really not funny. You're not allowed to die until I say you can.” He squeezed her tightly, holding her against him. 

After a couple of more seconds of painful coughing Harley was finally able to take a breath, but every inch of her hurt. Harley looked into his eyes smiling weakly and wiped her shaking fingers over his cheeks. “Were you crying?” 

Joker snorted. “No, just wet. I knew you were fine.” 

“Puddin...wha...what happened? Where is everyone?” Harley was trembling now; she was cold, wet and weak. 

Joker chuckled, squeezing her tight against him. “Don't know sweets and right now, don't care. We need to move before someone spots us.” 

He stood, lifting her up into his arms surprising Harley with how tenderly he was holding her, or that he was carrying her at all. Harley wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head weakly against his shoulder. She felt him chuckle softly, squeezing her once moer before he turned and trudged along beside the river. 

* 

Joker carried Harley along the river bank, both of them soaked and cold, until he saw a path that had been worn into the side of the hill running back up into the city, probably a path used by a few fishermen or homeless who camped along the river in the summertime. Harley was a dead weight in his arms, having dozed off. Joker glanced down at her, her white blonde hair sticking to her face, her pale skin luminous in the moon's light. He grinned lop-lopsidedly down at her, her head against his shoulder. He didn't get angry at her about it; he was just pleased to feel her heartbeat and to feel the regular exhale of her breath as he carried her. He never wanted to be without her. Maybe it was a weakness, but he didn't think so. Nothing was funnier than a genius comedic duo!! Gotham didn't stand a chance. He giggled at the possibilities. 

Joker adjusted his hold and began the struggle up the hill, the mud and vegetation sticking to his soggy shoes and seeping into his socks, coating his pants legs in muddy residue, with sticks and bits of plant sticking to him...Ivy would fucking love it, he thought with disgust. 

He continued to struggle with Harley's awkward weight in his arms, not that he wasn't strong enough to carry Harley, but he was cold, tired from the swim, the panic of thinking he might have lost her and now he was starting to shiver as the cold seeped through his skin and buried itself into his very bone causing a deep ache, plus his fucking clothing was sticking to him. He was going to need to get them both a car, something to get them off the street and faster transportation to some place safe, Joker thought, someplace with a bath! He wondered briefly about everyone else. Frost and Croc would head back to the hideout if they could, he assumed, but the others were either dead or lost in the wind or at least that was his guess. Of course with their plunge in the river he had not only gotten soaked and almost lost Harley, he had lost his goddamn phone!! 

Joker muttered. “Break them out of Arkham and I would bet my best pair of shoes they've taken off without a howdeedo. So much for a gang of crazies to take out the Gotham mob...” Joker snarled to himself. Fucking Batman, sticking his pointy nose in where it doesn't belong, he thought bitterly, always ruining my plans, always being Mr. Law-and-Order...bet his tightie whities are too tight, cutting off the circulation...which would explain so many things!! The Bats needed to get laid pronto! Loosen him up! The poor man needed a wingman...in the worst possible way. If he would just stop with the crime fighting Joker was sure he could find him someone to play hide the salami with...for a brief moment that thought made Joker want to laugh, but he quickly quelled the impulse...he was still grumpy about the river and his failed gang recruitment. 

When he made the street, Joker frowned trying to figure out where they were exactly. There weren't a lot of people down here, a few cars, some homeless sleeping against buildings, lots of abandoned buildings, the remains of businesses, people's broken dreams which made him laugh. Joker hefted Harley up a little and started to walk along the sidewalk, dashing into the shadows when he heard a car, just in the event Batman was prowling down here. 

After walking for maybe twenty minutes or more he had to set her down. He found a rotted old bench unoccupied by anyone and laid her down carefully. 

Harley groaned. “What's going on puddin?” 

“Just wait here Harls. I'm going to get us some wheels.” He kissed her on top of her head then stroked a hand across her damp hair. Harley smiled blearily up at him. “Be careful puddin.” 

Joker grinned from ear to ear throwing his arms out. “I'm always careful!” 

Harley giggled at him and blew him a kiss. 

* 

Joker wrapped his arms around himself walking down the sidewalk looking for a car he could hot wire quickly when he spied a Lincoln town car parked along the sidewalk. It was not too far up ahead and on the other side of the street. He grinned and patted his pockets, quickly found his switchblade. The other one was missing, but the blade should be enough if he ran into any trouble and to hot wire their new car. Joker looked both ways before jogging across the street. 

Getting into the car was easy, once inside Joker lay on his side examining the key ignition in the light from the street lamps. He shoved the point of his switchblade into the ignition using the ball of his hand to hammer the blade in, then turned it like a key. Joker cursed when nothing happened. It had been a long shot, but sometimes it worked. He sighed yanking the blade out, then carefully used the tip of his blade to unscrew the plastic cover around the steering column. Even in the dim light from the street lamp, Joker quickly picked out the battery and starter wires from years of doing hot wiring, swiftly using his blade to cut the power wires from the cylinder. With a grin, Joker stripped the ends of the wires, then connected them, by twisting them together. He was rewarded for his efforts when the lights of the car came on. 

Joker giggled. “Now we're cooking with gas,” he murmured. 

Next he cut the starter wires from the cylinder and stripped them as well before he carefully touched their tips together. Immediately the car's engine purred to life. Joker sat up grinning, pleased with himself when he felt the cold metal of a pistol barrel against the side of his head and a rough voice. “Get the fuck out real slow or I paint the insides of the car with your brains.” 

Joker chuckled slowly putting his hands up, holding the switchblade loosely between his thumb and forefinger of his right hand. He glanced sideways once at the man with the gun. The guy was of average height, build, wearing a long brown trench coat and soaked fedora, no one that Joker couldn't easily take care of—the only advantage the man had was the weapon. 

“Hey, wanna hear a joke?” Joker asked with a purr. 

The man holding the gun to Joker's head frowned, confused. “What?” 

Joker chuckled. “A man was before the judge for stealing a car. The judge asked. “Why did you steal the car?” The man, who looked upset said. “I had to get to work.” The judge replied. “Why didn’t you take the bus?” The man looked confused and answered. I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.” 

Joker chuckled. The man with the gun frowned. “That's not that funny,” he muttered. 

Joker's hand snapped up and wrapped around the barrel of the pistol shoving it aside so rapidly that the man didn't react to squeeze the trigger before Joker had yanked the weapon out of his hand and tossed it into the back of the car. Joker twisted around in the seat at the same time, shoving the switchblade that he gripped in his other hand, all the way to the hilt in the man's stomach. Joker grinned, twisting the blade before he yanked it upward, only stopping when he hit the breast bone. 

He sighed, holding the man up for a moment. Blood dripped from his victim's lip as the man turned wide uncomprehending eyes on Joker. 

Joker gave him a grin. “Should have just walked away or at least had thought twice about pulling a gun on a man with green hair bucko.” 

Joker yanked his blade out and pushed the man backwards off the blade at the same time watching him drop to the sidewalk; blood spread out from him like spilled paint. Joker slipped out of the car and moved swiftly, careful not to step in the growing puddle of blood. He rolled the man, working to yank him out of his trench coat, before it became too bloody and took the hat plopping it on his own head. He then took the man's wallet. 

Joker frowned flipping through the wallet. “Only a hundred dollars? Geez.” He shoved the money into his front pants pocket before getting back into the car and headed off to pick up Harley. 

* 

Harley was curled in the front seat of the stolen car, her arms wrapped around herself. Joker had the heater on full blast, but neither of them seemed able to warm up. Their damp clothes weren't helping matters either. Joker was tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, the soft sounds of Bing Crosby singing “Swinging On a Star” filled the car as he drove, his expression dower. 

Joker was frowning in thought. Go back to the hideout or just crash somewhere tonight? The longer they were out on the streets, the higher their chances of running into Batman or hell, even Black Mask, though Joker wasn't really worried about him. One switchblade would make a fight a little...difficult. With the money in his pocket...he still had a couple of hundred of his own and now another hundred...he could get them a room, dry clothing and some food, not that he needed money for all of that. Joker grinned, no wait...use the money, going on a robbing killing spree for food and clothing, would be stupid, especially if they got caught because he was having fun. And if anything, Harley and he were not stupid and doing that right now would be stupid. Besides, Harley wasn't really up for that sort of fun yet. She needed her rest. 

Just hang out a couple of nights in a cheap motel until they weren't quite so hot...make a few calls see if he could find Frost and Croc...yeah....he liked that idea... 

* 

Joker drove around for perhaps half an hour. Harley had dozed off again, her head on his lap while he drove. He had one hand lying on her head, gently caressing her hair while he drove one handed through the streets of Gotham looking for the perfect place. Finally he saw a sign for a motel, in bright blue and pink neon, Gotham City Central Motel, in all its low class glory. Joker grinned. “Perfect,” he murmured softly. 

He pulled in bringing the car to a stop near the office. He hated to wake his girl up, but he was a little too recognizable. He looked down at her, stroking his fingers through her partly dried hair smiling at how cute she looked asleep on his lap. “Harley? Harley pumpkin, I need you to wake up sweetie.” Joker purred stroking her hair, then her face. 

“Come on pumpkin pie, my sweet muffin, Daddy needs you to do something.” 

Harley murmured, her eyes fluttering open. “Puddin?” 

Joker helped her sit up, took her face in both his hands turning her to face him. He grinned. She looked adorable with her sleepy eyes and smile. “Okay pumpkin, I need you to focus on me okay?” 

Harley nodded and stared at him with a goofy grin. “Hey puddin.” 

He laughed. “Hey. I'm going to give you some money pumpkin and I want you to get us a room, okay?” 

She nodded. “Room, got it puddin.” 

He grinned at her, a wide smile that stretched across his face. “Okay. You pay for a week got it?” he let go of her and pulled out the money putting it in her hand then leaned across her to open the door for her. “Go get 'em tiger.” Joker laughed giving her a light shove. 

* 

The woman at the clerk counter was a short woman of Korean descent, short black hair cut in a boyish style wearing a floral top and white skirt, eating a burger and watching some Spanish telenovela her eyes glued to the screen. When Harley stepped in, her hair still partly damp, her clothes looking wet, dirty and rough, she gave Harley a glance before she asked. “Need a room?” 

“Yep, with a double bed please.” Harley smiled. Her smile still looked radiant despite her wet, ragged state. 

The woman glanced over at her one more time before grabbing a book and flopping it on the counter. “Sign here, fifty a night.” 

Harley nodded signing the book. “Mr. and Mrs. Chance.” She then plopped down three hundred and fifty dollars. The woman took the money before she grabbed a key and tossed it to her. Harley caught it and gave the woman a salute before heading back out. 

* 

Joker drove the car around to the back; the room was on the third floor. The two of them trudged up the stairs slowly, both of them exhausted; the damn place didn't have an elevator. Harley fumbled with the key, finally opening the door. They both stumbled inside with Joker kicking the door closed behind him. The walls of the room where painted a sort of pea green-yellow with cheap paintings of a countryside that didn't exist anywhere near Gotham. There was a mirror on one wall along with a cheap, plywood desk and chair. The bed that dominated the middle of the room was a double with a faded brown bedspread with vomit-inducing swirly lines across it and two flat pillows. On either side of the bed were two flimsy tables each with an ugly white and gold lamp. An old TV was mounted in the corner and around the corner from the TV was the bathroom—sink, toilet and shower with the clear plastic sliding door. It wasn't much, but it was going to be home for the next week, at least. 

Harley groaned. “Hot shower.” 

Joker nodded. “Yes Harls, I think that is a great idea!” 

They both stripped leaving their clothing littered over the floor. Harley took Joker's hand and led him into the bathroom. Joker draped his arms around her shoulders leaning on her back while Harley started the water, holding her hand under the water, getting it get nice and warm. She reached over to pick up the tiny square of soap and unwrap it from its paper sleeve. There were also tiny bottles of shampoo and conditioner on a narrow shelf inside the shower. Once the water was warm enough Harley stepped inside Joker dragging along behind her. 

Harley giggled softly turning to face her lover. The shower head had a good spray with firm pressure, surprising in the crappy motel. Joker had his eyes closed letting the water spray him in the face. He chuckled. “You would think we would have had enough water today.” 

Harley giggled. “At least this water is warm and I'm not breathing it...” 

“True sweets, very true.” Joker wrapped his arms around her, pressing her body up against his and leaned his head against her shoulder, holding her tight. Harley sighed softly laying her head against his shoulder; the two of them held onto one another letting the hot water rain down on them. Joker tightened his grip, squeezing his eyes closed while Harley tenderly rubbed her hands up and down his back. “Promise you won't do that again,” Joker demanded softly. 

Harley smiled. “I promise puddin.” 

Joker grinned kissing her shoulder. “Good.” 

* 

Soon they were lying in the bed, a pizza box setting at the foot of the bed, the TV on showing the late night news. Joker was sitting on the bed cross-legged, completely naked and comfortable. He held a slice of the pizza up, taking a large bite then saying around it. “Look at that Harls! We made the news! The top story!” He chewed while grinning. The reporter on the television, a woman with dark auburn hair styled to resemble a helmet was staring hard into the camera. “We have reports coming in of a break in and break out at Arkham Asylum this evening. At this time it is unclear how many inmates broke out of the asylum, but there has been a report that Black Mask was involved.” 

Joker pouted. “What?! I'm the one who did everything!” 

Harley cleared her throat. “And Harley!” she added glaring at the TV. 

The reporter continued. “There was also a sighting of The Joker, but it is unclear if he was actually involved at this time.” 

Joker threw his hands up. “I'm the one who broke in!!” 

Harley chewed on a bite of pizza, sitting up, naked as well, the blankets of the bed over her lap. “Gotham reporters are really slacking any more,” she muttered taking another bite of pizza. 

Joker pouted, shoving the last of his pizza in his mouth and talking around the mouthful. “What's the point of me working so hard just to have them ignore me Harls?” 

Harley set her pizza down, reaching for him and pulled Joker against her, his head resting against her bare breasts, her fingers stroked comfortingly through his green hair. He closed his eyes, her caress was soft and tender relaxing him. 

Harley murmured. “It's okay puddin. It's just the initial reports. I'm sure by the evening news tomorrow, they'll know it was you. Besides, Bats will put the record straight.” 

Joker chuckled wrapping an arm around her waist nuzzling his nose between her breasts before settling his cheek against her again. “You're right darlin. Batsy always has my back.” 

Harley leaned back against the bed's headboard smiling contently, her fingers playing through his curling green hair. Joker's arm around her waist tightened. She smiled happily when she felt the light tickle of his fingers lazily brushing her stomach. “Harls, will you promise me something?” 

Harley glanced down at him in question. “Sure puddin, what is it?” 

“Don't you ever drown again. It wasn't funny.” His voice was low, an edge of seriousness to it. Harley smiled. He was clearly more upset about what had happened at the river than he was willing to admit (in so many words at least) since he kept bringing up her promising him not to let it happen again. He would never say he was scared or upset, but his demand from her communicated just as loudly. 

“I'll do my best puddin.” Harley said softly. 

Joker smiled. “Good.” He turned and kissed her stomach, then placed another kiss at her breastbone, then higher, between her breasts, the hollow of her throat, her chin, then finally her lips. Harley smiled against his mouth, her hand coming up to caress his long lean face, her fingers tracing his jaw. Joker shifted, sitting up and moving to straddle her lap. He cupped her face in both his hands, opening his mouth against hers in a deeper kiss, his tongue twisting and twirling slowly with her own. Harley reached over to grab his hips, sliding her hands up his thin flanks. 

His hands slid into her hair, leaning into her, his mouth moving softly over hers communicating without words how much she meant to him. Harley scooted down, her mouth never leaving his, until she was lying on her back. Joker reached down between them yanking the blankets off her lap to press himself between her legs. Harley giggled, spreading her legs then wrapped them around him, sliding a foot along the back of his thigh. He bit her lips, then moved his mouth to her throat, biting, sucking along her neck. Harley groaned softly. She felt the warm tickle of his breath along her skin, his mouth moving to caress along her collarbone, his tongue tracing over the bone, his hand reaching up to cup her breast, squeezing softly, then more firmly. He caught her nipple between his thumb and forefinger twisting lightly. Harley gasped, her hands grasping his shoulders arching her head back, her eyes closed. “Mm...Puddin.” 

Joker chuckled. “My sweet pumpkin pie,” he hissed, his breath caressing and tickling her skin. He squeezed her breast again, lifting it up slightly to run his tongue over her nipple, circling the sensitive flesh before he covered her nipple with his mouth, sucking hard. 

Harley's eyes rolled. “Ooh. Puddin.” 

She adored his mouth on her, his perfect teeth biting her, the smoothness of his hands sliding over her body, or the way his lips caught her nipples...He always knew exactly what to do to drive her crazy with need for him. 

* 

He transferred his mouth to her other breast, again sucking and licking, his tongue tracing her areola before flicking across her nipple. Harley's nails dragged across his scalp accompanied by a moan. He giggled softly enjoying the little sounds she made, her fingers grabbing and twisting his hair in her hands, tugging just hard enough to be a little painful. For a moment the thought of how close he had come to losing her altogether invaded his mind...He pushed those silly thoughts aside and focused on here and now—and right now he was enjoying himself immensely. 

He pressed his hands down on either side of her before he pushed himself down her body, taking nibbles of her flesh, licking her stomach sliding himself lower until he was right where he wanted to be, between her legs. He chuckled brushing his nose against her groin. “Dessert!!” 

He pressed his mouth to her, his tongue flicking out to brush over her before he took a long deep lick making little growls of pleasure. He pressed one hand against her stomach, while with the other he reached down, wrapped his arm around her thigh, gently pulling her open before pressing the flat of his tongue against her and sliding up. Harley jerked in response, grabbing his hair in her fists, her legs drawing up and spreading wide as Joker buried his tongue against her. Harley moaned, throwing one arm over her head and grabbing the pillow, her other hand firmly entrenched in the tangles of his hair. Her body arched feeling warm and liquid while Joker's lips and tongue moved over her. One of his pale hands glided up her body to squeeze her breast, his tongue teasing and twirling over her clitoris while his thumb played tenderly with her nipple. She tossed her head making soft little grunts and moans which only made Joker widen his grinning mouth to cover more of her sex. 

He pressed his mouth more firmly against her sex, his tongue lapping in slow tender licks over her sensitive flesh. Occasionally he would press his teeth against her, tugging on her labia like he would her lips, causing Harley to jump and twitch in delight. 

* 

Harley moaned loudly, the warm wet strokes of his tongue were dazzlingly pleasurable; he knew exactly how to use his mouth and tongue on her. He would occasionally blow a breath of hot air against her clitoris then flick his tongue along the sensitive flesh, but it was when he sucked on her that really sent her jerking and thrusting toward his wicked mouth. 

Harley shuddered, the little jolts of pain when he bit her mixed with the pleasure of his tongue was enough to cause her to climax, her entire body tensing, then releasing in a flood of pleasure. 

* 

Joker chuckled as he moved his head back and forth slowly, sucking and licking until Harley whimpered, her toes pointing, her whole body reacting to the orgasm Joker brought out of her. He sucked a little harder, extending her orgasm. 

Harley arched with a cry of, “PUDDIN!!” 

He chuckled grabbing her right leg and rolling her hips to the side while he stayed laying on his stomach, pressing his mouth to her sex with a playful flick of his tongue. He grinned, continuing to lick and suck at her sex with an occasional bite of her buttock. Harley squealed and giggled breathlessly. “Puddin!” 

Joker giggled and shifted his position. He moved up so he was lying behind her, molding his body to hers. She could feel the burn of his erection against her skin when he leaned over and kissed her ear. “Ready for me Harls? Ready to be reved up some more?” He chuckled, catching her ear lobe with his teeth the vibration of his giggled washed over her skin. 

Harley giggled. “Oh, am I ever puddin!” 

He chuckled, adjusting her leg up and over his hip before he slid into her wet and welcoming body. 

Harley groaned loudly when he entered her. She practically screamed which earned them the ire of one of their neighbors who banged on their ceiling, his floor, with a muffled, “Shut the fuck up!” from above. (Harley's loudness was something Joker really enjoyed. It was nice to know one's work was being appreciated he thought.) Joker chuckled caressing her stomach, his fingers sliding down between her legs where he rolled the pad of his finger over her clitoris whispering. “Yell louder Harley, yell as loud as you can.” Harley giggled, which turned into a groan. She held her leg up while Joker wrapped his arm around her torse, yanking her body against his while he fucked her in slow steady strokes. She rolled the upper half of her body around in order to kiss him, enjoying the way his shaft filled her, the way he moved his hips, thrusting deeply, hard and fast or slow and agonizing. 

He grinned against her mouth kissing her passionately while thrusting, not fast, but with just enough speed to make her whimper. He wanted to draw out his pleasure, as well as hers, avoiding the risk of cumming too sloon. He wanted to enjoy her for a while before climax. 

Joker nipped her lips and purred, “Mm...my Harley-grrl...” 

He started moving faster, the feel of her wet, warm around him, and the little sounds she made... 

Harley groaned loudly. Joker was hitting everything just right, she leaned back against him as he pressed his forehead to her head, his warm breath moaned breath against her ear. He reached down to rub her clitoris while thrusting harder, faster into her, sending her into a dizzy ascent...then she came. 

Joker groaned feeling her flood of liquid warmth when she came, making it damn hard for him not to follow her immediately. He grabbed her leg, his long pale fingers squeezing into her soft skin as he ground his teeth holding back. He wanted to last longer, get her to scream again for him, one more time. 

Harley whimpered, his intense fucking was threatening to cause her to black out. For a moment Harley wondered...could you black out from an orgasm? And wouldn't it be fun to find out? She giggled happily, nipping at his chin. 

“Come here puddin, I wanna face you.” Harley purred rubbing her nose against his, licking his mouth. 

Joker chuckled pulling out, which caused them both to groan before he rolled her onto her back. He grinned at her, kissing one of her knees before he entered her again. Harley bit her bottom lip on a very loud groan of pleasure when he slid back into her. Then she pulled him down, keeping her legs up, grabbing the back of his neck to pull his mouth down to hers. 

Joker leaned forward on his hands thrusting his hips smiling against her mouth. Harley stroked his hair back from his lean face, biting his tongue which caused them both to chuckle. Joker sped up his thrusts, the sound of his entering her, wet, sloppy noises of fucking, mixed with their shared moans was bringing them both closer, closer still until Harley's legs suddenly wrapped around his torso, her hips thrusting up hard at the same time that her fingernails bit into his skin. “UUHhh PUDDIN!!” 

She came with a loud groan which was met with more hammering from their neighbor and a yelled. “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” 

Joker laughed against her mouth. “Mm...I love it when you're loud Harls.” He purred, gasping on his words, his hips thrusting harder, slamming into her. His last thrust and the tight hold her body had on him caused Joker to come with a loud groan of her name. “UH HARLEY!” 

Their neighbor banged. Joker giggled and yelled. “ YOU BANG ON THE FUCKING CEiLING ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA RIP YOUR SMALL INTESTINE OUT YOUR MOUTH AND YOUR LARGE INTESTINE OUT YOUR BUTT AND USE YOU AS A SKIPPING ROPE!” 

Harley and Joker disolved into a shared laughing fit. 

* 

The next morning Harley went out with some of their remaining money to buy some clothes. An ancient yellow pages book in the nightstands indicated that there was a second hand store within a block of the motel. Their own clothes were dry, but they were caked with now flaking mud and smelled like the river. 

The second hand shop that Harley found was right where the yellow pages had indicated. The place was called “Second Times the Charm” and as Harley pushed the doors open she was greeted by the heavy smell of incense and the sounds of the Mama's and Papa's “California Dreaming.” Harley wanted to laugh, but she pressed her lips together and started to look through the clothing. 

She started with herself, figuring she was the easiest of the two of them. She browsed through the women's clothing when a young woman with long straight brown hair, looking like she just stepped out of 1969 came over. “Hey, can I help you with anything?” 

Harley shook her head. “Nah, just looking for an outfit for me and my boyfriend.” 

“Oh! Cool, cool.” The young woman smiled. “Name's Honey, you just holler if you need anything.” Honey grinned and drifted back to the counter by the register where she was playing with a set of tarot cards. 

Harley grinned then squeaked when she found herself a pair of red overalls. It only took her a few minutes to find a top, a black and white vertical striped one that she could tell would make her boobs look fabulous, especially since she was tossing her bra and panties along with her nurse's outfit. 

Next was Joker...he would be a little more difficult because of how slim he was; most times clothing was too big on him, espeically around his narrow hips, but after a few minutes Harley found a pair of men's skinny jeans that she knew were going to make her wet just to see him wearing them, and a purple athletic cut t-shirt. She was also able to purchase a denim jacket for herself and an old leather one for Joker. 

Harley had just finished paying and was playing with trying on some vintage sunglasses while Honey was folding up her purchases when Harley asked. “Hey, can I just change into mine and wear them out. I wanted to get rid of this outfit anyway. I mean, you can have it if you want.” 

Honey glanced up, then grinned. “Sure thing. The dressing room is right around there.” 

Honey pointed to where there was a hand-painted sign that read “Dressing Room.” Harley grinned tossing down the two dollars for the sunglasses (A pair of overly large, round silver framed sunglasses with red tinted lenses, grabbed up her new outfit and headed to the dressing room humming happily along with The Yardbird's “For Your Love.” 

* 

Once she was in the dressing room she immediately started to strip, pulling on the overalls and shirt, grinning at the idea of dropping the overalls to show Joker she wasn't wearing anything underneath—he would like that—she giggled happily, singing along with the next song that came on the shop speakers, Nancy Sinatra's “These Boots were Made for Walking” when she heard the chime on the door. Harley ignored it, continuing to dance and sing as she brushed her hair out, the sunglasses on the tip of her nose, thinking about putting her hair into pigtails, until she heard a voice that she knew. 

* 

“Yeah, Batman said he wasn't sure what all was going on at the asylum just yet, but he knows Black Mask was involved and he suspects the Joker. Claims the Arkham security tapes show the Joker's girlfriend posing as a nurse. All I saw was the regular nurses and orderlies on the tape when we reviewed it with him. Though the man is seldom wrong.” Inside the dressing room, Harley opened the door just a crack, her eye narrowed as she peered out, Harley cringed. It really was Commissioner Gordon! What was he doing here?! She didn't see the person he was speaking to at first, but a second later, snatching the hat off his own head, was Harvey Bullock...Harley rolled her eyes silently at her situation. 

“So why are we in this dump again?” Bullock asked. 

Gordon chuckled. “A gift for Barbara. She told me about this shop a few weeks ago. Said they had some great used furniture she wanted, a table and chairs set. So I'm here to order them for her birthday and arrange delivery. This should only take a few minutes, then we can go buy lunch okay?” 

“Sure thing, whatever,” Bullock muttered, sounding bored. 

Harley wrinkled her nose, closing the door. She leaned against the wall and silently stomped her feet. What were the chances?! What had she done to deserve this? 

Harley cringed for a moment then silently giggled. Yeah, big guy, don't answer that, she thought silently to herself. 

Okay. She sighed pulling up on one of the overall straps. She was just going to have to walk out there grab her stuff and leave. Harley slipped on her shoes, leaving her discarded clothing in the dressing room. She brushed her fingers through her hair and peeked out the door. She saw Gordon, he was over in a corner of the store talking to Honey. 

Bullock was looking around bored. The sounds of The Zombies “She's Not There” filtered throughout the shop. 

Harley glanced over to the register where she could see her bag sitting there waiting to be picked up. Harley chewed her bottom lip. She might be able to walk out, grab the bag and get out without either of them noticing. Why not? They didn't know she was in here! 

Yeah...she could do it, Harley thought to herself. Just walk over like she owned the place, grab her bag and out! She pulled her hair forward, making sure it hung around her face, took a deep breath and rushed out of the dressing room. 

She stepped out of the room walking swiftly, trying not to run, her eyes glued to her bag. 

Gordon had just held up a blue dress with a sweetheart neckline, turned to ask Honey. “Do you think this would look good on a young woman with auburn hair?” when movement caught his eye. He glanced behind him, a young woman had caught his attention walking a little stiff and awkwardly from the dressing rooms to the counter. He frowned turning around to examine the other person in the store. It was a young blonde woman, short, her build was familiar, something about the way she moved reminded him of someone, but he could put his finger on why... 

Bullock chuckled. “That has a nice...back view.” 

Gordon glanced over at Bullock. “Is that really necessary?” 

Bullock chuckled. “Hey, just calling them the way I see them.” 

Harley could hear them speaking despite the music, but she was too focused on grabbing her bag and getting out that she didn't hear their conversation. She reached over and grabbed her bag spinning around and heading toward the door when Honey called out. “Oh, thanks again!! You have a nice day!Hope your boyfriend likes the outfit!” Harley turned slightly without thinking and stared straight at Commissioner Gordon. The man gave her a smile and a nod of his head before turning his attention back to the dress in his hand. Bullock winked at her returning to speaking with Gordon. Neither man made a move in her direction. 

“Yeah thanks!” Harley waved at Honey before she burst out the door. She turned and ran down the street her heart pounding until she was able to dash around the corner. She leaned against the side of the building panting. 

She stayed that way for a few moments getting her breath back under control before she leaned over and around the corner to see if she was being followed. But all she saw was an old car and neither Gordon nor Bullock leaving the shop. Harley grinned and did a fist pump. 

“Clean getaway.” She giggled. 

* 

Joker was bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. He hated being cooped up. And on top of it all Harley wasn't here....they could have had some fun, the two of them. He grinned licking his lips thinking about her creamy naked body...the taste of her on his tongue, the way she moved. He closed his eyes grinning, touching himself, thinking about her warm, soft body when he was disturbed by the sounds of shouting and cursing coming from the room above them, the same person who had shouted at them last night. Joker lay there staring up at the ceiling. He frowned. It sounded as if someone else was in the room with the bellowing beast. As Joker listened he heard the sounds of a woman's voice...she was pleading with the man not to hurt her...she had tried, but it had been a bad night. 

Joker quirked his lips...Mm...a pimp maybe? Then he heard the man, loud and clear. “You FUCKING BITCH!! I know what you were doing last night instead of being on the street! You were seeing that fucking kid of yours, weren't you? Your ass should be on the street working that pussy for me instead of hanging about some little piece of shit kid. Now get out there and get me my money.” 

There was the clear sound of a slap followed by the sound of a body hitting the floor. Joker could hear the sounds of sobbing, then a door slamming. He walked over to the motel room's window to see a woman, dressed like a street walker, rushing down the stairs holding her face. 

Joker's smile spread wide across his face. He knew exactly what to do until Harley came home!! 

* 

George, an attractive man in his late forties despite his thinning hair and a slowly developing belly, was sitting on his bed counting his money. He was dressed in an expensive suit that somehow managed to look cheap on him as he licked his thumb and forefinger counting each of the bills. He snarled thinking to himself, that bitch Pepper, had only brought in a few thousand this morning from her work last night. She should have brought in at the least four....he was going to have to do something about that kid of hers. He needed his girls to have no attachments. He couldn't believe he had let that one go for as long as he had. The girls worked harder and put in more hours when they didn't have boyfriends, girlfriends or children around their necks. 

George had just put the money down on the bed when there was a knock at the door. He frowned. Pepper was the last one to come in, but he shrugged and headed to the door. 

“What?” he said as he flung in open. 

Standing in front of his motel room was a pale, almost ghost white man with green hair, barefoot, only wearing a pair of white boxers with little red hearts all over them. 

The strange man grinned broadly. “Hey neighbor!” 

“Go the fuck away.” George started to slam the door in the weirdo's face, but the man's hand snapped out stopping the door and shoving it back as he stepped into George's motel room. 

“Hey now, is that any way to treat your neighbor? Especially after all that yelling you did at my girl and me last night.” The pale man smiled. 

George, who has his Glock shoved in the back of his pants, yanked the weapon out. “You got a girl fag? That was you last night making all that noise, huh? How much she charge? I don't like no sluts working these streets who ain't mine.” George grinned holding the gun at the green haired man. 

Joker smiled not seeming the least upset by the weapon. 

“You know, I didn't like how you were talking to your guest earlier and I really don't like you talking about my girl that way either....so I'm going to teach you a lesson...deadly lesson, but a lesson.” He grinned and George frowned....something about the man's smile...the hair...the red lips... 

“Oh fuck,” George hissed as his eyes widened. 

Joker laughed loudly. “Oh fuck indeed!” 

Joker took a step toward George, knocking the gun out of his hand easily before grabbing the man by the front of his shirt and forcing him further into the room, slamming George up against a wall. Joker was grinning brightly, swinging his fist and punching George in the face in rapid succession, the sound of the other man's nose popping as the bone broke filled the room, accompanied by the sound of bone hitting flesh when Joker hit him again in the face. George thrust his arms up breaking Joker's hold on him knocking the thinner man backwards, but Joker chuckled snapping his leg out to slam George in the gut, sending the larger man stumbling backwards. 

George just barely kept his feet under him. He came at Joker desperately trying to punch the wiry man, to gain some advantage, but Joker used his entire torso to swing his right fist around, hitting George hard enough that he snapped the man's head hard enough George's neck cracked. With that punch George slipped to the floor. Joker leapt on him, trying to grab the man around his neck, laughing and panting with exertion. George slammed his meaty fist into Joker's side, hitting the clown twice in the ribs before Joker gasped, forced to break off his attack. 

George grabbed at Joker trying to wrap a hand around his leg and yank the thinner man off balance, but all he did was grab hold of Joker's boxers and yank them down. Joker turned, blinking in surprise then grinned putting his fingers to his lips like a shy schoolgirl. “I'm so sorry sweetie, but I'm spoken for! You're such a flirt!” 

Joker twisted his body, coming down out of his boxer shorts, though instead of the cloth tripping him up he simply danced free and kicked George in the face, then again in the stomach. The big man rolled into a fetal position, but Joker kicked him again in the head hard enough that he forced George onto his back. 

George groaned, his face bloody. Joker giggled, reaching down to grab George by the front of his suit, lifting him off his feet before he threw him across the room. The big man hit the floor and slid into the bathroom with Joker, naked, stalking after him panting and chuckling at the same time. 

Joker stopped on the edge of the bathroom, letting the man get to his feet. “Oh come on now sweetie, that all you got?” 

George staggered to his feet. Just as he looked up, Joker took a step forward and swung his fist, the knuckles slamming hard into George's mouth. Joker followed that swing with another from his left fist that twisted George around, the man running into the bathroom's sink, his head jerking forward as his body impacted with the sink, his head smashing against the bathroom mirror. Joker laughed, reaching around George grabbing a piece of broken glass from the mirror and before the big man could move or lash back at Joker, the clown buried the broken piece of glass in the back of the man's neck shoving it all the way down until the long sharp piece of mirror jutted out the front of George's throat. The man gurgled and choked for a couple of seconds while Joker walked over and dropped the lid on the toilet, sitting down to watch as George stared at him, the light dying in his eyes. 

Joker grinned. “Wanna hear a joke?” 

George just stared with dead eyes while Joker continued ignoring the fact that the man was dead. 

“Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?” Joker leaned forward giggling before he answered. “The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.” 

* 

A couple of minutes later, Joker left the room with his boxers over his shoulder, a few thousand dollars, locked the door and dropped the “Do Not Disturb” sign over the doorknob. 

* 

When she arrived back at the motel, Harley was trudging up the stairs, carrying several additional bags besides their clothing and a drink tray. As she approached their motel room, Harley heard the sounds of music emanating from their room. She put a couple of bags down and opened the door, backing in and turning to drop her bags when she saw Joker. 

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, one leg under him, the other hanging off, tapping his foot in time to the music, naked, dried drops of blood on his milk white skin, sprayed across his face, chest and stomach. He was busily ripping out pages of the Bible that had been located alongside the yellow pages in the bedside table, and making paper airplanes, the small bedroom radio was blaring loudly with Joker singing along at the top of his lungs, a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. Harley giggled; the man had a great singing voice. 

He was bopping his head back and forth while he sang. 

“Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer 

Came down upon his head 

Do do do do do 

Bang, Bang, Maxwell's silver hammer 

Made sure that he was dead 

Wow wow wow oh! 

Do do do do do...” 

When he saw Harley, his face, which had been turned down in a frown, brightened into a smile. “HARLEY!! You're back!!” 

He threw the Bible across the room, but not before he put the cigarette out on the cover, and ran over to wrap his arms around her causing Harley to drop nearly everything she was carrying. She had stopped on the way back to get them some food, a bag of burgers, fries and she was carrying a drink tray with two chocolate milkshakes and two soft drinks. 

“Ack!! Puddin!!” She giggled as Joker covered her face in kisses. She always loved it when he missed her. 

He grabbed the drinks for her while Harley dumped her bag of clothing on the floor, keeping the food with her as she followed her puddin further into the room. 

“Why are you bloody? You're not hurt are you?” Harley frowned. 

Joker chuckled in response as he assured her, “Nope. Our neighbor had an accident. Very sad.” He giggled. 

Harley smiled shaking her head. “You didn't wait for me?” 

Joker shrugged. “Sorry toots, it was a problem I had to deal with right away.” 

“Where is he?” Harley inquired stretching her back. Carrying all those bags had been uncomfortable. 

“Oh don't you worry about a thing sweets. Daddy took care of everything.” Joker smiled walking back over to the bed, jumping back and patted the mattress beside him. 

“This was the last of our money puddin.” Harley said as she set the food bag down, kicked off her shoes and crawled onto the bed to sit cross-legged beside him. Still need a phone.” She huffed. (There was a landline in the “lobby” of the motel, but Joker didn't want his conversations overheard by random people he would have to kill later.) 

Joker opened the bag pulling out the food and laying on the bed then reached out to cup her face, drawing her close. He smiled at her and Harley felt her insides turn into butterflies. The way he looked at her made her want to sink into his embrace. 

“That's okay sweets. I got us a couple of thousand from our generous neighbor, but we'll just go do some work tonight, doesn't hurt to get a little extra to pad the wallet.” 

Joker licked her lips, tracing them with the tip of his tongue. “You let Daddy take care of everything my pretty.” Then he covered her mouth with his, a strong knee wobbling kiss that made Harley thankful she was sitting on the bed or else she was fairly confident she would have lost the ability to stand up. His tongue pressed between her lips, while Harley groaned happily. Joker chuckled catching her bottom lip between his teeth. “There now, all better?” he asked with a grin. 

“Mm...yes puddin.” Harley giggled her cheeks turning red. 

Joker smiled. “Well then, let's talk about what we are going to do tonight.” 

* 

Harley was lying on the bed watching Joker in the bathroom dressing. He looked a little uncomfortable in the jeans even though they fit him perfectly. She grinned, lying on her stomach watching him wiggling his ass around as he kicked out his legs frowning the whole while. Harley was so distracted by his ass that she didn't catch the beginning of the news broadcast that was playing in the background until she heard the newscaster say. “...and Harley Quinn are also at large. I repeat, it has been confirmed that several dangerous inmates escaped Arkham Asylum last night, aided by the Joker and Harley Quinn. If you see any of these individuals...” The newscaster started to make a role call of everyone that had escaped with them that night. 

Harley sat up. “Hey puddin! We're on the news and this time they got their info right!” 

Joker walked into the bedroom yanking his t-shirt over his head grinning (Harley made a tiny squeak of disappointment...Joker without his shirt on was one of her favorite images in all the world...Later, she thought to herself devilishly.) Joker laughed looking at the TV screen. “Finally! Credit where credit is due!” 

They both watched for a few minutes before Joker reached over and turned the set off. He stretched, his hands on his hips and cracked his back. “Okay toots, ready to hit that liquor store?” 

Harley frowned. “I feel so dirty robbing a liquor store. Like...it's such a typical thing to do puddin.” 

Joker chuckled. “Ah sometimes sweetie, it's good to go back to your roots you know...makes you appreciate where you are...” Joker put a hand to his chest, his other hand out like he was on the stage. “Oh, for boyhood's painless play, sleep that wakes in laughing day, health that mocks the doctor's rules, knowledge never learned of schools.” 

Harley giggled. 

Joker shrugged. “Not that I remember my childhood, but I'm sure it was full of boyish mischief, robbery and a good old murder or two! Just what every growing boy needs!” He giggled. “Now, let's go get some money, kill a few people then come back here and have some incredible sex before 4 am. You know I need my beauty sleep sweets! It'll be a blast!!”


	28. Hold Up

(A few days earlier: The night of the escape) 

Frost had dragged himself out of the river with no idea where he was, except he was alive. He was on his hands and knees for a moment, coughing up river water and God knew what else before he collapsed and rolled onto his back, panting, breathing in the clean...well cleanish icy air of Gotham. He laid there feeling the chill settling into his bones thinking that he should move before he froze to death...or worse, the police found him, when he heard the sound of water splashing. He forced himself to sit up, his whole body aching with the effort, hoping maybe it was the Boss, but then he saw Crane's head emerge from the water, glasses gone, hair plastered to his skull and struggling to pull an unconscious Ivy out of the water. 

Frost struggled to stand, the chill hardening his muscles as the cold settled in to make him painfully numb, but he made his feet and hurried over to the shore, squishing through the mud to help the slim man pull the unconscious red-haired woman out of the water and lay her on her down on the muddy bank. Crane followed, staggered, but he dropped down beside Ivy and checked her pulse, then her breath. He didn't say a word to Frost, he simply started to perform CPR. Frost felt helpless just standing there watching while Crane worked in relative silence, but he kept an eye out in the event any ambitious cops decided to come down to the bank to check for bodies, or if anyone else from their group made it out of the water. But the night was mostly silent; the only sound the movement of the water and the hum of traffic in the distance. 

Crane silently and with complete focus, continued his CPR. After a couple of seconds Crane leaned back, just as Ivy rolled to her side and coughed violently, which was followed by her vomiting up water. After a couple of seconds of hard coughing and vomiting, Ivy groaned. 

“Disgusting. That river is full of pollutants! Ugh, I feel so dirty!” 

Crane stood up with a chuckle. “Well, it's nice to know you're feeling well enough to complain.” 

Ivy groaned again, tentatively pushing herself up to a sitting position and giving Crane a dirty look. He only chuckled again, reaching out to brush her top of her head with the tips of his fingers in a gesture that was affectionate while he looked around. He glanced at Frost. “Have you seen anyone else?” 

Frost shook his head wrapping his arms around himself to provide feeble warmth. “Just you two. I'm gonna guess that Croc is out there somewhere...probably swam his ass halfway down the river by now.” 

Crane bent over to help Ivy to her feet when he saw her about to stand. 

“Let me help you dear,” he offered softly. 

Ivy smiled gratefully, her earlier irritation quickly passing, and let him pull her to her feet. Crane smiled at her then ventured. “So, where do we go from here?” He absently put his arm out and Ivy huddled against him for what little warmth his equally wet body could provide. 

Frost frowned looking around, shivering. “I'm not sure. But we need to get out of view.” 

Ivy smiled a little weakly. “Lovely. I'm sure Batman is out there crawling the streets.” 

Frost muttered. “We need a car.” 

Crane nodded. “Then I suggest we get off the river, before the police decide to come down here.” He squeezed Ivy's shoulders. “Shall we, my dear?” 

Ivy snuggled closer with a grateful smile. Then the three of them began the climb up toward the streets. 

* 

(That same evening) 

Black Mask was pacing the room, stalking it like a caged tiger. He had changed since returning to his apartment, the one he kept under a different name...another identity? Alyce couldn't be sure; if it was he had never been introduced to her. Besides, she didn't know if she could handle a third personality—the two were bad enough. 

Alyce watched him from where she sat on the edge of the room's, bed dressed in a long white silk gown, her dark hair loose and brushed out. She had showered and changed after their chase from Arkham, thinking she might calm him...but he had yet to let her touch him. She could calm him if he was angry, but now he was livid. Watching that Joker get away from the asylum with so many...patients. Alyce pressed her lips together and opted to remain silent. 

She was surprised they had lost the Batman, sure the vigilante would catch them. But their driver had been good and Batman had been more concerned about the SUV full of escaped lunatics that had dived into the icy Gotham river, than he had been about them. 

She smirked in thought. Maybe the lot of them drowned. That would be convenient for the two of them. Black Mask could simply sweep in and take all their men, any lingering territory and set himself up as the real power in Gotham. Alyce smiled, eyeing Black Mask. Now...she just needed to calm him. 

Alyce stood up catching his hand as he stormed by her. 

“Let it go tonight,” she said softly. 

As Mask turned on her, she could see the flash in his eyes. She winced thinking he might slap her, but he refrained from violence—for now. She swallowed and pressed ahead. 

“You need rest my darling. Nothing will be solved tonight. They are probably drowned anyway. Come to bed, let me help you relax.” She took both his hands and started to walk backwards leading him toward the bed. He said nothing, letting her pull him along, which was a good sign. 

When she arrived at the bed she smiled and crawled backwards onto it. He still had said nothing. He yanked his hands away, staring at her. Alyce waited...then he grabbed her hair, pulling her toward him and crushed her mouth against his. She knew then that she had won, at least for tonight. 

* 

(Now) 

Joker was giggling like a schoolboy when Harley pulled up along the side of the liquor store. The light showed a bright blinding white, a beacon to Bacchus where all sorts of alcohol waited to be purchased at all hours of the night. Harley smiled as she recalled the song “In Praise of Bacchus” by Type O Negative. 

Harley reached over to pick up the plastic shopping bag that held their purchases, their investment into tonight's activities. She had made a pit stop on the way, running into one of those twenty-four hour discount stores to buy a couple of knit caps, surgical masks to put over the lower half of their faces, a couple of pair of cheap knit gloves, and, of all things, a deck of cards. Joker had wanted to go full out petty-crime-look for this little hold up, though he had yet to explain why he wanted the deck of cards. 

All he had said was. “Just wait and see sweets!” 

Harley had grabbed herself a couple of claw-head hammers. She figured a good hit to the head could usually stop anyone from being stupid. 

She glanced sideways at her Joker as he yanked the knit cap down on his green hair. His eyes sparkling with mischief. 

“I wish we had a gun,” she murmured as she twisted her pale blonde locks up then pulled the knit cap around her head to hide her hair. 

Joker smiled. “Too easy!” Then he sighed nostalgically. “No, this will be just like when I first became a criminal! Me, a young man out on the streets trying to get by...young innocent...fresh faced...” He sighed dramatically. 

Harley giggled. “I thought you didn't remember your past.” 

“I'm filling in the blanks here my sweets.” Joker grinned broadly at her. “Shush, I'm waxing nostalgic.” 

Harley giggled reaching up to pull his cap down further and tuck some of his green hair under the cap. He grinned at her then suddenly he grabbed her yanking her across the seat onto his lap. Harley squealed in surprise, bumping her head against the roof of the car, then the window and ramming her elbow on the door. “OW!” She pouted “Puddin!” Joker giggled wiggling her around until he had her straddling his lap. He ran his hands up her thighs to her hips, his eyes wandering up and down her torso then up to her eyes. Her face was framed with a few locks of pale blonde hair that had escaped her cap, framing her heart-shaped face. His eyes lingered on her lips, pale and plump, begging for him to kiss them. Then she smiled...which evoked a growl from him. He bucked her just a little, but the movement still caused Harley to bump her head against the ceiling of the vehicle. “Puddin!” Harley giggled reaching up to rub her head. 

“There, much better.” He smiled up at her, squeezing her hips. “Go on, you can continue what you were doing.” 

Harley smirked at him, reaching forward and doing her best to finish stuffing his hair under the cap, but now he started to nibble on her breasts making a pest of himself while she tried to get him ready. “Puddin stop!!” 

Joker giggled, his chewing and nibbling just becoming worse and more distracting. Harley rolled her eyes, thinking the man was like a spoiled child. 

Harley sighed leaning back from him and inspecting her work. His hair still showed a bit from the sideburns, but as long as he behaved himself and kept the cap on, even with the white skin, he should be all right, except she had a feeling he wasn't going to be able to keep the cap on for long. 

“There! That's as good as it gets. One look at your hair though on any security camera and they are going to know it's you.” She lightly brushed his sideburns. 

Joker giggled and shrugged. “Gotham is filled with cheap motels Harley; we'll just move or maybe try to get back to the hideout...what does it matter?” 

She frowned not sharing his confidence, but she smiled as she settled back on his lap. “Ready puddin?” 

He smiled. He traced her milky white skin, pale and luminescent in the harsh light, gazing at her with deep feelings, feelings she wasn't sure she understood when he pulled her close in order to rub his nose against hers. “Mmm...Yep, ready.” 

He captured her mouth, kissing her deeply. Harley jumped slightly in surprise, but then she simply sighed and melted into the sudden kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck pressing her body against him. Joker reached up to cradle the back of her head, she could feel the firm press of his fingers against her head as he held her to him. As his mouth moved over hers, he alternated between licks and gentle kisses to nips and bites. He groaned softly, deep in his throat while he pulled her down to him, his mouth moving over hers slowly, almost tenderly. His tongue licked across her lips, then along her tongue, delving deep into her mouth. 

Harley groaned, her hands sliding under the cap and messing up everything she had just done; the cap fell off as her fingers tangled in his green hair yanking his head back as she leaned into kissing him, her mouth desperate, her body hot and aching in just the few seconds they had been kissing. She knew the man was a drug that she was deeply and impossibly addicted to...even now, ready to go rob a damn liquor store and one kiss had her wanting to rip his clothes off. 

He grinned, biting her lips before he whispered. “Harls...” His voice was filled with longing and passion enough to make her want to submit to anything he wanted. He continued to hold her down on his lap firmly and Harley started to rub herself against him, feeling how hard he was as he thrust up against her. 

“Mistah J...” she cooed then, forgetting all about robbing the liquor store when his hands wandered under her top, finding her warm skin. He grabbed handfuls of her flesh, growling louder and thrusting up against her. His grip was painful but she loved it. 

Despite the chill that was beginning to settle in the car, Harley felt hot. She reached down between them, grabbed the t-shirt he was wearing and shoved it up so she could run her hands over his chest, under the jacket and along his stomach enjoying the way the light from the liquor store made his white skin glow, the velvet feel of his skin, his lean wiry muscles. She didn't resist her urges, instead she leaned down in the awkward space and licked his chest. 

Joker grinned. Harley could feel the ripple of a laugh vibrate in his chest. She bit his nipple as payback for laughing, knowing she wasn't doing anything he didn't want. She smiled against his skin, biting his other nipple. She heard and felt his soft groan of pleasure. 

Joker ran his gloved hands up her spine were he found her bra strap and easily unhooked it. He shoved her t-shirt up taking the now loose bra with it, exposing her breasts to the cool air and his mouth. He loved her breasts; soft, round, the perfect shape for his hands and mouth. But he mostly loved what he could do to her when his mouth was on them, those sounds of surrender...his little clown in the making... 

He yanked her close, hungry for her. His hands squeezed under her breasts, lifting them up to his waiting mouth. He covered one nipple and sucked, the tip of his tongue circling the sensitive pink flesh while he rolled his gloved thumb over the other nipple, grinning when he received that sound...that gasp of pleasure from her that built into a deep moan. 

“Puddin...ah...we...we should stop...Oh gosh...oh...what if someone sees us?” Harley pressed her teeth into her bottom lip trying not to groan loudly, but what he was doing to her nipples, with his tongue, was beyond sinful. Joker laughed, the warmth of his breath against her damp skin sent chills up her spine and goosebumps over her skin. He wrapped one arm tightly around her waist as he thrust up against her. “It's fine Harley...all anyone is going to see is me getting very, very lucky.” He pressed his teeth into her skin, sucking hard. Harley moaned loudly, cradling his head against her breasts. 

“But puddin....oh uh...we're supposed to be robbing...oh...the place.” She was struggling to concentrate and control her breathing. Joker's hands dropped to her pants, working to unbutton them. 

His voice was slightly muffled by her breasts. “We still are pumpkin...mmm...sweetcheeks...just...need a little pick-me-up to get me started is all. You want Daddy to be in a good mood right?” Joker lifted his head to look up at her, grinning ear to ear, but then he pouted comically. 

Harley giggled, stroking her fingers through his hair, his knit cap having fallen to the side. “I suppose.” 

Joker yanked her pants open. “Get these off baby...my pumpkin...sweetcheeks...” 

Harley giggled as she agreed with him. “All right, fine.” 

Maneuvering to kick her shoes off so she in turn could get her pants off, turned into Joker breaking down into laughter without helping her in the least little bit. The whole car was rocking with her efforts. He laughed so hard at her trying to wiggle out of her pants while hitting her head repeatedly against the car's ceiling, the window and at one point, falling face first into the driver's side seat, (he did try to help, a little, by leaning his seat back to give her more room) that by the time she finally had them completely off, he was in tears, overcome with hilarity while she was seething with anger. 

“Oh my GOD Harley...oh my...Hahaha!!” He covered his face laughing. He started to giggle hard enough that he was making little hissing noises between his teeth as he tried to contain his laughter. 

Harley snarled glaring at him. “You are not helping, you jerk!! Just for that I'm going to put my pants back on! I don't care how you feel.” 

“I wasn't trying to help sweets!” Joker snorted and started to laugh again as he looked at her. “It was too funny watching you...Hahaha...” He covered his face again and kicked his feet against the floor. Harley snarled and punched him in the shoulder which only made Joker choke on his laughter and giggle some more. 

“GRRRR...you're an asshole!” Harley grabbed her pants and started to move back over to the driver's side, but Joker grabbed her yanking her back to his lap. 

“Where do you think you're going?” Joker giggled. 

Harley struggled half-heartedly smacking him in the chest as he struggled for a moment to grab her wrists; but he held her tight, leaning back in the reclined seat with her and yanking her down with him. Harley hissed. “I'm getting dressed so we can hold up this fucking liquor store.” She pouted and shoved against him, her pants wadded in one hand. 

Joker giggled. “Ah come on pumpkin...you have to admit, it was funny.” 

He kept a tight hold on her, refusing to let her go. Harley struggled, shoving against his chest, but not with any real vigor. Joker wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms to her sides and held on tight. 

“No, it wasn't!” Harley stopped struggling against him to glare, her clear blue eyes bright in her irritation. Joker grinned and rubbed his nose against hers. “Come on...it was funny.” 

Harley pouted at him, then stuck her tongue out only to have Joker grab her tongue with his lips. He followed with a kiss. Harley responded, opening her mouth to him. Joker's grip on her loosened though he stayed ready to grab her again in case she tried to pull away from him. He moved his mouth over hers slowly, passionately in the way he knew she liked, taking his time to feel the softness of her lips, the soft, warm wetness of her tongue. The kiss was filled with genuine affection. 

Harley slowly relaxed, the tension in her easing. When he was sure she wouldn't try to get away from him, Joker loosened his grip on her and slid his hands down until he felt the cool flesh of her naked behind in his hands. He grinned against her mouth, squeezing her backside and pushing her down on his still bound erection. 

Harley made a little whimper of want and he knew he had her again. Joker rocked her hips back and forth, knowing the rough feel of the denim against her clitoris would excite her. He kissed her harder pressing her down on him and thrust upward rocking his hips slightly finding just the right spot that made her jump and groan. Joker continued the slow sliding of her hips until he was sure she would continue on her own before he moved his hands up to her breasts again, releasing her mouth only so he could lick and suck at her breasts. He loved her breasts, one of his favorite body parts...only on her...He didn't care about anyone else...just Harley's breasts. He giggled, pressing them together and burying his face between them while she started to rock her hips more vigorously against his bound erection, using him to bring herself to climax. He smiled sucking her nipple into his mouth. Half the fun was driving himself to the edge of madness with his need of her. 

Harley groaned long and deep; her body ached for him. She kept rubbing her clitoris against the rough fabric of his jeans while Joker sucked on her breasts. She held his head, looking down at the top of his green hair, his face hidden by her top and her breasts, his hands pressing into her skin. It was too much, she couldn't... 

She came with a loud cry. 

(A couple heading into the store stopped at the sound of a woman's shout. The two of them looked at each other. “Go check it out.” The woman elbowed her partner. 

The man frowned. “I don't know.” 

“Go on,” she urged. “She might need help.” 

The man sighed and headed around the side of the store were they had both seen a parked car. When he came around the side he stopped and stared as he saw a flash of bare breasts and a head of green hair buried between said breasts. Judging by her movements...she wasn't in trouble. He hurried back. “She's fine...they're fine...” He grabbed the woman with him. “Let's ah...let's go grab those beers at another store.” 

“Why?” she asked as he pulled her along back to their car. The man just shook his head. “Trust me.”) 

Joker lifted Harley up. She held herself aloof while he reached down between them to undo his jeans and pull himself free with a groan. 

“Come here Harley-girl...come to Daddy.” Joker giggled. 

Harley smiled down at him, pressing her hands up against the roof while he held his erection steady watching as she slowly lowered herself down on him. It was agonizing the way she took her time. Joker's eyes rolled, feeling that slow enveloping heat from her wrapping around him causing him to toss his head back with a loud groan. 

“Damn Harley...uh...” Unable to wait any longer, Joker grabbed her hips shuddering with pleasure when she lowered herself on him. 

Harley licked her lips before she leaned forward to run the flat of her tongue along his exposed throat. She then grabbed the back of his seat, her fingers digging into the headrest while she fucked him with pounding thrusts combined with rolls and grinds of her hips. She was causing the entire vehicle to move with her vigorous movements. Harley growled at Joker and licked his cheek. 

Joker grinned and let out a low moan, pressing her down on him while he thrust his hips upward every so often, though he mostly let Harley have her way with him. He opened his eyes partly to watch her face through his lashes. Her hat had fallen off which allowed her white blond hair to spill around her shoulders. She was a gorgeous creature and he loved when she used him like this... 

Harley gasped grinding down on him, thrusting and rolling her hips harder, her pleasure building quickly, while at the same time she arched her back, her nipples brushing against his chest, her muscles squeezed and held him tightly inside her. Harley came with a mewling cry before she dropped back down to attack his mouth, sucking on his tongue, pressing her mouth hard to his. 

Joker's eyes rolled with pleasure feeling that slick warmth of her on him send a shiver through his body. Joker gasped then moaned loudly. “Harls!! Pumpkin...uh!” Harley giggled went he came which made him giggle and shudder in pleasure. Joker yanked her down against him where he wrapped his arms around her, unwilling to let her go, thrusting up into her a few more times, both of them laughing until they were gasping for breath. 

Joker chuckled reaching up to grab her face between his hands. “You're mine.” 

Harley rubbed her nosed against his. “Always Mistah J.” 

He chuckled rubbing his nose against hers and pressing a kiss to her lips. “Good. Now, let's go scare the dickens out of some clerk!” 

* 

Stuart, a thin, pasty young man, wearing his employee uniform of black polyester slacks and a bright blue polo, blinked his eyes several times trying to force himself to stay awake. He didn't know why he took this stupid fucking job. It was boring and disgusting. The amount of drunks that wandered in here after midnight was mind boggling some nights. Even worse than that was the music that the owners played on a loop through the sound system...every week they had a theme, all of them from the 70's and none of them good. In a decade full of good music the owners always found the worst of the era. 

This week was The Osmond's, particularly Donny and Marie. At this moment Donny and Marie Osmond were singing “A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock N Roll.” Stuart's eyes rolled to the ceiling wondering if they would get upset with him it he took the gun under the counter and shot himself in the head right now. The place was empty, but right now he would be happy with a drunk just so he could tune out the God awful music. That was when the bell over the door chimed. He couldn't quite see who had walked in, but he heard the loud groan of someone over the song. 

“Oh kill me now.” 

Stuart chuckled, but then his amusement died when two people came around the corner, both in jeans and black t-shirts with black jackets, surgery masks and knit caps. The one who was clearly a woman was armed with two hammers. The man seemed unarmed, no...he had a deck of cards. 

The man waved. “Hey there!!” 

Donny and Marie started to sing “Deep Purple” over the speakers as Stuart's eyes widened and he fumbled for the gun under the counter. He came up with the pistol, aimed the weapon at them though his arms were shaking. The pistol felt heavy in his hand, while with the other he hit the silent alarm. “Staay...stay right there!! I'm gonna call the cops!” 

The masked man giggled. “Oh that's a really bad idea.” 

Stuart looked between the man and woman. “Look I don't want any trouble.” 

The man giggled again. There was something about the sound that was familiar...Stuart had heard it before he was sure...on TV? Maybe...God he couldn't think! Stuart wasn't exactly sure where he had heard the sound, but he knew he had heard that laugh somewhere... 

“Look...what's your name darling?” The masked man took a step closer as he started to shuffle the cards. If he hadn't been so scared, Stuart might have found the way the guy was shuffling cool. The masked man was definitely one of those cardistry guys doing all the wild tricks with the cards. Stuart watched, his eyes jumping between the cards and the man. The masked robber laughed walking closer, the woman moving beside him. Stuart swung the gun toward him. The woman stopped, he could see her eyes narrow over the top of her mask, blue eyes, skin so fair for some reason Snow White popped into his head except this chick had white blond hair. Stuart couldn't be sure but he thought she might be pretty under that mask...the guy...his skin was milky and his eyes looked...flat... 

The woman adjusted her hold on her hammers. She shifted her weight on her feet a little making Stuart really nervous. She was a tiny thing, much shorter than the guy she was with, but Stuart didn't really think she could do any real damage with those hammers. He was sure he was stronger than her...the man...thin...might be muscled, but it was hard to tell under the clothing. 

“Ah...ah...Stuart.” Stuart's aim shook. He tightened his grip on the gun. Why was he scared? He was the one with the real weapon. Stuart smiled talking to himself. Yeah...he had nothing to be scared of from these two...all he would have to do would be to take a potshot at the ceiling, scare the shit out of them and they would take off crying like babies. Stuart's smile brightened. Yeah, he was the one in control. 

The masked man laughed again, that really creepy laugh that seemed to roll over Stuart's skin like maggots...writhing and twisting... 

“I bet I know exactly what you're thinking, Stuart you said? You're thinking that you're the one with the power because you're the one with the gun. And yes, you do have some power, but it's false my dear dear dearest Stuart. You want to know why?” 

Stuart frowned in confusion staring at the weirdo with the cards. “Power is an illusion of perception. You perceive you have power because you have the gun...but...you don't sweetheart, you really don't.” The man giggled. Stuart whipped the gun around between them. The man with the cards chose that moment to throw a card. The card zipped through the air, slicing across Stuart's face. 

Stuart yelped. “HEY!” 

The woman laughed. “Oh, that was good puddin! Do it again!” 

Stuart's eyes widened...puddin? Where had he heard that before? 

The man giggled. “You liked that sweets? Watch!” The man threw a card at Stuart again. Stuart yelped. “Hey! Fucking stop that!” 

The man chuckled. “Oh shut up, Stuart dear. Oh wait, sorry—I forgot my lines. This is a hold up, give us all the money in the register. How was that sweets?” He turned toward the woman who giggled. 

“Oh that was perfect puddin.” 

Stuart growled. “All right you fucking clowns! That's enough, I'm calling the cops!” 

The man threw another card, this one embedding in Stuart's forearm, almost causing him to drop the weapon. 

“FUCK!” Stuart yelped. 

The woman started to laugh. “Oh my GOD, do it again puddin!” 

The man giggled then seemed to lose control and leaned forward with his hands on his knees laughing harder as he hissed between laughs. “Here's my card!” 

“Puddin, that's AWFUL!” But the woman was laughing. 

A light of understanding went off in Stuart's head as he realized where he had heard that laugh... the term of endearment, puddin... 

Stuart squeaked. “You're the JOKER!” 

Joker grinned standing up straight and pulled his mask down. “BOO!” 

Stuart shot him. 

Harley screamed when the bullet hit Joker and she watched in horror. Joker didn't move for a moment, he just grinned, his eyes rolling over to hers before he collapsed to the floor of the store, a pool of blood forming under him. Harley sucked in a startled breath, her blue eyes going wide in shock, her voice dribbling out from between her lips lacking real sound or emotion. 

“You....you killed him.” 

Stuart was shaking. “Look, look I'm sorry, but...oh, geez, I need to call the cops.” 

Harley turned to face the store clerk, her blue eyes flashed in the crude lights of the store. “You killed him...” She said it again, a note of hysteria coloring the words. “You killed him...” 

Stuart didn't have time to react. He was shaken after firing the gun. When the woman (Harley Quinn...he knew who she was now) stared at him, something cold ran deep inside Stuart and he just knew he had fucked up...not just a regular fuck up...but he had really fucked up. He dropped the gun, the weapon clattering on the counter with a loud heavy sound, but it was too late. Part of him was ready for whatever was going to come because he had really put his foot in it this time, but the other part of him was shouting at himself to run. Except he just couldn't move. 

The blonde pulled her mask down, her eyes still staring at him filled with a slowly growing hate, the shock wearing off to be replaced by a hate so deep that it was like ice over his skin when she stared at him. Stuart could acknowledge at this moment how beautiful she was...like one of those white tigers he had seen on TV...rare, beautiful and it would eat your head. He was about to be eaten and not in the fun way. 

Just as all these thoughts had run through Stuart's head, he noticed in a small corner of his brain that was still functioning, he noticed that she had moved, moving at him like one of those tiny sexy women he saw during the Olympics doing those floor shows with all the flipping and shit. He just stood there like an idiot, he realized...not that he would be able to move quickly enough to avoid what was about to happen. 

Harley took three quick steps toward him, vaulted over the counter and swung one of her hammers, the stell head of the hammer caught Stuart across the face, shattering the man's jaw with a dull crack. Harley snarled whipping the hammer in her left hand around, connecting with his shoulder and shattered that bone. Stuart only had time to register the pain before he blacked out, collapsing to the floor. 

Harley screamed again raising the hammers over the young clerk's prone body, ready to cave in his head, ready to smash his brains right out of his head, her voice cracking, tears running down her cheeks.. 

“You killed him!” she cried out. 

“Sweets, don't waste time on him.” 

Harley stopped, her hammers poised above the young clerk head when she turned to see Joker pushing himself up, holding his shoulder, blood leaking between his gloved fingers. “Ugh, I feel awful! This hurts like a sonofabitch! I HATE being shot!” 

Harley squealed. “PUDDIN!” 

She threw herself over the counter, sliding across the slick surface, dropping her bloody hammers and rushed to his side falling to her knees. The front of his t-shirt and jacket were soaked in blood, as was the hand he had over the wound. 

Harley reached forward. “Let me see.” 

Joker jerked away. “OW no! No touchie!” 

Harley growled getting in his face, her finger pointed threateningly at him. “Stop it and let me see or I swear I will make that bullet wound the least of your problems puddin!!” 

Joker blinked, surprised at her yelling at him. Then he noticed the tears. He grinned catching her chin in his good hand, leaving blood stains on her chin. He smiled brightly at her before he yanked her face forward—a little painfully—to brush the tip of his nose against hers. “I'm all right pumpkin. No need to be so sour.” 

Harley swallowed, fresh tears running down her cheeks. Joker chuckled and kissed her. “I'm all right, really,” he repeated. 

She sniffled standing up and reached down to help him to his feet. They both heard the sounds of police sirens. 

Joker rolled his eyes. “Oh well, that's just perfect!” 

“Come on puddin—let's go!” Harley let go of him and rushed over to grab up her hammers, hooking them through the hoops of her jeans, and started for the door when Joker yelled. “WAIT!! The money!!” 

Harley stopped in her tracks. “Oh yeah!” 

She dashed over to the register while Joker, wincing and bleeding, picked up his bloody playing cards even going over to pull the one that was stuck in the clerk's forearm. He glanced up when he heard Harley's colorful cursing accompanied by the sounds of her hammer slamming against the register. “Come on you piece of crap!” she yelled. 

After a few more slams with her hammer Harley whooped with glee and yelled. “TADA!” 

Joker chuckled then frowned, leaning heavily against the counter staining it with his blood. “Harls. I'm not feeling so hot.” 

Harley grabbed handsful of cash, stuffing them down the front pockets of her jeans then rushed over wrapping her arms around his waist, pulling his good arm around her shoulders. 

“Come on puddin, let's get out of here.” 

They hurried out to the car, only just seeing the lights of police cars far down the street. Harley frowned, Joker was leaning on her heavily as she struggled to open the passenger side door. She juggled Joker and yanked the door open with one hand before she dumped her puddin inside. She then hurried over to the driver's side, hopped in and started the car with a roar of the engine and peeled out of the parking lot moments before the GCPD pulled into the parking lot from the other side. If the cops noticed their car pulling away, they gave no indication. 

Joker was slumped in the seat leaning heavily against the window, but he was laughing. “Oh Harls that was hilarious!! Did you see that kid's face when he shot me! He is going to love telling that story once his jaw is working again!” 

Harley looked sour. “It wasn't funny at all puddin. I want a gun,” she asserted. 

Joker smiled. “Okay sweet pea, Daddy will get you a gun.” 

Then he passed out. 

Harley turned to look at him. “Puddin? Puddin?!” 

She almost lost control of the car, but quickly yanked it back under her command, speeding to the motel.


	29. Joker Motel

Joker sat on the edge of the bed stripped down to his boxers and nothing else. He was sipping on a straw that was sticking out of an orange juice box that Harley had forced on him after she had cleaned him up, stitched up his wound (thankfully the bullet had gone through), bandaged him up, and shoved the orange juice box that she had gotten from “who the hell knew where.” With the orange juice she gave him a whole package of Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookies, a couple of bananas and a quarter pounder with cheese, a coke (which she wouldn’t let him have until he finished the juice box), and a bottle of coconut water. All of this without saying a word to him. Once he was surrounded by food and drink to help begin to replenish the blood he had lost, Harley had finally stopped fussing at him and sat down in the motel room’s rickety chair leaning forward to put her head in her hands. She looked upset and tired he thought as he made rude noises with his straw. 

Both of them were both covered in blood (mostly Harley now since she was still dressed and Joker’s bloody clothes were lying in a pile by the bed), but they had gotten away with the money...not a lot of money, but it was enough to make a start and the cops hadn’t caught them. 

Joker sipped his juice, still feeling a little lightheaded, but the juice was helping. 

Harley sighed, exhaustion evident in her tone and posture. “We both need a shower.” 

Joker grinned. “Shower...naked and wet. I like that!!” 

Harley narrowed her eyes. “No sex for you until you’ve eaten half that package of cookies and the cheeseburger.” 

Joker narrowed his eyes at her making the loudest, most obnoxious noise he could with the straw as he finished his juice. Harley kept glaring until he finally sighed, stuck his bottom lip out like a little boy being scolded. Usually when he pouted Harley caved, but not tonight. Harley wasn’t swayed one bit by his pouting so he rolled his eyes reaching for the burger. He unwrapped it, glanced over at Harley who pointed at the burger. 

Harley gave him a narrowed eye stern look. “You better eat.” 

Joker groaned. “Fine. You win. You know--I didn’t mean to get shot pumpkin.” 

He took a large bite of the burger, his stomach rumbling in response. He was starving, he realized and wolfed down the burger quickly. 

Harley blinked back some tears; the pain of seeing him hurt was still fresh enough to make her want to cry. She didn’t know if she would ever get used to him getting hurt. 

She didn’t want to get used to it. 

“No, you didn’t mean to get shot, but you did get shot.” Harley stood up and walked to the bathroom, flipping on the light. Joker reached for the cookies, watching her as she stripped, kicking the bloody clothing to the corner. He grinned, his eyes tracing down the line of her back to the flair of her hips. She stretched her arms over her head before running her fingers through her hair and shook the long golden locks out before she stepped out of sight around the corner. 

He stuffed two cookies in his mouth quickly and hopped up off the bed. He hurried over to grab the soda Harley had forbidden him from having until he finished his juice and followed her to the bathroom, looked at the cookie package and grabbed a handful of cookies on his way. He had stepped in just as she turned the water on. He watched her for a few moments. She had just stepped in, sliding the clear plastic door closed. She leaned back letting the water run over her. Joker chewed his cookies watching her, the pain of his wound fading to the background as his lust took over. She looked beautiful. Harley turned, her face under the water letting the cascade of water wash down on her. 

Joker reached down and adjusted himself, his erection started to ache slightly. He took a long draught from his soda before he set it down and slipped out of his boxers, then pulled back the shower door. Harley turned to see Joker stepping into the shower with a wide grin. 

“I ate my burger and four cookies,” he said proudly. 

Harley laughed softly. “Okay, just don’t get the bandage wet okay. Let me wash your hair.” 

“Wash everything else too?” Joker grinned hopefully. 

“Yes, just...no sex in the shower.” She stepped closer to him, her hands brushing up his chest. “In bed. I want you in bed where you won’t get hurt.” 

Joker’s eyes roamed over her face and down her body watching the way the water rolled down her skin. “All right pumpkin.” 

Harley reached up, her hand sliding behind his neck and tugged him down to her for a kiss. Joker melted into the kiss, his hands reaching for her hips to pull her close. Harley whimpered softly feeling the warmth of his body close to hers, the sweet taste of his lips mixed with the chocolate from the cookies, his hard member pressing against her stomach...she almost forgot about her telling him no sex in the shower as her need for him spiked, hot and vicious. She wanted him, even more as her fear turned to lust, but she pushed him away. 

“Turn around,” she directed. 

Joker pouted knowing he wasn’t going to get his way right now and turned as she grabbed the motel provided shampoo to begin washing his hair. She soaped it up good and made him carefully lean back as she struggled to rinse the soap out and apply the conditioner, his height making the task a challenge. 

She took her time, washing his body, her soapy hands sliding down his back, her fingers kneading the sore muscles. 

Joker leaned forward, his chin hanging down and nearly touching his chest while she ran the thin bar of soap over his pale skin. He moaned softly as she worked the soap along his sore arms and down his back. He closed his eyes enjoying the feel of Harley’s hands on him. She always made him feel good. 

Harley worked to make his skin slick and lathered with the soap, setting the bar of soap down once he was soapy enough to continue her massaging of his back, dragging her thumbs down his spine to his hips, which she squeezed firmly. Harley smiled. She loved the way he felt, his muscles under her hands weren’t the oversized mess that Batman was; Joker was slim, slick, deadly. She liked that about Joker, long limbed and deadly. 

She slowly slid her fingers along the bone of his hips, tracing the way the lines of his body and slowly eased down to his groin. She dragged her fingers along the tender skin between his belly and his penis feeling the way his muscles contracted with her touch. Harley closed her eyes laying her head between his shoulders, careful of his wound as she spread her fingers and slid her hands down to his groin, her soapy hands finding his erection. She wrapped both hands around him and started to slide her hands back and forth along his thick shaft smiling when Joker hissed with pleasure. 

Joker groaned arching into her touch. The soap made her hands slippery, the sensation made him tight. He squeezed his eyes shut as Harley’s hands slipped and slid over him, covering his erection in soap. 

Harley pressed her body against his back, one hand reaching down to cup his scrotum, giving him a squeeze, but gently, while she continued to stroke her other hand up and down, stopping at the head of his member to roll her fingers over him, gripping just the head of his shaft and squeezing, thrusting her soap covered hand over him. She squeezed then pulled. 

Joker groaned louder, thrusting his hips into her hands. “Uh...Harley…” 

Harley squeezed his scrotum, then gently rolled her soapy hand over him, while sliding her other hand up and down slowly, then as Joker’s moans became louder, she could feel him hardening more in her hand. 

She whispered against his shoulder while she stroked her hand up and down. “I love you puddin...I love you so much. I would do anything for you.” 

She rolled her thumb over the top of him, still feeling the satin texture of his skin under the film of the soap. Harley sped up her strokes, thrusting her hand up and down faster releasing his scrotum to wrap her arm around his waist, holding on tightly to him while she jerked her hand up and down on his member. 

His groans became loud, his breath coming in quick pants. Joker tossed his head back while Harley worked to bring him to climax, pressing her breasts to his back, her soap covered hands working over him. 

She hissed against his back, just loud enough to be heard over his pants and the water. “I love you puddin.” 

Her words and touch sent him over the edge, the sound of her voice, telling him she loved him, the pleasure of her hand jerking on him caused him to climax in a hot, thick burst against the shower wall. 

Joker groaned, arching his entire body into her touch, his fingers digging at the tile of the shower which sent a spike of pain into his shoulder as he came hissing her name. “Uhhh...Harley...uh…” 

She smiled, feeling his hot release against her hand. She stroked him a few more times until he was a weak, jerking mess before she released him and turned back to the shower to wash off her hand. Joker stayed leaning against the wall catching his breath. She had just soaped her hands up and rinsed them off, getting ready to soap herself when Joker turned around and wrapped his arms around her waist. Harley smiled leaning back against him. 

He whispered. “You are so bad.” 

She giggled. “You like it.” 

“Oh I do like it.” Joker giggled and squeezed her tight. 

* 

They finished showering, with Harley making Joker stand in the middle of the bathroom while she helped him dry off like he was a little kid. Joker pressed his lips together on a grin. He was enjoying being nursed, at least a little bit. Harley rubbed the towel over his hair, making the thick green locks stand up in disarray across his head. She giggled kissing him on the nose before walking into the main room of the motel room naked. 

Joker grinned watching her, enjoying the sway of her hips...her ass...her legs...already he was becoming hard again. She did the most wonderful things to him he thought as he quickly followed her into the main room. 

“I want you to eat a few more cookies before bed,” Harley was saying as she pulled the bed sheet back, but Joker came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, grabbing her arms and pinning them to her sides. “I will on one condition.” 

Harley giggled and wiggled against him, skin to skin. “What condition?” 

Joker kissed her shoulder. “I get to tie you to the bed.” 

Harley frowned and looked straight ahead at the wall. “What?” 

Joker kissed her shoulder again and let her go. He hurried over to where their old clothing was, the outfits they had worn during the escape from Arkham. She sat down on the edge of the bed watching him as he shifted through the clothing and pulled out his tie and a handkerchief. 

“Ah HA!!!” He held the two items up like prizes he had just won and waved them in the air. 

“Okay, on the bed!!” He hurried over all smiles and excited. 

Harley had folded her arms over her chest and was frowning at him when he stopped in front of her. She frowned at him. “I don’t know about this puddin…you need rest…” 

Joker pushed her down on the bed with a grin. “On the bed!! Or I’m going to stay up all night and sing as loud as I can!” 

Harley glared at him. “Puddin, you just got shot! You need rest! Now…” She didn’t get to finish before Joker started to sing as loudly as he could swinging his hips back and forth grinning 

“I'm not much of a man by the light of day 

But by night I'm one hell of a lover 

I'm just a sweet transvestite 

From Transexual, Transylvania…” 

Harley giggled watching him singing and dancing naked. “That’s not going to work, I like that song...” 

Joker narrowed his eyes, his lips twisted in thought Harley stood up. “Come on puddin let’s…” 

Joker’s eyes brightened and he started to sing. 

“You, you 

I don't like your girlfriend 

No way, no way 

I think you need a new one 

Hey, hey 

You, you 

I could be your girlfriend…” 

Harley squealed. “NOO!! I hate that song!!!” 

Joker started to laugh and pointed. “On the bed or you’ll get more of the same woman!!!” 

Harley laughed, but did as she was told, crawling onto the bed. Joker giggled happily, hopping onto the bed after her. 

Harley laid down on her back, brushing her wet hair up so that it draped across the pillows. No sooner had she laid back on the pillows than Joker hopped onto her hips; she squealed in delight and surprise as the bed creaked and groaned in protest. He grinned as he grabbed her right arm and lifted the limb over her head. The motel headboards were mostly flat pieces of wood against the wall, but at the corners were these strange little “knobs.” Joker used the tie to secure her wrist to one of the knobs, then took her other hand and secured her left wrist to the other knob with the handkerchief. Joker tugged on the cloth, testing how securely she was tied to each corner. If she wanted, Harley could easily break free with a little effort. The wood was cheap plywood and old, it wouldn’t take much for her to rip the knobs right off if she wanted, but it would serve to hold her too. For a moment Joker grinned at that thought, Harley flexing her muscles. She had gorgeous arms he thought, the image of her holding him down, her arms flexing...he brought his thoughts back to the now. 

He grinned gazing down at her with a playful smile reaching over to tug at his tie that was around her wrist. 

“Perfect.” 

Harley giggled waving her arms a bit. She could hear the headboard creak in protest. He had done a pretty good job in tying her up. “So now what puddin?” 

Joker laughed tapping his fingers over his lips. “Mm...anything I want, I think.” 

He grinned wickedly at her, wiggling his eyebrows at her teasingly and climbed off of her heading back over to the pile of discarded clothing from when they had first arrived. 

“Puddin?” Harley strained to see what he was doing. She could see him naked, crouched by the pile tossing clothing aside. 

Joker muttered. “I know they’re here some...found them!” 

He stood up. Harley could just see him slipping on one of his gloves. He turned to look at her wiggling his fingers in the glove he had found as he tugged it down. “We are going to play doctor!” 

Harley giggled, but she tried to look stern. “You do need to get some rest puddin.” 

“What I neeeeed....” He drew the word out to a long purr. “... is my girl,” Joker whispered with a seductive air as he didn’t just walk over to the bed, but strutted. Harley pressed her lips together, her eyes wandering down his thin, yet muscular body watching the way his hips swayed, the way he licked his lips at her. Harley shivered. 

Joker crawled onto the thin mattress and again took his spot on her hips with a wicked grin. He smiled down at her holding his one gloved hand up. 

“I think you need an examination young lady,” he said in a serious deep voice. “I think you need a very thorough examination.” He smiled lifting one brow. 

Harley grinned saying in her most innocent voice. “I do doctor?” 

Joker chuckled, leaning down to press a kiss between her breasts. He continued to speak while he slowly eased his way down her body, pressing a warm kiss between her breasts, then brushing his lips along the soft curve of one breast, then the other. He pressed his nose against her skin, closing his eyes, taking in the fresh clean smell of her skin. 

“Oh you need a very detailed examination. Gotta make sure we discover if you can have an orgasm. I mean, it’s the only way to save your life.” Joker eased his way backwards until he was sitting between her legs. He wiggled a bit making himself comfort on his knees while he pushed her legs out and up. 

“Now, let’s get you in a good position here miss. Too bad I don’t have my stirrups, but you work with whatchagot!” Joker laughed dragging his hands along the soft skin of her inner thighs. He brushed the thumb of his gloved thumb over her sex. “Mmm...now, let's get in there and examine your lady bits.” 

Harley laughed. “Lady bits?!” 

“Shush Harley! Don’t disturb the doctor!” Joker gave her rear a light smack. 

Harley squealed and wiggled with a grin. 

Joker grinned and laid his hand over her sex, using his fingers to spread her and expose her clitoris. “Mm...nice and pink. You look healthy, but the real test will be this…” 

Joker leaned down and ran his tongue over her in a long lick. Harley gasped and rolled her eyes back, followed by a moan. 

“Ooh...puddin!” 

Joker chuckled and whispered huskily. “That’s good, but let me get in there and do a more detailed examination.” 

He continued to hold her labia spread as he flicked his tongue over her. He pressed the flat of his tongue against her, slowly licking from bottom to top, stopping at her clitoris to circle his tongue, the very tip of which found the perfect spot to tease her. 

Harley was groaning loudly, her back arching as he pressed his lips on her and started to suck tenderly on her when there was a knock at the motel room door. 

Joker ignored it, using his entire mouth on her, sliding two fingers into her which had Harley mewling loudly...when the knock happened again, only louder. 

Joker sat up. His lips and chin were wet, but his expression was murderous. “I’m going to kill whoever is at the door.” 

Harley was panting, but she hissed. “Puddin, be careful.” 

Joker slipped off the bed, stomping over to the door. There wasn’t much in the room he could use for weapons, Harley having left her hammers in the car along with his deck of card. Joker frowned searching around for something he could use when his eyes landed on a cheap pen lying on the table near the window. He grabbed it up and started to open the door, but Harley gasped. 

“Puddin! You’re naked!” 

Joker grinned. “And?” 

Harley giggled as Joker flung open the door, his left fist wrapped around the ink pen. 

Standing in the doorway was the motel owner. He was what Joker thought of as the stereotypical sleazy motel owner wearing a pair of black slacks, sandals with socks--and not just any socks, but black socks. The belt around his waist was unbuckled, a wife-beater t-shirt was stretched over his torso, stained yellow with beer. He was balding, with a beer gut and an unkempt bushy mustache as well as looking like he needed to shave two or three days ago. 

The two men blinked at each other. The owner, Gary had come to many a door in his motel to be greeted by naked people; it wasn’t really that unusual, though he thought, this clown with the white skin and green hair was different, probably a Joker fanboy. 

Gary glanced over the man’s shoulder into the room to see a gorgeous blonde woman tied to the bed, completely naked. She was a much better quality of female than he usually saw around here, great body, full breasts, nice hair...He smirked lifting a brow as he returned his gaze to the naked man in front of him. 

“You ain’t paid for your room today buddy.” 

Joker blinked innocently. “I haven’t? Goodness me. Well, you just wait right there and I’ll…” 

Gary grinned showing off yellow and decaying teeth. “Tell you what buddy, you let me have a go at the blonde you got there and I’ll let the money slide.” Gary gazed at Harley again, licking his lips. 

Joker went very still with his head tilted slightly. “What?” 

Gary grinned. “She’s tied up, can’t say no...you let me have a bit of fun, you can forget about the money.” Gary started to push his way into the room, but Joker inhaled with a hiss, putting his hand on Gary’s chest. 

“No one touches my girl.” His voice was low, almost a whisper. 

Gary turned. “Look, you want me to call the cops on ya? I have no problem with that. Wha…” He didn’t finish his sentence because Joker moved so quickly that Gary never really knew what had happened. Joker lashed out with his pen, his hand moving so quickly that 

Harley couldn’t tell what was happening until the man stumbled closer. 

Joker shoved the pen into Gary’s ear all the way until nothing of the pen was visible. There was the sound of popping and a crunch of bones. 

Joker grinned, watching Gary’s face as the man’s eyes rolled. 

Joker hissed. “I said, no one touches my girl.” 

Gary dropped to the floor in a heap, twitching just a little. 

Joker sighed then looked at his hand. “Oh heck, the pen leaked!” 

Harley giggled. “Puddin!” 

Joker crouched down and wiped his hand on Gary’s shirt, then smiled holding his hand up. “Oh look, it was blood--not ink! That’s better. Ink is so hard to wash off,” he said absently then sighed standing up and looked down at Gary with his hands on his hips. “You mind waiting a few minutes Harls, while I take care of this?” 

Harley smiled. “No puddin I don’t mind. But hurry back, doctor!” 

Joker grinned walking to the corner to grab his boxers and slipped them on. “I’ll be right back.” 

“You want some help with that Puddin?” Harley asked. 

Joker smiled. “Nah, you just stay right where you are pumpkin...you still need your exam.” He waggled his eyebrows at her before walking over and grabbing Gary by his ankles. 

* 

Joker had just dragged Gary’s dead weight to the elevator, thinking of putting his body with the pimp he had killed just the other day when one of the motel room doors popped open and a cleaning cart came rolling out. Joker dropped Gary’s ankles and looked up as the cart was followed by an older latina woman. Her dark hair, which had a great deal of white in it, was pulled back into a bun at the top of her head. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with an apron over the top with large pockets. 

She had on a pair of aviator glasses and a wedding ring on one finger. She stopped pushing her cart to stare at Joker and the dead man. 

Joker frowned, not sure what he should do. Kill her? Or...kill her? 

The woman frowned before she slowly smiled. “Nice to see someone finally gave Gary what he had coming.” 

Joker tilted his head to look at her. “You work here?” 

She nodded. “Been working this rattrap for ten years now. Place is more a home for the lost of Gotham than an actual motel.” 

Joker grinned at her as the woman pulled a package of cigarettes from one of the deep pockets of her apron. She pulled one out from the package, then offered the package to Joker. He smiled and took one. She pulled out a lighter from the same pocket and lit her cigarette, before she leaned over and lit Joker’s for him. 

Joker took a long drag on the cigarette, a cheap brand, but since he didn’t actually have any cigarettes of his own at the moment it was pretty good he thought. 

“So, what’s your name?” Joker asked around a billow of smoke. He leaned his bare shoulder against the wall crossing his bare feet at the ankle and smiled at her, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair, pushing the mostly dry hair out of his eyes. 

“Teresa.” She smiled around a puff of smoke leaning on her cleaning cart like she didn’t have a care in the world. 

Joker grinned. “Nice to meet you Teresa. You can call me Joker. So, who all lives here?” 

“Mostly prostitutes, though the girls haven’t heard much from their pimp. He lives here too,” Teresa said with a frown. 

Joker grinned. “They won’t hear much from him...ever again.” He took a long drag on his cigarette, grinning as smoke slowly rolled from between his teeth. 

Teresa smiled brighter. “They’ll be happy to hear that. We got a family here, poor folks lost their home to some building project sponsored by Lexcorp and we have a few druggies, pay by the day or with drugs or...other things...depends on how Gary there was feeling.” 

Joker nodded. 

Teresa watched him. She knew exactly who he was...the Joker. He didn’t need to tell her his name, she knew the moment she saw him despite the fact that he was only wearing a pair of boxers and nothing else. She wasn’t stupid and she had lived in Gotham long enough to know the real deal when she saw it, but she found herself not really all that scared of him. Even if he were going to kill her, she didn’t really mind. Life just wasn’t what it ought to be, she thought for the thousandth time. But...she had a feeling that he had something else in mind. So Teresa waited. 

“So, Teresa...how do you think everyone else would feel about this motel suddenly being under new management?” Joker asked. She frowned and blow smoke out through her nostrils. “Depends, I suppose--what’s your offer?” 

Joker grinned and chuckled. “Oh I like you. How about this...we dispose of old Gary...Gary right?” She nodded and Joker continued. “We dispose of old Gary and the pimp upstairs will probably start going ripe soon. Anyway...you gather up the motel’s permanent residents and we have ourselves a little meeting? How long do you think that would take?” 

Teresa frowned in thought. “Mm...this time of night, most of the hookers will be back for the night...give me half an hour?” 

Joker dragged on his cigarette in thought. “So Teresa, can I trust you not to call the cops?” 

Teresa laughed. “You know Joker, you can because calling the cops would be just as much trouble for all of us that live and work here as it would be for you. So, don’t worry Mr. Joker, I won’t call the cops.” 

Joker grinned. “All right. My better half and I will meet you all in the main office, sound good?” 

Teresa dropped the butt of her cigarette to the ground and put it out. “Sounds good. Let me help you with Gary there. Where are you taking him?” 

Joker grinned. “Upstairs to visit with the resident pimp.” 

* 

Harley was annoyed and maybe a little worried. Joker had left to get rid of the body almost an hour ago and he still hadn’t come back! She didn’t think he would leave her tied up and run off to do who knew what...at least she didn’t think he would...she sighed and worked to pull herself free. She could feel the give of the headboard, the ancient wood giving away willingly when she tugged hard on the ties. The knobs of the headboard groaned, and with one good yank forward, Harley had herself free from the headboard. 

She next worked pulling at the ties to get her wrists free. Just as she had finished and was standing up as Joker came bursting through the door. 

“Harley!! Guess what?! You’ll never guess what?” Joker giggled pleased with himself. 

Harley stood with her hands on her naked hips and narrowed eyes. “What that Puddin?” 

Joker giggled. “We are having a meeting with the newest members of our gang!” 

Harley frowned. “What?” 

* 

Soon Joker and Harley were down in the motel’s little lobby/office/living space that had belonged to one Gary Desser. 

Joker was sitting in an old desk chair with wheels. He was dressed in a pair of black slacks and a white t-shirt and socks, no shoes. Harley was sitting on his lap, her long blonde hair brushed and shiny (mostly dry now) wearing an oversized short sleeved, scoop neck sleep shirt of bright pink trimmed at the ends with lace, a pair of oversize white gym socks and nothing else. 

The residents of the motel all stood in what had once been Gary’s living room which contained an old desk and the chair which Joker and Harley currently occupied, an old box TV, a couch that looked like it had been dragged in from a dumpster with its puke orange colors and spots so worn they had turned from orange to grey. There was a small refrigerator and microwave in one corner, and an old double bed, unmade and probably in need of burning Harley thought. The walls in here were gray and black from cigarette smoke and the only decoration on the walls were posters of naked women. 

The residents waited, the tension in the air so thick it could be cut with a knife, to see what was about to happen. There were only a small number regular residents of the seedy little motel: 

Teresa, who turned out not just to be working here but she maintained an apartment as part of the motel, a place she could stay inside of driving home if she was tired. She was also the head of the cleaning staff which consisted of two of her cousins, Camila and Luciana, and a young woman named June from Star City who had just moved here three weeks ago (all of whom were present). 

The little family who had been living at the motel for almost a month, The Reynolds family, consisted of the father, John, a man who had clearly been out of work for a while judging by the bushy unshaven look and the desperation in his eyes, the mother, Linda, small, mousey, but with hard eyes and their little girl, April no more than five with long brown hair. 

There were the two resident drug addicts, Rachel, who looked too skinny and Tom who looked to Harley like a walking corpse. 

The two alcoholics, Addison, a woman in her 60’s who might have been pretty once, but now looked wrung out and Harold, a young man no more than twenty-nine already thinning on top and developing a beer belly. 

Last came the prostitutes, Sunny, a young blonde man with a ready smile, Nina, a young woman who looked like she had just stepped off the bus into Gotham, Jade, a very tall transvestite built a like a linebacker, Ophelia, a tall woman with hard eyes and a terrible wig and lastly Pepper, who had a little girl around three years old on her hip with large brown eyes and curly hair. 

Every one of them recognized the Joker, having seen his image on the Gotham news more than once. 

Joker smiled at everyone as he made the chair spin holding on tightly to Harley. Harley giggled and squealed as they spun around. No one said a word as the couple continued to spin until, after a good solid minute Joker stopped the chair and turned his gaze on all of them stuffed into Gary’s old living room. 

“Okay guys, gals and everyone in between, I have a proposition for you all. How would you all feel about working for me and we turn this little motel into a bonafide Joker gang hideout? Now I know what you’re thinking...but this is the Joker! How can I trust him? What if he gets bored with me and decides to remove my eyeballs with a spoon? What kind of dental does he offer? Will he teach my daughter how to shoot a gun? Does he do casual Fridays? Does he offer a 401K? Well, I can tell you this my kiddies, you all work for me, I’ll pay you a lot better than old Gary ever did. I promise not to kill you until you deserve it. AND, yes to casual Fridays and Taco Tuesdays!!” 

All of them looked at one another, but it was Teresa who spoke up. “I know a few of you are thinking...we should call the cops. Maybe there is a reward? Well I can tell you one thing, we are all of Gotham’s outcasts. No one is going to give us shit. If we call the cops, I can guarantee you the lot of us will end up in jail and even if we don’t, those cops are going to take our homes and leave us on the streets. Joker is proposing that we work for him…” She glanced at him and Joker, holding tight to Harley, motioned for her to continue. “We get to keep the motel. Joker says we can still rent out rooms, but we get to pocket some, if not most of the money. We don’t lose our homes and he and his gang will protect us. I say we take it.” 

John frowned. “What would happen if we said no?” 

Harley spoke up. “Depends.” 

John’s wife Linda glanced at her husband then at Harley. “I don’t want our daughter getting hurt.” 

Harley grinned. “My puddin will make sure she is safe. We’ll make sure, if you work with us, that you are all safe.” 

Sunny smiled. “Hey I’m in. That fucking pimp George treated us pretty badly…” 

Pepper spoke up switching her daughter’s position on her hip. “What about our money, the money we make, how much are you gonna take?” 

Joker frowned. “None, you keep it.” 

Nina blinked. “Are you serious?” 

Joker nodded. “Yes. That’s yours, I’ll only take a cut from the rooms rented out. You will get a cut from the gang only if you participate in any “gang” related activities, but if you all help in running the motel...keep the secret that this is the Joker’s new hideout...then I don’t see any reason we all can’t get along in the new Joker Motel!!” 

Teresa glanced at everyone. “Who all is in?” 

Everyone raised their hands.


End file.
